invisible to Visible. How's the attention you're getting?

pawoodhull

I actually blogged about this! At 386 I was pretty much invisible. I was that elephant in the room, everyone knew I was there but no-one made eye contact or actually spoke to me. Fast forward a couple of years and I was down almost 150 pounds and suddenly people say hello in the elevator, strangers make eye contact smile and comment on the weather as I walk on my lunch hour, men and women acknowledge my presence.

I know that some of this is that as I lost weight and got more comfortable and confident, my attitude changed, I became more approachable. And the rest of it is that I am much closer to a "normal" weight now. I'm not the elephant any more. And we all know that if someone looks or acts outside the "normal" range, people in general avoid them. It's almost as though we as a society are afraid that obesity is contagious, so don't talk to the fat girl, ignore the elephant. Sad but that's my experience.

akgreen324

What attention?

QFT. I think the overwhelming responses will be from a female perspective since they're the ones getting their door beat down constantly. As a man you pretty much need to be in the top 1% as far as looks go to get any kind of random attention. That or appear visibly rich.

I disagree with this. Same goes for men. Confidence (Not cockiness) is sexy. There are guys at the gym that honestly don't look physically fit to me but the way that they carry themselves and know what they are doing/who they are made me attracted to them!!

Maybe you are looking at the wrong girls!!

GothyFaery

For me, I got a little more attention after I lost 40 pounds but I started getting a lot more attention after I put back on 2.5 pounds of silicone Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

caseypcarlin

I really do think it has a lot to do with your attitude/confidence. Kind of like when you feel unnoticed as a single person and then when you meet someone and you're feeling happy and confident you attract the attention you wish you had been getting before. My progress is small yet but I've always been the type who doesn't invite attention to myself due to lack of confidence and my introvert nature. I don't feel like I get much attention at the gym but I'm definitely not paying attention to anyone else, and there's usually plenty of girls that are more exciting to look at than I am, but I have noticed out and about I get more smiles and eye contact!

seltzermint555

Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I have found that men will do this for a ridiculous (and sometimes awkwardly) long period of time if I am wearing a dress or skirt. Although it has happened at every age and weight - and ANY type of dress/skirt. Kind of interesting lol. I wish I could do some sort of quasi-scientific study on the topic!

GothyFaery

Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I have found that men will do this for a ridiculous (and sometimes awkwardly) long period of time if I am wearing a dress or skirt. Although it has happened at every age and weight - and ANY type of dress/skirt. Kind of interesting lol. I wish I could do some sort of quasi-scientific study on the topic!

That is interesting because I don't OWN a pair of pants. I only wear dresses/skirts. I know it never happened before the weight loss and implants and now it happens several times a day. Not really complaining but not really bragging about it....

Lourdesong

I'm not at goal or anywhere close to it, and maybe it's just where I live (nova) but it's quite rare for me to see a fit person. Most people I see have a weight problem to some degree. I fit right in. Fit people are the anomaly.

Joannah700

No this makes sense. If I wear a maxi dress at Home Depot - I never have to hunt down someone to help me. And it's not always gentlemen, ladies help as well. Of course, this only works if you need paint or something. Wearing a dress to get lumber would be silly.

It could be that you're now in a position to notice the attention now.

After I broke up with my ex I noticed some guy checking me out and I remember sending a text to my sister - Some guy just checked me out! Crazy!

And she replied. Oh sweetie, people have always checked you out. You just never noticed before.

No idea if this is true, because well. But according to my sister, it may be true.

Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I have found that men will do this for a ridiculous (and sometimes awkwardly) long period of time if I am wearing a dress or skirt. Although it has happened at every age and weight - and ANY type of dress/skirt. Kind of interesting lol. I wish I could do some sort of quasi-scientific study on the topic!

That is interesting because I don't OWN a pair of pants. I only wear dresses/skirts. I know it never happened before the weight loss and implants and now it happens several times a day. Not really complaining but not really bragging about it....

seltzermint555

Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I have found that men will do this for a ridiculous (and sometimes awkwardly) long period of time if I am wearing a dress or skirt. Although it has happened at every age and weight - and ANY type of dress/skirt. Kind of interesting lol. I wish I could do some sort of quasi-scientific study on the topic!

That is interesting because I don't OWN a pair of pants. I only wear dresses/skirts. I know it never happened before the weight loss and implants and now it happens several times a day. Not really complaining but not really bragging about it....

Nah I didn't think you were bragging :-) I've just found this interesting for years.

seltzermint555

After I broke up with my ex I noticed some guy checking me out and I remember sending a text to my sister - Some guy just checked me out! Crazy!

And she replied. Oh sweetie, people have always checked you out. You just never noticed before.

No idea if this is true, because well. But according to my sister, it may be true.
.

I am sure that people have always checked you out!! That is funny though :-)

I'm used to like, guys saying they like my shoes or taste in movies and asking me if I want to grab coffee...I am not used to dudes in Affliction t-shirts calling me hon and babe. The first couple of times I was like WTF JUST HAPPENED.

Joannah700

[/quote]

I am sure that people have always checked you out!! That is funny though :-)

I'm used to like, guys saying they like my shoes or taste in movies and asking me if I want to grab coffee...I am not used to dudes in Affliction t-shirts calling me hon and babe. The first couple of times I was like WTF JUST HAPPENED.
[/quote]

I can just imagine this! If anyone ever called me babe I would stand straighter and look around looking for this mysterious 'babe'.

I bet it provided an ego boost though. Congratulations. You have babe status.

joepayer

What attention?

QFT. I think the overwhelming responses will be from a female perspective since they're the ones getting their door beat down constantly. As a man you pretty much need to be in the top 1% as far as looks go to get any kind of random attention. That or appear visibly rich.

This ^^^

seltzermint555

What attention?

QFT. I think the overwhelming responses will be from a female perspective since they're the ones getting their door beat down constantly. As a man you pretty much need to be in the top 1% as far as looks go to get any kind of random attention. That or appear visibly rich.

This ^^^

I'm not so sure. My ex husband was ~5'10" and well over 300 lb, greying hair, glasses, he looked like Drew Carey in the 90s and he got a ton of female attention. He had a very very outgoing and friendly personality. Women would give him their number, flirt endlessly, fawn over him and touch his tattoos and stuff like that.

My husband is 6'2" and a fit 204 lb and very handsome -- women who see photos of him in a suit are like "WOW, that's your husband!?"...but he is not flirtatious or smiley and when strangers speak to him he gives short, simple answers. He almost never gets hit on. Yay...haha...but seriously, I think personality type -- and often confidence -- have a LOT to do with this for both genders.

riffraff2112

Some days I am aware of the difference in how people treat me. Then again, maybe I am imagining things
Two examples

1. Recently I went to renew my auto insurance and the agent dealing with me was exceptionally talkative, flirty, noticed my last name and asked if I was italian, and kept rambling about trips, summer, etc.... I have been in that same agency, and dealt with the same agent nearly a dozen times in the last decade....but I guess she didn't have the time for me when I was overweight!

Of course, it could simply be that I was dressed better, smiling, or she was having a great day....who knows.

2. Walking on the beach, I notice girls in the distance do a double take and take a long glance at me. As I walk by, I can visibly see their necks following my motion.

Again....maybe they are trying to read my baseball cap, or could be thinking "who the hell does this guy think he is?", or ' hey that looks like my dad!'

I suppose what I am trying to say is your perception of reality is everything. When I am feeling good about myself, I think it radiates. When I am not feeling confident, I am usually looking down, and not even paying attention to anyone else, hoping to just go about my business.

BekaBooluvsu

For me, I got a little more attention after I lost 40 pounds but I started getting a lot more attention after I put back on 2.5 pounds of silicone Men will hold doors for me when I'm a good 15-20 steps away now. They just stand there holding the door while I walk up. It's kind of awkward because I am not one for small talk so it's 3-5 seconds of silence then me saying thanks as I get closer.

I feel the same but I've not had my breasts done yet. I've lost 85# and my breasts are still as big as they were.
Before, I was just huge everywhere so my breasts didn't look proportionate. Now, they look huge compared to
my smaller size. Let's just say my husband is very pleased with my new-looking body. Can't wait to get
bigger ones myself.

BekaBooluvsu

Some days I am aware of the difference in how people treat me. Then again, maybe I am imagining things
Two examples

1. Recently I went to renew my auto insurance and the agent dealing with me was exceptionally talkative, flirty, noticed my last name and asked if I was italian, and kept rambling about trips, summer, etc.... I have been in that same agency, and dealt with the same agent nearly a dozen times in the last decade....but I guess she didn't have the time for me when I was overweight.

You are not imagining it. I get the same thing at the grocery store. The same people
who 8 months ago pretended I didn't exist now won't shut up. I honestly don't think they
realize I'm the same person. I did change my hair so maybe that's it.

seltzermint555

I've lost 85# and my breasts are still as big as they were.
Before, I was just huge everywhere so my breasts didn't look proportionate. Now, they look huge compared to
my smaller size. Let's just say my husband is very pleased with my new-looking body. Can't wait to get
bigger ones myself.

Do you mean your breasts DID look proportionate with a larger body? Because that's kind of how I feel. My cup size hasn't changed after losing 134 lb and my band size has gone way down...so now I have to be very careful when shopping for clothing unless I want my bra showing, cleavage for days, etc. A lot of dresses in my current size just are not cut for very large chests and that's something I never considered in the past. It is a whole new set of issues, not that I'm complaining...but it's odd. I think a few dresses and tops I own have people staring at my large chest and that really wasn't something I experienced before because I think DD on a size 10/12 neatly fitted dress is a lot more noticeable than DD in a flouncy 3X top. It is not a real "problem" to me, I don't have any sort of back pain or other issues and I don't think my chest is unusually huge at all but yeah...new issue to deal with when shopping, for sure.

Keepcalmanddontblink

I've lost 85# and my breasts are still as big as they were.
Before, I was just huge everywhere so my breasts didn't look proportionate. Now, they look huge compared to
my smaller size. Let's just say my husband is very pleased with my new-looking body. Can't wait to get
bigger ones myself.

Do you mean your breasts DID look proportionate with a larger body? Because that's kind of how I feel. My cup size hasn't changed after losing 134 lb and my band size has gone way down...so now I have to be very careful when shopping for clothing unless I want my bra showing, cleavage for days, etc. A lot of dresses in my current size just are not cut for very large chests and that's something I never considered in the past. It is a whole new set of issues, not that I'm complaining...but it's odd. I think a few dresses and tops I own have people staring at my large chest and that really wasn't something I experienced before because I think DD on a size 10/12 neatly fitted dress is a lot more noticeable than DD in a flouncy 3X top. It is not a real "problem" to me, I don't have any sort of back pain or other issues and I don't think my chest is unusually huge at all but yeah...new issue to deal with when shopping, for sure.

I have the same problem and, I've had to buy tops and dresses that fit me in the chest, but baggy everywhere else. I found a great seamstress who just makes the alterations that I need on my new clothes.

I have always noticed men staring when they didn't think I was looking, and a few who kept on staring even if I made eye contact. I always wondered why they bothered...what are they looking at and what are they thinking? I always feel self conscious when I see it and assume its a judgy stare, with them mentally condemning me and my gluttonous ways. I know that they probably were not thinking anything of the sort, at least not all of them. I had one blatantly hit on me, so not all the stares are stares of disgust.

Now, that I am smaller, (but still fat), I still feel the same awkward way about those looks. I wonder when I am smaller, will I stop assuming that they are looking with disgust, and think they like what the see? Or will I continue to see myself as the fat chick who grosses people out?

TMM211073

Actually, in my case, I feel I have gone from visible to invisible. As a 419 pound fat man, people visibly reacted with disgust whenever I walked into a room.

Now I've lost weight, I am passed over as a "normal" person. I am invisible, in the background. Nobody reacts to me at all.

IT'S GREAT!

FTW

I totally agree with FTW.

I've gone from visible to invisible, I used to get abuse from kids in the street and people would look down at me when I was 321lb - nowadays I walk in the room and I don't even get a raised eyebrow, kids no longer shout abuse at me when I walk down the road, the only attention I get is the odd vehicle horn when walking, usually I'm wearing leggings and a Tshirt, listening to my headphones so I hardly notice it - but I do sometimes wave out to the driver lol

It's great, I love being "normal" I love being largely ignored, I love not getting noticed and yes I do get better service than I did when I was 321lb.... Also when I order food, I no longer get disgusted looks, which is great, I no longer have to feel guilty for eating in public..... IT'S FANTASTIC

xXx

muzichick

I also feel like I've gone from conspicuous to inconspicuous in most settings. People no longer scowl at me, or refuse to sit near me in public places (as if obesity is contagious).

I also do get better customer service in stores, particularly from men.