Mixed emotions. My man spoke to me about my weight.

whovian67

Now it's time to figure out what YOU want to do for you.

Yes, he could be a part of the reason why you get started, but the end goal is up to you and for you.

I hope you get sorted out soon.

I agree.. You start for one reason but in the journey you may just find yourself

fatbegone85

My ex brought me a grill for my 28th birthday -_-. Well intended but um, yea. If your boyfriend said it in a respectful nice way, then just know he loves you and wants you to be healthy. If he said it in a nasty way, well still work on losing weight, starting with him.

LizMarx2014

Oh, ouch! I had a former male friend who never said a word about my weight, just kept talking and talking and talking... about all the women MY AGE at his gym who were in Fantastic shape. I told him he should ask one of them out. He didn't take the hint. I was not interested in him to begin with and after that, I was never going to be. We are no longer friends. I was about 15 pounds overweight at the time, 5'2", size 6/78 or small/medium depending on the brand -- really nothing to complain about.

It was pretty rude considering he was 60 pounds overweight himself and thought nothing of eating a whole pizza for dinner. He did eventually lose the weight, but there wasn't any point picking on me, I was hardly a bad influence. The other way 'round I'd say.

munky_do

When in my early 30s, for over 3 years I had a boyfriend who always complained about my weight. I am 5' 3 1/2" and he thought I was enormous at 129 pounds. Desperate to hold on to him, I dieted down to 108. He still thought I was fat. He told me, "Your legs should look like mine. Your butt should look like mine." He was 5' 10" and 147 pounds and he did look perfect. I like thin men! But I felt I was too thin at 108. We went to a bookstore and I showed him books with photos of Marilyn Monroe and said, that is an ideal female figure. And he said, "She's a pig."

Was he gay? I dated a guy who said something like that to me after I confessed that I was trying to lose my extra weight. "You can look like me". He was very very skinny. I just laughed at him. There was no date after that. :-p

summer92008

I'm kind of in the same boat, except in the opposite way. My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight. I am not overweight, but I would like to slim down a little to up my self-esteem. But every time I talk about what I've eaten today, or how many calories I burned while exercising, he gets upset. He says it hurts his feelings because he thinks I am beautiful the way I am and that I'm pretty much ignoring what he says by dieting. He said it also hurts his feelings because I talk about how I need to lose weight when I don't, and he knows he needs to lose weight. He says, "If you aren't happy with yourself the way you are, then how can you possibly find me attractive the way I am?" He is on the bigger side, but he has been the whole time I've been with him and I love him nonetheless. I do wish he would lose some weight just to help his health, but I don't want to mention it. I know in time he will do it on his own. As far as my weight loss goes, I try to just keep it a "secret" from him - I just don't discuss exercising or trying to eat smaller portions, etc. I do feel bad for thinking that yes, he does need to lose weight because I love him and find him attractive the way he is, but I just want him to get healthy so we can live long, happy, healthy lives together.

fatbegone85

Oh, ouch! I had a former male friend who never said a word about my weight, just kept talking and talking and talking... about all the women MY AGE at his gym who were in Fantastic shape. I told him he should ask one of them out. He didn't take the hint. I was not interested in him to begin with and after that, I was never going to be. We are no longer friends. I was about 15 pounds overweight at the time, 5'2", size 6/78 or small/medium depending on the brand -- really nothing to complain about.

It was pretty rude considering he was 60 pounds overweight himself and thought nothing of eating a whole pizza for dinner. He did eventually lose the weight, but there wasn't any point picking on me, I was hardly a bad influence. The other way 'round I'd say.

I'm going to get in trouble for saying this but: I find a lot of men deluded when it comes to looks. They will be very much overweight with a beer gut demanding a super model wife. I had a co-worker inappropriately complain about his wife gaining weight, but yet there he is with at least 30 lbs of at he should probably shed.

Look at most sitcoms. Normally dopey looking husband, hot slender wife.

futuresize8

To the OP...did your man talk to you about your weight in a loving way or a hurtful way?

And, no matter how he said it, it's okay for you to say, "I appreciate your honesty, but what you said embarrassed me." That's being honest, too. And just saying that to him may make you feel better and give him a chance to comfort you.

For me, I would rather have the real conversations - in a constructive, healthy way - than to not have them and not know what my husband was thinking.

VTRutz

The only time my husband ever says anything about my weight or weight loss is to 1) tell me Im beautiful or 2) when I ask him to go get me a {insert healthy eating unapproved item here} he asks if I am really sure I want him to and if it fits with my goals.... and thats honestly a good thing because I am HARDCORE an impulse person. lol

As long as it was said respectfully, I hope it shakes out ok. If it was said in a mean way- then definitely let him know that it bothered you!

Aili100

to the person who has a critical BF who thinks Marilyn Monroe "is a pig"......I hope he is a former BF.

itsbasschick

how things are said and whether they're said out of love can make a huge difference. what my husband said to me about my weight was that he was scared for me, and wanted me to be around for as long as possible.

PRMinx

I hope he is a former BF.

Why? If your partner is supposed to be your best friend, shouldn't he/she be able to talk to you about your health? Providing that it was said with kindness and good intention, I don't see a problem.

AutumnElf80

I guess it really depends on delivery. If he said something along the lines of "babe you're getting fat and I don't find that attractive" I'd be very hurt and upset. If he said something like "babe I've noticed that you haven't been as happy and active as usual and I'm becoming concerned" then no real reason to be upset.

If you believe that he was just trying to be helpful and not hurtful then I'd just take it as a wake up call and move forward. If he was doing it to be hurtful then I'd speak up about it. But this is me and not you so do what you think is best for you.

katematt313

When in my early 30s, for over 3 years I had a boyfriend who always complained about my weight. I am 5' 3 1/2" and he thought I was enormous at 129 pounds. Desperate to hold on to him, I dieted down to 108. He still thought I was fat. He told me, "Your legs should look like mine. Your butt should look like mine." He was 5' 10" and 147 pounds and he did look perfect. I like thin men! But I felt I was too thin at 108. We went to a bookstore and I showed him books with photos of Marilyn Monroe and said, that is an ideal female figure. And he said, "She's a pig."

Ha. You were trying to stay with a guy who was 5"10" and 147 lbs?
So, who opens the pickle jars and does the manly stuff around home?

Sugar Ray Leonard boxed at that height and weight for years. His contemporary, Thomas Hearns, boxed in the same weight class while being taller. I suspect both were perfectly capable of opening pickle jars and doing "manly stuff" (whatever that means) while they were at fighting weight.

Why is the attempt to body shame thinner folks any different/better than the attempt to body shame heavier ones?

My husband is slim and relatively muscular, along these lines. I assure you that he can open pickle jars, play with our kids, run for miles, lift heavy things, etc.

I don't appreciate shaming of either fat or thin people.

thavoice

I'm kind of in the same boat, except in the opposite way. My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight. I am not overweight, but I would like to slim down a little to up my self-esteem. But every time I talk about what I've eaten today, or how many calories I burned while exercising, he gets upset. He says it hurts his feelings because he thinks I am beautiful the way I am and that I'm pretty much ignoring what he says by dieting. He said it also hurts his feelings because I talk about how I need to lose weight when I don't, and he knows he needs to lose weight. He says, "If you aren't happy with yourself the way you are, then how can you possibly find me attractive the way I am?" He is on the bigger side, but he has been the whole time I've been with him and I love him nonetheless. I do wish he would lose some weight just to help his health, but I don't want to mention it. I know in time he will do it on his own. As far as my weight loss goes, I try to just keep it a "secret" from him - I just don't discuss exercising or trying to eat smaller portions, etc. I do feel bad for thinking that yes, he does need to lose weight because I love him and find him attractive the way he is, but I just want him to get healthy so we can live long, happy, healthy lives together.

Why even talk about how many calories you eaten or how many you have burned? He probably hates hearing about your incessant whining about losing weight that it gets nauseating.

Do your exercise, eat what you please and when you start to lose weight he can deal with or take a walk.

maidentl

I hope he is a former BF.

Why? If your partner is supposed to be your best friend, shouldn't he/she be able to talk to you about your health? Providing that it was said with kindness and good intention, I don't see a problem.

Well, since she was 108 and he still thought she was fat I really don't see any way that could be loving.

RosanaRosanaDana

Be honest and answer this question: If your husband was seriously overweight would you talk to him about it? It's not always about meaning to hurt or insult, sometimes it's just because you love the person and want to see them happy and healthy. We all know the truth, no one overweight is really happy about it or comfortable in their skin no matter what they say to themselves. So, use it to motivate you to get in shape and be the person you know you can be.

PRMinx

I hope he is a former BF.

Why? If your partner is supposed to be your best friend, shouldn't he/she be able to talk to you about your health? Providing that it was said with kindness and good intention, I don't see a problem.

Well, since she was 108 and he still thought she was fat I really don't see any way that could be loving.

That wasn't the OP. That was another poster and I wasn't referring to that post.

Jim_G10

It depends on the question really. If it is a question where there is no right answer, and being a man I get them a lot. You know the one "Does my *kitten* look big in this?" type of question..... He maybe was trying to be as honest as you expected him to be.

Park it and use it as a motivator for yourself...............

summer92008

I'm kind of in the same boat, except in the opposite way. My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight. I am not overweight, but I would like to slim down a little to up my self-esteem. But every time I talk about what I've eaten today, or how many calories I burned while exercising, he gets upset. He says it hurts his feelings because he thinks I am beautiful the way I am and that I'm pretty much ignoring what he says by dieting. He said it also hurts his feelings because I talk about how I need to lose weight when I don't, and he knows he needs to lose weight. He says, "If you aren't happy with yourself the way you are, then how can you possibly find me attractive the way I am?" He is on the bigger side, but he has been the whole time I've been with him and I love him nonetheless. I do wish he would lose some weight just to help his health, but I don't want to mention it. I know in time he will do it on his own. As far as my weight loss goes, I try to just keep it a "secret" from him - I just don't discuss exercising or trying to eat smaller portions, etc. I do feel bad for thinking that yes, he does need to lose weight because I love him and find him attractive the way he is, but I just want him to get healthy so we can live long, happy, healthy lives together.

Why even talk about how many calories you eaten or how many you have burned? He probably hates hearing about your incessant whining about losing weight that it gets nauseating.

Do your exercise, eat what you please and when you start to lose weight he can deal with or take a walk.

Don't we all need someone to talk to about how we are doing in our weigh loss journey? I need someone to cheer me on and say, "Good job!" to help keep me motivated. I see nothing wrong with that. To assume I'm "whining" is a little immature, don't you think? I doubt you know the type of person I am from reading one post.

Linnaea27

When in my early 30s, for over 3 years I had a boyfriend who always complained about my weight. I am 5' 3 1/2" and he thought I was enormous at 129 pounds. Desperate to hold on to him, I dieted down to 108. He still thought I was fat. He told me, "Your legs should look like mine. Your butt should look like mine." He was 5' 10" and 147 pounds and he did look perfect. I like thin men! But I felt I was too thin at 108. We went to a bookstore and I showed him books with photos of Marilyn Monroe and said, that is an ideal female figure. And he said, "She's a pig."

Ha. You were trying to stay with a guy who was 5"10" and 147 lbs?
So, who opens the pickle jars and does the manly stuff around home?

The boyfriend sounds like he had attitude problems!!! UGH!

But to this reply, I want to say that my fiance is 6'0", 146 pounds, and he is VERY strong, muscular, and active. He's just a very slim man. So thin guys are not necessarily too weak to open a pickle jar.