Stubborn wife, advice please?

RodaRose

These posts about couples are only 10% about the food and 90% about the marriage.

This is one of those problems that can be solved by throwing money and time at it.

1 Hire someone to clean the house once or twice a week.
2 Spend more money on baby sitters/day care so that your wife will have more time for herself and for you.
3 Start doing more around the house. Whatever you think you are doing now--- do more. Even if you feel
that you are already doing the lion's share, do more.

Your life will improve ten fold and these things you wrote about in your OP will resolve because
your wife will feel happier with you, the marriage, and herself. Your child will benefit enormously from the
change in dynamics.

TavistockToad

I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!

you cant control what your wife eats or how overweight she is, thats all her, but you certainly have a say in your three year old daughter... grow a pair and tell your wife to stop feeding your kid crap.

cincysweetheart

You can't do anything about your wife. Leave it alone. If you are harping on her food choices, then it's no wonder she's considering you a "food nazi."

As for your daughter… that's a different story. As a parent, you have a responsibility there. Try cooking some of the meals yourself to give your daughter some healthier food. Also, encourage your daughter to be active. I get she's only three right now… but invite her (and your wife too, of course) to do active things with you. Bike riding, tennis (let her be the official ball getter), jumping on a trampoline… Something that gets her out and moving. It can only help.

Francl27

Stop eating out, to start with. Or do it less often. My kids eat 'garbage' when we go out too, but it's maybe twice a month, so it's not a huge deal.

Then do more of the meal prep at home for your daughter. Or go to the next pediatrician appointment with your wife and talk about your concerns there.

melindafritz1976

LEave her alone
She has to want to do it on her own

skinnyinnotime

if you are trying to push them, you are a food nazi

health effort should be an individual choice

If you keep pointing at them, you are probably pissing them off

The wife, yeah. The kid, no. He has a responsibility to his child to ensure she has a healthy diet.

No way would I sit back and let my husband give me kids constant junk that is making them overweight!!

You wife is out of order for allowing the child to eat rubbish under the excuse of being a 'food nazi'.

_lyndseybrooke_

Gotta love when people get skinny and then try to make pronouncements on other people's eating habits. You do sound like a bit of a food nazi, to be honest.

You can't tell your wife what to eat and what not to eat. She's an adult and she can make her own decisions. Leave her be. You do, however, have a say in what your daughter eats, but it's important to not be too uptight. There's no reason your kid can't have chicken strips at a restaurant. Unless you eat out every single night, it's not a big deal. If your daughter is overweight, then her habits should be addressed, but for God's sake don't put the little girl on a diet. Prepare meals at home for her, pack her lunch yourself, do what you can to monitor how often she snacks and what she snacks on.

Luckily my husband and I both feel pretty much the same way about food. We like the same stuff, we don't believe it clean eating or raw/paleo/gluten-free garbage. We eat real food that we enjoy and our kids will do the same. It's not about what you eat, it's how much you eat regarding weight control. Mommy and daddy control the amount of food on their kids' plates. That's not to say our kids will be eating frozen chicken nuggets and tater tots every night - definitely not - but they don't have to eat a salad for dinner unless they absolutely want to.

Kikilia1984

How does dinner happen at home? Can you take over somehow making dinners? Maybe then you can make some healthy yet ridiculously great tasting meals as an introduction to a healthy lifestyle? I think many fear that healthy eating is bland...

1_Ton_Lady

You have no right to push your wife to eat healthier but you have every right and responsibility to see that your daughter eats healthier. What she eats now will form her food opinion in later years.

You might try taking the initiative at nights you eat at home and cook dinner for the family. Instead of pushing it as healthier just serve it as something 'new' to try. Good luck!

This.

1_Ton_Lady

Do you help with the meal planning and cooking for your daughter? Maybe your wife wouldn't mind having that task taken off her plate. I certainly would be thrilled if my husband did that. Do you take your daughter to do active things - go to the park, ride bikes, etc.

As for the wife, there's nothing you can do other than model healthy behaviors. She needs to want it for herself.

And this.

seltzermint555

Well, there is nothing you can do about your wife's eating. She is a grown adult and can do whatever she wants, you have no control over that...

The debate comes regarding your child, that is your responsibility and obligation. Your wife obviously has no clue about the seriousness of obesity, the physical and mental challenges your child will go through in her future. Maybe if she is not willing to do it for herself, she will at least do it for your daughter?

Maybe educate your wife, and definately educate your daughter, take her out for exercise-type activities? Hiking, walks, soccer? Maybe she would like to dance? go into a sport?

I like this advice.

tracydr

You probably can't change your wife but I would insist that you both change your daughter's diet. She's your daughter, too and you have a right to input into how she's raised.
Your wife may or may not change. Do you do the cooking at home? If you start cooking that could help.
For restaurant food, could your daughter just split a meal with you? Or, instead of using the kid's menu order a side or two for her. Those portion sizes on the kid's menu are usually pretty huge. Our kids need to learn portion control and healthy choices at a very young age.
My husband's kids were affected by this very issue. Their mother had 2-4 liters of soda per day, totally unhealthy eating and weighed around 300 lbs when they divorced. The kids grew up eating like mom, since my husband had to travel a lot. Now they are all overweight and two are very obese, around 100-150 lbs overweight. They have the worst eating habits I've ever seen. In contrast, my husband is very aware of portion sizes and calories, although he could improve some of his choices a bit. He is at a nearly perfect weight and has fairly low body fat percentage.

Meerataila

You have no right to push your wife to eat healthier but you have every right and responsibility to see that your daughter eats healthier. What she eats now will form her food opinion in later years.

You might try taking the initiative at nights you eat at home and cook dinner for the family. Instead of pushing it as healthier just serve it as something 'new' to try. Good luck!

Good advice right here. And if you are out to eat with them, how about you get a meal and share it with your daughter to keep her away from the kid's menu? Or get her an adult meal and split it in half and take some home for later?

Kotuliak

PS if my husband had a post like this, it would give me serious pause.

I know how you feel - if my wife wrote a post like yours, it would also give me a serious pause.

cebreisch

I haven't read the other responses...but thought I'd throw my hat into the ring.

You're right that there aren't a lot of healthy kids meals choices out there. AND As a husband, you have every right to be concerned about what your wife and daughter are eating.

I don't know about your wife's history, but my family was brutal regarding my weight. So much so that my husband saw what it did to me emotionally, and he had a hard time bringing it up because just as he'd be getting ready to broach the subject with me, my family would "jump all over me" about my weight.

I suggest that she knows she should be eating better, and is having a hard time. She's likely tried to lose weight before, and had little or no success, and/or whatever she did lose came back on plus more. It probably doesn't matter how well intentioned you are, or that I'm sure you're trying to approach her in the nicest possible way - if she isn't ready to go there, then you can't push her into it. My dad was a horse trainer. He said the horse had to be a willing participant. Not trying to suggest your wife is a horse, but if she isn't willing to put forth the effort to lose weight, then you're fighting a losing battle.

I know that I was logging on MFP and losing weight for about 8 months before my husband decided to join in. It was long enough that he saw me being successful in the changes I was making. Hopefully, she'll follow suit.

In the meantime, you can start trying to order for your daughter. I have two daughters, and my husband and I have started making chili and spaghetti with ground turkey, and use whole grain pasta. We try to order grilled chicken more than fried chicken. We have started telling them that they need to have a "healthy snack" before they have something that's not very healthy. By "Healthy snack" we're talking about yogurt, cheese, peanuts, peanut butter, peanut butter and pretzels.....something that's going to have some protein in it. That will hopefully start making you feel fuller so that whatever carbs you have won't be so much.

Our kids really like Fazoli's - which has the breadsticks. We tell our kids they need to eat more spaghetti than breadsticks....and they're starting to have more and more of the breadsticks left over. If we see they're having too much on the breadsticks, we'll say, "how about having more of that spaghetti before you have any more of the breadsticks?" If they ask why, I tell them that the breadsticks will fill them up but isn't as healthy for them as the spaghetti. My 7 year old is going to be a dietician - I'm convinced! Now she's always talking about eating healthy and having healthy snacks.

The rotissary chickens from the stores are better for you than the fried chicken's, and our kids love it. We also will go to a barbecue place and get pulled chicken, green beans and mac-n-cheese. Best thing you can do is to try to keep putting healthier choices in front of them. They need to realize that healthy food can taste good too - it doesn't always have to mean rabbit food.

I'll quit rambling now....

For what it's worth....and good luck!

cropaway

just be the best person you can be. Encourage your daughter by taking her shopping and cooking a healthy meal together. I have on occasion sat with my children and added up our calorie intake and sugar intake for the day to show them about being healthy. we read labels together. As for your wife- just compliment her- make her feel good. If she sees u being healthy- and acting loving and kind- she may want that for herself. Also, make your home a safe place- try to limit the garbage in the house and eat it when going out- but limit the going out. Good luck!

KiaraOwens57

I am also stubborn, so here's advice coming from another stubborn female..
You have to make her WANT to eat healthy for herself. That means you're going to have to do a little manipulation lol
Instead of "don't eat that, you're going to gain weight" Be like "sweetie, if you lose 3 pounds this week, i'll get your nails done, i'll even buy the healthy groceries to assist you" or something that doesn't make you seem like a food Nazi. And as for the child, Same thing. I know rewards personally make me do better. And even something like "I want to spend more time with you, workout with me sometimes, I think you'd look cute in some tights and a ponytail" . (It doesn't have to be exactly that) If you try to feed a little boy some vegetables he won't take them, but if you say "it'll make you the tallest, and strongest boy in the class" he will.

canadjineh

Forget about the wife - she is responsible for herself. Child, though, is different altogether. Even if the daughter is not presently overweight due to eating this way she still needs to learn to make good food choices to grow strong and healthy later. If you are out for dinner together when all this happens, just feed your daughter things from your plate. "Try this sweetie, it's daddy's favorite veggie or fruit," whatever. Then she will get to know that healthy things are yummy too. And at least she will be getting some vitamins in.

fooninie

I have kids, they love to whine about healthy foods. I win some, I lose many food battles for the sake of my own sanity. What we do as a collective, is be active. We are outside, running around, playing and climbing and being active. I bring healthy snacks, when they are hungry, they will eat what I have to offer or not eat (they will eventually eat). My kids enjoy all foods in relative moderation (I can be weak some days), both of them are healthy, active and strong. "Be the change" since you are already in that direction, less talkie-talkie...more doing.

And for your wife, nothing to comment on except she can't be forced, so simmer down.

sizzle74

You have no right to push your wife to eat healthier but you have every right and responsibility to see that your daughter eats healthier. What she eats now will form her food opinion in later years.

You might try taking the initiative at nights you eat at home and cook dinner for the family. Instead of pushing it as healthier just serve it as something 'new' to try. Good luck!

This!