Negative Language About Thin People

JagerLewis

Before I gained my weight, a couple of friends called me skinny b****. Then I went through a rough time in my life, put tons of weight on...no comments at all. Nobody seemed concered, nobody asked if I was ok, nothing. Now that I've lost most of the weight I've gained, I've reclaimed the name skinny b**** again. Yes, my two friends that call me this are over weight, and for as long as I've know them, they've been on the heavier side. They call my skinny b**** in a loving way, if that makes sense...they aren't being mean at all about it. But not once did I get a pat on the back for the hard work I've been doing with counting calories or working out everyday. Not one "well done". It hurts that I now know they are jealous. Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous?? I don't need daily complements....just an occasion you are doing so great! And if I slip and say I need to lose 5-7 more pounds....forget about it!

Well, let's put it this way. You are living proof of what they might be telling themselves is impossible. You are "in their face" in every possible way. You've accepted the challenge, you've overcome obstacles, you haven't given up, and you've ended up a complete success as a result.

This can be too much for people to handle, if they are the type that doesn't deal with their problems, but likes to find every possible excuse under the sun, when in reality they should start by looking inwards and really take a long hard look at what they see. So many of us are incapable of examining our shortcomings, placing ourselves vulnerable in the company of others. It's a shame, because everyone has something to teach someone else, yet they dismiss that option and don't turn to you for help. It's not you, it's them. You should feel sorry for them more than anything else.

You're right, they do find every excuse under the sun, "I'm so busy", "people keep bringing us lunch at work". I do try to offer suggestions for them, but I don't think they really listen, or just don't want to put in the effort.

All right, if you've tried, now is the time to step back a bit. It can be overwhelming to hear repeatedly what is the healthy choice, when one isn't ready to act upon it yet. Just know that if they want your help, they'll seek you out when they are ready. In the meantime, just do your own thing, don't evangelise but let them initiate the conversation. It's a fine line between helping and "helping" (being a bit of a know-it-all).

Oh, I've never brought the subject up on my own. Its when they complain and give the excuses. I would never want to hurt their feelings.

Go_Deskercise

My sister has always been bigger than me and I always got snide comments about me "not deserving the body I got" or "it must me nice not to have to watch what you eat" or "I got the good genes" or any number of insults and little comments. Come to think of it, I still get those comments from her to this day, I've just gotten better at blocking them out. She use to be very heavy, but had lost a lot of weight last year. We were all very supportive during the process and were very proud of her! Since then, she has gained a lot of that weight back and "doesn't know why". My mom wanted me to talk to her and tell her what she has been doing wrong, but I am not touching that with a 5 foot poll. She is my sister and I love her, but she is stubborn and her comments to me are very negative and I don't need that in my life anymore

rml_16

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

I agree that weight is a touchy subject...But if they know I'm counting calories, (when we're together I might pass on that margarita, and not touch the chips) and have really upped my workouts, they know I'm trying to lose the weight, so there wouldn't be any offence taken. I'm not projecting, I'm in a happy good place in my life. I call things as I see them.

You're thinking of this too simplistically and I think looking for a reason to be upset with people because you want validation you aren't getting.

I have been around weight loss message boards enough to tell you that people who are OPENLY TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT get offended when people commend them on their weight loss. This is a regular occurrence. You will see someone post a thread complaining that "no one has noticed or said anything about my weight loss" and right below it a thread from someone complaining that someone complimented him or her on successfully dropping some pounds.

There is no winning and people don't know how someone will react so they say nothing.

dakotababy

I have never been called a "skinny b" before. I dont really know how I am going to react, as I do expect it to happen, just like how I was called a "fat b" prior to losing weight.

Part of me wants to kind of take it as a compliment though...or I can chose to be offended. Or I could chose to think nothing of it. I guess I will have to figure it out once it happens. I have no fear in calling a person out on their jealousy and insecurity if I do get any comments, because that is exactly what it comes down to.

I think it really is about perception, I honestly feel like smiling if I imagine someone calling me a skinny *****. lol It has a nice ring compared to fat *****.

lisajtubs

when i was in my very slim days, i was out in a club on the dancefloor having a fab time, and a heavier woman came up to me. she actually pushed me and said 'you think you are so special because you are skinny' i leant over and said 'nope,i know that im special for many reasons'

what i should have said is that if you boxed for 2 hours a night, 5 nights a week,plus jogged and swam, then you could be special too!

that shook me up a little actually!

buzzardsrule

Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.

This.

To be honest women can't win. If you're fat and deemed ugly rather than attractive then it's a daily verbal abuse assault course out there.

JagerLewis

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

I agree that weight is a touchy subject...But if they know I'm counting calories, (when we're together I might pass on that margarita, and not touch the chips) and have really upped my workouts, they know I'm trying to lose the weight, so there wouldn't be any offence taken. I'm not projecting, I'm in a happy good place in my life. I call things as I see them.

You're thinking of this too simplistically and I think looking for a reason to be upset with people because you want validation you aren't getting.

I have been around weight loss message boards enough to tell you that people who are OPENLY TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT get offended when people commend them on their weight loss. This is a regular occurrence. You will see someone post a thread complaining that "no one has noticed or said anything about my weight loss" and right below it a thread from someone complaining that someone complimented him or her on successfully dropping some pounds.

There is no winning and people don't know how someone will react so they say nothing.

Hmm...I would never be "looking for a reason to be upset with people", ever. Stress and depression helped put the weight on, I got rid of those, then came the ambition to lose the weight. Maybe I'm not the average person on message boards, but what I am is happy in my life and have let go of all the stress that doesn't need to be. I love my friends, I don't think negitive of them at all. All I was saying is the name they now call me again instead of giving a compliment. I know they think calling me skinny b**** is a compliment.

freshstart180213

I have to say women as a collective can be down right mean to each other why we do it who knows but I have always preferred mle friends as there is none of that from them they have an issue they come right out with it however we all do it to some degrees whether we mean to do it simply because women are competitive with each other perhaps society and socialisatn has a lot to do with it we are taught early on our worth comes from our looks and right now the fashion is to be a size 0 beauty and we buy into that whether we want tk or not as its in the magazines we buy or the adverts and tv we watch beauty and fulfilling some abstract definition of beauty is what we are taught we should strive for and no matter how much we kid ourselves or try to deny it I bet the majority of us on here are trying to lose weight to feel beautiful above the obvious need to be healthy I know I am even the people onhere trying to gain weight and have the same struggle as us but in reverse are probably here to gain weight to feel beautiful and feminine curves etc

As for women slating each other we all have a terrible habit of judging ourselves based on whag we see in other women we see a skinny woman we dont congratulate her for the hard work it takes to look that way and lets be honest with the hard work we put intolosing wdight here we shoukd understand that but we dont instead we see a great pair of legs flat tummies and wish we had the same so the *****yness begins and fit women are made to feel **** and larger ladies and men are one of the final taboos racism is ostracised people arnt allowed to get away with it ageism is similar but a lesser degree however weight is the perfect discrimination people can be offensive and think society wont speak up which for the most case is true

being large happens for a lot of reasons yes it is our own faults we ate more than we used up but thats not the whole story weight is a hell of a lot more to it than that emotion plays its role but society doesnt care about that it cares about how u look and those that dont conform offer the perfect scapegoats and while it maybe nice to play the blame game on men they make us women ***** against each other its there fault we have these ideals of beauty unfortunately that for the most part isnt the case women are vicious to each other because the person we are most vicious with is ourselves

hookilau

It goes both ways. If you're overweight, you're disgusting. If you're thin or underweight, you're disgusting. Men seem to focus on making life hell for bigger women (other women do too) and women focus on making life hell for smaller ones.

:blushing: aka: pecking order

rml_16

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

I agree that weight is a touchy subject...But if they know I'm counting calories, (when we're together I might pass on that margarita, and not touch the chips) and have really upped my workouts, they know I'm trying to lose the weight, so there wouldn't be any offence taken. I'm not projecting, I'm in a happy good place in my life. I call things as I see them.

You're thinking of this too simplistically and I think looking for a reason to be upset with people because you want validation you aren't getting.

I have been around weight loss message boards enough to tell you that people who are OPENLY TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT get offended when people commend them on their weight loss. This is a regular occurrence. You will see someone post a thread complaining that "no one has noticed or said anything about my weight loss" and right below it a thread from someone complaining that someone complimented him or her on successfully dropping some pounds.

There is no winning and people don't know how someone will react so they say nothing.

Hmm...I would never be "looking for a reason to be upset with people", ever. Stress and depression helped put the weight on, I got rid of those, then came the ambition to lose the weight. Maybe I'm not the average person on message boards, but what I am is happy in my life and have let go of all the stress that doesn't need to be. I love my friends, I don't think negitive of them at all. All I was saying is the name they now call me again instead of giving a compliment. I know they think calling me skinny b**** is a compliment.

Well, either they don't say anything or they say something. Your posts are contradictory and I'm confused now why you're apparently upset if you aren't upset.

Calling you "skinny *****" is mentioning your loss. I assumed you were not speaking of those people when you were calling people jealous for not commenting "at all" on your weight loss.

SezxyStef

Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.

This.

To be honest women can't win. If you're fat and deemed ugly rather than attractive then it's a daily verbal abuse assault course out there.

I didn't read all nine pages...but yes this...

I saw this post acutally and thought how appropriate considering what just happened to me this week...yesterday actually and last week.

I experienced this...no I wasn't called a skinny b****..but comments about my body...such as

"wow you lost your hips"...my response...naw they just moved to my *kitten* and I turned sideways and showed them the butts squats built...it was a casual aquaintance but still...wtf...now mind you she is losing weight too...through surgery but why comment in a negative way about my body?

And last night I was told by someone close I still think I am smaller than I really am...my response...I am a size 6...and have a realistic view of myself thanks...and this woman is slim and trim and works at it too...I was dumbfounded to be frank.


But yah...you see all over FB...those real men don't like bones memes, or real women have curves or whatever...even when I was heavy I wouldn't have posted something like that...it's mean.

I personally don't get it...it doesn't affect my self esteem but it does make me wonder what is wrong with those women...what in their life is so bad that they have to try and tear other women down???? Is it just jealousy?

Unknown

This content has been removed.

lisalsd1

I've been fat. I've been skinny. I've heard it all too.

Now that I've been lifting and look leaner and more "muscular"....I NEVER hear those comments anymore. Some teen girls eyeballed me yesterday at Target, I didn't even have to give them a dirty look...just A look. They quickly left the aisle. When I went to lunch, a group of male firefighters were eyeballing me (in a different way) too.

So people (especially insecure women/girls) are going to judge no matter your size/look. Who cares? I could have thrown that little girl across the store. And the male firefighters thought I was hot. I win.

AglaeaC

Why is it necessary to generalise? Does it make people sleep better at night or what? Just look at these comments, they are absurd. What kind of awful people are you surrounding yourself with on a daily basis??? Isn't it time to look in the mirror and see whether you could view yourself with love and respect, then not give a rat's *kitten* about what others may or may not be thinking and saying?

Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.

This.

To be honest women can't win. If you're fat and deemed ugly rather than attractive then it's a daily verbal abuse assault course out there.

I have to say women as a collective can be down right mean to each other why we do it who knows but I have always preferred mle friends as there is none of that from them they have an issue they come right out with it however we all do it to some degrees whether we mean to do it simply because women are competitive with each other perhaps society and socialisatn has a lot to do with it we are taught early on our worth comes from our looks and right now the fashion is to be a size 0 beauty and we buy into that whether we want tk or not as its in the magazines we buy or the adverts and tv we watch beauty and fulfilling some abstract definition of beauty is what we are taught we should strive for and no matter how much we kid ourselves or try to deny it I bet the majority of us on here are trying to lose weight to feel beautiful above the obvious need to be healthy I know I am even the people onhere trying to gain weight and have the same struggle as us but in reverse are probably here to gain weight to feel beautiful and feminine curves etc

As for women slating each other we all have a terrible habit of judging ourselves based on whag we see in other women we see a skinny woman we dont congratulate her for the hard work it takes to look that way and lets be honest with the hard work we put intolosing wdight here we shoukd understand that but we dont instead we see a great pair of legs flat tummies and wish we had the same so the *****yness begins and fit women are made to feel **** and larger ladies and men are one of the final taboos racism is ostracised people arnt allowed to get away with it ageism is similar but a lesser degree however weight is the perfect discrimination people can be offensive and think society wont speak up which for the most case is true

being large happens for a lot of reasons yes it is our own faults we ate more than we used up but thats not the whole story weight is a hell of a lot more to it than that emotion plays its role but society doesnt care about that it cares about how u look and those that dont conform offer the perfect scapegoats and while it maybe nice to play the blame game on men they make us women ***** against each other its there fault we have these ideals of beauty unfortunately that for the most part isnt the case women are vicious to each other because the person we are most vicious with is ourselves

It goes both ways. If you're overweight, you're disgusting. If you're thin or underweight, you're disgusting. Men seem to focus on making life hell for bigger women (other women do too) and women focus on making life hell for smaller ones.

:blushing: aka: pecking order

captaindle

when i was in my very slim days, i was out in a club on the dancefloor having a fab time, and a heavier woman came up to me. she actually pushed me and said 'you think you are so special because you are skinny' i leant over and said 'nope,i know that im special for many reasons'

what i should have said is that if you boxed for 2 hours a night, 5 nights a week,plus jogged and swam, then you could be special too!

that shook me up a little actually!

Skinny people always have one or two stories like this. As in literally one or two. I've been heavy most of my life but was heavier when I was younger. Between junior high and the end of high school I probably got picked on at least 2-3 times by someone every single day. We're talking every day for 6 years. Yeah OK, kids will be kids right. Because that makes it OK. Things do get better as people mature, especially for men. Probably the worst you'll get is being called "Big Man" every day a few times by people who think they're being playful. Most of the other stuff is more subtle. People treating you just a little different in ways you can't quite put your finger on. Now that I've lost weight people I know have taken to calling me "Slim" as a reminder that I used to be heavier. I guessing being only 245ish lbs makes me worthy of the nickname "Slim." Supposedly things are worse for heavy women. I can't say. Anyways, point is skinny people have it easy and have no idea what actual struggle is.

Yes, I certainly feel I've taken much more abuse from the world in general as an overweight woman. I guess the point I was trying to make initially is that many overwheight people understand how it feels to be talked down to because of our bodies. Why would we then turn around and do that to another group of peope? Especially if we're working hard to lose the weight and become a part of that group. I guess all any of us can do is to be the change we want to see in the world

rml_16

Skinny people always have one or two stories like this. As in literally one or two.

Go back and read my post about my fiance's daughter. If they only have "one or two," then hers happened all at once and in the very small amount of time that she happened to spend with us. What a fantastic coincidence. I'm so glad she got it out of the way. :drinker:

I'm not going to claim all thin people deal with this, as I never did when I was very thin (which I was most of my life). But your comment is condescending and inaccurate.

Alassonde

Skinny people always have one or two stories like this. As in literally one or two.

Go back and read my post about my fiance's daughter. If they only have "one or two," then hers happened all at once and in the very small amount of time that she happened to spend with us. What a fantastic coincidence. I'm so glad she got it out of the way. :drinker:

I'm not going to claim all thin people deal with this, as I never did when I was very thin (which I was most of my life). But your comment is condescending and inaccurate.

Thank you!! I was going to say the same thing. I also got picked on every day for being skinny, several times a day, for 5 years of my life. Like literally being surrounded by a very intimidating crowd of boys on the playground in middle school while they laughed at my "bones". Don't tell me it was a compliment--I was probably 5' 2" and maybe 70 pounds so it was not attractive. This did not just happen once or twice. This happened every day. I got pushed, kicked, laughed at, yelled at and had lovely drawings of stick people handed to me regularly (labeled as me, of course). I had teachers following me to the lunchroom to make sure I ate because they were sure I was anorexic (I was not). I had to deal with daily comments about my weight from people at school, friends, family--when you're thin you're fair game, I guess. I hate the way people assume you should always take it as a compliment when they call you names for being too skinny. They're still telling you you're NOT OKAY THE WAY YOU ARE. If I had been trying to be skinny I suppose I would have taken it as a compliment.

rml_16

Skinny people always have one or two stories like this. As in literally one or two.

Go back and read my post about my fiance's daughter. If they only have "one or two," then hers happened all at once and in the very small amount of time that she happened to spend with us. What a fantastic coincidence. I'm so glad she got it out of the way. :drinker:

I'm not going to claim all thin people deal with this, as I never did when I was very thin (which I was most of my life). But your comment is condescending and inaccurate.

Thank you!! I was going to say the same thing. I also got picked on every day for being skinny, several times a day, for 5 years of my life. Like literally being surrounded by a very intimidating crowd of boys on the playground in middle school while they laughed at my "bones". Don't tell me it was a compliment--I was probably 5' 2" and maybe 70 pounds so it was not attractive. This did not just happen once or twice. This happened every day. I got pushed, kicked, laughed at, yelled at and had lovely drawings of stick people handed to me regularly (labeled as me, of course). I had teachers following me to the lunchroom to make sure I ate because they were sure I was anorexic (I was not). I had to deal with daily comments about my weight from people at school, friends, family--when you're thin you're fair game, I guess. I hate the way people assume you should always take it as a compliment when they call you names for being too skinny. They're still telling you you're NOT OKAY THE WAY YOU ARE. If I had been trying to be skinny I suppose I would have taken it as a compliment.

Oh I had totally forgotten the "you must be anorexic" thing. That was the ONE issue I had related to my size and it was only one person, which was funny because she was smaller than I was.

I hated the school lunches, so I never ate them. I did, though, eat the a la carte junk food (ice cream, apple pies, Little Debbie snacks) but because I didn't eat the soggy fries and pizza that looked like someone had sat on it before serving and because I was really thin, I had to be anorexic.

She never said it to my face, though. She just said it to other people who told me about it.

SezxyStef

when i was in my very slim days, i was out in a club on the dancefloor having a fab time, and a heavier woman came up to me. she actually pushed me and said 'you think you are so special because you are skinny' i leant over and said 'nope,i know that im special for many reasons'

what i should have said is that if you boxed for 2 hours a night, 5 nights a week,plus jogged and swam, then you could be special too!

that shook me up a little actually!

Skinny people always have one or two stories like this. As in literally one or two. I've been heavy most of my life but was heavier when I was younger. Between junior high and the end of high school I probably got picked on at least 2-3 times by someone every single day. We're talking every day for 6 years. Yeah OK, kids will be kids right. Because that makes it OK. Things do get better as people mature, especially for men. Probably the worst you'll get is being called "Big Man" every day a few times by people who think they're being playful. Most of the other stuff is more subtle. People treating you just a little different in ways you can't quite put your finger on. Now that I've lost weight people I know have taken to calling me "Slim" as a reminder that I used to be heavier. I guessing being only 245ish lbs makes me worthy of the nickname "Slim." Supposedly things are worse for heavy women. I can't say. Anyways, point is skinny people have it easy and have no idea what actual struggle is.

What?

Seriously are you kidding me....

As a young person I was slim...but I was active...after having my son I got heavy and stayed heavy except for the yo yo over the last 5-7 years...

I have seen me slammed more now that I am slim than I ever was when I was fat...

I mean seriously in the last 18 months I have had women tell me I am more fun now, that my shoulders are too big, that my hips are too small, that I am not as small as I think I am, that this shirt doesn't look good on me those pants don't because of what my body looks like, I have had too many stories to lay out here...

Never mind all the FB posts about real men like curves, real men don't like bones etc...which aren't directed at me personally but indirectly they are

Or the family members who make fun of me when I log on my phone to log a meal or make adjustments or or or...

Just because a person is slim doesn't mean that they always were and it doesn't mean they don't know what it means to struggle either...

But your post proves the point of this post actually.

hookilau