Dealing with a "food bully"?
Replies
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Step 4:
(While doing steps above... no need to wait!)
Take out a personal ad on Craig's List. Include your stepmom's real name and photo (maybe photoshop a good body on it), but your father's cell phone number. In the ad, use words like, "lonely" and "nympho". Don't forget to mention "REALLY enjoy the company of the neighbor's Great Dane."
If you do this, please let us know how it' turns out. I'll wait.
OMFG!!! Dying of laughter!!!0 -
Ignore them and let the results speak for themselves0
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get your food
wait for the proverbial comment
do the slow blink/look
take a big bite of said food
burst into song (beyonce works well)
or perhaps all about the bass
and twerk your way obscenely out of the kitchen singing loudly- don't let her say anything else- or stop for her to speak.
Oh please do this.
Do. This.0 -
Your sister isn't talking to you. She's putting on some kind of performance art for your dad/stepmom/grandma. I've seen this in my own family too. Especially when the family isn't all that emotionally close, they will take whatever excuse to be on the same side of a topic - in this case your weight. It's a way for them to feel closer by ostracizing you (and was probably something for her to bond with your stepmom over). Even though its not conscious on her part, it's really hurtful. I would still agree with posters about bringing up the topic to her (alone), but know that this won't necessarily change the behavior if she really wants to be accepted by your dad/stepmom/grandma. You will likely just have to ignore/avoid and keep telling yourself that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your body. Great progress - and keep up the good work!0
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11 days is both not a very long time, and can be the longest time ever.
I agree with the poster who said don't engage, don't address the comments. Just eat what you need to eat and move on with your day. Plug headphones in while you're in the kitchen if you need to. Sure, you'll have to take them out whenever the stepmonster wants your attention, but taking a distant, cool tone with questions like "Is there something I can help you with?" and then returning to your headphones when stepmonster has no specific, limited, actionable tasks for you.
If that doesn't work or they demand you leave your headphones out while in the kitchen (or whatever), the next best thing I would suggest is being *super* passive aggressive back. Like, if stepmonster is harping on your food choices, turn around and eat it right in front of her, like uncomfortably close. I mean, open-mouthed, lip-smacking, fork-scraping, groaning-around-your-food loud. She'll either be so annoyed she'll leave, or she'll find something different to yell at you about.
It's not mature *at all* to escalate passive aggression, but really, she sorta deserves it. Or you can do the mature, adult thing and try to have a non-confrontational discussion about it.
And dont forget to TALK while you are open-mouthed eating your food, til you end up spewing little bits of your lunch on her. She'll quickly leave :laugh:0 -
i have family/ in laws that are crazy with this type of stuff. it pisses me off to the MAX. if I order something and it goes in the mailbox ( ours are mixed up with hers all the time) my mother in law will be a nosy son of a you know what. and make comments. like no one wanted to hear that bull**** or deal with it. UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to do what the hell I want with my body and that is that dang it!0
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honestly, your family sounds like a bunch of *kitten*.
if you HAVE to continue living there, you could start with the civil route. explain to them that you are making progress and that their commentary is not only unwelcome, but hurtful.
if that doesnt work, and i hope it does, i would try ignoring them or killing them with kindness. that seems to REALLY irk people when they realize they are not getting the best of you.
"thats gonna make you fat"
*smile* "gee, i sure hope not!" *walk away*
final option A. is to verbally abuse the family. tell your sister she's looking a little puffy herself. tell stepmom it's too bad she couldnt find a different family to infiltrate and poison. remind gram that her end is likely coming soon. tell dad his genetics are the issue and you wish you had a stronger bloodline.
final option B. is to kick the **** out of your sister as a reminder to the rest of them that you are on a mission and you are not to be crossed.
I don't live with my dad (haven't seen him in over a year; all contact is via phone/internet due to court order) and my grandma's comments are only at gatherings or on the phone as well. As for my sister, well, she's bigger than me (by half a foot and 40lbs) and hits harder so beating the crap out of her isn't exactly possible.0 -
honestly, your family sounds like a bunch of *kitten*.
if you HAVE to continue living there, you could start with the civil route. explain to them that you are making progress and that their commentary is not only unwelcome, but hurtful.
if that doesnt work, and i hope it does, i would try ignoring them or killing them with kindness. that seems to REALLY irk people when they realize they are not getting the best of you.
"thats gonna make you fat"
*smile* "gee, i sure hope not!" *walk away*
final option A. is to verbally abuse the family. tell your sister she's looking a little puffy herself. tell stepmom it's too bad she couldnt find a different family to infiltrate and poison. remind gram that her end is likely coming soon. tell dad his genetics are the issue and you wish you had a stronger bloodline.
final option B. is to kick the **** out of your sister as a reminder to the rest of them that you are on a mission and you are not to be crossed.
I don't live with my dad (haven't seen him in over a year; all contact is via phone/internet due to court order) and my grandma's comments are only at gatherings or on the phone as well. As for my sister, well, she's bigger than me (by half a foot and 40lbs) and hits harder so beating the crap out of her isn't exactly possible.
Just hang in there. Sometimes life throws the hardest of things at us to make us stronger. You have a few days of this, and while we were all posting entertaining ways to handle it, in the end you just need to dig deep and accept that your family is a bunch *kitten*. You need to go out and build a life for yourself. You can do that. Just hang in there.0 -
Ok, All kidding aside I'm assuming that your sister is also an adult, or at least close to it.
Have you actually asked her why she feels the need to behave that way? I mean, not asking in a nasty or sarcastic way, but in an honest way - without malice, without assuming you know the answers, but with kindness and directness.
And if she says something like, "because I think you're fat" then ask her why that bothers her so much. Just keep asking why she feels that way or how it negatively effects her life until she has nothing left to say.
Basically, challenge her to evaluate her TRUE motives herself.
In all honesty, one of two things will happen: she will either come to the realization that she's being unkind and wouldn't want someone to treat her the way she is treating you, *OR* she will stop bugging you because your questions make her uncomfortable.
Either way, you get what you need.
Even if nothing substantial would come of it now, it might lay some groundwork for building a stronger friendship between the two of you in the future.0 -
Are you sure it isn't "sister teasing"?
My brother is way more fit than I am, yet I keep annoying him in ways like this but we both know its just brotherly teasing. He does it to me too so yeah.
If its not that but coming from jealousy then I'd say the best way is to fight her in the same way she's doing it, tease her about stuff she's serious about.0 -
Are you sure it isn't "sister teasing"?
My brother is way more fit than I am, yet I keep annoying him in ways like this but we both know its just brotherly teasing. He does it to me too so yeah.
If its not that but coming from jealousy then I'd say the best way is to fight her in the same way she's doing it, tease her about stuff she's serious about.
Even if it isn't meant in malice if it is constantly 1 sided and bothers her it still isn't ok.0 -
None of my friends or family treat me this way but my fiance's mom (who is 6 feet tall and 115 lbs) always asks me about my weight and it makes me really uncomfortable. I never know her intentions when she asks if I have lost any weight, if I'm still working out and how much weight I have left to lose, but no matter how she intends it to sound, it just makes me more self-conscious. I've learned that I just have to walk away from the conversation, I do my best to politely dismiss the comment and move on. If I didn't choose to let it go, I would not be able to enjoy spending time with her anymore, and I do love her, but her strong opinions of what people should look like drives me crazy. It isn't easy but good luck with your family!
Keep your head up!0 -
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I'd straight up tell them to mind their own business. I don't know how many times I've had to tell nosey snobs (blood related and non) to shove it because they don't know me, my mind, or my body.0
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What a ***** - I bet she's only saying that because she's jealous of you. Are you going to be moving out for college or anything? I think moving out of that toxic environment is the best thing you could do.0
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Hah. The food bully I know is the opposite. He tries to make you eat unhealthy and goes come on, just a little bit! Lots of starving kids in Africa!
That's my mom.
Maybe you can stay at a friend's until you go away to school.0 -
11 days.
+1
Have a good year at college
Yep.
It's a nasty situation, but it's almost over.
Be sure to tell your sister to stfu when you leave.0 -
I'd stay with a friend for 11 days...and find an apartment for next year.0
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11 days yeah I will stay out all day and night until I felt like the fell asleep and wake up before they do and leave and repeat it until they are gone. i wouldn't even be there when they depart.0
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honestly, your family sounds like a bunch of *kitten*.
if you HAVE to continue living there, you could start with the civil route. explain to them that you are making progress and that their commentary is not only unwelcome, but hurtful.
if that doesnt work, and i hope it does, i would try ignoring them or killing them with kindness. that seems to REALLY irk people when they realize they are not getting the best of you.
"thats gonna make you fat"
*smile* "gee, i sure hope not!" *walk away*
final option A. is to verbally abuse the family. tell your sister she's looking a little puffy herself. tell stepmom it's too bad she couldnt find a different family to infiltrate and poison. remind gram that her end is likely coming soon. tell dad his genetics are the issue and you wish you had a stronger bloodline.
final option B. is to kick the **** out of your sister as a reminder to the rest of them that you are on a mission and you are not to be crossed.
I don't live with my dad (haven't seen him in over a year; all contact is via phone/internet due to court order) and my grandma's comments are only at gatherings or on the phone as well. As for my sister, well, she's bigger than me (by half a foot and 40lbs) and hits harder so beating the crap out of her isn't exactly possible.
She is only half a foot taller yet 40Ibs heavier than you? Maybe she is the one who should be losing weight in that case.0 -
Every time she says something, smile warmly and reply "how kind of you to take an interest!", then immediately change the subject. Repeat ad nauseum until she realizes this is the only response she will ever get; she'll get bored and move on to trying to find other topics and ways to get a rise out of you.So, in the last 11 days before I return to college, my younger sister has returned home from our dad's. Lovely. (Background: our dad is an emotional abuser with NPD, and is married to a woman who hates me). She has decided to take on the family mantle of "'helping' Cat lose weight" by camping out in the kitchen all day and commenting every time I open the fridge or put something in my mouth. "Aren't you on a diet?" "You're just going to gain it all back" "Wow, that'll kill your diet for the day" "Well, there's always tomorrow", etc etc. She's basically echoing our grandma, a lifetime size 00 and former model. And it is driving me insane. I'm getting it from all sides- her, my father, my stepmother (who is especially venomous) and my grandma.
This!!!0 -
Noone mess with my macros or they die..muahajahaha Kame haame ha!0
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Response: "I've carefully considered what I'm eating and how much on a daily basis, and I've got this. I'll let you know if I ever need advice about food consumption."
Then, stick it out for the next 11 days.
You look great! Don't let haters get you down.
This. Very wise.0 -
There will always be excuses to not hit your macros or calorie goals. I don't know how old you are, but perhaps it's time to get your own place, and live your own life.0
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You: So sis, how much weight have you lost?
Her: ~10 lbs
You: Look behind you, you'll find it
Or just say, "No, I'm not on a diet, this is how I eat now"0 -
This is very very true! It's nothing to do with you but how they feel about themselves.
I enjoyed reading this response after a small argument with a friend recently (totally not related) -
but pushing her views I don't believe in onto me. I've been upset all day and came to the conclusion
it's not me, its her. She is projecting her unhappiness about the same subject onto me, and is not 'caring' as she
put it, but being controlling, because she can't control her own emotions over the same issue in her life.
So totally ignore them, it's not to do with you at all, its' to make themselves feel better and unfortunately you're
getting the brunt of their insecurities.
Sounds like they are all terrified of putting on weight, and instead of telling themselves off, they are projecting this
worry onto you...and it's completely unrelated!
Well done on your weight loss, even 3 days of chocolate and donut binges won't put a y weight back on, so don't worry,
keep doing what you're doing!!0 -
I've come to the conclusion that people act a certain way towards others because they are trying to overcompensate a flaw within themselves. Basically it's them, not you. I know this isn't very comforting, but it's true.
A fire only grows with fuel. These kinds of fires are fueled by response. Don't acknowledge her comments, and suddenly the fuel for the fire is gone. She will then have to turn her attention elsewhere to try and get a rise out of someone.
This is very very true! It's nothing to do with you but how they feel about themselves.
I enjoyed reading this response after a small argument with a friend recently (totally not related) -
but pushing her views I don't believe in onto me. I've been upset all day and came to the conclusion
it's not me, its her. She is projecting her unhappiness about the same subject onto me, and is not 'caring' as she
put it, but being controlling, because she can't control her own emotions over the same issue in her life.
So totally ignore them, it's not to do with you at all, its' to make themselves feel better and unfortunately you're
getting the brunt of their insecurities.
Sounds like they are all terrified of putting on weight, and instead of telling themselves off, they are projecting this
worry onto you...and it's completely unrelated!
Well done on your weight loss, even 3 days of chocolate and donut binges won't put a y weight back on, so don't worry,
keep doing what you're doing!!0 -
That REALLY sucks. It was exactly the same for me when I was your age. Mum, dad and little brother bullying me for my size and weight. Mum was the food police. But you made it. You lost the weight despite everything. And you got good advice here (and I only read the first page!). Use it and keep going. You are strong. Chin up. xxx0
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Every time she says something, smile warmly and reply "how kind of you to take an interest!", then immediately change the subject. Repeat ad nauseum until she realizes this is the only response she will ever get; she'll get bored and move on to trying to find other topics and ways to get a rise out of you.So, in the last 11 days before I return to college, my younger sister has returned home from our dad's. Lovely. (Background: our dad is an emotional abuser with NPD, and is married to a woman who hates me). She has decided to take on the family mantle of "'helping' Cat lose weight" by camping out in the kitchen all day and commenting every time I open the fridge or put something in my mouth. "Aren't you on a diet?" "You're just going to gain it all back" "Wow, that'll kill your diet for the day" "Well, there's always tomorrow", etc etc. She's basically echoing our grandma, a lifetime size 00 and former model. And it is driving me insane. I'm getting it from all sides- her, my father, my stepmother (who is especially venomous) and my grandma.
Also, I like this advice.
^^^ this ditto0
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