Would you rather feel 'Happy' or 'Valued'

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Replies

  • CindyMarcuzAdams
    CindyMarcuzAdams Posts: 4,007 Member
    Its sort of a double edged sword. If I am not valued I am unhappy but do I really care what someone thinks my value is.
    If I feel valuable about myself I think that's what makes me happy.
  • EmpireBusiness
    EmpireBusiness Posts: 333 Member
    Neither.
    Value is a matter of perspective and it implies the approval of others which I don't care about.
    Happiness is short lived and intermittent; temporary at best. It would imply emotional reaction which may be due to an isolated event when everything else is ****.
    I rather be content because that implies logical satisfaction which means that everything is going well as opposed to just one event blinding me from the rest.

    *assuming content with progress as opposed to position, since being content with position would imply complacency =P
  • fit_war
    fit_war Posts: 985 Member
    happy
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    I'm happy, and I'm inclined to believe that it's independent of being valued by other people (but I am valued by some other people, so how can I say how I'd feel if I wasn't?). ............ I value myself. I didn't use to value myself, in fact I used to hate myself, and I wasn't happy then. I believe that valuing yourself and accepting yourself for who you are (which includes owning your weaknesses and trying to improve on them) is necessary to be happy........ external validation is a different and more complex question. Humans are a social animal - positive interaction with other humans is necessary not just for happiness, but for health too (isolation sickness is a decline in mental health due to being isolated, and AFAIK it can cause a decline in physical health too). Positive social interaction comes from others that value you, and close friends are important for physical and mental health too... a close friend values you as a person. If you're not valued by anyone, then do you have any close friends? Do you have any friends at all? Are you socially isolated while surrounded by people who don't value you.... that's still a form of social isolation, and a pretty miserable one.

    Put the question another way... does a chimpanzee need to be valued by other chimpanzees to be happy? I'd say yes, due to the social nature of the species. Isolating a chimpanzee is horribly cruel and people who do it should be locked up. So I wouldn't expect any closely related species such as the human to be able to function without being valued as a member of a social group of humans. Maybe there are a few hermits who are totally happy in their voluntary isolation from all other humans... but I'd say they're the exception not the rule.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Valued. But I think a lot of feeling value is about identifying the value that you bring, refining it and making it consumable to the people around you. I am exactly the same person with a Master's degree as I was as a high school drop out. The additional value I bring through training and experience were through my efforts and choices. My community can choose not to value what I have to offer, in which case I can choose to find another community or identify different talents to bring to the table. However, that doesn't make me any less valuable if my community doesn't need a particular set of skills at a particular time.
  • Saucy_lil_Minx
    Saucy_lil_Minx Posts: 3,302 Member
    Happy
  • MsSophySticated
    MsSophySticated Posts: 181 Member
    I believe you should be happy for what do you and who you have become or else you aren't being yourself truly but being someone who you know will be liked by others. I am happy the way I am and if people don't like how I am, I don't mind at all. You cannot be liked by everyone anyway :smile:. The right people will appreciate you for who you really are! Also there are people who cannot be alone because they always need to feel "loved" and "appreciated". You have to foremost love yourself and be happy with who you are before anything else. It all starts with YOU! :happy: Happiness can be found ANYWHERE. Whether it's by being outside and admiring all the wonders surrounding us or just by being grateful for all those blessings you're blessed with daily. By focusing on the positive of things, you become happier. :heart:
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    Tough because I think as human beings we need both, even if we don't admit it. If I had to choose one, I would choose to be happy, I guess.

    But If I don't choose being valued as my response, does that mean that nobody values me ever? If nobody values me ever, then how would I survive in society? Would I be too happy to care that someone takes my chair, that I always have to stand on public transportation, that a taxi never stops for me? That my kids don't notice me? That everyone basically ignores me? That cars don't wait for me to cross the street? That I am never hugged or kissed or told that I matter? Would I die an early death because I wasn't told by my doctor that I was dying?

    I think I change my answer. I prefer to be valued.

    If everyone values you as if you *kitten* gold, but you're not happy...what's the point?

    What's the point? I don't know. It's a mental exercise.

    But if everyone valued me as if I did poop gold, I'd be one rich miserable old broad, that's for sure.
  • walleyclan1
    walleyclan1 Posts: 2,784 Member
    What things can you do in life that truely make you happy that others won't value? Of course not everyone would value you but I think they are impossible to separate.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    Neither.
    Value is a matter of perspective and it implies the approval of others which I don't care about.
    Happiness is short lived and intermittent; temporary at best. It would imply emotional reaction which may be due to an isolated event when everything else is ****.
    I rather be content because that implies logical satisfaction which means that everything is going well as opposed to just one event blinding me from the rest.

    *assuming content with progress as opposed to position, since being content with position would imply complacency =P

    ^I think everyone has their own definitions of happiness going on - I'm referring to a lifestyle of happiness, well-being, flourishing "o live within an optimal range of human functioning, one that connotes goodness, generativity, growth, and resilience" etc., not a fleeting moment.

    I see and respect your point though 110% - I just don't mean happiness regarding one isolated event causing 'joy' - the happiest people I know have gone through great trials, and continue to go through great trials yet they stay rather chipper and happy.

    Still, I see your point concerning the fleeting moment of happiness
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    Happy. There will invariably be people in the world who don't value you in anyway regardless of how advantageous it may be. And being valued doesn't always lead to happiness IMO. I deal with lots of clients who are valued employees and workers, but aren't happy at all in relationships, their bodies, etc.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    This brings up a really interesting point - are we talking valued on a personal or professional level? In order to be happy at my job (staying home), I need to feel valued. But those same "rules" don't necessarily apply to my personal life.......

    ^agree - it would be similarly a big difference in my situation as well.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Valued. But I think a lot of feeling value is about identifying the value that you bring, refining it and making it consumable to the people around you. I am exactly the same person with a Master's degree as I was as a high school drop out. The additional value I bring through training and experience were through my efforts and choices. My community can choose not to value what I have to offer, in which case I can choose to find another community or identify different talents to bring to the table. However, that doesn't make me any less valuable if my community doesn't need a particular set of skills at a particular time.

    I've thought more about this. Anybody can be happy. You have to make a commitment to the best of yourself to be valued.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    I believe you should be happy for what do you and who you have become or else you aren't being yourself truly but being someone who you know will be liked by others. I am happy the way I am and if people don't like how I am, I don't mind at all. You cannot be liked by everyone anyway :smile:. The right people will appreciate you for who you really are! Also there are people who cannot be alone because they always need to feel "loved" and "appreciated". You have to foremost love yourself and be happy with who you are before anything else. It all starts with YOU! :happy: Happiness can be found ANYWHERE. Whether it's by being outside and admiring all the wonders surrounding us or just by being grateful for all those blessings you're blessed with daily. By focusing on the positive of things, you become happier. :heart:

    I loved this^ actually reread it multiple times now.

    At this point I have observed the most convincing arguments being made towards it coming from an attitude of servitude, humility, and being grateful - all things that can come about internally.

    thanks for your thoughts it was articulated very down2earth. :flowerforyou:
  • MsSophySticated
    MsSophySticated Posts: 181 Member
    I loved this^ actually reread it multiple times now.

    At this point I have observed the most convincing arguments being made towards it coming from an attitude of servitude, humility, and being grateful - all things that can come about internally.

    thanks for your thoughts it was articulated very down2earth. :flowerforyou:

    I was actually saying what I really think, thank you for thinking so. Many people don't want to get on someone else's level and help them. Which is a shame, you learn so much from helping others. I know I get happiness when I see what I did made a difference in someone else's life. It's very heartwarming, humbling and such an amazing thing to be able to see someone light up and smile because you did something for them. Those who disagree with this should at least try it out. You can't judge until you've really tried!

    :heart: Don't worry, be happy! :heart:

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