Boyfriend's Mom Is Unreasonable. Help?
Replies
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I think that this thread is going to head in the same direction of the "my hubby isn't attracted to me anymore" thread that happened a few days ago.
Some subjects just aren't compatible with weight loss websites, I assume it's because members are hungry and grumpy.
OP, I suggest you head over to a 'real' relationship website such as loveshack.org0 -
I welcome your advice. I just thought you'd have to like your mom to have a complex like that. But I still don't think he has one, haha. I do greatly appreciate your advice though so thank you (:*sigh*
I guess it's true trial and error are the only way to learn for some people. As I said, been there and done that. You're either goiing to split up (he will dump you because Mommy told him to) or you will stay together and and she will make your lives miserable. It's really your choice.
At 19, kids are testing the world and asserting independence. It's normal. Good parents let them do so. Controlling people don't just stop being controlling.
Anyway, since my experienced advice isn't welcome, good luck.
@Itsfun- I've not posted anything else. Thanks for your input.
Actually, yes you have. People corrected your kettlebell stance (that photo is in your gallery) in the first thread. You were on my fl for a while. So. Yeah.0 -
Lol the "hangry" people?I think that this thread is going to head in the same direction of the "my hubby isn't attracted to me anymore" thread that happened a few days ago.
Some subjects just aren't compatible with weight loss websites, I assume it's because members are hungry and grumpy.
OP, I suggest you head over to a 'real' relationship website such as loveshack.org
To everyone: Thank you for being honest, helpful and with a bit of sarcasm. I appreciate it.0 -
You can't change her, you can't change him. The only thing you have control over is your response.
Don't start a fight with her, you'll never win.0 -
I meant in regards to my relationships. And I corrected my stance in that. o.o
Actually, yes you have. People corrected your kettlebell stance (that photo is in your gallery) in the first thread. You were on my fl for a while. So. Yeah.0 -
That's what I don't get. Don't parents want their kids to make decisions for themselves?If he's living with his mom and she's basically taking care of him right now, I'm not sure you're going to win this battle.
Most parents, yes. But then everyone is different? I wish I had an answer for you concerning it but as someone else said, you can't change either of them. I do hope it works out for you regardless!
Also, thanks for the friend request.
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I have a 19yr old daughter who still lives with me and a 20yr old son who lives in a home I am paying for in the next town over.
While I don't mind if they date, I DO still set rules and they DO follow them. When they are both making their own money and paying their own bills they can do as they please.0 -
You're adults, act accordingly.
I have an 18 yr old son & 25 yr old daughter.
I've lived through both sides of the coin & soooooo agree with above quote.
OP, Good luck :drinker:
ETA: both of my children live with me, both go to school & work, both pay their own cell phones & car insurance. It occurs to me, this may make a difference.0 -
I meant in regards to my relationships. And I corrected my stance in that. o.o
Actually, yes you have. People corrected your kettlebell stance (that photo is in your gallery) in the first thread. You were on my fl for a while. So. Yeah.
:huh: I very clearly remember you posting about your relationships because in those threads, people took time to tell you not to swing the kettlebell above your head - that was your profile picture at the time. After the first thread, you sent me a friend request. You were on my FL until you made the second post a month later.
My point in saying this... it's a pattern displaying emotional immaturity from a lot of different parties. Just allow yourself to be young. Date. Go out. Have fun. It's entirely possible this dude is using his mom as an excuse to extract himself from the relationship.0 -
That's what I don't get. Don't parents want their kids to make decisions for themselves?If he's living with his mom and she's basically taking care of him right now, I'm not sure you're going to win this battle.
Not until he is living by himself , i believe.0 -
So you feel they aren't allowed to go on dates or see people? I'm not trying to argue, just understand your point of view. I turn 20 this year and well, I feel like experiences should be encouraged as long as you have guidance because in their household it's "mom is always right or you get out." That doesn't make for good decision making, in my opinion. I understand I need to focus on college and I am but I also believe that there needs to be a barrier between school and play for forming relationships aids in that.Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.
No worries, it's good that you came here to ask questions. And to answer your question: No I don't believe in parents who think it's their way, or the highway. Debates / conversations need to happen just like we are having here. Compromises need to be made where the parents / kids win some battles but lose others, ...?
And there's a lot of other experiences that can be encouraged such as traveling, working, starting a small business, socializing with friends, volunteering, ....
But for sexual experiences, I still think that it's best to wait until you are financially independent. And you sound like a smart kid, so it might take you only a couple years. is a couple years going to kill you ? And trust me you will still have plenty of time / opportunities to experience, make mistakes and learn from them. The difference is you will suffer a softet landing as you will have the maturity, independence, and $$$ to fix / deal with the mistakes / consequences however, whenever you want it.
Neither one of them is a prostitute (to my knowledge) so what does financial independence have to do with sex???
OP, your boyfriend has a couple of choices. (A) Listen to his mom and follow her rules. If he does this, you need to move on as it won't end well for you. (B) He has a job, so theoretically, he can move out and stop letting Mommy make his decisions. But that's up to him.
I think it's ridiculous that his mom exerts this type of control over him, but if he's not willing to stand up to her, there is not a thing you can do about it. It's really up to him from here.
I think the whole thing about you can't have sex before you are financially independent is because of unplanned pregnancy. I am guessing where they come from there is no such thing as birth control or safe sex!!
I guess where you come from birth control is 100% effective ! Smdh0 -
Yes ma'am.:huh: I very clearly remember you posting about your relationships because in those threads, people took time to tell you not to swing the kettlebell above your head - that was your profile picture at the time. After the first thread, you sent me a friend request. You were on my FL until you made the second post a month later.
My point in saying this... it's a pattern displaying emotional immaturity from a lot of different parties. Just allow yourself to be young. Date. Go out. Have fun. It's entirely possible this dude is using his mom as an excuse to extract himself from the relationship.
**Not trying to be snarky, btw but I feel like if read, it will come across that way**0 -
OP,
I seen a post where you said you never met his mom. Maybe that is the problem.
I hate to be the one to ask this because I hate it in general, but I have to just because I feel like it may be part of it, or could be, at least, because people suck. What race is your BF? PLEASE don't take this wrong, I am just asking because like I said, people suck.0 -
I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?
then why do you need her permission?0 -
African american. I've been trying to meet her but she isn't willing.OP,
I seen a post where you said you never met his mom. Maybe that is the problem.
I hate to be the one to ask this because I hate it in general, but I have to just because I feel like it may be part of it, or could be, at least, because people suck. What race is your BF? PLEASE don't take this wrong, I am just asking because like I said, people suck.
@Hookilau- I dunno. He has to be allowed out of the house I guess? I don't have to have permission to go there. My mom said yes. but if he can't go, I just wasted a lot of gas and money, haha.0 -
Lol. Get a new boyfriend that doesn't have mommy issues, imo.0
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African american. I've been trying to meet her but she isn't willing.OP,
I seen a post where you said you never met his mom. Maybe that is the problem.
I hate to be the one to ask this because I hate it in general, but I have to just because I feel like it may be part of it, or could be, at least, because people suck. What race is your BF? PLEASE don't take this wrong, I am just asking because like I said, people suck.
@Hookilau- I dunno. He has to be allowed out of the house I guess? I don't have to have permission to go there. My mom said yes. but if he can't go, I just wasted a lot of gas and money, haha.
Does he have any brothers who have had bad experiences with women that somehow set his life back (maybe a baby or something at a young age)? What if you just add her to something silly like Facebook to open the line of communication that way? Or call his house and tell him not to answer that way you can actually say "Hi" and "How are you" and introduce yourself? Or what if you just go over to his house to drop off something school related when she is home?0 -
Lol. Get a new boyfriend that doesn't have mommy issues, imo.
QFT X1000. You are having the same problem as you had before OP and you didn't listen to the advice given to you then. Why bother asking the same question now??0 -
Not women issues but his siblings made crappy decisions
Does he have any brothers who have had bad experiences with women that somehow set his life back (maybe a baby or something at a young age)? What if you just add her to something silly like Facebook to open the line of communication that way? Or call his house and tell him not to answer that way you can actually say "Hi" and "How are you" and introduce yourself? Or what if you just go over to his house to drop off something school related when she is home?
@Random- Because at one point she was being decent about it and it randomly changed. That's why.0 -
Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.
That's ridiculous. I met my boyfriend five years ago, when we were both 18 in our first month of undergraduate college. We now live together, I'm in grad school and working and he's teaching high school.
My sister met her SO in high school, he joined the military after they started dating and after he got out they got married. They own their own house, have an adorable dog, and both have great careers (sister's a nurse working toward her BS online, her husband is getting an MBA online while working a very cushy office job). Everyone keeps asking them when they'll start having babies.
You are being very prejudiced against young people, assuming we can't make intelligent decisions or focus on education/career and a romantic relationship.
EDIT: oh, and I just wanted to say I've experienced a similar mom issue when I was in high school, and it didn't work out (but we were younger than OP, at 17 and 16). I also want to add that not all moms are like that, so have hope! My boyfriend always jokes about how his mom loves me more than she loves him. She calls me the daughter she always wanted 0 -
It really doesn't matter why she changed her mind, but your bf should have an idea--he lives with her and he's known her for 19 years. My guess is that he knows what happened but isn't telling you/is being a clueless guy about it.
There is nothing you can do--she's not your mom, he isn't your husband. You can only hope that he sorts things out with her.0 -
I dated a guy whose mom was a nightmare. He lived with his parents, and they basically used him for slave labor on their farm, which wouldn't be so bad except that they basically halted his life entirely so that he could work for them. We were in our EARLY TWENTIES. If he came to see me, he had to be home by 1 AM. In the summer when we weren't at college, I saw him about twice a month despite the fact that he lived a ten minute drive away. I saw him less than that when he stopped feeling invested in the relationship at all and basically kept me hanging on while treating me badly.
Even though the breakup hurt a little (I was kind of over it before it was over because of how poorly he treated me), it was the most relieving feeling in the world because I realized that if I was with him long-term, his parents would dictate everything because they "needed his help." My goal was to move out of the area, ideally to New England, and I knew his parents would always have this hold on him and that they would never allow it. As much as it sucks, break this thing off, at least until he has the capability to get out of his mother's clutches.
For the record, I am now married to a good man who respects his parents, but isn't controlled by them. Also, he's from Maine, so guess where I live now.
I am a million times happier now than I ever could have been with that other guy. 0 -
So you feel they aren't allowed to go on dates or see people? I'm not trying to argue, just understand your point of view. I turn 20 this year and well, I feel like experiences should be encouraged as long as you have guidance because in their household it's "mom is always right or you get out." That doesn't make for good decision making, in my opinion. I understand I need to focus on college and I am but I also believe that there needs to be a barrier between school and play for forming relationships aids in that.Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.
No worries, it's good that you came here to ask questions. And to answer your question: No I don't believe in parents who think it's their way, or the highway. Debates / conversations need to happen just like we are having here. Compromises need to be made where the parents / kids win some battles but lose others, ...?
And there's a lot of other experiences that can be encouraged such as traveling, working, starting a small business, socializing with friends, volunteering, ....
But for sexual experiences, I still think that it's best to wait until you are financially independent. And you sound like a smart kid, so it might take you only a couple years. is a couple years going to kill you ? And trust me you will still have plenty of time / opportunities to experience, make mistakes and learn from them. The difference is you will suffer a softet landing as you will have the maturity, independence, and $$$ to fix / deal with the mistakes / consequences however, whenever you want it.
Neither one of them is a prostitute (to my knowledge) so what does financial independence have to do with sex???
OP, your boyfriend has a couple of choices. (A) Listen to his mom and follow her rules. If he does this, you need to move on as it won't end well for you. (B) He has a job, so theoretically, he can move out and stop letting Mommy make his decisions. But that's up to him.
I think it's ridiculous that his mom exerts this type of control over him, but if he's not willing to stand up to her, there is not a thing you can do about it. It's really up to him from here.
I think the whole thing about you can't have sex before you are financially independent is because of unplanned pregnancy. I am guessing where they come from there is no such thing as birth control or safe sex!!
I guess where you come from birth control is 100% effective ! Smdh
No not 100% but if used correctly it is over 99%0 -
@Random- Because at one point she was being decent about it and it randomly changed. That's why.
Maybe you should just let it go then. You're disappointed, I know. However, the more you fight it, the more she'll hang on to her decision. Don't make it a big deal & change your game plan to something that will work for all involved.
Thankfully it's not a racial issue & likely just that she'd rather he didn't date ANY girl vs you in particular. Trust, they don't get over the racial issue (if that were the case) until babies come along & THAT is a horse of a different color =P
You sound like a very nice girl enjoy yourself responsibly, these things will pass. 0 -
You're not in a relationship with his mom. Whether she's right or wrong, it's not your issue. If he can't be in a relationship, then it can't happen. If he wants to make his own decisions, he can move out and do things his way. I'd give it up really.0
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As soon as he takes his balls out of mommy's purse everything will be fine. But that might be awhile, or maybe never.0
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Wait? So you want you bf to man up...if he does then he will more then likely be kicked out, which means a full time job and possibly dropping outta college. So then you'll have a man who can do what he wants? Instead of living with this for now and possibly having a guy who has a college degree. I say you don't get so mad and tell him to man up since his mom is doing him a bigger service then you know. Just sayin'0
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I meant in regards to my relationships. And I corrected my stance in that. o.o
Actually, yes you have. People corrected your kettlebell stance (that photo is in your gallery) in the first thread. You were on my fl for a while. So. Yeah.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1148626-in-need-of-advice-stuck-between-2-guys-help
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1166277-my-boyfriend-s-parents-don-t-want-him-dating0 -
Run. Run fast. Run far. Do not look back and be glad you got away.
This does not sound like a fun relationship and if it does continue Mommy will never ever go away. This will be your future, even if he moves out and you two get married, she will be ever present unless he is willing to completely disown her, which is unlikely as he is her mother and he loves her.
If this is not a satisfying relationship to you you should leave and find another. Just because he is a good guy does not mean this is a match made in heaven.0
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