Wedding woes-more etiquette questions

Myhaloslipped

Why not a Groom "shower" instead?

Generally I find everything other than the bridal shower are focused on "bed and bath and kitchen" type items.

Is he handy? Do you own a hammer or a weed eater or traditionally "manly" gifts? Maybe call it a Power Shower.

Besides, it's HIS mother, so why shouldn't she host for him. You'll both benefit in the long run.

PS: sounds like your fiancé's love language is "gifts."

I like this idea. An hour long shower with guys. :laugh:

SonyaKou

I am just going to address the etiquette. It is of course up to you how you wish to proceed if you should desire to break etiquette.

It is VERY BAD etiquette for a bride and groom to ever through their own bridal shower or bachelor / bachelorette party. You should NOT host your own. That being said, I know you may not like the fuss, but if you mother-in-law/ bridesmaid's throw you a party, it is bad etiquette to fight them on it or to not attend. If you feel close with your mother-in-law, perhaps suggest a co-ed bbq or something more informal, but you should still be in attendance.

And don't worry about people spending too much money on your gifts. People spend exactly how much they want to on weddings. Most people who are attending the wedding will either buy a small thing for the bridal shower or not worry about it and put it into the wedding gift. Otherwise, they won't attend.

seltzermint555

I am just going to address the etiquette. It is of course up to you how you wish to proceed if you should desire to break etiquette.

It is VERY BAD etiquette for a bride and groom to ever through their own bridal shower or bachelor / bachelorette party. You should NOT host your own.

holy moly, I agree 100%.

Now rereading the OP's post I am still not clear on whether she was planning to host her own shower but I'd assume not. Definitely don't do that. haha

Shan_Lindsay

You're not supposed to be planning your own bridal shower - your MOH or Mother of the Bride or Mother of the Groom should host it and organize it all.

I like bridal showers and I am happy I had one. We got a lot of useful stuff and everyone enjoyed meeting each other before the wedding.

jenifr818

I eloped for pretty much this reason. I had a family member try to pretty much completely take over the wedding prep and make it what I guess SHE wanted for her ideal wedding. Nope, sorry, not happening. I hate big to-do stuff and I didn't want a big fuss, and it was turning into a big headache. Went to city hall, and 3 days later, we said "I do" in front of our best friend and a justice of the peace. Wearing jeans and a polo.

$75 and no dress required.

Moral of the story: do what YOU want to do. It's YOUR day. If your husband wants nothing to do with a dual party, and you don't want another one, then simply don't do it.

MelAb8709

I just got married a month ago - my 2nd, his 1st. So, I was very much against the idea of having a shower when we're adults, we already have everything we need, and I knew people would give gifts at the wedding.

I ended up having 4 (yes - 4!) showers because people INSISTED. They seriously did not understand why in the world we didn't want a shower. So, I figured, if they really want to throw a shower, let them.

1) His sisters hosted one for his side of the family. He was there, so were uncles, brothers, it was in the backyard, some snacks, a cake, no big deal but fun and relaxing. We did play one or two games.
2) My close friends who were also invited to the wedding took me to dinner. Hubs made an appearance and helped bring gifts home.
3) My co-workers, none of whom were invited to the wedding, took us both to lunch and again, lots of gifts.
4) His co-workers, some of whom were invited, threw us a very nice lunch shower in a conference room at his office.

We ended up also having a second wedding celebration because much of his family wasn't able to travel to Chicago - so we had a backyard party where they live. Very low-key and casual.

So, basically what I'm saying is, let them throw you a shower if they really want to. I didn't ask for any of these, but people just really wanted to celebrate us and it started to feel like we were being party poopers by initially declining. You should definitely not host your own shower though, so if your bridesmaids are abiding by your wishes, and his mom isn't offering to host, then you're off the hook.

WickedPineapple

The thing is his mother may not even be able to make it as she would have to travel

And he FLAT OUT REFUSES to have a co-ed shower. He doesn't want a part of it.
And I don't blame him.

I hate showers of any kind. To me they are cheesey and they are fake and I don't NEED any more celebration.

...Wouldn't his mother be the one throwing it for you? You don't throw your own shower, people throw it for you.

My husband was with me at ours, but where I'm from the groom is always there as well (and the father is always at baby showers).

So they both want you to have a shower you don't want, but neither will be there? Yeah, screw that.

Guns_N_Buns

Trying to schedule a bridal shower and running into issues. Thought what the heck, I'd get some opinions.

First off. I DON'T want a flipping Bridal shower. Enough about this whole event is "about me" I hate a fuss.
My fiance wants "presents" so he and his mother think I ought to have one.

it is about you, but thats why you shouldnt have one, not why you should. why do something that you dont want to do for your own wedding? doesnt make sense to me. if your fiance wants gifts then maybe he should have a groom shower

+1