Boyfriend's Mom Is Unreasonable. Help?

kassiebby1124

My boyfriend is 19 and in college. He and I have been dating half a year as of this past Monday. His mom can't stand the fact he has a girlfriend. I haven't seen him since school ended. We planned this trip I was supposed to take today 3 weeks ago. He got consent that I could come. Well apparently, I can't anymore because his mom said no because she doesn't want him to date period. I'm sorry but it's unreasonable to assume your son is NEVER going to date. She keeps telling him to make his own decisions but literally decides everything for him and he's afraid to go against her because he's liable to get kicked out. I spent my night crying because this is stupid and upsetting and I don't know what to do anymore. Help?

6ronXtreme9

change your boyfriend

starrylioness

If he's living with his mom and she's basically taking care of him right now, I'm not sure you're going to win this battle.

kassiebby1124

If he's living with his mom and she's basically taking care of him right now, I'm not sure you're going to win this battle.

That's what I don't get. Don't parents want their kids to make decisions for themselves?

missjay001

Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.

pope66682

Your boyfriend has no b***s. Useless

kassiebby1124

Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.

So you feel they aren't allowed to go on dates or see people? I'm not trying to argue, just understand your point of view. I turn 20 this year and well, I feel like experiences should be encouraged as long as you have guidance because in their household it's "mom is always right or you get out." That doesn't make for good decision making, in my opinion. I understand I need to focus on college and I am but I also believe that there needs to be a barrier between school and play for forming relationships aids in that.

LumberJacck

So according to missjay's post, all the son can expect on a Saturday night is a date with Mrs Palmer?

pope66682

Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Yes, make absolutely no mistakes in life so you can learn nothing at all. And dont start dating until your at least 21

nezbit88

You're adults, act accordingly.

kassiebby1124

So according to missjay's post, all the son can expect on a Saturday night is a date with Mrs Palmer?

Lol. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't change her mind. Because she was originally okay with it. He's been home with my family before. My family likes him. I just don't know why his mom is so cross with me when I've never met her. He raised his GPA last semester after we got together because we studied and I pushed him to try harder. He has a job. I have 1 and an internship. I just don't understand.

kassiebby1124

You're adults, act accordingly.

I've been telling him that but she pays for his tuition. Her mindset is screwed up. I've been saying that at some point she's gonna have to accept it or tolerate it but that won't happen unless we both do something to persuade her to make a decision

VBnotbitter

Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.

:huh:

kittykat1994

Some mums are very protective of their kids and the idea of their son being in a relationship and loving another woman is probably frightening to her.

It's a matter of waiting for your boyfriend to feel that it is the time to put his foot down and say "I'm 19, I can have a girlfriend if I want."

You are both not children.

I've been in a similar situation to you before, and it didn't work. I couldn't stand being 18 years old, an adult. and having some woman hate me and interfere with my relationship because I wanted to care for her son too. I never wanted to take him away from her - that would be ridiculous.

Time will help you decide with this situation. It's about how you feel, because his mum may never come round to it, and if he really was bothered by his mum, he would just stand up to her and say that he's old enough to make his own decisions on whether he can have a girlfriend or not. Make sure you don't jeopardise your own happiness for a boy.

I left my unhappy relationship and on my 19th birthday I started seeing someone else. I'm not nearly 21 and I'm engaged to this man. I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Message me if you want to chat!

kassiebby1124

Some mums are very protective of their kids and the idea of their son being in a relationship and loving another woman is probably frightening to her.

It's a matter of waiting for your boyfriend to feel that it is the time to put his foot down and say "I'm 19, I can have a girlfriend if I want."

You are both not children.

I've been in a similar situation to you before, and it didn't work. I couldn't stand being 18 years old, an adult. and having some woman hate me and interfere with my relationship because I wanted to care for her son too. I never wanted to take him away from her - that would be ridiculous.

Time will help you decide with this situation. It's about how you feel, because his mum may never come round to it, and if he really was bothered by his mum, he would just stand up to her and say that he's old enough to make his own decisions on whether he can have a girlfriend or not. Make sure you don't jeopardise your own happiness for a boy.

I left my unhappy relationship and on my 19th birthday I started seeing someone else. I'm not nearly 21 and I'm engaged to this man. I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Message me if you want to chat!

Congrats on your engagement! And I want to continue to be with him. I just don't know what changed her mind.

HerkMeOff

Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?

gypsy_spirit

Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?

This. You're both still very young. I'm sure you're very upset now, but later, in retrospect, you will see that this might have been a good thing. There is nothing worse that trying to compete with a man's mama - because unless he wants you to - you will never win.

kassiebby1124

Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?

I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.

HerkMeOff

Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?

I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.

& where are you staying?

Also, she can hardly keep you from going to a public theme park. But if you're planning on staying at her house, that's a different battle.

_John_

19...adults...

kassiebby1124

Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?

I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.

& where are you staying?

Also, she can hardly keep you from going to a public theme park. But if you're planning on staying at her house, that's a different battle.

I'd be coming home this evening. I wasn't planning on staying in the city. Just a day trip, as one would take the to beach or anything else. But she "forbids" him to leave because..well. I don't know. Because she said so.