Boyfriend's Mom Is Unreasonable. Help?

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Replies

  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member

    Actually, yes you have. People corrected your kettlebell stance (that photo is in your gallery) in the first thread. You were on my fl for a while. So. Yeah.
    I meant in regards to my relationships. And I corrected my stance in that. o.o


    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1148626-in-need-of-advice-stuck-between-2-guys-help

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1166277-my-boyfriend-s-parents-don-t-want-him-dating

    Seriously, OP, go back and reread these threads and the advice given to you. Most of it applies to this situation. Really take time to do some self reflection -- you are very young, the guys you are seeing are very young. There is nothing wrong with that.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Yeah. Move on OP. You are 19. Ain't nobody got time for that.
  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,646 Member

    No not 100% but if used correctly it is over 99%

    Ok, so you're still ready to be an adult should that fail though? If so, party on Wayne...
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    He is still living under her roof, so what she says, goes. It sucks, but that's just the way it is. Your either going to have to suck it up and see your boyfriend when she allows it, or break up.
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    ^ What they said. It seems like you have this warped expectation that Mommy and Daddy should foot all the bills and take care of him like they did in high school, but he should have all the freedoms of a financially independent adult because he turned 19. He's not acting like an adult, so he doesn't get all the privileges of an adult.
    His dad isn't around, just wanted to clear that up and he got a scholarship to a boarding school in high school, haha.

    The job he has in only a summer job in the city he stays in and our college is 4 hours away from that so he can't exactly get his own apartment yet. I'm not trying to defend, just explain. I'm not financially independent but I have freedom. that's the difference I don't think I understand but all households are different. I'm happy with the guy and i don't want to break up because of his mom (he plans on moving out his junior year), just want to learn how to tolerate her until she tolerates me.

    **Yes, I know my perspective changed. But you all brought up good points that I can't change her so I have to change myself. So thank you for that**

    :huh: A summer job is not the same as having a job. That's something you do to earn spending money between semesters. He's still completely financially dependent on his mother (his dad not being around really wasn't relevant to the point I was making, nor was his getting a scholarship in high school).

    He could get a year-round job, take classes in the evenings, and move out if he wanted to, but obviously he is happy with the arrangement. And as far as tolerating his mother, you've never met the woman and presumably have no contact with her, so she really has nothing to do with you. Stop injecting yourself into their relationship and family decisions - problem solved.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    *sigh*

    I guess it's true trial and error are the only way to learn for some people. As I said, been there and done that. You're either goiing to split up (he will dump you because Mommy told him to) or you will stay together and and she will make your lives miserable. It's really your choice.

    At 19, kids are testing the world and asserting independence. It's normal. Good parents let them do so. Controlling people don't just stop being controlling.

    Anyway, since my experienced advice isn't welcome, good luck.
    I welcome your advice. I just thought you'd have to like your mom to have a complex like that. But I still don't think he has one, haha. I do greatly appreciate your advice though so thank you (:

    @Itsfun- I've not posted anything else. Thanks for your input.

    Here's at least one other one:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1166277-my-boyfriend-s-parents-don-t-want-him-dating

    ETA: oops. ItsFun got it. :laugh:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,989 Member
    Trust when a I say a boy at 19 isn't ready to commit to any relationship if he's still living at home and going to school. Right now he NEEDS his mom to help him. You try to shake that off, and you'll end up being the "mom".
    She is right here. She's paying for school and boarding. She doesn't want a distraction causing an incompletion of school. Legit reason why she doesn't him to have a girl friend right now.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
    Wait? So you want you bf to man up...if he does then he will more then likely be kicked out, which means a full time job and possibly dropping outta college. So then you'll have a man who can do what he wants? Instead of living with this for now and possibly having a guy who has a college degree. I say you don't get so mad and tell him to man up since his mom is doing him a bigger service then you know. Just sayin'

    Amen!
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.
    Yes, make absolutely no mistakes in life so you can learn nothing at all. And dont start dating until your at least 21

    Actually, I do believe the first person quoting is suggesting not to date until you are 23 to 24 years old. Graduate HS at 18 but it's rare to find a job decent enough to raise a baby (just in case) with HS education only so the graduating they must be speaking of is from university which is 4 - 5 years long. And then 1 - 2 years to find a job and move up enough from the starting salary to support rent, a baby, and all other expenses. At the earliest.

    Seriously... I'd get her point if the OP and her bf were 14. But it's legal to marry at the age of 18 without parents consent. He should start learning how to stand up for himself and for his gf (and he doesn't even have to be rude to do so). A man who doesn't stand up for his gf should not be dating her because he doesn't care enough. I've dated enough to be able to tell the difference.

    ETA: It's perfectly possible to maintain a relationship and study at the same time. Nearly EVERYONE I know has done so and are doing GREAT for themselves.
  • BigDougie1211
    BigDougie1211 Posts: 3,531 Member
    Is there any possibility he's just using his Mum as an excuse because he's changed is mind.
    Seems like a handy get out card for him to play.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    :huh: A summer job is not the same as having a job. That's something you do to earn spending money between semesters. He's still completely financially dependent on his mother (his dad not being around really wasn't relevant to the point I was making, nor was his getting a scholarship in high school).

    He could get a year-round job, take classes in the evenings, and move out if he wanted to, but obviously he is happy with the arrangement. And as far as tolerating his mother, you've never met the woman and presumably have no contact with her, so she really has nothing to do with you. Stop injecting yourself into their relationship and family decisions - problem solved.

    Um... I never had anything other than a summer job, but I made sure to work my butt of and make smart investments. I had saved quite a bit of money before graduating from university because of my summer jobs. A summer job for me was not used as spending money. It was money to be saved. The question is what kind of habits and discipline does this guy have?
  • Beautiful_disaster40
    Beautiful_disaster40 Posts: 154
    You date/marry the whole family. If its a problem now it will be a bigger problem later. Lots of fish in the sea, find one who isn't a mommas boy.
  • Keepcalmanddontblink
    Keepcalmanddontblink Posts: 718 Member
    My boyfriend is 19 and in college. He and I have been dating half a year as of this past Monday. His mom can't stand the fact he has a girlfriend. I haven't seen him since school ended. We planned this trip I was supposed to take today 3 weeks ago. He got consent that I could come. Well apparently, I can't anymore because his mom said no because she doesn't want him to date period. I'm sorry but it's unreasonable to assume your son is NEVER going to date. She keeps telling him to make his own decisions but literally decides everything for him and he's afraid to go against her because he's liable to get kicked out. I spent my night crying because this is stupid and upsetting and I don't know what to do anymore. Help?
    Um...run! A mama's boy will always be tied to her apron strings.
  • crazyjlyn
    crazyjlyn Posts: 225 Member
    You date/marry the whole family. If its a problem now it will be a bigger problem later. Lots of fish in the sea, find one who isn't a mommas boy.

    So much truth
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Late to the party but....RUN. You will never win.

    Also, as ItsFun said so eloquently, you are young. This isn't your first relationship and it won't be your last. If I could dial back the clock, there are definitely some "relationships" that I should have walked away from instead of wasting my time and losing my focus.

    Use the energy you are spending on analyzing this situation to date, work hard, build your future.
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
    Since you have come to a public forum to solicit opinions, be weary of what you ask for, you might get it.

    So here is my take (old man who has been around the block or two):

    It sounds like your boy friend's Mom knows her son much better then you do. He is not ready yet to be an adult and she realizes that. She may be protecting him but is also protecting you. Ask her for advise and she may give you some incite into what is going on and why.

    Wishing you the best, but it looks like it is time to move on, because he is not ready to.
  • CCSavage88
    CCSavage88 Posts: 191
    You've never met mom?...Could he be using mom as an excuse knowing you haven't met and probably won't?...
  • BigDougie1211
    BigDougie1211 Posts: 3,531 Member
    You've never met mom?...Could he be using mom as an excuse knowing you haven't met and probably won't?...

    Thought this myself, but the idea doesn't seem to be gaining any traction.
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
    If he doesn't stand up to his mom on going to a theme park that is merely 30 min away with his college girlfriend I'm afraid he will NEVER stand up to her. Yeah he's in quite a predicament having to choose between the woman he loves and well, the woman he loves. I would honestly let it go because there is nothing you can do about his mom, period and so I'd let this be strike one, three strikes and he's out. I'm sorry your dealing with this, the parents of our significant others can often be a hit or miss. This one sounds like a bummer :frown:

    I agree with this, it's not like he invited you on the family vacation for a week, it's 1 day at a amusement park.

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