My dietician keeps body shaming me :(

missdibs1

So I was underweight and unhealthy. I was 85 lbs and 5'2, female, 19. I took it upon myself to grow up and get some damn help. So I scouted out my own doctor and nutritionist and left the pediatrician I had as a kid. Now I go see my nutritionist (RD, LDN) once a week, but as of late we are conflicting.

At first, about two months ago, I was, as I said, underweight. Now I am 96 lbs and 20 y.o.! Good, right? Progress! In two months I gained all this weight and it was emotionally horrifying, and I feel like she (the nutritionist) is not giving me due credit, as she says triggering things to me that generally make me go home and cry in my bedroom for hours on end. This is the first time in my life I have actually felt genuinely suicidal.

For instance, starting out, she told me to STOP counting calories and restrict NOTHING. So I did, and this led to me eating (at what I estimate) 3500 calories a day, 2,000 of those coming from desserts like frozen yogurt and banana cream pie (hey, that is SOME nutrition). Anyways, she reassured me that this was ok because all foods had macros in them (some protein in frozen yogurt, some healthy fat in ice cream) and since I was underweight, I would not gain all fat because my body was DIFFERENT that a normal body. Thus, the 500 calorie a day surplus to gain 'healthy weight and muscle' was not applicable to a starving person. Ok. So I did this and gained 10 lbs eating ice cream.

After the 10 lbs, I returned to go see her again. I was shocked at how much she made me feel guilty. She told me I had not 'screwed anything up' however I probably gained more fat than I would have if I didn't chow down on cookies and pies. WHAT!? SHE LITERALLY TOLD ME THE OPPOSITE BEFORE! And now she is telling me I messed up my body composition by not paying attention to macros. Please, she told me NEVER to count macros! I am at a loss for words! So I have just been crying.

I have another issue. My liver is irritated. It improved since I gained the 10 lbs, went down from a high number to almost normal! But my nutritionist insists it is because I 'ate too much ice cream' and made my diet 'like a roller coaster.' She is not listening to me or my physician, who says this is likely a 'passing virus,' as I had the issue even when underweight before and it has actually IMPROVED.

So, my question is, HOW THE HELL would my liver IMPROVING mean I screwed it up by eating a lot of desserts which she told me were actually ok to eat in recovery! Now I want to maintain my weight and see where I can go from here. I have a hard time listening to her now cause she keeps going back on her word, and I am so stressed out I don't know where to go from here.

My worst issue with her is she keeps body shaming me, more or less, making me feel bad about having ice cream when I was physically emaciated and now telling me against my doctor's word that I am somehow damaging my liver by eating ice cream. God, what did I do wrong? Do you think I truly messed my liver up? I mean, it IMPROVED with the 10 lbs, not declined! I feel so ashamed because of this woman and I am more and more depressed every day, but only because of HER.

When I told her she was stressing me out, she told me to go see a therapist.

Well no therapy is going to help me figure out what is wrong with my stupid liver, so what gives?

If you are not gettin galong with her or do not like her methods get a new nutritionist ITS THAT SIMPLE

also gain weight at a rate that is ok with you (so no relapse)

srd_23

You're dietician may not mean to come across in a negative way like that. However, I understand how important it is to have a person you trust as a care provider. It took me a long time to find a doctor I felt comfortable with. If your dietician is not a good fit, then by all means, I would switch.

By the way, gaining 10 pounds when you are underweight is a HUGE accomplishment! So what if its all fat??? Its not like you can't excercise after the fact and regain some muscle. I think you've taken a step towards a healthier body by gaining that weight, and you should acknowledge that accomplishment and celebrate it! Its really important to stay positive and recognize your victories for what they are. Otherwise, you may get depressed, and discouraged and slide back into old habits.

MaryJane_8810002

Find a new nutritionist and observe healthier food options?

Aquaburry

You're dietician may not mean to come across in a negative way like that. However, I understand how important it is to have a person you trust as a care provider. It took me a long time to find a doctor I felt comfortable with. If your dietician is not a good fit, then by all means, I would switch.

By the way, gaining 10 pounds when you are underweight is a HUGE accomplishment! So what if its all fat??? Its not like you can't excercise after the fact and regain some muscle. I think you've taken a step towards a healthier body by gaining that weight, and you should acknowledge that accomplishment and celebrate it! Its really important to stay positive and recognize your victories for what they are. Otherwise, you may get depressed, and discouraged and slide back into old habits.

I can tell this is an ED voice and it is not your fault that I react this way, but unfortunately this comment is really triggering to me . All the more reason to see that new therapist I called today. I'm waiting for her to return my call. In the meantime though, I'd like to point out that it isn't really a healthy idea in my opinion to just gain a bunch of fat and then fix it afterwards...that is like relapse or yo yo dieting to me...but I get where you're coming from. However, it is worth mentioning that my stupid dietician said "you won't gain JUST fat no matter what you eat, including cake and ice cream" so that is what I thought was true. I just trusted her and I feel so stupid it truly can't be all fat though, I mean I have a little muscle in my calves and arms.

MysteriousMerlin

Instead of going to see a therapist (which may help), you should find a new nutritionist.

This!

Please do. She should be more aware of the underlying issues, and it doesn't seem she is.

srd_23

You're dietician may not mean to come across in a negative way like that. However, I understand how important it is to have a person you trust as a care provider. It took me a long time to find a doctor I felt comfortable with. If your dietician is not a good fit, then by all means, I would switch.

By the way, gaining 10 pounds when you are underweight is a HUGE accomplishment! So what if its all fat??? Its not like you can't excercise after the fact and regain some muscle. I think you've taken a step towards a healthier body by gaining that weight, and you should acknowledge that accomplishment and celebrate it! Its really important to stay positive and recognize your victories for what they are. Otherwise, you may get depressed, and discouraged and slide back into old habits.

I can tell this is an ED voice and it is not your fault that I react this way, but unfortunately this comment is really triggering to me . All the more reason to see that new therapist I called today. I'm waiting for her to return my call. In the meantime though, I'd like to point out that it isn't really a healthy idea in my opinion to just gain a bunch of fat and then fix it afterwards...that is like relapse or yo yo dieting to me...but I get where you're coming from. However, it is worth mentioning that my stupid dietician said "you won't gain JUST fat no matter what you eat, including cake and ice cream" so that is what I thought was true. I just trusted her and I feel so stupid it truly can't be all fat though, I mean I have a little muscle in my calves and arms.

Look, I am not suggesting that you yo yo diet. I am suggesting that you need both fat and muscle to be healthy. You gained some fat. Thats good! It is an accomplishment that you should look on positively! And your next step is to gain muscle. You are not correcting a mistake, you are continuing on the path to a healthy body. This is not a yo yo diet. I agree that eating only ice cream and pie probably isn't the most nutritious way to gain weight, but gaining the fat isn't the problem, its lacking a balanced nutrition that is. I just think that you need to take the good with the bad. Give yourself credit, focus on your accomplishments, or your negativity will hold you back.

I am also not defending the skills of your dietician. She did give some questionable and conflicting advice. I was just pointing out that it may not have been her intention to make you feel attacked and ashamed. Or maybe it was, I have no way of knowing. I just know that a lot of health professionals do what they do out of a desire to help people. Granted, not all of them. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. She isn't working out as your dietician, so let go of all of her advice and comments and move forward with a new dietician.

I am sorry that my comment "triggered" you. It did come from a desire to help, and I truly wish you well. I do suggest however, that if you are sensitive (and there is nothing at all wrong with this) then the internet may not be the best place to ask for advice. You will hear a lot of different things from different people, and many will be direct. If you are struggling with self esteem issues (which lots of us do) you may want to confide in that therapist that hopefully will be calling you back shortly. They are trained to help you rebuild yourself emotionally. I am not trained. I do hope that I haven't hurt your feelings with any of this.

sassyjae21

You're dietician may not mean to come across in a negative way like that. However, I understand how important it is to have a person you trust as a care provider. It took me a long time to find a doctor I felt comfortable with. If your dietician is not a good fit, then by all means, I would switch.

By the way, gaining 10 pounds when you are underweight is a HUGE accomplishment! So what if its all fat??? Its not like you can't excercise after the fact and regain some muscle. I think you've taken a step towards a healthier body by gaining that weight, and you should acknowledge that accomplishment and celebrate it! Its really important to stay positive and recognize your victories for what they are. Otherwise, you may get depressed, and discouraged and slide back into old habits.

I can tell this is an ED voice and it is not your fault that I react this way, but unfortunately this comment is really triggering to me . All the more reason to see that new therapist I called today. I'm waiting for her to return my call. In the meantime though, I'd like to point out that it isn't really a healthy idea in my opinion to just gain a bunch of fat and then fix it afterwards...that is like relapse or yo yo dieting to me...but I get where you're coming from. However, it is worth mentioning that my stupid dietician said "you won't gain JUST fat no matter what you eat, including cake and ice cream" so that is what I thought was true. I just trusted her and I feel so stupid it truly can't be all fat though, I mean I have a little muscle in my calves and arms.

Look, I am not suggesting that you yo yo diet. I am suggesting that you need both fat and muscle to be healthy. You gained some fat. Thats good! It is an accomplishment that you should look on positively! And your next step is to gain muscle. You are not correcting a mistake, you are continuing on the path to a healthy body. This is not a yo yo diet. I agree that eating only ice cream and pie probably isn't the most nutritious way to gain weight, but gaining the fat isn't the problem, its lacking a balanced nutrition that is. I just think that you need to take the good with the bad. Give yourself credit, focus on your accomplishments, or your negativity will hold you back.

I am also not defending the skills of your dietician. She did give some questionable and conflicting advice. I was just pointing out that it may not have been her intention to make you feel attacked and ashamed. Or maybe it was, I have no way of knowing. I just know that a lot of health professionals do what they do out of a desire to help people. Granted, not all of them. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. She isn't working out as your dietician, so let go of all of her advice and comments and move forward with a new dietician.

I am sorry that my comment "triggered" you. It did come from a desire to help, and I truly wish you well. I do suggest however, that if you are sensitive (and there is nothing at all wrong with this) then the internet may not be the best place to ask for advice. You will hear a lot of different things from different people, and many will be direct. If you are struggling with self esteem issues (which lots of us do) you may want to confide in that therapist that hopefully will be calling you back shortly. They are trained to help you rebuild yourself emotionally. I am not trained. I do hope that I haven't hurt your feelings with any of this.

Agree. I hope that you get help OP and wish you the best of luck, but the internet may not be the best place to ask for advice if you are worried about being triggered by a comment that seemed to have the best of intentions. I also quite seriously doubt that you have gained any muscle unless you have been strength training along with eating at a surplus.

Hopefully your new Dietitian will work out for you. If not, keep going until you find one that does. After all, it's your time, your money, and your health.

parkscs

If you want to gain muscle instead of just fat, you need to be lifting. It doesn't matter if you're eating tons of protein or tons of desserts, you shouldn't expect to see any real muscle gains if you aren't exercising. There are plenty of health reasons why you probably shouldn't just eat 3500 calories worth of donuts every day, but it's not like that alone is what prevented muscle gain - it's the absence of an exercise routine aimed at building muscle. You may see some LBM gains just from eating a surplus if you were malnourished previously, but generally you need to look into exercise if you really want to put on some weight while maintaining a reasonable body composition.

lessbounce

Yep luv :flowerforyou: it's definitely her and not you. Walk away with your head held high, go find a decent nutirionalist. You might have to try a few before you find one that fits you, but this one just sounds plain wrong. Incidentally I had way more damage done to my liver (through an undiagnosed medical problem), it's an amazing organ and is very good at healing itself - it might just be in shock at the change of diet.


You sound like a very strong lady, keep going and listen to what your heart is telling you.

BinaryPulsar

When a young person loses that much weight and regains they will gain muscle along with the fat even if they are not lifting. Of course they will gain more muscle with weight bearing and strength building.

BinaryPulsar

Gentle yoga is probably the best first step.

But, here is a good article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hunger-artist/201101/what-weight-lifting-can-do-former-anorexic

All of her articles are good and worth reading.

Prilla04

Contact someone (psychologist/psychiatrist) immediately regarding your suicidal feelings. Fire your nutritionist and "shop" for one that works well with you.

BinaryPulsar

Another article to help people understand: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hunger-artist/201110/the-physical-effects-weight-gain-after-starvation

lynn_glenmont

If you want to gain muscle instead of just fat, you need to be lifting. It doesn't matter if you're eating tons of protein or tons of desserts, you shouldn't expect to see any real muscle gains if you aren't exercising. There are plenty of health reasons why you probably shouldn't just eat 3500 calories worth of donuts every day, but it's not like that alone is what prevented muscle gain - it's the absence of an exercise routine aimed at building muscle. You may see some LBM gains just from eating a surplus if you were malnourished previously, but generally you need to look into exercise if you really want to put on some weight while maintaining a reasonable body composition.

I'm no expert on EDs, but it is my understanding that exercise is not recommended in the early stages of recovery for someone who is severely underweight. It can have drastic consequences (like heart attack and death).

Edited to fix typo.

WombatHat42

Ok, so first let me say Suicide is NEVER and I mean never the answer. There is no reason one should do it. I understand the feeling that all hope is lost, being miserable etc as much as the next person but there is always hope. It is just a matter of taking a step back and seeing a different perspective(either in the form of a distraction or close friend or professional). If you truly are feeling like that, speak with someone. This is not me shaming you just know that. I just have a big thing against suicide. Had friends do it plus been in really dark places in my own life.

ANyways I digress. If for any reason what so ever a health professional or a professional that is supposed to help you is making you feel ashamed, uncomfortable, telling you things that are unhealthy or wrong then you, for your own sake and health, must find a different person. To me, judging base on what you have said she sounds like an idiot and if she wont listen to you nor your doctor, change to a new one. However, from a different perspective, she may have said go ahead and eat all of the stuff you want, just because she wanted you to get in more calories. However, she messed up by not clarifying this well actually by saying it in general. Her point was, i think, to just get you to eat since she may have felt you werent gaining enough or she was concerned. Some people just suck at explaining or just let things slip. THere are many times I will be explaining something then 20 minutes later I remember i forgot to tell them something important.

What I would say to do is first, stop thinking of it as adding weight(or getting fat) because that makes it sound a bit negative to your subconscious because all we hear about as a society is that weight gain = getting fat. This is not the case though, especially for you. So rather, try to think of it as getting healthy.

Next, change Nutritionists. Ask your doctor if there is a different one. One that might be a bit more understanding of your situation. Some tend to be better at helping people maintain or lose or gain. So you might just not have the right one.

Finally, as long as you are healthy and within the recommended calories(from you physician/nutritionist) you are fine until you are at a healthy weight(or goal) Once closer to that goal, then worry about the details. Though, you dont need to calorie count necessarily either. Just set X number of meals(5+ might allow you to get more in without being really full) and portion out the food. Then each day add a bit more to that portion to help get more in.

This is a stressful period regardless. So do what you need to to eliminate other stresses that might pop up with this. If that means change, change. If that means find a therapist then do that. Just make sure you are happy with the route that is what matters.

Edit: If you need to talk when you are stressed, feel free to message me.

Miss_1999

Did you really use the words body shaming and triggering un-ironically?

Also, common sense would have went far here. The only failure of your dietitian was assuming you would apply some.

Completely unnecessary comment. Perhaps you should refrain from giving input when the OP is a recovering ED. Of course, that would require some common sense.

Because coddling works so well.

I might just get my first hand slap for this, and if I do, it's SO worth it. I REALLY hope you're a troll, because if you aren't, they you've got to be one of two things: a person who has zero compassion/empathy for those who are struggling with mental illness/disorders (as eating disorders are considered mental illnesses), or you're absolutely ignorant. Both of which, I can't stand and have a low tolerance for in life. No one here is asking for anyone to coddle the OP, but showing her some care, compassion, and dignity, absolutely. Every human being deserves this, and especially deserves to be treated this way by their healthcare professional. If she felt attacked, or body shamed by her dietitian, that is HER perception. That is the way she felt, and no one can tell her otherwise OR how to feel. I agree that there are two sides to every story, but at the same time, I am a survivor of PTSD due to severe medical neglect in a hospital setting, so I understand that the perception a person has of an event can be dramatically different. What happens to one person, or what one person sees/hears may or will be vastly different from another.

You, nor anyone else can speak for this young woman and say what happened in the dietitians office, the way that she was spoken to, or treated. All I can say is that she does not deserve to be made to feel bad for making progress. Searching out another dietitian who better meets her needs, and will explain things in terms that they can work together on would be better for her than to stay with someone who she feels is making her feel ashamed and confused.

Miss_1999

You're dietician may not mean to come across in a negative way like that. However, I understand how important it is to have a person you trust as a care provider. It took me a long time to find a doctor I felt comfortable with. If your dietician is not a good fit, then by all means, I would switch.

By the way, gaining 10 pounds when you are underweight is a HUGE accomplishment! So what if its all fat??? Its not like you can't excercise after the fact and regain some muscle. I think you've taken a step towards a healthier body by gaining that weight, and you should acknowledge that accomplishment and celebrate it! Its really important to stay positive and recognize your victories for what they are. Otherwise, you may get depressed, and discouraged and slide back into old habits.

I can tell this is an ED voice and it is not your fault that I react this way, but unfortunately this comment is really triggering to me . All the more reason to see that new therapist I called today. I'm waiting for her to return my call. In the meantime though, I'd like to point out that it isn't really a healthy idea in my opinion to just gain a bunch of fat and then fix it afterwards...that is like relapse or yo yo dieting to me...but I get where you're coming from. However, it is worth mentioning that my stupid dietician said "you won't gain JUST fat no matter what you eat, including cake and ice cream" so that is what I thought was true. I just trusted her and I feel so stupid it truly can't be all fat though, I mean I have a little muscle in my calves and arms.

I am VERY, VERY thankful that you contacted a therapist today. This is a even bigger step in the right direction. I won't lie, I don't have any experience with eating disorders, but I do know about addiction, and an ED is just as strong and compulsive as any addiction. You have triggers, just like many other mental illnesses, and finding the right coping skills to help you when you are triggered is crucial to recovery. I'll be glad to be of support if you need a person. I've struggled with mental illness for a great number of years, and to this day, I still have to use my coping skills when/if I am triggered. You can do this, it's not easy, but it's worth it.

MyChocolateDiet

:flowerforyou:

MKEgal

I took it upon myself to grow up and get some damn help

Good for you!!!

I am seeking out a more sensitive, relaxed dietician. I am calling the new one tomorrow! She is also a therapist

Good!

I think you probably have a miscommunication issue going on with your dietician as on the face of it the advice sounds generally sensible.

No, the advice was not sensible.
Sensible, medically sound advice would have been to increase calories (gradually, so the mental problem wasn't too hard to deal with) while maintaining an overall nutritionally sound diet.
Yes, having pie & ice cream can be part of that, and I realize that when someone is almost dead from starvation it's important for them to get ANY calories, but telling her it's OK to eat just junk food isn't responsible.
I'd consider contacting the licensing board with your experiences, both with the unsound advice and the lack of respect and the way she made you feel.

If your dietician is giving you conflicting information and changing her tune every time you see her, drop her. You need reliable information that only changes when medically necessary and appropriate. (i.e., if your numbers change after blood work or if your physician makes that determination), and it doesn't appear that she's giving you that. Find someone who has experience treating people who are in recovery and is interested in working in conjunction with your physician.

Yes.

If for any reason whatsoever a health professional or a professional that is supposed to help you is making you feel ashamed, uncomfortable, telling you things that are unhealthy or wrong then you, for your own sake and health, must find a different person.

Yes.

lindainprogress

that just plain pisses me off!