invisible to Visible. How's the attention you're getting?

marishka04

hi guys... so i wanted to ask those of you who have lost the weight and are at goal/comfortable place. I want to ask about the attention you get? Was there a huge difference in men/women approaching you? people noticing you in stores and giving you more service? people being nice to you? etc... I especially want to know in regards to dating or people noticing you. Is it true that for most, not all, but for most people it's like you go from being invisible to visible... how has your experience been?

P.S

When i say invisible to visible... i'm only talking about the physical, not you as a person and your worth. Just the physical aspect that we all know but might hate to admit, plays a huge part in our interactions in the world.

Ftw37

hi guys... so i wanted to ask those of you who have lost the weight and are at goal/comfortable place. I want to ask about the attention you get? Was there a huge difference in men/women approaching you? people noticing you in stores and giving you more service? people being nice to you? etc... I especially want to know in regards to dating or people noticing you. Is it true that for most, not all, but for most people it's like you go from being invisible to visible... how has your experience been?

Actually, in my case, I feel I have gone from visible to invisible. As a 419 pound fat man, people visibly reacted with disgust whenever I walked into a room.

Now I've lost weight, I am passed over as a "normal" person. I am invisible, in the background. Nobody reacts to me at all.

IT'S GREAT!

FTW

marishka04

hi guys... so i wanted to ask those of you who have lost the weight and are at goal/comfortable place. I want to ask about the attention you get? Was there a huge difference in men/women approaching you? people noticing you in stores and giving you more service? people being nice to you? etc... I especially want to know in regards to dating or people noticing you. Is it true that for most, not all, but for most people it's like you go from being invisible to visible... how has your experience been?

Actually, in my case, I feel I have gone from visible to invisible. As a 419 pound fat man, people visibly reacted with disgust whenever I walked into a room.


Now I've lost weight, I am passed over as a "normal" person. I am invisible, in the background. Nobody reacts to me at all.

IT'S GREAT!

FTW

marieamethyst

I'm a firm believer in "it's not always how you look, but how you act." I was confident and felt sexy even at my highest weight, and I had people come up to me in stores. When I was 6 weeks postpartum, and still had the appearance of being 5 months pregnant with the stretched out tummy, the sales guy at the shoe store flirted with me while I was purchasing new workout shoes to start my fitness journey.

So no, I haven't noticed a difference in how people react to me since I've lost a lot of the fat and reached a "normal" weight. Well, my husband compliments me daily on my progress and can't keep his hands off me, so there is that. :laugh:

sandsofarabia

Since I'm still on the weight-loss track I can't completely answer your question...

But what I have always thought about this situation is that it's not 100% about being "physically attractive" which helps you socially but the confidence that you gain with losing weight and being healthy that people become attracted to. I mean, there are a lot of women or men larger than me who have a significant other or feel very comfortable socially... it really depends on how you let others see yourself and how you feel because I can spot an insecure person almost immediately and it makes them less approachable. But when you're feeling fine and sexy about yourself, wearing clothes you never dared to do when you were larger... people see that sense of confidence and admire it. Some people who are larger just own it and can get by socially that way and losing weight is never for others but for you to feel good and healthy in your own body.

I hope that kinda gives a perspective of what you're getting at. Sure, I do think people are more attracted to healthier bodies but if you aren't healthy that doesn't necessarily mean nobody will notice you. But being healthy sure does help with feeling confident!

kessler4130

I get more attention than I know what to do with now, but am to busy training and eating to take advantage of it lol.

iLoveMyPitbull1225

I definitely agree with the comment about confidence! I have always been an outgoing and confident person so I am used to people (esp. men) approaching me. But now that I am at goal, I am that much more confident and I know that confidence radiates out of you. Men notice it.

Skinny_minny_mo

Since I'm still on the weight-loss track I can't completely answer your question...

But what I have always thought about this situation is that it's not 100% about being "physically attractive" which helps you socially but the confidence that you gain with losing weight and being healthy that people become attracted to. I mean, there are a lot of women or men larger than me who have a significant other or feel very comfortable socially... it really depends on how you let others see yourself and how you feel because I can spot an insecure person almost immediately and it makes them less approachable. But when you're feeling fine and sexy about yourself, wearing clothes you never dared to do when you were larger... people see that sense of confidence and admire it. Some people who are larger just own it and can get by socially that way and losing weight is never for others but for you to feel good and healthy in your own body.

I hope that kinda gives a perspective of what you're getting at. Sure, I do think people are more attracted to healthier bodies but if you aren't healthy that doesn't necessarily mean nobody will notice you. But being healthy sure does help with feeling confident!

agree with this. after some weight loss (i lost about 20 pounds prior to joining MFP) i began going out a lot more and definitely became more outgoing and confident. hardly anyone had noticed my weightloss but my outlook had changed

ive lost more weight since then and i truly believe that a lot of it is our mindset.

Mr_Bad_Example

What attention?

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MizTerry

I caught a fella looking at me in the glass door about three weeks ago and again a different fella the other day.

Just today, one guy asked me what I subscribed to and said I was looking really good. :drinker:

iRun_Butterfly

I think a lot of it has to do with feeling more confident with oneself. I know when I was heavier I did everything possible to avoid being seen and in my mind judged, including wearing unattractive clothes, walking around with a scowl, keeping my eyes averted. Since losing weight I feel I carry myself with more confidence and pride. I dress nicer, keep my head up, I'm not afraid to engage in conversation with people any longer. I'm not so sure how I look had/has anything to do with my visibility. People are friendlier, I think in part because I now am as well.

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shaynepoole

I agree with the other posters... It is a confidence issue... even at my highest weight I had no problem with getting attention and I never was invisible or felt that way.

The only difference now I get asked if I need a ride somewhere at least once a week when I am doing my daily walks which is more annoying than anything else

shaynepoole

Fat chicks are attracted to me

I just want to know if those are actual real oreo types

dawnmcneil10

Yes I have noticed a change and some days it really ticks me off. If you wouldn't do things like hold the door for me 50 pounds ago why are you doing it now? I can use this example because I tend to see the same people on a regular basis and they are not coworkers or anyone I know personally some people you just remember. Anyway, I find men tend to smile or say hello now when before the weight loss I was often times invisible so yes I get what you're saying. Women now tend to look at me differently as well but I take it as a compliment because I used to look at women that are the size I am now and think how lucky they were. It's sick how the mind works but understanding yourself makes a world of difference.
I can't say I get more attention in stores because I used to kind of hide where now I tend to shop in stores where you're more visible in general. I will admit I no longer have to find someone to ask a question there is often times someone offering assistance.

I'm married so dating isn't really something that comes into play but I will say men in general are more friendly and I think if I were single I'd have a much larger dating pool than ever before. The great thing about that is while hubby loves me no matter what my size he tends to want to go out and do more with me now so it is kind of like having more dates.

949BeachMom

When I was thin I was constantly being checked out. Im still fat so no attention yet. Im married so it doesnt matter but I know my husband checks me out a little more. Lol he knows something is up . Great is coming. Insha allah

seltzermint555

I feel kind of like the guy who said he has gone from visible to invisible. While I do get more random compliments from strangers, I generally feel like I'm not getting as many looks from people who before might have been thinking "ugh, she is so fat" and now they're just like "hmm, random 30-something woman" and look for more interesting places to focus their eyeballs ;-) In lines or stores I feel like people will shove ahead of me or try to slip past me...and for me that's weird because I am used to taking up a lot more space and claiming my territory with my body. Sounds nuts, but is true. I can't really do that now.

In general I do not feel like I get better service. I think a lot of this is because no matter how big I was, I always carried myself with a LOT of confidence and friendly demeanor. I never felt passed over.

I do think I get different treatment from women around my age (30's-40's). In the past I think I got a lot of pity kindness and now I'm perceived as competition by some, which is an odd feeling to me. I also find that acquaintances or friends of friends (female) are 10X more interested in hanging out with me than before. I think some of this is probably subconscious behavior on their part but I find it a bit sad...I would have loved to go to more cocktail parties, movies, and outdoor events when I was larger but only in the past year or so am I asked by ladies I //haven't// known for 20 years. For example, 5 years ago if I met "Julie" through my bff Kate, she would be like "Oh hey nice to meet you!" but now she's like "Add me on FB, let's all go to that museum you mentioned, and do you wanna come shopping with me?" -- happens a lot now, but never happened before.

I've always gotten hit on the same amount and it usually starts with something like my drink order or a vintage Smiths t-shirt or a book I'm reading...not body stuff. The dating scene for *me*, if I were single, would be pretty much the same I think, just maybe different guys being attracted to me...but not for reasons that are all that different from before. I think that really varies from person to person though. If you are part of a "crowd" where fitness and looks are #1 then it would probably be like night & day.

cootason

hi guys... so i wanted to ask those of you who have lost the weight and are at goal/comfortable place. I want to ask about the attention you get? Was there a huge difference in men/women approaching you? people noticing you in stores and giving you more service? people being nice to you? etc... I especially want to know in regards to dating or people noticing you. Is it true that for most, not all, but for most people it's like you go from being invisible to visible... how has your experience been?

Actually, in my case, I feel I have gone from visible to invisible. As a 419 pound fat man, people visibly reacted with disgust whenever I walked into a room.

Now I've lost weight, I am passed over as a "normal" person. I am invisible, in the background. Nobody reacts to me at all.

IT'S GREAT!

FTW

Mate what a champion good onya what an accomplishment to have gone all the way through this and got your results keep up the good work what an inspiration

365andstillalive

My first time around with weightloss when I dropped about 60lbs, I noticed a huge difference in the attention I got. That 100% had to do with me though: at 235 I didn't feel attractive, I hated my body and dressed to hide it (see the green dress in one of my pictures if you need an example), and while I pretty well always had a steady boyfriend I really wasn't interested in doing anything where I had to be naked or even close to.

I will say, even having put back on about 15lbs which made a considerable difference to my body composition, I still get the same amount of attention I did at 160 because I'm acting the same way that I did then. I might not feel attractive in every cut or style, but I feel attractive in a lot of the clothing I own. And I go out more, I interact with people and now I work in a career field where my appearance and the first impression I make are literally the difference between succeeding and failing. I never could have done the job I have now with the confidence I had at 235.

So, I expect there will be a little more attention as I get closer and closer to my goal weight, but I'm already getting attention where it matters -- from my SO who's loved me for the last two years no matter what weight I am. I feel like he deserves to be rewarded with my best me ALMOST as much as I do

hmrambling

I'm not at my goal weight and I get a lot of compliments and encouragement from people I know. Friends and coworkers ask first if I am losing weight, and then say that I look good and to keep it up. It feels good.

pawoodhull

I actually blogged about this! At 386 I was pretty much invisible. I was that elephant in the room, everyone knew I was there but no-one made eye contact or actually spoke to me. Fast forward a couple of years and I was down almost 150 pounds and suddenly people say hello in the elevator, strangers make eye contact smile and comment on the weather as I walk on my lunch hour, men and women acknowledge my presence.

I know that some of this is that as I lost weight and got more comfortable and confident, my attitude changed, I became more approachable. And the rest of it is that I am much closer to a "normal" weight now. I'm not the elephant any more. And we all know that if someone looks or acts outside the "normal" range, people in general avoid them. It's almost as though we as a society are afraid that obesity is contagious, so don't talk to the fat girl, ignore the elephant. Sad but that's my experience.

akgreen324

What attention?

QFT. I think the overwhelming responses will be from a female perspective since they're the ones getting their door beat down constantly. As a man you pretty much need to be in the top 1% as far as looks go to get any kind of random attention. That or appear visibly rich.

I disagree with this. Same goes for men. Confidence (Not cockiness) is sexy. There are guys at the gym that honestly don't look physically fit to me but the way that they carry themselves and know what they are doing/who they are made me attracted to them!!

Maybe you are looking at the wrong girls!!

GothyFaery

For me, I got a little more attention after I lost 40 pounds but I started getting a lot more attention after I put back on 2.5 pounds of silicone Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

caseypcarlin

I really do think it has a lot to do with your attitude/confidence. Kind of like when you feel unnoticed as a single person and then when you meet someone and you're feeling happy and confident you attract the attention you wish you had been getting before. My progress is small yet but I've always been the type who doesn't invite attention to myself due to lack of confidence and my introvert nature. I don't feel like I get much attention at the gym but I'm definitely not paying attention to anyone else, and there's usually plenty of girls that are more exciting to look at than I am, but I have noticed out and about I get more smiles and eye contact!

seltzermint555

Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I have found that men will do this for a ridiculous (and sometimes awkwardly) long period of time if I am wearing a dress or skirt. Although it has happened at every age and weight - and ANY type of dress/skirt. Kind of interesting lol. I wish I could do some sort of quasi-scientific study on the topic!

GothyFaery

Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I have found that men will do this for a ridiculous (and sometimes awkwardly) long period of time if I am wearing a dress or skirt. Although it has happened at every age and weight - and ANY type of dress/skirt. Kind of interesting lol. I wish I could do some sort of quasi-scientific study on the topic!

That is interesting because I don't OWN a pair of pants. I only wear dresses/skirts. I know it never happened before the weight loss and implants and now it happens several times a day. Not really complaining but not really bragging about it....

Lourdesong

I'm not at goal or anywhere close to it, and maybe it's just where I live (nova) but it's quite rare for me to see a fit person. Most people I see have a weight problem to some degree. I fit right in. Fit people are the anomaly.

Joannah700

No this makes sense. If I wear a maxi dress at Home Depot - I never have to hunt down someone to help me. And it's not always gentlemen, ladies help as well. Of course, this only works if you need paint or something. Wearing a dress to get lumber would be silly.

It could be that you're now in a position to notice the attention now.

After I broke up with my ex I noticed some guy checking me out and I remember sending a text to my sister - Some guy just checked me out! Crazy!

And she replied. Oh sweetie, people have always checked you out. You just never noticed before.

No idea if this is true, because well. But according to my sister, it may be true.

Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I have found that men will do this for a ridiculous (and sometimes awkwardly) long period of time if I am wearing a dress or skirt. Although it has happened at every age and weight - and ANY type of dress/skirt. Kind of interesting lol. I wish I could do some sort of quasi-scientific study on the topic!

That is interesting because I don't OWN a pair of pants. I only wear dresses/skirts. I know it never happened before the weight loss and implants and now it happens several times a day. Not really complaining but not really bragging about it....

seltzermint555

Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I have found that men will do this for a ridiculous (and sometimes awkwardly) long period of time if I am wearing a dress or skirt. Although it has happened at every age and weight - and ANY type of dress/skirt. Kind of interesting lol. I wish I could do some sort of quasi-scientific study on the topic!

That is interesting because I don't OWN a pair of pants. I only wear dresses/skirts. I know it never happened before the weight loss and implants and now it happens several times a day. Not really complaining but not really bragging about it....

Nah I didn't think you were bragging :-) I've just found this interesting for years.

seltzermint555

After I broke up with my ex I noticed some guy checking me out and I remember sending a text to my sister - Some guy just checked me out! Crazy!

And she replied. Oh sweetie, people have always checked you out. You just never noticed before.

No idea if this is true, because well. But according to my sister, it may be true.
.

I am sure that people have always checked you out!! That is funny though :-)

I'm used to like, guys saying they like my shoes or taste in movies and asking me if I want to grab coffee...I am not used to dudes in Affliction t-shirts calling me hon and babe. The first couple of times I was like WTF JUST HAPPENED.