How did you know you were marrying the right person?

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Replies

  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    IN
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    I personally don't think there is a "right" person.

    I agree
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  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    We had a long engagement, plus I'd known him since high school. We've been married for 13 years, together for 21. There's never been anyone else for me, he's my one true love.
  • Docmahi
    Docmahi Posts: 1,603 Member
    the unintentional hilarity of this post is outstanding
  • FeraFilia
    FeraFilia Posts: 4,664 Member
    I knew my husband was the one I should marry because he was the first guy I was with that I didn't feel a need to change him in any way... instead of finding some of his habits annoying, I thought they were endearing. I found myself wanting to be a better person, for him, without him asking for it. It was almost painful trying to picture a future without him. And he was also the only guy I was ever completely comfortable around, and not afraid to be myself. He became my best friend in a very short time. And I knew within 3 months of going out with him the first time that I wanted to marry him. I even told my mom "I'm gonna marry this guy, he just doesn't know it yet."

    It helped that we have a lot in common, and almost always have something to talk about... and we can talk for hours, still, after being together for almost 6 years, and married for 3.

    And I love hearing my single friends tell me they want a relationship like we have... makes me feel like a role model. :P
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  • _JustDG_
    _JustDG_ Posts: 1,584
    This thread is more sappy than I expected it to be... :sick:
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    You seem very needy today
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    No younger person getting married ever realized that it is not about the person they are marrying today, but who that person will be in the future. How you handle each others growth and lives will be what decided if you will endure. How you handle it is simply a choice. If you are predisposed to believing you will get bored, you will look at enduring time with that person as boring. If you are always looking around sexual thinking you want something different, you will never be happy with what you have. If all you think about is yourself...don't get married because it should never be that selfish.

    So how do you know it is the right person? Personally it is more about timing, and being in a place you are mature enough to handle those choices that about it being that perfect one that will be everything forever.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    That said, I am going back to bang, pass, flirt and drink with that 8/10 folks.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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  • candistyx
    candistyx Posts: 547 Member
    I knew my fiancee was right for me when I accepted the fact that we are going to grow and change and some days we might not even like each other but we were excited and happy for the adventure of exploring life, pain, pleasure and just plain boredom all, together, instead of alone.

    The other person in a marriage isn't meant to be the fun exciting part (though they might be), life is the exciting bit, the other person is someone to share all the awesome experiences you are going to have with. Because life is better shared.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    I would of waited to get married at least a couple years, if I knew I wouldn't be able to have children. I got married at 19, because my mom was insanely religious and a little bit abuse, so I was petrified she would find out I was having sex, or worse get pregnant out of wedlock! So I quickly married my high school sweetheart. I was in love with him then, always have and always will be, but we've both said if we would of known what we know now we wouldn't have rushed and all.
  • shining_light
    shining_light Posts: 384 Member
    Do you guys have offshore accounts or secret assets?

    We both still have separate bank accounts. I run a business and he has expensive hobbies, so... there's less fighting this way. We keep discussing getting a joint account, but at this point I'm not sure what the point would be exactly.
  • roenutrition
    roenutrition Posts: 26 Member
    Marriage is a challenge that requires patience, compromise and commitment. At times it can be tough. Many treat it like a video game. When they get tired of it they simply quit. Just do us a favor. If you can't make a commitment to anyone for longer than 5 minutes please don't bring a child into the world. Children need a mother and father and commitment.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    Marry the person who makes you a better person, who evens you out and grounds you. Who sees the best in you, even at your worst. Who you want to be with when the **** hits the fan. Someone who has the same core values as you, whether or not you agree on the details. Marry the person who fights fair, who loves you through the bickering, the sleepless nights, the car accidents, the time you did that thing that was totally your fault and ruined the vacation.

    Marry someone you can love through the horrible stuff in life, because you can love nearly anyone in the good times.
  • andrewlamarlindsay
    andrewlamarlindsay Posts: 1
    I doesn't matter if the person you are marrying is the right person or not. You start with commitment and then you work towards that person becoming the right person. (That is, you change so that person is the right person. You don't work to have the other changing.)

    I look at the example set by my friends that had arranged marriages. They are all very happily married. They started with the commitment then changed themselves to love the other.

    I'm old enough and have been married long enough to know this works. 30 years and I can say that it was on our wedding day that I loved my wife the least. :-)
  • clarion_r
    clarion_r Posts: 53 Member
    As everyone else has said, marry your best friend.

    Or don't. There's no need to. I always said I would never get married, never wanted the whole white wedding bleh. It's different for everyone, some people grow up with scrapbooks of dresses and churches and the expectation it's the biggest/best day of their lives. Not everyone is the same or has the same expectations.

    As for secret assets/accounts - to love someone you need to be able to trust someone totally, and vice versa. Trust and respect are just words until you find somone who means a lot to you, then you need to be able to mean them.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I just knew. The first time I got married, I was 18 and doing what I thought I should do with my first serious boyfriend. 4 1/2 years later, we split up, 10 months after that, I met the man that ended up being my best friend and soul mate. Marrying him felt so right. We've been together for 24 years, married for 22 of them and are still best friends. Yes, there are ups and downs, but the ups far outweigh the downs, and we are both happy with each other and plan on spending the rest of our lives together.
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
    The first time I married the wrong guy. He was a good guy, but together we were terrible. It took me 11 years of marriage to figure that out.

    This time, I married my best friend. I don't want to get too sappy, especially because it ends up sounding too much like a cliche, and not enough like the amazing and wonderful relationship that it is. I had no doubts this time around. When it's the right one, you just know.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Do you guys have offshore accounts or secret assets?

    :huh: No. Are you implying a need to hide money from your spouse?

    My dad once said every man should, because you always need a backup plan.

    Trust issues
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  • emcgehee1
    emcgehee1 Posts: 16 Member
    No risk no reward. If they are your best friend, you can't imagine life with out them, you feel at home with them and you are attracted enough to them that you think you will never tire of seeing them then you just take a chance. People change completely over and over again but at the end of the day there is always the possibility it won't work out or it works for a while and then stops working - I've been married to my college sweetheart for 20 years - still works for us!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    No risk no reward. If they are your best friend, you can't imagine life with out them, you feel at home with them and you are attracted enough to them that you think you will never tire of seeing them then you just take a chance. People change completely over and over again but at the end of the day there is always the possibility it won't work out or it works for a while and then stops working - I've been married to my college sweetheart for 20 years - still works for us!

    I married my college sweetheart also (14 years married for us). We have all these shared memories and connections. It keeps us always young together.
  • kellyskitties
    kellyskitties Posts: 475 Member
    I think the best way to tell is to figure out if you are each other's biggest supporters. Do you complain about them to others often? Do they? If they fail or if you do - does the other one take any joy or "told you so" attitude about it? If they make a mistake or if you do - will the other one get on board to help find a way or will they just stand back and watch you struggle with what you deserve?

    You must have each other's backs 100% - and it has to go both ways.

    If you, and they, overall put the other one first - and it is comfortable to do so, it's a good relationship.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    I don't understand the point in getting married, it just gives another person control over your life and someone you have to answer to.
  • DenDweller
    DenDweller Posts: 1,438 Member
    I don't understand the point in getting married, it just gives another person control over your life and someone you have to answer to.

    That's a little warped. I married my wife because I want her influence in my life on a daily basis.

    There is a balance of course. If one of us "influences" the other too strongly, there can be hell to pay. But we're adults with good judgement. We find our way.
  • tlcarolinagirl
    tlcarolinagirl Posts: 1,700 Member
    My divorce will be final in a few weeks, soooo....guess who can't answer this question. It is interesting to read the responses though.

    Where are you Mr. Right? Or even Mr Right now, lol!
  • This43IsNotMe
    This43IsNotMe Posts: 17 Member
    You will just know honey. It's the person that excites you, let's you be you, someone you can see into the future with. There is no reason to rush into things. I went the opposite of most on here. My grandmom alway told me that you have a lot of friends in you life and that you should marry your lover and treat each other as such every day. 15yrs and 2 kids later, i stand by that. There is no control over each other, no seperate accounts. I have my girls nights, he has poker nights with the guys. I think once you find that person, it's important after you are married to remember who you still are as an individual and to marry someone who supports that and once you have kids to remember who you still are as a married couple beyond just the parent stuff and take time for that...like our date night tonight. Margaritas are waiting ;) So there's my mushy two cents for you.

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