Make my roommate get a life!

13

Replies

  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    I'm waiting for the "Make my roommate stop bringing her friends over all of the time" thread to pop up.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    Marijuana cigarettes.

    giphy.gif
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    I'm waiting for the "Make my roommate stop bringing her friends over all of the time" thread to pop up.

    I wish my roommate, sometimes called "my wife", would bring over her lady friends for a hot tub and pillow fight party. :laugh:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,026 Member
    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
    The roommate is male... and your a female...

    :huh:

    LOLwut?
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
    OP if your roommate pays his share of the expenses/rent, and he helps clean up... well, you have it better than a lot of other people with roommates. Pull up dem britches and talk to him about infringing on your time with your friends. You're a grown up now.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    He sounds like an introvert. As an introvert who also struggled through college, involve that poor guy in your activities and stop treating him like an outcast. Maybe get to know him better - you might find yourself with an additional friend.

    He already was my friend, that's why we decided to be roommates... also I involve him in some of my activities, but I can't be around someone and in a conversation with them every time I leave my bedroom.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    If you don't want to share your friends or your living room with your roomate, then you should probably not have a roomate.

    I do want to share, just not every single time I want to watch a show or have a friend over. Most of the time it's fine, but this is ALWAYS.
  • DebraYvonne
    DebraYvonne Posts: 632 Member
    I have to tell my adult children (both of whom I am trying to ease out) to make the living room MINE when I have company over. It ain't easy but I just had to tell them. Sometimes it IS fine and sometimes it is not so I do not dance around my need for privacy. They are 25 and 20. :wink:
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    I'm thinking you're just going to have to confront him and tell him what you want. I'm an introvert also and if I was paying half the rent I would expect to be able to use the living room whenever I need. If you plan on having friends over just tell him in a friendly way that you need your private girl time and to see if he could give you the space for awhile.

    I agree with this.

    And to be honest, the subject line actually bothers me. Your roommate does have a life and he chooses to spend his time at home. What's so wrong with that? Just because he's probably not as outgoing as you are, that doesn't mean something is wrong with him. He's just a homebody.

    He's not just a homebody though he always complains that he needs a hobby and never does anything about it. He is clearly social when I have friends over or comes along when I walk down the street to my friend's house, but would rather follow my friends and I around the apartment joining in the convo ALWAYS then let me have 10 minutes alone with anyone.
    That's my frustration.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    She does not have the right to the livingroom 50% of the time. They both have the right 100% of the time. Just because she invites people over does not mean he has to corral himself in his bedroom.

    I know that but once in a while, not 50 percent but ONE HOUR A WEEK, TOPS, I would like to sit in the living room in the apartment I pay half the rent for and watch a show that I pay half the bills for that doesn't need to be mutually agreed upon. ONE HOUR A WEEK. I'm not making unreasonable demands.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I have to tell my adult children (both of whom I am trying to ease out) to make the living room MINE when I have company over. It ain't easy but I just had to tell them. Sometimes it IS fine and sometimes it is not so I do not dance around my need for privacy. They are 25 and 20. :wink:
    They are also your children, not your roommates.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    Implement GIRLS NIGHT once in a while and tell him you really need some female bonding time to talk about periods and ****... He should get the point. But you also have to look at it like this... If the dude is paying bills the place is kind of his too and he doesn't have to leave...

    I'm not asking hihm to leave, or even let me have space a lot, just for a couple hours once in a while. I NEVER get 5 minutes alone unless I'm in my bedroom or the bathroom.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    If he's your friend sit down and talk to him about it. You are adults. I trust you can have normal conversations without hurting feelings.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    She does not have the right to the livingroom 50% of the time. They both have the right 100% of the time. Just because she invites people over does not mean he has to corral himself in his bedroom.

    I know that but once in a while, not 50 percent but ONE HOUR A WEEK, TOPS, I would like to sit in the living room in the apartment I pay half the rent for and watch a show that I pay half the bills for that doesn't need to be mutually agreed upon. ONE HOUR A WEEK. I'm not making unreasonable demands.

    That is the downfall of having a roommate.

    Netflix?
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    If you have never actually told him you'd like him to go elsewhere when you have friends over then do you expect him to be a mind-reader? You gotta say it straight, if he gives you crap then start shopping for a new roommate, if he agrees and sees your opinion then you should be just fine since he sounds like he would work with you and not be an *kitten*.

    This whole post is because I need advice to either help him along on his search for hobbies or find a way to tell him I need some time in the shared space as well. Apparently I did not express that well.
  • ksy1969
    ksy1969 Posts: 700 Member
    Or, put a TV in your bedroom :bigsmile:
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    If you have never actually told him you'd like him to go elsewhere when you have friends over then do you expect him to be a mind-reader? You gotta say it straight, if he gives you crap then start shopping for a new roommate, if he agrees and sees your opinion then you should be just fine since he sounds like he would work with you and not be an *kitten*.

    This whole post is because I need advice to either help him along on his search for hobbies or find a way to tell him I need some time in the shared space as well. Apparently I did not express that well.

    The way you expressed yourself made half the people who read your OP feel bad for him and look down on you.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    As an introvert I understand completely how he feels. Sounds like you two are not a good fit as roommates. I would normally advise you to just talk to him about a schedule that allows you each to use the space alone at different times, but in your case you just need a different roommate.

    A different roommate or to live alone. OP needs a close female friend to live with her.

    From personal experience, living with close friends is a TERRIBLE idea... at least for girls. I have yet to meet friends who ended a living together with a better, or even as strong relationship, as they had before living together.

    Yup, just have to chime in that I've only had one female roommate (out of six) that I'm not still friends with and that's because it turned out that she was a manipulative, compulsive lying beyotch - so, just as well. LOL! I'm also the type of person who likes to lay out all expectations from the start so I think that helps. Who does what for cooking, cleaning, how are bills split, etc.

    OP, I agree, if he pays half the rent, he has every right to hang out in his own living room. However, I agree that it wouldn't hurt to ask if he wouldn't mind you having a girls night every couple months. Make sure you check with him before setting those dates and also realize he has every right to refuse the idea.

    If you want a place where you don't have to share space, get your own apartment.

    Also, thanks to all of you for defending introverts!!

    edited because more details and geebus I can't spell today!

    An introvert is defined as someone who gains energy from being alone and expends a lot from being around people. I one hundred percent align myself with introvert. I love alone time, and I don't mind spending a good chunk of time alone in my room, but every once in a while, when I do have friends over, I would like a little space. Like if I'm in the dining room, don't follow me. If we want to watch a show, just let us be. Just once, not always or often.
  • ksy1969
    ksy1969 Posts: 700 Member
    If you have never actually told him you'd like him to go elsewhere when you have friends over then do you expect him to be a mind-reader? You gotta say it straight, if he gives you crap then start shopping for a new roommate, if he agrees and sees your opinion then you should be just fine since he sounds like he would work with you and not be an *kitten*.

    This whole post is because I need advice to either help him along on his search for hobbies or find a way to tell him I need some time in the shared space as well. Apparently I did not express that well.

    He pays half the rent and utilities. Your only "you" space is your bedroom and the bathroom when you are using it. If you don't like that then you need to live on your own. Also, you might not want to get married :laugh:
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    If you have never actually told him you'd like him to go elsewhere when you have friends over then do you expect him to be a mind-reader? You gotta say it straight, if he gives you crap then start shopping for a new roommate, if he agrees and sees your opinion then you should be just fine since he sounds like he would work with you and not be an *kitten*.

    This whole post is because I need advice to either help him along on his search for hobbies or find a way to tell him I need some time in the shared space as well. Apparently I did not express that well.

    The way you expressed yourself made half the people who read your OP feel bad for him and look down on you.

    Well clearly then I didn't express it right, but I didn't mean it the way it keeps getting taken. I just think that I should be able to have some time watching the living room tv or not being followed room to room every now and again. That's really it. I just don't know how to get him to persue hobbies that he keeps saying he wants to or have this talk with him.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    It seems that you have gained absolutely nothing here.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    If you have never actually told him you'd like him to go elsewhere when you have friends over then do you expect him to be a mind-reader? You gotta say it straight, if he gives you crap then start shopping for a new roommate, if he agrees and sees your opinion then you should be just fine since he sounds like he would work with you and not be an *kitten*.

    This whole post is because I need advice to either help him along on his search for hobbies or find a way to tell him I need some time in the shared space as well. Apparently I did not express that well.

    The way you expressed yourself made half the people who read your OP feel bad for him and look down on you.

    Well clearly then I didn't express it right, but I didn't mean it the way it keeps getting taken. I just think that I should be able to have some time watching the living room tv or not being followed room to room every now and again. That's really it. I just don't know how to get him to persue hobbies that he keeps saying he wants to or have this talk with him.

    Shared space is shared space, sorry. But perhaps bring up that you want so much time
    per week to watch what you want to watch. If he does not like that program then he can go find something to do.

    And it is not your place to try to force hobbies on him. Even if he does say he wanta some.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    Gosh, it's not your job to keep him occupied. He has found what he likes to do: stay at home and hang out with you and your friends when you are there.

    You can't change him. You can either change yourself or the way you think about him. That's just the way it is.
  • warriorprincessdi
    warriorprincessdi Posts: 617 Member
    The roommate is male... and your a female...

    :huh:

    God only knows what they were up to in there, and furthermore Susan I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that all four of them habitually smoked marijuana cigarettes..... reefers

    I love youuuu!!!! hahaha
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    You just described my brother. I've been living with him (in a two bedroom apartment) for about a year now, and I've only had the apartment to myself twice. If he is home, he's in fron of a video screen, 90% of the time in the livingroom. If I wanted me time, I had to leave.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    Gosh, it's not your job to keep him occupied. He has found what he likes to do: stay at home and hang out with you and your friends when you are there.

    You can't change him. You can either change yourself or the way you think about him. That's just the way it is.

    He always complains that he needs a hobby and needs to get out and do things but doesn't do them...
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
    After reading this thread I think my cat may need a hobby too. That *kitten* follows me everywhere and he doesn't even pay half the bills.
  • konerusp
    konerusp Posts: 247 Member
    Take him to night clubs and hook him up with a few girls,or other friends,he will soon get a life.

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