How do some people let themselves get so big?
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Self loathing, based off being chubby when I was a kid and my dads response to it. I won't go into a huge long story, but in my case I self sabotaged because I was never taught that you could be beautiful at any weight. My weight was ALWAYS even from young childhood (and I was by NO MEANS FAT AS A YOUNG CHILD) just slightly bigger than my sister, anyway, I was ALWAYS told "you'd be so pretty if you lost a few pounds" and this is as a FOUR year old and FIVE year old. I still harbor anger against my dad but honestly, I know my reasons why, I know he was wrong, and I know where value comes from now (surely not from my pants size).
You can't see yourself as anything but a Monster, if you're called nothing but a monster from an early age.
Just sayin'.0 -
I'm asking this question because I want to understand them better. I can understand economic a little overweight, but how do people let themselves become so big?
My breaking point was when I was either in danger of becoming overweight, or I already was a little (I was 5'4 140lbs). I know thee are people who get between 300-500lbs, sometimes even more. Do they not realize? Give up? Don't care?
I don't want this to offend anyone who is or has been of that weight, I really just want to understand how it happened a little more.
Because sometime life happens--its gradual in many cases and you don't see it, like many other things in our day to day living.
And then some times you decide to do something about it.
Its a reasonable question.
Fsunami0 -
This is going to be popular .. :noway:0
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Endocrine diseases (i.e. diabetes, insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, hypothyroidism, Cushing's, Addison's)
Hormonal imbalances (i.e. cortisol)
Tumors (i.e. insulinoma, carcinoid syndrome, pituitary, adrenal)
Pregnancy
Chemotherapy medications
Antidepressants
Mental illnesses (i.e. depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.)
Poor diet
Injuries0 -
I knew someone would say that. Grats! You are the winner, sort of. Maybe not. It's nice of you to give us your opinion without even knowing me at all.
Let me tell you a short story.
I went with a friend, for moral support, to her first AA meeting. Being the friendly person that I am, I introduced myself to many people and chit chatted before it all started.
I was asked how long I've had a problem. I replied with, "Oh, I don't have a problem."
I can not tell you how many people told me I was in denial. When people shared, lots were talking about denial and looking at me....
Wow, I don't even drink.
Moral of the story- get the story before you judge. Thanks.Self hatred, depression, denial, etcetcetc
Not for me. No. I have always loved myself.
For me, food is/was a hobby. Developing new recipes and trying new things. I was always cooking and baking for a crowd. When there was no crowd around, that meant more for me. Yay!
I never had a problem with being fat until I couldn't touch my toes and being physically exhausted for days at a time. That was my rude awakening that something needed to be done but I never felt shame, abused, lonely, or unloved.
Until I started MFP, I never really realized how many calories I was actually taking in.
So, I'm not cooking for a crowd anymore. I am trying new recipes that are low fat, carb, and calories. My life is a different kind of party now and I still love and respect myself.
*I am only speaking of my own experience. I can not and will not answer for anyone else.
Not trying to nitpick, but what you described actually falls into the denial part of his answer.
Well okay then. I mean, it just sounds like letting things get to the point where you can't touch your toes, are physically exhausted and then diagnosed with diabetes is being a bit being in denial about the weight gain affecting your life and health.0 -
I am 280 lbs and have always been a big girl. I was a big baby, toddler, child, teenager, and now adult. I gained 100 lbs within the last couple of years with 2 pregnancies. I have always hated my weight but tried with different diets to lose it but nothing would come from it. I am talking about being 13 years old and doing this all on my own because I really couldn't get any help. My parents broke their backs just to keep a roof over our head and at the time it was easier and quicker to eat out and buy cheap junk food. I have always loved salads and fruits but now I know that I would take those low calorie vegetables and throw a huge amount of no good dressings, bacon, and salt on it. When I was 16 I wanted to lose my weight but didn't know how to do it correctly so I would go out in 100 degree weather with a thick jacket on it and push mow the grass. I went to a theme park with my aunt with the same jacket on and ended up passing out. I didn't eat for almost two weeks, overheated, and completely drained. I ended up being on an IV for a week to get better. I told myself that God wouldn't make losing weight so hard if he wanted me to be skinny and I felt that way for awhile...until recently! I am married with a 4 year old and 1 year old. I can't keep up with them like I should without running out of breath so I decided I need a change. I am only 10 days in but I walk 2x a day for at least 30 minutes and I am eating healthy and under my calorie goal. In a nutshell I got this way from depression (tried suicide when I was in the 6th grade), self loathing, poor nutrition as a child, and towards the end complete denial. That is changing because I am not on a diet like I was years ago I am changing my lifestyle for the better
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Self hatred, depression, denial, etcetcetc
Me personally I agree with this, I have come to realize that I hated myself , and was completely depressed. It's like a slow suicide, you just completely give up and don't care what happens anymore. When nothing makes you happy anymore, except for maybe that 10 mins your eating chips or something. Of course the more weight you gain, the more depressed you become, and it just becomes a vicious cycle.
This exactly.0 -
Lots of things, no 1 reason for everyone, stress, anxiety, apathy, many things. NOT self loathing, morons. I'm onea the smartest cutest people here. I hate my appearance, I'll add more weight :huh: There can be a cycle, but it's not that cut and dried. I wouldnt worry about it, Bluecat, doesnt seem you'll get there. I hope u dont. But I cant see if ur pretty. Best wishes on your journey.0
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I went from 120 lbs at age 23 to 203 lbs at age 36.
Growing up, my home life was pretty chaotic - Mom and Dad constantly fought with each other, and therefore my sisters and I constantly fought with each other. Dad was cold, barely touched us, never said I Love You unless it was pre-printed in a greeting card for the rare holiday. Mom was overly affectionate and used me (the oldest) emotionally as a substitute for her husband since she couldn't get affection from her own. So I spent my childhood longing for Dad and pushing my Mother away from me (smothered).
I was a chubby kid and got bullied a lot in school ("hey, do you float in the pool?", etc.). I didn't know it then, but I now realize I was very depressed during those years. My mom took me to Weight Watchers and Jazzercise when I was 11. I loved both and by the time I was 15 I had shot up a few inches and got down to 114 lbs. But I remained seriously depressed and angry.
In my mid-20's, I met a man who quickly became my "everything". He was the prince I'd always dreamed of (hello, daddy figure). He made me so happy that I immersed myself in his life. He was british, a soccer player, a talented videographer, extremely funny, made good money, and had great taste in music...and food. He took me out to eat sometimes for every meal during the weekend. I had never tasted Thai food before in my life, for example, but he introduced me to it. I had never had a good wine, and he showed me how to pick one. It was a super sensual relationship filled with concerts and restaurants and films and romantic events...and lots of attention. I probably gained 15 lbs from eating out alone, plus I believe I was completely lost in this man and his affection. Meanwhile, he had the metabolism of a racehorse and nothing stuck to his body.
When he broke up with me, I felt my life was over. By then, I had experienced so much pleasure from all that rich food that I could no longer seem to stop eating it. And I hated myself for letting him get away, which fueled my depression, and fueled me into the food even further. I probably got up into the 140's at that point but somehow managed to hold steady there for a long time.
In 2002, I met another man whom again, I fell hard for, and he was athletic and loved to eat (and drink). There were many stressful aspects of our relationship, not the least of which that I was sick a lot that year, and we traveled every other weekend to another state to see his children. But again...I was looking for happiness in another person, so I lost touch with my own life and sense of self...my friends, family, church, and hobbies. This was my fault, mind you! But again...I became lost in the man....and the food. Trying to escape the sadness I normally drowned in.
By 2003 I had gained FIFTY pounds and found myself neck-deep in a full blown food addiction. That year was a total blur. I don't remember much, except I DO remember the food. Lots of "moments" with food: stopping at Target for Dark Chocolate Moose Munch, then at Ray's Ice Cream Shop for a huge cup of Moose Tracks (what was with me and moose's? lol), then through KFC drive through for the combo meal. All evidence was thrown away before I got home, so that no one (including myself) would know what I'd done.
I was probably eating 5-6 desserts a day, easily. If there were huge cookies from a deli leftover after a meeting, I would go into the kitchen when no one was looking and ferret 4-5 of them out in a napkin. Then I'd eat all five before leaving work, and I'd obsess about having another one. Sugar simply didn't make me sick like it did normal people. I could eat almost a whole cake and still want more. I ate relatively healthy when people were looking, so they were confused as to where my weight came from. They didn't see me downing the four cupcakes I'd gotten at that specialty bakery after work.
I did that for another decade. Every SINGLE morning I woke up and said, "today's a new day! Today I start my new diet! I will start eating better! I will lose weight! I won't eat sugar anymore! I am a new woman!"....... and by 10am I'd already eaten a Snickers out of the break room vending machine. The desire to change, matched with the lack of control, was so painful that I had to eat over it. It was a horrible, vicious cycle. I could not get out of it. I wanted to, but I was trapped.
When you are in the grip of an addiction, you live as if you are strung up by your arms and legs. Paralyzed, unable to move this way, or that. Depression and denial keep you in a zombie-like state, where you feel like you're moving through molasses. You feel helpless, hopeless, angry, sad, and ashamed. I can't count the times I thought, "what's the use? Might as well just eat and eat. No one cares. No one knows. You'll never escape. You'll always be this way. So just give in." And you do. On the one hand you want to stop....on the other, you don't because it feels sooooo good to drown in the food. You are literally torn between two worlds and a slave to the cycle of eating and restricting that spins between those worlds.
I won't go into the long story about how I got out of it. That's a tale for another day. Just know that I DID escape and I HAVE reached my goal and I WILL never go back. :happy: But you wanted to know how we got into it, so there you go. That's my version of it. Hope that gives you some insight.0 -
I'll never understand. Came in to try again but nothing. I just assume they're set in "their ways". Same as smokers that can't quit. No desire to change. Too damn stubborn. Not changing your bad habits is easy; change is hard...
That's mighty presumptuous of you. This would be one of those instances where if you have not walked in those shoes you might want to keep your assumptions to yourself. I will agree that change is hard, but just because someone has a hard time doing it does not mean they have "no desire to change", or are "too damn stubborn". Weight loss has not come easy to me ever in my post-puberty life (I was totally normal weight wise until I was 13), and knowing full well that it's going to be an "uphill battle" is quite discouraging. Add in a nice heaping pile of self loathing and it's really easy to just go bury yourself in a jar of Nutella to avoid all the pain and hurt you feel.
But you wouldn't understand that, yet so many of us on here do all too well because it's something we face every time we look in a mirror. Hell even when I was at a healthy weight I still hated what I saw, and almost 33 year old me wishes she could go back and slap the taste out of 20/21 year old me's mouth for all the self loathing.0 -
I was 321lbs at my heaviest & my weight never bothered me really. I could still do athletic things, I had no aches or pains as you would expect someone my size to have. As I've always been big I'd imagine i've just conditioned myself overtime to adjust to the size. It never stopped me in anything so it never came across my mind to lose weight. No denial, no depression, no self-hatred, nothing like that.
but yeah fat people know they're fat, they're sadly reminded by most people around them who would rather mock the point than actually suggest that they might have an issue that needs sorting.0 -
Thru eating disorders and depression episodes, the weight can just sneak up on you....because..you ignore the signals...you check out of life and only function as a shell of a person...till something triggers your survivor mode and you come back ...and realize the damage you have caused yourself...0
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Beats me!0 -
i cant give a general answer about everyone who is overweight.
all i know is that for me it is not nearly as simple as you need to eat less and not as simple as just letting it happen.
it was a defense mechanism, it was self punishment, it was obsession and compulsion, fear of success, confusion about life, and it was also a reaction to breaking worse habits and replacing them with food.
it would take me a lot of therapy i cant afford to find clearer answers than that.
i didnt let it happen though, i made it happen.0 -
I knew I was fat. I, on some level, didn't realize HOW fat. And I only say "self loathing" because when a daddy tells a little girl how jealous she must be of her sister, and that she'll never get married or fit into a cheerleader uniform if she "keeps going the way she's going", how can you not hate yourself? I had NO idea what LOVING myself was. I was even bribed by my dad to not eat, or only eat lettuce or spinach or vegetables or whatever for money. ALL BEFORE I TURNED 7. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad now. But he had some major issues w/ narcissism, and I never understood that being so young.
This was all HUGELY mentally twisting for me. I was manipulated into thinking that the first man who was supposed to love me, would only love me if I was the right weight. Eating for me was used as a punishment. I was 'rewarded' for good behavior with junk food (which was completely counteractive) and punished by taking away food and being grounded if they caught me with junk food that they didn't give me (per my father, if my mom would've had her way she'd have stopped it). I constantly, in my mind, felt I was being deprived of something good. So I snuck food, binged, would eat bowls of cereal in my bed at night repeatedly. My sister learned behaviors from my dad, and chastised me for eating.
My case is beyond different from a lot of peoples, I get that, but honestly 'fat shaming' is more common than people realize. ALL of my friends growing up were overweight. Most of them had some kind of similar issue (though not as severe) as mine.0 -
Self hatred, depression, denial, etcetcetc
This + low self esteem, dysfunctional home life, bullying, abused, tormented, neglected need I say more.
ALL of the above!0 -
Self hatred, depression, denial, etcetcetc
This + low self esteem, dysfunctional home life, bullying, abused, tormented, neglected need I say more.
ALL of the above!
SydneyDeb!!
VegasDeb here
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I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome and that causes weight to be gained and it to be hard to lose, and I enjoyed food. PCOS also causes depression and anxiety which I have in leaps and bounds. Easier to eat my feelings than deal with them.
Family death and mental break down didn't help.
Not that I would consider myself super obese or hugely overweight, but I do need to lose so here we are.0 -
I knew I was fat. I, on some level, didn't realize HOW fat. And I only say "self loathing" because when a daddy tells a little girl how jealous she must be of her sister, and that she'll never get married or fit into a cheerleader uniform if she "keeps going the way she's going", how can you not hate yourself? I had NO idea what LOVING myself was.
I totally understand where you are coming from. The ***** who gave birth to me walked out when I was a baby and my Dad's family has never let me forget it to the point that as a child I was told by an aunt that I was so hidious that no one would ever love me, even my mother didn't! Nice thing to say to a 5-6 year old!!
I've always struggled with self confidence and image issues, too ugly and fat to care but I'm trying to turn that around. It's a bloody slow process, I wish the weight came off as fast as it goes on
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You have to understand addiction, and complete denial of evidence of the problems addiction causes. I believe fat people have a perception disorder, about the true size of their body, same as an anorexic thinks he or she is fat, despite evidence against this.
And really, when you are asking this question, why are you doing fat shaming? I notice you did not bring up the issue of an anorexic, who gets so thin he or she needs hospitalization....
This is supposed to be a safe place, for support. We don't need people who have not had our problems, to be judgemental.
Just count yourself lucky, you don't have to deal with this addiction. You will never understand.0 -
Self hatred, depression, denial, etcetcetc
Me personally I agree with this, I have come to realize that I hated myself , and was completely depressed. It's like a slow suicide, you just completely give up and don't care what happens anymore. When nothing makes you happy anymore, except for maybe that 10 mins your eating chips or something. Of course the more weight you gain, the more depressed you become, and it just becomes a vicious cycle.
This was me for a LONG TIME. I was overweight when I graduated high school (around 200 pounds at 5'9) and I got that way because kids can be vicious, and sneaking snacks at night after my parents went to bed was my comfort. over the next 6-7 years or so I gained about 100 pounds.... which is only a pound or two pounds a month, so it was pretty slow, and I just didn't want to acknowledge it. But every time I had to buy bigger pants, it would depress me more. Every effort to lose weight would be derailed around the 10lb mark because I just *couldn't* take it anymore. I didn't know how to do it right, and I would eat as little as possible for about a month, and then binge for several days, repeat.
Sprinkle in some horrible experiences with guys with my first few forays into the romantic world, some job losses, and other upsetting events in my life... Well, some people find comfort at the bottom of a bottle, I found comfort at the bottom of a pint of ice cream.
By that time though (mid 20s), I figured it was a lost cause... and the people around me didn't help with that. The "why bother?" attitude of those who I felt comfortable enough to discuss my weight loss goals with eventually got to me, and I stopped trying... until I got engaged and managed to lose over 50 pounds.
Then I went through several more stressful events (and again found comfort with my buddies Ben and Jerry) and gained it back plus some over the course of the next couple years. And now at 30, I've decided to try AGAIN. I'm almost 40 pounds down again this time around, and have managed to do this through a very stressful time. It's a good learning experience for me, and hopefully I can keep it off this time.
I've always known I was fat, and it's always bothered me... just sometimes it didn't bother me enough to stop finding comfort in food, which for a long time was the only source of comfort I could find. (I'm a bit of an introvert)0 -
Why do some people make the *initial* decision to use illicit drugs and then refuse to stop and then they're robbing banks for the *kitten*?
Why do some people go overboard every time they enjoy a cocktail and then continuously up the ante until they're pushing a grocery cart stolen from a market loaded with all their earthly belongings?
Why do some people blow every penny they earn on gambling?
Why do some people who claim to love their immediate family members treat them like garbage?
Why do men and women who claim to love their spouses cheat on them anyway?
It's funny how these questions above are not so scintillating but so many people want to know how fatty got so fat.
So glad you put this list together. It's just what I was thinking. How can they let themselves drink, cheat, gamble, hit their spouse, beat their dog, bite their nails, pick their noses, ignore their children, smoke crack, steal from a store! But no, it's how could they let themselves get fat?0 -
Endocrine diseases (i.e. diabetes, insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, hypothyroidism, Cushing's, Addison's)
Hormonal imbalances (i.e. cortisol)
Tumors (i.e. insulinoma, carcinoid syndrome, pituitary, adrenal)
Pregnancy
Chemotherapy medications
Antidepressants
Mental illnesses (i.e. depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.)
Poor diet
Injuries
Nice list! There are so many reasons why people end up gaining weight. It is rarely a simple story for anyone.
In my case, I had a rogue tumor that kicked my thyroid into a tailspin. 6 years of failed treatments, medications with terrible side effects, and crippling depression pushed me toward 300 lbs. I finally ended up at 325 from binging on junk food (the only thing that gave me any comfort during that time).
I was too sick to pay attention to my weight. The merry-go-round of doctors visits and chronic exhaustion put weight loss at the bottom of my priority list.
Thank goodness a doctor discovered the tumor before it killed me. I had a successful surgery and found a therapist to stop the binging. Coming to MFP was the final step in learning to be healthy again.0 -
It can be from the dramatic of depression or illness to something really really simple like... you just didn't know.
I've never been over 300#'s, but I was over 200 and it just sorta creeped up on me. I knew I had some health issues, but I was trying and it boiled down to activity or exercise wasn't my issue but rather, I had NO CLUE what I was eating portion wise. None. I was eating rice and veggies for dinner with chicken without ever weighing. I got fat on that! Why? Because I was eating an entire cup of rice and a big 8oz chicken breast. Even though I THOUGHT I was eating 'right', I was eating 'healthy'... I was eating too dang many calories!
My point is, you can have the best of intentions but if you have no frickin' clue what you are doing right or wrong, you can still spiral out of control. I don't even remember what my turning point was. I just finally had that 'ah-ha!' moment and it clicked and I've been moving along. But until you have that moment and everything fits, it's like swimming in a pool of mud! You're trying, you just can't figure it out because you can't SEE IT.0 -
The highest weight I ever got up to was 238. That was right after my mother died and I just didn't care about myself anymore. I gained the weight quickly and lost it in a few months. I'm assuming that people are depressed like I was and don't realize that they are getting that big. I didn't realize that I was gaining that much weight until I saw pictures of myself and didn't recognize the person in the picture.0
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Here's one answer:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1366510-how-can-someone-get-to-538lbs
A very raw, moving, difficult story of his life.0 -
For me, food was an issue from the moment I figured out what food was and how comforting it was to eat. I was the fat one in a very slender family. My average weight was 200 pounds in high school (I'm 5 ft 4.5), and my highest was about 220. I battled with bulimia after my mother died, but I was still fat. The journey of rebuilding a new relationship with good has been a long one (at least 20 years), but it's been, and still is, worth it.
I used food for comfort, companionship, and to deal with many traumatic things I was forced to keep inside. Now, the gift is that I don't have to do that any more because I have the correct tools to deal with emotions, and a whole other set of tools I use for food issues.0 -
Sometimes food is the drug of choice.
This. At least for me anyway.0 -
I was addicted to food and I also knew almost nothing about health and nutrition. This is embarrassing but I didn't even have a notion of calories, carbs, fats... etc. until I was about 20. I just never paid attention or thought it was important. I knew I was fat because I ate too much and I ate fast food all the time, but I didn't actually understand the biochemistry aspect of it. I also just didn't care....0
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Hmm, if I am to follow the "logic" in some of these posts, I must conclude that thin people know everything about why "we" are so fat.
Self-loathing often has very little to do with being fat until you BECOME fat! Sometimes it's too much of the good life that makes you blow up. Parties, going out to lunch or dinner with friends too often, making holiday meals, celebrating, and generally not keeping a leash on yourself can make the pounds accumulate. There are some people whose bodies can handle the extra calories, and there are some whose can't. Not all of us have had unhappy childhoods, been abused, are depressed, or are punishing ourselves for something in our past. I got lazy, and didn't think about what or how much I was eating. I wasn't in denial. I was having fun, but I was not being smart. My fault. It happens.
I'll bet that some of you have never been really overweight a day in your lives. Until you are-- and maybe you'll never be, please don't sit on your high horse and tell fat people why they are so fat. You don't know. You don't have the answers. The only thing your comments prove is your ignorance. A few of the posts on this forum bear the subtle stench of discrimination. "They" is not a very nice way to refer to "us". Goody for you that you're not "so fat".
PS-- If you disagree with anything I said, YOU are in a state of denial. (Haha, I said it first!)0
This discussion has been closed.
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