Stubborn wife, advice please?

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Sit down and have a frank, but non confrontational talk about health and nutrition. See if you can get her to agree to eat at home more often. Offer to assist with the shopping, meal planning and cooking. Maybe make compromises and promise to eat out once a week and refrain from making any comments about what she orders on that occasion. Offer to go on family walks, bike rides, hikes, etc. Be friendly, helpful and loving.

SunofaBeach14

Best of luck. You're going to need it.

QueenBishOTUniverse

if you are trying to push them, you are a food nazi

health effort should be an individual choice

If you keep pointing at them, you are probably pissing them off

Somehow, I do not think a 3 year old child is in a position to be able to make individual choices as to what food is healthy or not, lol.

Agree with this. My youngest sister wants to eat nothing but easy mac and chips but, thankfully, my mother doesn't let a child make her own food choices. I would suggest the OP doesn't do that either.

And it's one thing to say 'do food' prep but...the OP isn't talking about his wife cooking, is he? He's talking about her *ordering* chicken strips and the like for their overweight 3 year old. His wife isn't in the kitchen cooking meals and resisting cooking something different at the behest of her tyrant husband, she's at Del Taco getting her kid mini corn dogs.

The biggest thing that makes me uncomfortable with this is anyone other than a medical professional commenting on healthy weight for a three year old. If the doctor says the weight is a problem, fine, otherwise teaching healthy eating choices is great, but leave the three year old's weight out of it.....

sukiwabi

i'm choosing to focus on one line of you OP
" No matter where we go out to eat"

are you guys eating out as a family often enough to become overweight? and at restaurants which serve unhealthy choices? If so, change that. Go different places or get in the kitchen and get cooking some of what you would consider healthy and also kid-friendly.

michaeljacksonfan333

You have every right to make sure your daughter is eating a healthy diet!! It will benefit her if she becomes accustomed to healthy food, and start good habits for her. You don't want her craving unhealthy food because it's what she puts into her body. Your wife should see that eating healthy is important and in the best interest of your daughter.
As for your wife, she will have to make the choice to eat healthy. If you try to tell her to start eating healthy, you may offend her and drive her away.

Mindless_Games

Regarding your wife:
ultimately the decision to eat more healthfully is hers and hers alone. I would highly recommend having a discussion with her and get her views on health, nutrition, and why she resists making changes. I'd ask her to stop name calling . It's disrespectful and doesn't add to the conversation. At the end of the day it's up to her but by discussing it she may reason herself in to being more mindful or you may get a better idea of where she's coming from.

Regarding your daughter:
You are also responsible for her development. When you go out to eat offer to share your meal with her, 3 year olds don't eat a whole lot and restaurant portions are huge any way. Make meals at home and make up healthy snack packs for her. Go for walks after dinner.

jofjltncb6

I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!

Here's my constructive advice:



As for the bolded parts,

1. Stop making comments about your wife's food choices, you sound like a food nazi.

2. Worry about yourself

3. Since you're the daddy??? Seriously, not gonna go there but being the "daddy", if you don't like the food choices your kids have, quit b*tching and do some meal prep yourself.

Again, if you don't like the food your family is choosing to eat, step up and take over meal preps for a month.

^Based on your response, I take it the OP's question struck a nerve with you. Shut up and deal with your ****. Your 3rd response was in NO WAY "constructive advice".

Okay...

...now I'm in.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!

Here's my constructive advice:



As for the bolded parts,

1. Stop making comments about your wife's food choices, you sound like a food nazi.

2. Worry about yourself

3. Since you're the daddy??? Seriously, not gonna go there but being the "daddy", if you don't like the food choices your kids have, quit b*tching and do some meal prep yourself.

Again, if you don't like the food your family is choosing to eat, step up and take over meal preps for a month.

^Based on your response, I take it the OP's question struck a nerve with you. Shut up and deal with your ****. Your 3rd response was in NO WAY "constructive advice".

It's the elusive constructive advice police.

SunofaBeach14

I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!

Here's my constructive advice:



As for the bolded parts,

1. Stop making comments about your wife's food choices, you sound like a food nazi.

2. Worry about yourself

3. Since you're the daddy??? Seriously, not gonna go there but being the "daddy", if you don't like the food choices your kids have, quit b*tching and do some meal prep yourself.

Again, if you don't like the food your family is choosing to eat, step up and take over meal preps for a month.

^Based on your response, I take it the OP's question struck a nerve with you. Shut up and deal with your ****. Your 3rd response was in NO WAY "constructive advice".

It's the elusive constructive advice police.

Silveya

I would recommend completely ignoring your wife's food choices at this time. Don't even sigh or make a face when she picks up that burrito! *smiles* instead i would recommend thoroughly enjoying your own food. Allow her to see and notice how happy you are when eating and while your doing your exercises. Basically, let her see that it can be fun. If it's fun and no pressure. She might decide to try it on her own.

With your daughter's health. Before you begin a large debate about good health choices for your child, maybe speak with her physician. At 3 years old a child can go through sudden growth spurts and as long as she has all the right nutrients a little extra in storage might not be so horrible. I'd ask a professional for advice about healthy eating habits for kids her age. Then you'll know if you need to worry.

SonicDeathMonkey80

I would consult one of her trusted girlfriends for advice on her eating habits. They might be able to provide insight and support for you.

Galatea_Stone

Get your daughter outside for exercise. Do it with or without your wife. The more she's outside playing, the less likely she is to be overweight. As for eating out at restaurants, pick places that do have decent choices for kids. A lot of places have grilled chicken and broccoli on kid's menus.

Man up and assert your equality when it comes to raising your kid. Don't leave all the decisions to your wife if it bothers you so much.

gypsy_spirit

I would consult one of her trusted girlfriends for advice on her eating habits. They might be able to provide insight and support for you.

I like you Sonic - but going behind a wife's back to discuss her eating habits is a recipe for disaster. Whatever insight and support he might see will be obliterated by torching the trust between husband and wife. Plus, if they are close girlfriends - they're going to tell her - oh, they're going to tell her, for sure


ETA: Sorry Monkey - My sarcasm filter was malfunctioning. ♥♥.

Ketsiat

Since the community knows very little about the actual details of your situation that would matter (wife and daughter's age, weight, daily routine's, medical history, family dynamics, etc.), there's not much anyone can do but give basic advice such as the ones found here. With that said, I do sense a tone that might make an overweight partner resist your "help." Without knowing what the two of you were like before you had a child, I'm guessing when both of you were overweight your wife didn't feel judged or looked down upon (where being overweight for a woman that is an ever-present issue). Now that you've lost all your weight you might have joined all the other judges out there. She might be resisting you and taking her daughter with her where "people love and accept you no matter what you look like." It is a sensitive issue. Right now any advice coming for you might seem like a veiled or not so veiled judgment. Maybe you do need to ask yourself some pointed questions about your family now that you've lost the weight. Of course you want them to be healthy but that's NOT necessarily saying what you want is to live a more active lifestyle with your life partner and child. Your tone either tells your wife that you envision bike rides, canoeing and camping in Yellowstone, or it tells her "I'm a little ashamed to be seen with you." The former might encourage her, the latter? No good. See how you feel and try to think of whether you are sending the wrong message about your wishes for your family. Know what motivated me to get back on the wagon? My little sister said, one afternoon, let's rent a couple bikes and go for a ride (not for any other reason but that it would be fun). One afternoon of fun gave me the bug and the rest just fell into place.

Sharon_C

It's your responsibility to teach your daughter healthy choices now--not when she's 13 and overweight. If you're eating out, ask for fruit as a side instead of fries. Most places do have fruit. Or some sort of vegetable.

I would leave your wife's weight and food choices out of it and concentrate on your daughter. Your wife is going to have to make the choice herself.

CarolinaGirlinVA

When my 11yo was little, he used to get mad that most restaurants did not have salad on the kids menu. He did not like the fried options, so I would ask for an extra plate and share my meal with him. Now that he is older, he orders from the regular menu. Not sure if it would work in your situation, but it's a thought.

bajoyba

Well, yeah, you do kind of sound like a food nazi.

I'm going to echo what pretty much everyone else has said. As far as your wife is concerned, she has to want to change her eating habits or it's never going to happen. And if it were me in her shoes, having someone constantly express their disapproval of my food choices would only make me stick to my guns that much more. A few years ago, when I was much larger than I am now, I ordered french fries at Steak N' Shake, and my grandma asked me, with a very critical tone, if I was going to eat ALL of those french fries. I ate all of them with a smile on my face just to prove a point. And as a smaller version of myself, I would probably do the exact same thing, because I really don't like food-shaming (or any other kind of shaming).

In your daughter's case, I do agree that you should have an equal say in what her diet consists of. However, I'm really not a fan of putting kids on diets unless it's medically necessary and a dietitian gives specific instructions. Your daughter should have access to a balanced diet and plenty of physical activity, but I think it's important to make these things part of a normal daily routine (i.e. "healthy" veggie and fruit snacks and time to play outside). Children shouldn't have to worry about what they weigh or if they're exercising enough. If she's eating a balanced diet overall, having mac and cheese or chicken strips when you go out to dinner shouldn't be a big deal.

The thing that bothers me the most (aside from calling out your wife like that) is your attitude about food. I lost 79 pounds eating pizza and burritos (among other things), and I'm definitely the healthiest I've ever been. Your emphasis should be less about which foods are "garbage" and more about your family eating a balanced diet overall. Maybe you're kinder to your wife in person that your post reflects, but attitude goes a LONG way in our relationships with people. The bottom line is, you can't make someone do what they don't want to do, but maybe your wife is being so "stubborn" because she hears your attitude louder than she hears your message.

Flab2Fab27

I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!

Here's my constructive advice:



As for the bolded parts,

1. Stop making comments about your wife's food choices, you sound like a food nazi.

2. Worry about yourself

3. Since you're the daddy??? Seriously, not gonna go there but being the "daddy", if you don't like the food choices your kids have, quit b*tching and do some meal prep yourself.

Again, if you don't like the food your family is choosing to eat, step up and take over meal preps for a month.

^Based on your response, I take it the OP's question struck a nerve with you. Shut up and deal with your ****. Your 3rd response was in NO WAY "constructive advice".

And in no way could "constructive advice" be considered subjective...

KlaMorgan

Trying to improve eating habits to keep your family healthy is hardly being a food nazi.

Try making the healthier dinners look more appetizing / kid friendly for your daughter.

Just by typing " kid friendly food " into google… tons of ideas come up.

SherryTeach

I think that you should take over all of the meal planning and cooking. And attend your daughter's next routine checkup so that you can ask the pediatrician about the things that are worrying you.