Stubborn wife, advice please?

MizTerry

Man up!

You can always offer to cook if you really want to see a change.

VeryKatie

Where did the OP go?

jetrok

BUMP

jofjltncb6

Has anyone offered JBU as a solution yet?

Elaicea73

You just made the change (a year ago) after how many decades? Suddenly you expect your wife to follow you on your new life path? On the topic of your daughter, you and your wife need to get on the same page or this is going to be pretty unhealthy (and I'm not talking about food) for your impressionable little one.

I read through waiting for someone to say this. I know it probably hurts you to see them eating things that you find less healthy, and that's a good emotion for a husband/father to feel. BUT... imagine if 6 months before you decided to make that life change, someone you loved had continually pushed their lifestyle on you. And not only pushed it on you, but berated you while pushing .. You obviously were not ready 6 months before your decision or you would have started then?... And had someone done it to you, you'd have become defensive and felt guilty and all the other feelings that go along with being overweight, just as she is doing now. And you being her husband makes it 1000 times worse. It's not wrong to want your wife and child to be healthy and feel better. It shows you care. But take it from someone who, "in your nonmedical opinion", is super massively overweight, even if she's not saying it, you are tearing down her self esteem like nobody else can. You're her husband, the person who is supposed to love her through everything and think she's beautiful and perfect even on her worst day. Build her up, tell her how beautiful she is, ask her nicely to join in on your activities... if she says no, be fine with it... be supportive... and maybe one day she will... but don't belittle her... you're only pushing her away from a healthier lifestyle... and inevitably, away from you. Good luck, I know it's a hard situation.

jenilla1

if you are trying to push them, you are a food nazi

health effort should be an individual choice

If you keep pointing at them, you are probably pissing them off

Somehow, I do not think a 3 year old child is in a position to be able to make individual choices as to what food is healthy or not, lol.

:drinker:

brower47

Has anyone offered JBU as a solution yet?

Just buck up?

jofjltncb6

Has anyone offered JBU as a solution yet?

Just buck up?

Justify, Barter, Understand.

It's a three-step program for solutions to marital problems.

First step is to justify your behavior. You should do this with your spouse, but it's recommended that you test your justification on total internet strangers first.

Second step is to barter. Offer to trade her/him something she/he wants in return for the behavior you want them to change.

Third step is to understand.. To be understood, you must first understand. So do that first. Well, I mean, third. You know what I mean.

Anyhow, JBU.

SunofaBeach14

Where did the OP go?

Hiding under the coffee table if he has any sense of self preservation

brower47

Has anyone offered JBU as a solution yet?

Just buck up?

Justify, Barter, Understand.

It's a three-step program for solutions to marital problems.

First step is to justify your behavior. You should do this with your spouse, but it's recommended that you test your justification on total internet strangers first.

Second step is to barter. Offer to trade her/him something she/he wants in return for the behavior you want them to change.

Third step is to understand.. To be understood, you must first understand. So do that first. Well, I mean, third. You know what I mean.

Anyhow, JBU.

Fascinating.

sims2013

i can relate. i have this same problem with my husband. i am so jealouse of those wives that have their husbands working out with the. My hubby is 6'1 and he weights 220, hes not fat, so he doesnt feel the need to workout. i have lost 63 lbs in the past 6 months. i have conpletley changed my lifestyle. im doing my weight loss so we can have healthy babies. 6 more lbs to go then i have reached my pre pregnancy goal weight. i know this might sound crazy. but i will not be huge during pregnancy. and after baby i am determined to be just as dedicated as i am now. if not more. but my husband doesnt like going to the gym he says its boring and he would rather be playing video games!
it is very frustrating to watch him eat foods that i once loved and can not stand to eat now!

jayvan9

Thank you all for the advice and butt-kicking. I was in a rotten mood when I posted it, so I apologize if I came off sounding like an unkind person toward my wife. I will take all of your helpful advice and try to work constructively with my wife to create a healthy eating environment for my daughter, when we eat at home and at restaurants. This morning we discussed how most kid's menus are filled with not-so-great options, and perhaps we should just share our food with her. I will note that my wife is an excellent cook, and goes out of her way to make healthy meals at home. It's just when we eat out that I see problems. I will also try to encourage the whole family to be more active, as long as we can keep it fun. More dancing, less sitting around, etc. If I have serious concerns about my daughter's health I will talk to her pediatrician. Thanks again.

amychantel

.

WinoGelato

Thank you all for the advice and butt-kicking. I was in a rotten mood when I posted it, so I apologize if I came off sounding like an unkind person toward my wife. I will take all of your helpful advice and try to work constructively with my wife to create a healthy eating environment for my daughter, when we eat at home and at restaurants. This morning we discussed how most kid's menus are filled with not-so-great options, and perhaps we should just share our food with her. I will note that my wife is an excellent cook, and goes out of her way to make healthy meals at home. It's just when we eat out that I see problems. I will also try to encourage the whole family to be more active, as long as we can keep it fun. More dancing, less sitting around, etc. If I have serious concerns about my daughter's health I will talk to her pediatrician. Thanks again.

kbmnurse

Leave her be. She needs to have her own Ah-ha moment. As far as your dtr is concerned open your mouth and discuss the issue with your spouse.

gyoza_pussy

My advice is to go out to dinner less and cook your daughter healthy meals. Make the focus on nutrition and dot talk about weight around her. Most of all, don't ever tell her you think she is overweight. Besides, a kid that young will probably lose some of the baby fat when she has another growth spurt.

As for your wife, you can't make her diet/exercise and bringing it up to her will only make it worse. You've already made it clear to her that you want her to lose weight and feeling guilty will not motivate her. It will just make her feel hopeless. I don't even know what you can do at this point other than get over it.

mockchoc

If your wife cooks healthy meals at home then I think when you go out let them have what they want just don't go out too often. Sorted.

chadya07

my son and i read a book called FOOD RULES! that was awesome, although may be for older kids than her. and i often get other fun books about the science of nutrition. we made mistakes with his eating habits as a baby and toddler and still are dealing with the affects. this is helping. i agree you should be concerned with what your child is eating. you can start helping her understand what her food choices do for her body. like... these vegetables are great for your hair and also help your eyes see the beautiful things around you.... you can help your child by as people suggested, cook more. go out less. but also by sitting down and teaching her young about the WHY. and i dont mean "so you dont get fat" or "so you look better" but... this is what food is, this is what it does. and this is how your choices fuel your body machine.

you cant make your wife do anything. if i remember correctly, whenever my husband pushed me to change i just pushed back. nobody tells me what to do. it is counterproductive. when i was young my mom used the wrong tactics pushing me to diet diet diet so i wouldnt be UGLY or FAT. when what they should have been teaching was nutrition not diets.

thebigcb

So it was ok for your wife to eat as she does when you did the same, but it aint fair now

And if you dont want your kids eating **** food when they go out, cook them dinner at home

candistyx

I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!

she doesn't like being told what to do, telling her what to do will make things worse.

Instead of telling her anything you could try changing her environment, it's very important it doesn't come over like you are doing it to change her behaviour, she will cotton on and it will feel like being told what to do, instead make the changes appear natural in terms of what you want for you not for her. So if you are together somewhere and need to go out to eat ask if for a treat you can go to <insert healthy restaurant>. When you're watching the TV get really excited about watching a show about the latest dietary science (there seems to be a lot of these on these days). If you read something interesting, tell her, but tell her because you find it interesting not in a naggy way. Pick healthy activities to do together outdoors like hiking or camping.

The second she shows any interest in the tiniest of changes get excited in a "I'm so glad we can share this one thing" kind of way and not a "finally you're getting it" way and definitely don't act like it's not enough. The better she feels about changing one thing the more open she will become to on her own making other changes.