Parenting Advice - Sleeping w/ Toddler

odusgolp

Here's the hypothetical situation:

Divorced Parents.
Mom Sleeps w/ 2 year old girl.
Dad wants 2 year old in her own crib, which is next to his room w/ adjoining door. Crib is right there 2 yards from him.
2 year old throws fit. Hates sleep. Can be up until 11pm or midnight on a particularly bad night.
Dad sometimes caves just to get some sleep and lets her in his bed.
She's getting increasingly adamant she won't sleep in her own bed/crib. Always wants to sleep w/ daddy.
Nothing can be done about Mom's decision to sleep w/ toddler. Nothing. This is not for debate.


Questions where dad is concerned:
1. Would dad getting her a big girl bed help or hurt the situation, in your opinion?
2. Any magical sleep trick... just... anything?

sixout

I don't have kids, so I have no idea how it works. But I can see nothing good coming from allowing a kid to continue sleeping with the parent on a consistent basis.

spade117

2. Any magical sleep trick... just... anything?

Little bit of whiskey.

rml_16

Is there a bedtime routine? Maybe try reading to her and sitting quietly in bed with her (and I think a big girl bed is a good idea for sure) for a half hour or so might help the situation a lot. Maybe rub her back a feet to relax her.

odusgolp

2. Any magical sleep trick... just... anything?

Little bit of whiskey.

Helps me.

k8blujay2

A big girl bed may help... My 3 year old still comes in and sleeps with us but our deal is, she has to start out and sleep in her bed first. More often than not she stays in her bed.

But I think the inconsistancy is always going to cause problems. Her momma needs to chill on the letting the little one sleep with her so often.

k8blujay2

Is there a bedtime routine? Maybe try reading to her and sitting quietly in bed with her (and I think a big girl bed is a good idea for sure) for a half hour or so might help the situation a lot. Maybe rub her back a feet to relax her.

And this. For ours we have a "check chart" where we go through a series of actions to get us ready for bed. Then I turn on some music in the room and pat her for a minute or so.

AmyG1982

A big girl bed would probably help, and if she doesn't want to sleep in there alone (since it sounds like she's not used to that) one of you could lay with her until she falls asleep and then leave. Eventually she'll get used to it but caving when she's throwing a fit is just encouraging that behaviour

mamaoftwins9197

This was similar to my situation after my ex and I split up. Baby was only 4 months at the split, but slept with me til she was 3 and half (just about 4-5 months ago). She also nursed until she was 2 and a half, which was much easier because she was sleeping with me. At dad's, she sleeps with him sometimes, on the couch, on the floor, wherever. My kids don't have beds over there. It didn't make any difference with us where she slept at his house and it was a bit of a transition at home. She always had a crib, she just never slept in it. She loves sleeping in her big girl bed now though. 2 year old won't sleep with mom forever, some just need a little more time than others. These hypothetical people should do what works for them.

zyxst

Get a big girl bed and try having a parent sleep with the kid in that bed until she falls asleep, then go to your own bed.

Holly_Roman_Empire

I don't think a big kid bed will help. I think kids like that just want to sleep with someone; I don't think it's an aversion to her crib. At the age of two, she should know who she can sleep with and who she can't. And what I mean is, she's old enough to be taught that sleeping with mom is okay and sleeping with dad is not. Other than just sticking to your guns and letting her cry it out, I don't know what to tell you.

odusgolp

Is there a bedtime routine? Maybe try reading to her and sitting quietly in bed with her (and I think a big girl bed is a good idea for sure) for a half hour or so might help the situation a lot. Maybe rub her back a feet to relax her.

Books... esp. one on repeat a good 5 times *LOL* Back rubs... She may go out, but often wakes back up 15 minutes later pitching a fit.

KBjimAZ

#1 may help, but not a lot will change without mom helping make the change too (depending on how often she is with mom).
#2 Earplugs. Seriously though, dad needs to nut up and deal with it and break the habit. Forming a specific bedtime routine helps, but again, mom will need to help with that on her end.

Frayde

Big girl bed, take her shopping for it, make it a big deal "Look how big you are getting." Or, at Mommy's house you sleep with Mommy, but in Daddy's house, you sleep nearby, where I can hear you if you need me. Also, my middle child didn't sleep through the night until he was 7 y.o. At age 3, I told him Mommy and Daddy's bed wasn't big enough for 4 people (there was a new baby by then). I put a sleeping bag under my bed, and when he woke in the night, he pulled that out and slept next to us. That was a good transition until he stayed in his own bed all night.

Good luck. (Oh, and before you know it, you'll be sending her off to college. Long before that, she will not want to sleep in the same room as you.)

CompressedCarbon

There is no magic but what worked at my house was a "little bed" placed right next to my bed. We had a foam chair that unfolded but it could be anything. I transitioned my non-sleeper from climbing into my bed to the little bed. She started the night in her own bed but if she woke with dreams or whatever, she was free to come crawl into the little bed. If she needed to physically touch me, then I'd throw my arm off the bed and she'd cling to that until she fell asleep.

If it's bad dreams that made her anxious to even GO to bed, then the answer is fairy dust, sprinkled and/or sprayed around the room to keep monsters and bad things out.

headofphat

Simple. Kids sleep in their own bed and parents sleep in their own bed. There is no gray area. It's your job as a parent to not only love but to discipline as well.

ew_david

I don't think the bed is the problem; it's the behavior that has been learned by the kid over time. Create a routine, let her know he's there but she can't sleep in his bed anymore. It's going to suck breaking that habit, especially if she gets to sleep with mom.

likitisplit

Sleep can be an issue for 2-year-olds. You might be having this situation regardless. (I don't care what your children did - this is a different kid in a different situation.)

I highly recommend "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" No matter what method you choose, No-Cry helps you understand where your kid is developmentally and just provides perspective on the whole thing.

thebabysleepsite.com is also an amazing resource.

wolverine66

Thankfully, I have a child who has never had problems sleeping (sometimes getting to sleep is an issue, because he wants to play).

Anyway, in my opinion, with parents who are divorced - it would seem that providing a child with as much consistency as possible would be the key. And if there is absolutely no wiggle room or discussion about changing the arrangements of the mother sleeping with the child, then she must get the father to agree to let the child sleep with him when she is there.

maybe he can move her after she falls asleep?

I don't know. but I do know we, as parents, have tried to maintain a routine - albeit sometimes a flexible routine as far as bed time. But it would seem more important with divorced parents that you try to keep a lot of things consistent and familiar as you can.