Dealing with a "food bully"?

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Replies

  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
    Dear Younger sister,

    This type of behavior is not appropriate or acceptable from Grandma, Dad, or Stepmother. What makes you think it would be acceptable from YOU? How can I help you establish normal and appropriate relationships and boundaries with people before it becomes too late and you believe that the way in which we were raised and the examples we were given are in any way appropriate ways to function in society. I love you lots, but what you're doing is not OK and it's NOT OK for me to tolerate it.

    Lovingly,
    Older sister
  • cdoesthehula
    cdoesthehula Posts: 141 Member
    What a horrible situation to be in.

    I hope it's not out of place to say, but in any course of action you take please remember she's still your little sister.

    She sounds troubled and unhappy, and will regret the way she is acting now when she's older.

    So try not to let it make you hard. You will be gone in a few days, and she's stuck there. When you see her comments as a reflection of her unhappiness, they won't have so much power over your feelings.

    If I were you, I would be as kind as I can, then go back to college and get on with my life.

    Sending positive thoughts. :smile:
  • ssbobbyh
    ssbobbyh Posts: 19 Member
    There's a lot of great advice here.

    Me? I would tell them once and only once how their comments make me feel and that I have enough stress without family adding to it.

    If they insist on continuing, just ignore them or skip a few visits. I had a similar issue with my mother. She continued to criticize me and I skipped a Thanksgiving and a Christmas. She doesn't criticize me anymore.

    It sounds a bit extreme, but your family visits are supposed to be (mostly) fun and comforting. You don't need to spend your time getting harassed.
  • SrMaggalicious
    SrMaggalicious Posts: 495 Member
    I have the best 'death stare' in the world, and carry one of those Costco 'People Erasers' in my back pocket...great tools....also headphones.

    As my dad always said "ignore the ignorant", and especially if the crap coming out of their mouth is negative and judgmental. They prob wouldn't know a macro from a dried up piece of macaroni they found on the floor. CHOOSE not to let their words absorb inside of you. YOU'VE GOT THIS!!

    "11 days...11 days....1 days." - repeat that mantra out loud in front of them and knock down a day as each one passes....

    PS. Once school is over, try to NOT move back into that toxic environment.
  • NotJustADieter
    NotJustADieter Posts: 229 Member
    What a ***** - I bet she's only saying that because she's jealous of you. Are you going to be moving out for college or anything? I think moving out of that toxic environment is the best thing you could do.

    I'm entering my junior year of college- thankfully I leave in a few days!
  • NotJustADieter
    NotJustADieter Posts: 229 Member
    honestly, your family sounds like a bunch of *kitten*.

    if you HAVE to continue living there, you could start with the civil route. explain to them that you are making progress and that their commentary is not only unwelcome, but hurtful.
    if that doesnt work, and i hope it does, i would try ignoring them or killing them with kindness. that seems to REALLY irk people when they realize they are not getting the best of you.

    "thats gonna make you fat"
    *smile* "gee, i sure hope not!" *walk away*

    final option A. is to verbally abuse the family. tell your sister she's looking a little puffy herself. tell stepmom it's too bad she couldnt find a different family to infiltrate and poison. remind gram that her end is likely coming soon. tell dad his genetics are the issue and you wish you had a stronger bloodline.

    final option B. is to kick the **** out of your sister as a reminder to the rest of them that you are on a mission and you are not to be crossed.

    I don't live with my dad (haven't seen him in over a year; all contact is via phone/internet due to court order) and my grandma's comments are only at gatherings or on the phone as well. As for my sister, well, she's bigger than me (by half a foot and 40lbs) and hits harder so beating the crap out of her isn't exactly possible.

    She is only half a foot taller yet 40Ibs heavier than you? Maybe she is the one who should be losing weight in that case.

    She is a bit large, but she's also built completely differently than I. She plays high school football (at her public school!!!) while I dance and do yoga, for context. She's pretty much all muscle and has been bigger than me since she was 9 and I was 13.
  • SeattleJill
    SeattleJill Posts: 73 Member
    Man. I really want you to twerk out of the kitchen while singing beyonce. And a pity that she is larger than you. I'm not recommending you do this, because that would make me an awful person. This is merely a story. I had a similar situation with my sister when I was a teen and she was a teen many moons ago. It got bad. Instead of physically fighting with her (I would always get busted for that since I was bigger) I decided to use psychological warfare. I had her convinced by the end of summer that all of the adults in the family were secretly discussing pooling money for her to get a nose job because her nose was so freakishly big and they all called her pretty all the time because they thought her self esteem needed it, since she had such a HUGE nose (she didn't) and because she was only in 'normal" classes and not honors classes like me. Every time she brought up food issues with me, or weight, I would touch my nose and whisper chant at her "Ugly." She avoided me at all cost by the end of the summer. Sometimes in an effed up family situation you have to play dirty to take care of yourself.

    FYI, my sister and I are best buds now,she is my number 1 fan, I am hers, and neither one of us talk to most of our family anymore. But we spend a lot of time laughing about how effed up everything was for us.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    Doesn't sound like bullying to me.

    If you find it that bad, move out.
  • AlyssamR6712
    AlyssamR6712 Posts: 114 Member
    wow some family you got.. i am sorry you have to go through that! ... honestly in my opinion i would tell them to F*** off and leave me alone. No song and dance im very blunt
  • whitehorse67
    whitehorse67 Posts: 101 Member
    People who don't struggle with weight have no clue how hard it can be to keep motivated or avoid slipping sometimes. I noticed you have a 22lb weight loss!....AWESOME!....Continue to reach your goal....THAT is how you respond to the snarky comments. It sounds easy I know, but just let them flap their lips....as long as YOU are happy with your progress, that's all that matters. You're doing a great job and it's working for you. Just concentrate on those who give you encouragement and you can accomplish anything!
  • skittle316
    skittle316 Posts: 128 Member
    I'm going to throw this out, you are GORGEOUS.
    2nd I know exactly what you've been going through. I was always a fat kid, and had this cousin M, she would ALWAYS comment on my weight. We were going to a all you can eat buffet, i didn't eat anything that day so clearly I would fill my plate. I filled it half with vegetables half with meat chicken,muscles, fish and lemon chicken/pork. I come to sit and she just looks at me with the most judgmental look on her face" That`s a lot of food, what happene to your diet". I wanted to punch her face, it pissed me off since at the time I had an eating disorder, I was starving myself and still people were commenting on my weight. So i told her "it's my body , i"ll put what i want in it. Focus on your own". When it comes to my weight, none of the comments were ever directed about my HEALTH, it was always about vanity. She didn't like how i looked after i gained weight back, but why the **** did she care.

    To make it better, she ALWAYS complains about wanting to loose weight. Every single time I see her the words "i'll start my diet tomorrow" are always uttered. Now that I have lost weight, she can't help but suck up to me. I didn't mind because i genuinely want to help people loose fat and be healthy. Last week she talked so much **** about me, after she made a huge deal about food. Yet not once have i complained about how rude she was to me about my weight.

    I've cried and purged because of her. I've learned to just cut people like her out, i'll still be nice but i`m NEVER helping her with her weight. She has a spiteful and hurtful personality, she`s entitled and only cares about herself. There`s no point of bothering with people like that.
    My best advice i can give you is don`t say anything back when she makes comments. People like that love the reaction and the attention from others. If you don't acknowledge they're there, they end up being left with their own words. Keep doing what you`re doing, while she runs her mouth you get closer to your goal :)
  • aledba
    aledba Posts: 564 Member
    Your sister isn't talking to you. She's putting on some kind of performance art for your dad/stepmom/grandma. I've seen this in my own family too. Especially when the family isn't all that emotionally close, they will take whatever excuse to be on the same side of a topic - in this case your weight. It's a way for them to feel closer by ostracizing you (and was probably something for her to bond with your stepmom over). Even though its not conscious on her part, it's really hurtful. I would still agree with posters about bringing up the topic to her (alone), but know that this won't necessarily change the behavior if she really wants to be accepted by your dad/stepmom/grandma. You will likely just have to ignore/avoid and keep telling yourself that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your body. Great progress - and keep up the good work!
    Except that the sister just got back from visiting the dad/stepmom, so who is this performance for? You sound like you have some unresolve issues...
  • angela233Z
    angela233Z Posts: 312 Member
    I would make them sit down with me every time they said something and listen as I explain in painstaking detail why I am able to fit whatever food it was in to my plan. I would show them my target calories and explain what each macronutrient is and why it is important and how my choice of food fits my plan. I would run reports, print out charts detailing my progress, show projected weight loss, etc.. Then I would start asking them about their eating habits and offering tips on how they could improve.

    But then I'm kind of a b-word.

    great idea!!
  • CaptnSasquatch
    CaptnSasquatch Posts: 8
    Sounds like they are really unhappy people. Keep yourself safe and give them LOTS of space. I hope things get better!
  • janine2355
    janine2355 Posts: 628 Member
    Tell her she needs counseling. Maybe you guys can do family therapy? If not, I would suggest you go to counseling, so that you can learn how to handle these horrible remarks and abuse and the therapist or psychiatrist can teach you how to become stronger. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'm sending you a big hug! :flowerforyou: :frown:
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    Headphones and LOUD music when in the kitchen!!

    My gram can be the same way, maybe not as bad... but close. I just learned over the years to ignore it or to be a smart *kitten* about it.

    But it is only for a short time so perhaps you can power through with some change in strategy. Maybe start a little good food stash in your room (cereal, nuts, protein bars, etc.). I know it sucks but it would at least eliminate some trips to the kitchen.

    Best of Luck and know that really... it's them being crazy not you!!

    I 2nd the headphones and loud music! LOL

    But then again, if it was my sister - I'd tell her to STFU and keep her opinions to her dam self. That usually curbs the unsolicited advice. ;)
  • CaptnSasquatch
    CaptnSasquatch Posts: 8
    Funny as hell - and it sounds like a great idea!
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    11 days.

    exactly.
    :blushing:
  • mcgetsskinny
    mcgetsskinny Posts: 1
    AH it's rough. I'm getting married and I'm trying to lose weight, but I hate people conflating the two, like I MUST be trying to lose weight for the wedding. There's this notion that overweight people have to wear bags on their heads to be presentable in society.

    Food bullies suck, especially in your family. She sounds like she has her own issues and she's just projecting onto you. Chin up lady.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    As a big sister, my only concern would be if she's trying to get your attention i.e. if she has a reason to act out for you? I never knew until I was much older that my little brothers actually loved and needed me, because 99% of the time when they wanted to talk to me they'd let me know it by being complete jerks, just because they really didn't know any other way.

    So, if you have any kind of feeling that she might be asking you for something in a totally dysfunctional way, pay attention to it. Maybe you could cover all the bases with something like, "Are you okay? You're acting really obsessed with me and I'm sure you're not actually that pathetic, so if you need to talk, I'm here for you."

    -Mean Older Sis

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