Significant Other's and Dieting

SueInAz

I know my boyfriend. When he has his heart attack, he's going to change. He will be hopping on the healthy train. But that's what it's going to take. He loves me, but not enough to give up the yummy food.

So I wait for the heart attack and hope he lives through it.

Scary thought isn't it? I used to try to tell my husband he needed to change his habits before it was too late. Then I tried to tell him that it would be easier to change gradually by choice then to have to make a sudden change because of a health crisis. Now I just let him make his own choices. He's an adult and I can't continue to tell him what to do.
It's scary and hurtful to see them sabotage their health but we can only control what we do.

It's a little scary.

It's a little hurtful. Doesn't care about me, his kids, anyone. But I really think he thinks he can eat whatever he wants and the blood will just keep flowing through those arteries. "It won't happen to me" kind of thing.

When it does, he'll change.

I don't believe it's because they don't care about us or our kids, i believe it's because they don't care enough about themselves.

I work with a guy like this. He's about 50, obese, has already HAD the heart attack and knows he needs to change his lifestyle but doesn't. His brother died of a heart attack several months ago and that wasn't enough to motivate him, either. He makes jokes about dying young.... It's really rather depressing to watch someone live like that.

gmstarr1

My daughter and boyfriend were both thoughtfully bringing me treats when they came home from college and work. Cookies, ice cream, candy. Which none fit into my low carb diet (a moderation diet didn't work for me...I can't eat some things in moderation). All it took was about three or four times of not eating it, and they stopped. Now they either get something that fits into my plan, or they ask first.

My boyfriend jumped from diet to diet but never could find the instant success he was looking for. He's not a patient sort. He's also not the sort of guy you can nag into doing something. So I let it go. Which means a lot of nights him and our daughters (18 and 19) eat something totally different than I do or I adapt what they're eating to low carb.

When we eat out, we usually find some compromise. Usually we eat somewhere that I can find something that I can adapt, but sometimes we eat somewhere that there's just nothing that fits. And then I cheat a little to make him and my daughters happy. Overall I stay on my diet, and one cheat meal every so often is not going to undo everything.

Kalikel

I know my boyfriend. When he has his heart attack, he's going to change. He will be hopping on the healthy train. But that's what it's going to take. He loves me, but not enough to give up the yummy food.

So I wait for the heart attack and hope he lives through it.

Scary thought isn't it? I used to try to tell my husband he needed to change his habits before it was too late. Then I tried to tell him that it would be easier to change gradually by choice then to have to make a sudden change because of a health crisis. Now I just let him make his own choices. He's an adult and I can't continue to tell him what to do.
It's scary and hurtful to see them sabotage their health but we can only control what we do.

It's a little scary.

It's a little hurtful. Doesn't care about me, his kids, anyone. But I really think he thinks he can eat whatever he wants and the blood will just keep flowing through those arteries. "It won't happen to me" kind of thing.

When it does, he'll change.

I don't believe it's because they don't care about us or our kids, i believe it's because they don't care enough about themselves.

He knows I worry.

But he will shape up after the first heart attack. I'm as sure of that as I was sure my dad wouldn't, I know my peeps.

Not everyone lives through that first heart attack

Yes, I know, already mentioned that.

Thanks.

SueInAz

My daughter and boyfriend were both thoughtfully bringing me treats when they came home from college and work. Cookies, ice cream, candy. Which none fit into my low carb diet (a moderation diet didn't work for me...I can't eat some things in moderation). All it took was about three or four times of not eating it, and they stopped. Now they either get something that fits into my plan, or they ask first.

My boyfriend jumped from diet to diet but never could find the instant success he was looking for. He's not a patient sort. He's also not the sort of guy you can nag into doing something. So I let it go. Which means a lot of nights him and our daughters (18 and 19) eat something totally different than I do or I adapt what they're eating to low carb.

When we eat out, we usually find some compromise. Usually we eat somewhere that I can find something that I can adapt, but sometimes we eat somewhere that there's just nothing that fits. And then I cheat a little to make him and my daughters happy. Overall I stay on my diet, and one cheat meal every so often is not going to undo everything.

This is me! I eat low carb during the day when I'm at work. When I make dinner I'll often make the starchy side dish, take a teeny amount (If I don't take at least a little my husband will suspiciously ask me "What's wrong with it?") and eat lots of the veggies and salad. More and more often I'm skipping the starchy side and just serving a lean protein with a steamed veggie and a salad. My husband, who hates it when I eat low carb because it's "wierd" hasn't really noticed the substitution.

Snip8241

You and your fiancé have some talking to do.
Figure out what you want and tell him. This is not rocket science here. You each have different views on the way you want to eat and live your lives. He is not responsible for the way you eat, you are not responsible for the way he eats. Come up with a plan together.
That is what a relationship is........

menojy

My boyfriend has that type of body that eats everything and never puts on weight, he's lean but not totally healthy. When he wants to eat something that would mess up my calorie intake for the day I'd eat a small amount with him if I want to, but if I don't want I just tell him. He can eat whatever he wants and so can I. we have different metabolism, different weight history, different bodies and it's normal if we have different opinions about meals.
He's very supportive though, trying to be healthier for the sake of health but he's not determined, he has no reason to be anyway (weight wise), and if he was overweight it would be the same. Everyone have their own views on how they want to live their lives .

My mom on the other hand is the one who teases me with unhealthy food, she makes a lot of deep fried (anything), lots of cakes, deserts and so, the talk failed with her which made me sad a bit .. It was really irritating in the beginning but I learned how to ignore it ..
I used the "imagine that turning into fat on your stomach" method, now I don't even need to think about it.

I think you should talk with him, tell him that you choosing a healthy lifestyle would not put him under pressure of following you (which I think he feels right now) and just let him be for a while .. Nobody changes unless they want/have to ..

also explain that offering unhealthy food is just annoying and you'd like him to stop that ..

rosebette

I know my boyfriend. When he has his heart attack, he's going to change. He will be hopping on the healthy train. But that's what it's going to take. He loves me, but not enough to give up the yummy food.

So I wait for the heart attack and hope he lives through it.

Scary thought isn't it? I used to try to tell my husband he needed to change his habits before it was too late. Then I tried to tell him that it would be easier to change gradually by choice then to have to make a sudden change because of a health crisis. Now I just let him make his own choices. He's an adult and I can't continue to tell him what to do.
It's scary and hurtful to see them sabotage their health but we can only control what we do.

At my husband's last doctor's visit, he said the doctor asked him, "So you're waiting for that first heart attack to change?"

Nightstar76

I feel you issue, I have a similar situation too. Sometime I'm good sometimes I'm not! But I think you will always have challenges if its not your significant other its going to be vacation or a party or a restaurant or whatever! Try your best to pick the right things. He'll see you trying and will respect it after awhile. Not perfectly but he'll get it and may start working at it too. But you can't control what he does you can only control what you do for yourself.