Would you rather feel 'Happy' or 'Valued'

MrTolerable

Just trying to get a high-level overlook on the sentiments of the MFP community.

Would you rather feel 'Happy' or 'Valued'.

'+1' for those ladies and gentleman who provide reasoning in their response/retorts.

walleyclan1

Can you feel happy without feeling valued? I couldn't. My happiness comes from feeling valued by others. You can also substituted the word "adored" for valued....

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TutuMom41

Both. Its hard to have one with out the other

amberlykay1014

Valued. I create my own happiness.

Timshel_

Valued is an extension of respect, which is HUGE in people's happiness.

Guns_N_Buns

Happy. I know my worth; I couldn't care less how other people "value" me.

MrTolerable

Can you feel happy without feeling valued? I couldn't. My happiness comes from feeling valued by others. You can also substituted the word "adored" for valued....

I certainly believe people do feel happy absent the feeling of value - happiness is typically found in those living a blissed-out lifestyle after all.

MrTolerable

Valued is an extension of respect, which is HUGE in people's happiness.

^wonderful observation - agree 110%

Respect is of paramount importance in the sense of showing/providing value.

aarnwine2013

This is a tough one but I'm going with happy. I shouldn't need to be valued to be happy. I do think that being valued makes me happy, but I'd hate to think that's the only way I could be happy.

MrTolerable

Happy. Feeling "valued" implies you get a sense of happiness from other peoples opinions of you. This isn't bad if you can be happy even if everyone isn't happy with you. Some people though, let the value others place on them effect their entire happiness.

^yep, that is exactly why I'm presenting this question - trying to find the origin of happiness- if it is typically found from within, or through the aid of community/others.

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delicious_cocktail

If you are happy, it doesn't matter whether or not you are valued. You're happy.

RavenLibra

I find value in being happy... can I find happy in value?

perseverance14

I think others should not be responsible for your happiness, you are, and if you are not happy, then make changes or learn to change your responses that make you unhappy.

Being valued is nice, but I think if you want to be valued, value yourself first, if you do not value yourself, why would you expect others to value you? I do not think being valued is necessary for happiness, but it can add to it.

rowlandsw

I'm not sure i'd recognize either if i felt it. Happiness is such an abstract term for an emotion, contentment is usually confused with happiness.

Koldnomore

My reply depends on the situation.. Happy or valued WHEN? In a relationship? at work? by people in general? Each one will give a different answer.

If it's people in general I could care less.. at work I find happiness in being valued and in a relationship I must be valued/adored or I will NOT be happy at all. I can not be happy if I don't feel valued.

RavenLibra

on a personal note. I walk the path less traveled so I do NOT need anyone to value me, to validate me, to pour sugar on my cereal so to speak... I create my world.. and IF I pay close attention THEN I think it more important to be the valuator rather than the validated

SyntonicGarden

Valued is an extension of respect, which is HUGE in people's happiness.

+1 for this guy's response, especially where value is tied to respect.

In my relationships with people, I would definitely put "valued" over "happy" since I see them as interdependent. In a friendship in which I feel valued, I'm happy. Same thing goes for a romantic relationship and for my job. When I don't feel valued at work, in my friendships, in my marriage, by my family, not feeling valued equates to not being happy in those areas of my life.

Ice cream makes me happy. Good weather makes me happy. Finding $10 on the sidewalk makes me happy. I value these things. None of these things have the ability to "value" me, so in that respect, I can be happy without my own value coming into place.

MrTolerable

well think of it on smaller scales as well - would you rather do a difficult tedious, but 'high-paying' job feeling 'valued'? or do a job and feel 'happy'?

and if you vouch for happy - then why are you not doing what would make you happy?



It's ok to delve off of strictly abstract thinking in regards to a state of a constantly defined feeling of 'happy' or 'valued'.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

I personally couldn't BE happy if I wasn't valued. Being useless is a terrible feeling.

MrTolerable

Valued is an extension of respect, which is HUGE in people's happiness.

I value these things. None of these things have the ability to "value" me, so in that respect, I can be happy without my own value coming into place.

good insight. +1

JenAndSome

It depends on the context of the happiness. I am happy with myself without needing others input, however, in my relationships with others it is important to feel valued for me to be happy with those relationships.

Most of the time it is just me, though, so I choose happy.

1HappyRedhead

Some really good answers here! :flowerforyou:

meeka472

Happy.

Galatea_Stone

Tough because I think as human beings we need both, even if we don't admit it. If I had to choose one, I would choose to be happy, I guess.

But If I don't choose being valued as my response, does that mean that nobody values me ever? If nobody values me ever, then how would I survive in society? Would I be too happy to care that someone takes my chair, that I always have to stand on public transportation, that a taxi never stops for me? That my kids don't notice me? That everyone basically ignores me? That cars don't wait for me to cross the street? That I am never hugged or kissed or told that I matter? Would I die an early death because I wasn't told by my doctor that I was dying?

I think I change my answer. I prefer to be valued.

airbearlover

To me Id rather feel happy. Because if I am happy then I am being valued because I would not be happy in any relationship or life if I wasn't. But knowing someone values you is different than them telling you. It can be sometimes make me just as happy even if I know they value me but don't say it.

MrTolerable

Tough because I think as human beings we need both, even if we don't admit it. If I had to choose one, I would choose to be happy, I guess.

But If I don't choose being valued as my response, does that mean that nobody values me ever? If nobody values me ever, then how would I survive in society? Would I be too happy to care that someone takes my chair, that I always have to stand on public transportation, that a taxi never stops for me? That my kids don't notice me? That everyone basically ignores me? That cars don't wait for me to cross the street? That I am never hugged or kissed or told that I matter? Would I die an early death because I wasn't told by my doctor that I was dying?

I think I change my answer. I prefer to be valued.

Great observations - as a libertarian I like to think of myself often as Mr. Independent, Mr. Self-made - but when it comes down to it I am incredibly dependent upon others, fortunately market forces provide us that value with everyone looking out for their self-interest, but nonetheless - a sense of community is paramount.

And you do matter :flowerforyou: :bear hug:

fuhrmeister

Happy. I choose to be happy and no one can take that away from me. Being valued can add to my happiness. It is nice to be valued by my church family, the people I work with and most importantly my husband and other family members.

salembambi

happy

because I have never gone a day without being valued by at least one person (my mom)

amethyst7986

Happy......I think that if I wasn't happy I wouldn't be able to determine if or when I was actually being valued by others. The happier I am and feel the more I feel I should be valued, my self respect and confidence both grow, which then make me more valuable to myself and others.