Self-Acceptance or Complacency or Just Whining

Serah87

I should have inserted a comma-- I am aware that exercise increases metabolism. However, from what I see on these forums, the majority of those people on here who exercise are unsuccessful in weight loss, because they are consuming too many calories. Why isn't their recommended caloric intake working? It's set too high, that's why. The "ruin metabolism" refers to long slow dieting-- losing one pound, a half-pound, per week for months and months. I never diet for long, and my metabolism remains fast.

The majority of people who exercise are unsuccessful in their weight loss....??

I'm sorry, what forums are you reading? On my FL alone there is a cumulative loss of thousands of pounds that have been lost and maintained. We are runners, lifters, zumba addicts, swimmers, bikers....

You spew nonsense and uneducated BS.

I don't read every thread, and as I do not read the threads about exercise regimes, there are probably many more success stories about people who exercise has helped reach their goal weight, than I was aware of-- that's a good point. Based on the threads I have read, most of the people here using the exercise-more-eat-more weight loss strategy have failed. It must require a very carefully calculated balance of exercise and calories; some folks have it figured out and made it work for them, and others are setting their calories too high and fail. The latter group is more dominant in the threads I click on, because I don't click on threads with titles that include words like "cardio" or "lifting," etc. So I see many more failures than successes.

I am curious about the idea presented by a recent post on this thread stating that pregnancy impacts fat reserves-- I have never been pregnant; does this mean my body chemistry or hormonal balance or metabolism is different from women who have had kids?

Seriously?

SideSteel

OP: Are you using a food scale?

leggup

Hey OP, I have a few ideas for things you can try to bring you closer to your goal (and happier),

Instead of having a cheat meal once a week, have you considered upping your daily calories and forgoing the cheat meal? So, if you eat 1,200 calories Sun-Fri and 2,400 calories on Saturday, that's an average of 1371 calories per day. Instead, you could try eating/netting 1,300 calories a day. You'd have a more substantial deficit and a little more fuel for your workouts. That extra 100 calories could give you enough to get some more protein in, if that's what you're looking for.

Have you tried using a food scale? It can become even more important as you approach your goal weight. This is especially true for calorie dense items that don't do well in measuring cups due to variable density, like shredded cheese, nuts, cereals, etc.

Finally, others have touched on your relationship with your sister. It's so easy to be temped to be in competition. I think you would do well to tell yourself something nice about yourself/body once a day (or way more often than that). You're very hard on yourself.

Best wishes!

AglaeaC

I can't say I spend my whole life thinking about her; we're about 2 hours away from each other and she's great with my mom, who is 83.. However, she was the brighter and more successful one in the family (she got full scholarships to college because of her intelligence, she's a published author, etc.) so it's hard not to compare. When I'm just living my own life, these issues don't arise. She's not "*****y" or anything. I also start feeling insecure if things aren't going well for me; I'm teaching a course right now that's out of my field and it's not working, so all kinds of stuff is coming up for me.

No matter how "mature" we are, sometimes all this stuff still emerges.

OP, you're talking about external things that your sister has accomplished. Success is fine, but what about your heart and her heart? The only thing measured as anything worth noting in my book is what kind of a human being you are. Are you kind? Do you volunteer in your community? Do you perhaps open your home once in a while to friends? Do you smile to the clerk in the grocery store?

Maybe you should make a list of what you are good at? Perhaps some of it doesn't bring in the big money or huge recognition in newspapers (like a published author might receive), but I'm sure you have good stuff going on for yourself, too. Everyone is good at something.

AglaeaC

Hey OP, I have a few ideas for things you can try to bring you closer to your goal (and happier),

Instead of having a cheat meal once a week, have you considered upping your daily calories and forgoing the cheat meal? So, if you eat 1,200 calories Sun-Fri and 2,400 calories on Saturday, that's an average of 1371 calories per day. Instead, you could try eating/netting 1,300 calories a day. You'd have a more substantial deficit and a little more fuel for your workouts. That extra 100 calories could give you enough to get some more protein in, if that's what you're looking for.

Have you tried using a food scale? It can become even more important as you approach your goal weight. This is especially true for calorie dense items that don't do well in measuring cups due to variable density, like shredded cheese, nuts, cereals, etc.

Finally, others have touched on your relationship with your sister. It's so easy to be temped to be in competition. I think you would do well to tell yourself something nice about yourself/body once a day (or way more often than that). You're very hard on yourself.

Best wishes!

This was nicely written. And I agree with all of it.

rosebette

Actually, I do use a food scale. I also have a set of measuring cups that I use for pasta, yogurt, etc.

The cheat meal is my weekly date night with my husband. For him, it's a non-negotiable. Naturally, it's an experience I want to enjoy, and while I don't totally pig out, as you know, it's hard to stay within one's daily limits when eating at a restaurant. My typical cheat meal day takes my daily calories to around 2400.

By the way, he is heavy and not really on-board with my goals. He thinks I look fine as I am; we actually have some control issues going on because he's diabetic, so if he's eating at home, I make sure there's nothing around that will make him stray -- food-wise that is

leggup

Actually, I do use a food scale. I also have a set of measuring cups that I use for pasta, yogurt, etc.

The cheat meal is my weekly date night with my husband. For him, it's a non-negotiable. Naturally, it's an experience I want to enjoy, and while I don't totally pig out, as you know, it's hard to stay within one's daily limits when eating at a restaurant. My typical cheat meal day takes my daily calories to around 2400.

By the way, he is heavy and not really on-board with my goals. He thinks I look fine as I am; we actually have some control issues going on because he's diabetic, so if he's eating at home, I make sure there's nothing around that will make him stray -- food-wise that is

It may be helpful to use the food scale for things like the yoghurt as well. I put a bowl on the scale, zero it out, and scoop in the yoghurt (or, in my case, greek yoghurt jalapeno dip).

It is hard to eat within limits at a restaurant, but it is totally doable, especially for a workout day. Right now I'm netting 1,300 calories a day. I make sure I always have 700-800 calories left for dinner. Sauce on the side, steamed veggies instead of fries.. there are ways to eat out without feeling deprived.

Sounds like the problems with your husbands diet/your support network are causing additional stress. Re: control issues... I don't know what this entails, but it may be causing him resentment/to rail against your goals even more. If he feels your goals negatively affect him, he might be less supportive. Maybe have a heartfelt conversation about how you want X and how you want his support and understanding. Maybe also talk to him about his goals re: diabetes and how you can help him achieve his goals.

rosebette

Oh yeah, there are big-time control issues going on with my husband. He gets a lot more enjoyment out of food than I do and sees me as a killjoy. He knows his goal is to keep his sugar under control and lose weight, but he doesn't want that as badly as he enjoys food. Are we similar maybe since I enjoy that cheat day it seems more than the thought of being 10 lbs. thinner? The main difference is that my 10 lbs. are "vanity" lbs., unless you buy into the CRON philosophy, which is if you aren't a BMI of 20 or less, you are unhealthy, especially if you're over 40, while he has a fairly serious health problem that is food-related. Anyway, he eats out for business at lunch and sometimes at dinner 2-3 times a week obviously not under my watchful eye. In fact, when we go out to dinner, I'm sure he is eating way less and making much better choices than when he goes out with the guys.

I only eat out once a week, on the cheat day. I usually try to "save up" calories for the cheat meal by eating less during the day. However, if he gets home late on that day, it's tough to wait it out. I can make it until 5-6 without anything, but if he's at a baseball game until 7 or 8, I'll have eaten a yogurt or something by 5:00. I'm someone who needs to eat every 3 hours or I feel light headed. During the week that's not a big deal because I don't mind having only 300-400 left for dinner. I just have a protein and a veggie, maybe a 1/2 cup of brown rice if I can afford it.

Even though I don't eat fried food, eating out is still challenging. Even the "low cal" meals at most restaurants are between 500-800 calories. Plus, if you go to a really good place that specializes in certain things, you don't want to say, "I won't eat..." whatever the specialty is and just eat a salad. I guess I have to decide if giving up life's small pleasures is worth it for my goal.

By the way, someone just posted a blog about my thread. Unlike many of the posters here, she thinks I'm just not working hard enough. Maybe she's right, since there is a thread for women 5'3" -5'4" with a goal of 110 lbs. that just got very active. I visited it once, but our friend who hasn't puked in 37 years was there too.

firstsip

Feel free to ignore me, we'll see who ends up fatter, me the one who has avoided exercise for 61 years, or most of y'all that exercise and ruin your metabolism with long slow dieting.

...:huh:

LoupGarouTFTs

Quality of life? Exercise is agony. Is, torture. Suffer tremendously, so that I can live, and suffer, longer?

I agree with you that exercise could have health benefits and possibly prolong life. It absolutely does not improve depression in my case, for it agitates me and makes me hostile. I am told this is adrenaline.

No health benefit, nor increased lifespan, is worth the intense anguish of chest pain/not being able to breathe due to physical exertion. Not to mention the muscle pains. I have experienced agonizing pain from physical exertion my entire life, from as far back as I can recall (age 3.) LONG before I became a vegan; LONG before I EVER dieted.

My only health.problem is anemia/pernicious anemia due to not financially being able to afford nutritious vegan food or vegan supplements. Other than that, I am the healthiest person I know, and here is proof positive (WARNING: graphic TMI !!!!)-- until November 29, 2012, when one of my enemies gave me poisoned coffee, I had not puked since December 25, 1975, when I got food poisoning. That is less than one month shy of 37 years without ever puking. I don't believe many people can attest to a streak like that. Not the folks I know, anyway.

Poster child for vitamin B12 deficiency causing disordered thinking.

brianpperkins

I am curious about the idea presented by a recent post on this thread stating that pregnancy impacts fat reserves-- I have never been pregnant; does this mean my body chemistry or hormonal balance or metabolism is different from women who have had kids?

The part in bold is the only thing from her I've ever enjoyed reading. Her genetics stop with her.

LoupGarouTFTs

I've been at a 2-month plateau. I'm maintaining on a 1200 net (eating back exercise calories). I'm older, 55, short, 5'1.5", and around 120 lbs. About 3 weeks ago, I began on the CRON system, which is calorie restriction for optimal nutrition, that's put me around 1040 net, again still subtracting or eating back exercise calories. Still nothing lost, although the cronometer has made me aware of my micronutrient gaps, so I'm probably eating more nutritiously than I was before. It's been suggested that I would make progress if I stop eating back the exercise calories and stick to a target of 1100 a day, and I see lots of successful folks on this site losing by big deficits and not eating back.. However, I'm finding that if I work out -- strength training for a long time, or do a hard cardio thing like kickboxing, I am famished to the point of light headedness and absolutely have to eat right afterwards, not anything huge, but maybe 4 oz. of yogurt and some fruit or a protein bar. Then, by the end of the day I have maybe 300-400 calories left for dinner if that. I see people on this site who are my size getting down to 110 lbs. or lower, just by not eating back, and I'm beginning to wonder if I am giving in to complacency, not really being committed enough to the goal to give up those few extra calories. Also, I do a cheat day once a week, which I know I would have to give up if I want my goal. Part of me is saying just assume that 1200 + exercise calories is my maintenance and accept my 55-year-old body as it is and enjoy my life. It's a healthy body, fairly fit, but not superlean. And some days, I'm just tired -- tired of sore joints, counting everything, feeling guilty about the cheat day or even eating too much of the wrong oatmeal. The other part is saying I'm not trying hard enough. I'm going on a beach vacation in a couple of weeks with my sister who is 2 inches taller and about 114 lbs. and who complains she is getting heavy. Compared to her I do look like a little pudgelet and she talks about not wanting to be one of those older women who "lets herself go" (like you know who, maybe?) Then some days I think how important is it? Am I supposed to spend an extra hour in the gym when I should be correcting my students' papers, or going to that non-profit meeting I committed to?

I think the time has come for a little self-acceptance. You might not be able to achieve 110 pounds, no matter how hard you work out. On the other hand, some toning and strength training might help you look leaner even if you remain at your "heavier" weight, as others have pointed out.. It's a matter of choosing what you're happy with. If you're unhappy with the way your body looks and feels, then you need to find a way to improve the way you look and feel so that you can accept yourself. (There is always the possibility that you won't be happy no matter what you weigh, but I don't think we need to go down that road yet.) But, as one of my friends pointed out when I *really* wanted that pizza--it's all about our choices and no one can make them for us. I'd go so far as to say that we shouldn't allow anyone to force us into our "choices," either, whether it's our siblings or our spouses. (Full disclosure: I've been divorced twice, so taking relationship advice from me might not be the best idea.)

Anyway, I just want to say that I think you look terrific. I would like to look as good as you do in two years, when I reach 55. best of luck to you!

rosebette

I am curious about the idea presented by a recent post on this thread stating that pregnancy impacts fat reserves-- I have never been pregnant; does this mean my body chemistry or hormonal balance or metabolism is different from women who have had kids?

The part in bold is the only thing from her I've ever enjoyed reading. Her genetics stop with her.

LOL

deksgrl

The number on the scale means nothing. It goes up and it goes down, even when we do everything right, because of hormones, because of glycogen storage, because...... you get the idea. You are not less of a person or more complacent if you weigh 2 pounds more today than yesterday (or later the same day).

I agree, focus on recomposition and don't worry about the scale.

psmd

Did anyone hear the part where that poster said she got poisoned by her enemy??? I want details!

OP: I agree you look great and also with your body builder son's advice. Maybe focus on defining muscle etc. more than the number on the scale?

aedreana

Did anyone hear the part where that poster said she got poisoned by her enemy??? I want details!

OP: I agree you look great and also with your body builder son's advice. Maybe focus on defining muscle etc. more than the number on the scale?

You asked for details, well, I was at work and some guy I had never seen before, and have not seen since, offered to bring me a cup of coffee. I am not certain that someone sent him to bring me poison coffee. If so, it could have been one of several.enemies. I am only speculating..I do not have proof. It is the most likely explanation, all things considered.

traceywoody

OP, I hate to be rude, but your post is so depressing. You eat so little, you work out a ton, you feel sick, you're insecure yet you are actually healthy and look great so why are you killing yourself??? Feeling guilty about a meal out once a week? you shouldn't feel guilty about that. That's so harsh.
I know what envy is, and I know what sisters are, but listen- even at my biggest I went out in a bikini and felt like the most beautiful creature on the planet. I know I'm not, but that didn't stop me. Unfortunately, we all have different bodies, and if I am curvy and short, I gotta love it no matter what. I won't ever have smaller knees and longer legs. But I am still good enough.

Please love yourself a bit more.

This! I love this! So true.OP Love your beautiful, unique self. There is no one like you and never will be. Enjoy:drinker:

likitisplit

If gym-based bio impedence was accurate, you look busty enough to have the fat there factor in that assessment. I'm not saying that 110 is an unhealthy goal for you, it just sounds like getting there is putting you into an unhealthy place. SideSteel is really good at putting a plan together, so hopefully you'll be able to tap into him as a resource.

rosebette

Did anyone hear the part where that poster said she got poisoned by her enemy??? I want details!

OP: I agree you look great and also with your body builder son's advice. Maybe focus on defining muscle etc. more than the number on the scale?

You asked for details, well, I was at work and some guy I had never seen before, and have not seen since, offered to bring me a cup of coffee. I am not certain that someone sent him to bring me poison coffee. If so, it could have been one of several.enemies. I am only speculating..I do not have proof. It is the most likely explanation, all things considered.

It was worth starting this thread just to get to read this stuff with my morning coffee... Oh no, who brewed that cup!