How do some people let themselves get so big?

theotherblackguy

I was 321lbs at my heaviest & my weight never bothered me really. I could still do athletic things, I had no aches or pains as you would expect someone my size to have. As I've always been big I'd imagine i've just conditioned myself overtime to adjust to the size. It never stopped me in anything so it never came across my mind to lose weight. No denial, no depression, no self-hatred, nothing like that.

but yeah fat people know they're fat, they're sadly reminded by most people around them who would rather mock the point than actually suggest that they might have an issue that needs sorting.

pghsteelerfan

Thru eating disorders and depression episodes, the weight can just sneak up on you....because..you ignore the signals...you check out of life and only function as a shell of a person...till something triggers your survivor mode and you come back ...and realize the damage you have caused yourself...

GatorDeb1

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Beats me!

chadya07

i cant give a general answer about everyone who is overweight.

all i know is that for me it is not nearly as simple as you need to eat less and not as simple as just letting it happen.

it was a defense mechanism, it was self punishment, it was obsession and compulsion, fear of success, confusion about life, and it was also a reaction to breaking worse habits and replacing them with food.

it would take me a lot of therapy i cant afford to find clearer answers than that.

i didnt let it happen though, i made it happen.

TexasDarling09

I knew I was fat. I, on some level, didn't realize HOW fat. And I only say "self loathing" because when a daddy tells a little girl how jealous she must be of her sister, and that she'll never get married or fit into a cheerleader uniform if she "keeps going the way she's going", how can you not hate yourself? I had NO idea what LOVING myself was. I was even bribed by my dad to not eat, or only eat lettuce or spinach or vegetables or whatever for money. ALL BEFORE I TURNED 7. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad now. But he had some major issues w/ narcissism, and I never understood that being so young.

This was all HUGELY mentally twisting for me. I was manipulated into thinking that the first man who was supposed to love me, would only love me if I was the right weight. Eating for me was used as a punishment. I was 'rewarded' for good behavior with junk food (which was completely counteractive) and punished by taking away food and being grounded if they caught me with junk food that they didn't give me (per my father, if my mom would've had her way she'd have stopped it). I constantly, in my mind, felt I was being deprived of something good. So I snuck food, binged, would eat bowls of cereal in my bed at night repeatedly. My sister learned behaviors from my dad, and chastised me for eating.

My case is beyond different from a lot of peoples, I get that, but honestly 'fat shaming' is more common than people realize. ALL of my friends growing up were overweight. Most of them had some kind of similar issue (though not as severe) as mine.

sydneydeb

Self hatred, depression, denial, etcetcetc

This + low self esteem, dysfunctional home life, bullying, abused, tormented, neglected need I say more.

ALL of the above!

GatorDeb1

Self hatred, depression, denial, etcetcetc

This + low self esteem, dysfunctional home life, bullying, abused, tormented, neglected need I say more.

ALL of the above!

SydneyDeb!!


VegasDeb here

sinkinginseas

I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome and that causes weight to be gained and it to be hard to lose, and I enjoyed food. PCOS also causes depression and anxiety which I have in leaps and bounds. Easier to eat my feelings than deal with them.

Family death and mental break down didn't help.

Not that I would consider myself super obese or hugely overweight, but I do need to lose so here we are.

sydneydeb

I knew I was fat. I, on some level, didn't realize HOW fat. And I only say "self loathing" because when a daddy tells a little girl how jealous she must be of her sister, and that she'll never get married or fit into a cheerleader uniform if she "keeps going the way she's going", how can you not hate yourself? I had NO idea what LOVING myself was.

I totally understand where you are coming from. The ***** who gave birth to me walked out when I was a baby and my Dad's family has never let me forget it to the point that as a child I was told by an aunt that I was so hidious that no one would ever love me, even my mother didn't! Nice thing to say to a 5-6 year old!!

I've always struggled with self confidence and image issues, too ugly and fat to care but I'm trying to turn that around. It's a bloody slow process, I wish the weight came off as fast as it goes on

softblondechick

You have to understand addiction, and complete denial of evidence of the problems addiction causes. I believe fat people have a perception disorder, about the true size of their body, same as an anorexic thinks he or she is fat, despite evidence against this.

And really, when you are asking this question, why are you doing fat shaming? I notice you did not bring up the issue of an anorexic, who gets so thin he or she needs hospitalization....

This is supposed to be a safe place, for support. We don't need people who have not had our problems, to be judgemental.

Just count yourself lucky, you don't have to deal with this addiction. You will never understand.

FeraFilia

Self hatred, depression, denial, etcetcetc

Me personally I agree with this, I have come to realize that I hated myself , and was completely depressed. It's like a slow suicide, you just completely give up and don't care what happens anymore. When nothing makes you happy anymore, except for maybe that 10 mins your eating chips or something. Of course the more weight you gain, the more depressed you become, and it just becomes a vicious cycle.

This was me for a LONG TIME. I was overweight when I graduated high school (around 200 pounds at 5'9) and I got that way because kids can be vicious, and sneaking snacks at night after my parents went to bed was my comfort. over the next 6-7 years or so I gained about 100 pounds.... which is only a pound or two pounds a month, so it was pretty slow, and I just didn't want to acknowledge it. But every time I had to buy bigger pants, it would depress me more. Every effort to lose weight would be derailed around the 10lb mark because I just *couldn't* take it anymore. I didn't know how to do it right, and I would eat as little as possible for about a month, and then binge for several days, repeat.

Sprinkle in some horrible experiences with guys with my first few forays into the romantic world, some job losses, and other upsetting events in my life... Well, some people find comfort at the bottom of a bottle, I found comfort at the bottom of a pint of ice cream.

By that time though (mid 20s), I figured it was a lost cause... and the people around me didn't help with that. The "why bother?" attitude of those who I felt comfortable enough to discuss my weight loss goals with eventually got to me, and I stopped trying... until I got engaged and managed to lose over 50 pounds.

Then I went through several more stressful events (and again found comfort with my buddies Ben and Jerry) and gained it back plus some over the course of the next couple years. And now at 30, I've decided to try AGAIN. I'm almost 40 pounds down again this time around, and have managed to do this through a very stressful time. It's a good learning experience for me, and hopefully I can keep it off this time.

I've always known I was fat, and it's always bothered me... just sometimes it didn't bother me enough to stop finding comfort in food, which for a long time was the only source of comfort I could find. (I'm a bit of an introvert)

StrawberryJam40

Why do some people make the *initial* decision to use illicit drugs and then refuse to stop and then they're robbing banks for the *kitten*?

Why do some people go overboard every time they enjoy a cocktail and then continuously up the ante until they're pushing a grocery cart stolen from a market loaded with all their earthly belongings?

Why do some people blow every penny they earn on gambling?

Why do some people who claim to love their immediate family members treat them like garbage?

Why do men and women who claim to love their spouses cheat on them anyway?

It's funny how these questions above are not so scintillating but so many people want to know how fatty got so fat.

So glad you put this list together. It's just what I was thinking. How can they let themselves drink, cheat, gamble, hit their spouse, beat their dog, bite their nails, pick their noses, ignore their children, smoke crack, steal from a store! But no, it's how could they let themselves get fat?

eggomylegos

Endocrine diseases (i.e. diabetes, insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, hypothyroidism, Cushing's, Addison's)
Hormonal imbalances (i.e. cortisol)
Tumors (i.e. insulinoma, carcinoid syndrome, pituitary, adrenal)
Pregnancy
Chemotherapy medications
Antidepressants
Mental illnesses (i.e. depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.)
Poor diet
Injuries

Nice list! There are so many reasons why people end up gaining weight. It is rarely a simple story for anyone.

In my case, I had a rogue tumor that kicked my thyroid into a tailspin. 6 years of failed treatments, medications with terrible side effects, and crippling depression pushed me toward 300 lbs. I finally ended up at 325 from binging on junk food (the only thing that gave me any comfort during that time).

I was too sick to pay attention to my weight. The merry-go-round of doctors visits and chronic exhaustion put weight loss at the bottom of my priority list.

Thank goodness a doctor discovered the tumor before it killed me. I had a successful surgery and found a therapist to stop the binging. Coming to MFP was the final step in learning to be healthy again.

Jewlz280

It can be from the dramatic of depression or illness to something really really simple like... you just didn't know.

I've never been over 300#'s, but I was over 200 and it just sorta creeped up on me. I knew I had some health issues, but I was trying and it boiled down to activity or exercise wasn't my issue but rather, I had NO CLUE what I was eating portion wise. None. I was eating rice and veggies for dinner with chicken without ever weighing. I got fat on that! Why? Because I was eating an entire cup of rice and a big 8oz chicken breast. Even though I THOUGHT I was eating 'right', I was eating 'healthy'... I was eating too dang many calories!

My point is, you can have the best of intentions but if you have no frickin' clue what you are doing right or wrong, you can still spiral out of control. I don't even remember what my turning point was. I just finally had that 'ah-ha!' moment and it clicked and I've been moving along. But until you have that moment and everything fits, it's like swimming in a pool of mud! You're trying, you just can't figure it out because you can't SEE IT.

cookieinbk82

The highest weight I ever got up to was 238. That was right after my mother died and I just didn't care about myself anymore. I gained the weight quickly and lost it in a few months. I'm assuming that people are depressed like I was and don't realize that they are getting that big. I didn't realize that I was gaining that much weight until I saw pictures of myself and didn't recognize the person in the picture.

MKEgal

Here's one answer:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1366510-how-can-someone-get-to-538lbs

A very raw, moving, difficult story of his life.

SLLRunner

For me, food was an issue from the moment I figured out what food was and how comforting it was to eat. I was the fat one in a very slender family. My average weight was 200 pounds in high school (I'm 5 ft 4.5), and my highest was about 220. I battled with bulimia after my mother died, but I was still fat. The journey of rebuilding a new relationship with good has been a long one (at least 20 years), but it's been, and still is, worth it.

I used food for comfort, companionship, and to deal with many traumatic things I was forced to keep inside. Now, the gift is that I don't have to do that any more because I have the correct tools to deal with emotions, and a whole other set of tools I use for food issues.

starrylioness

Sometimes food is the drug of choice.

This. At least for me anyway.

fettgeist

I was addicted to food and I also knew almost nothing about health and nutrition. This is embarrassing but I didn't even have a notion of calories, carbs, fats... etc. until I was about 20. I just never paid attention or thought it was important. I knew I was fat because I ate too much and I ate fast food all the time, but I didn't actually understand the biochemistry aspect of it. I also just didn't care....

countscalories

Hmm, if I am to follow the "logic" in some of these posts, I must conclude that thin people know everything about why "we" are so fat.

Self-loathing often has very little to do with being fat until you BECOME fat! Sometimes it's too much of the good life that makes you blow up. Parties, going out to lunch or dinner with friends too often, making holiday meals, celebrating, and generally not keeping a leash on yourself can make the pounds accumulate. There are some people whose bodies can handle the extra calories, and there are some whose can't. Not all of us have had unhappy childhoods, been abused, are depressed, or are punishing ourselves for something in our past. I got lazy, and didn't think about what or how much I was eating. I wasn't in denial. I was having fun, but I was not being smart. My fault. It happens.

I'll bet that some of you have never been really overweight a day in your lives. Until you are-- and maybe you'll never be, please don't sit on your high horse and tell fat people why they are so fat. You don't know. You don't have the answers. The only thing your comments prove is your ignorance. A few of the posts on this forum bear the subtle stench of discrimination. "They" is not a very nice way to refer to "us". Goody for you that you're not "so fat".

PS-- If you disagree with anything I said, YOU are in a state of denial. (Haha, I said it first!)