MFP Friends, Support or Validation?

pamelas9

So I'm wondering if MFP friends really does anyone any good. Maybe I just need new ones.

First I stopped bringing my lunch to work (my diary is viewable).

After a few weeks and a few pounds gained, I stopped logging food altogether.

But as long as I logged in and kept having my day streak increase, they were like "way to go", "congrats" every time I hit five more days.

Then I just stopped. And no one noticed, cared, and/or reached out to me the way I do when they drop off the radar.


So what is it MFP? Are "friends" just so we can brag to each other at how awesome we are or are they about supporting each other and helping the other get back on track before all progress is lost?

happylife2014

I hear you on that one. Some people are that way, they want a ton of compliments/support but don't really return the favor.. But for me, I look at it like this.. If I'm helping you, that's all that matters. I WILL know if you drop off for more than a couple days, I DO pay attention to daily logs.

Feel free to add me, I would be happy to support you and hold you accountable, but don't be offended if I call you out on not logging or following through. Not every day is going to be perfect, but this site will do you no good if you don't use it the way it's intended and just be slack with it! That being said...

I do have some amazing MFP friends.. Some I've become very close with and go as far as weekly texting.. Just have to find the right ones!!

Enjoy your day!

ComingUntrue

Not every friend on your list is going to track your every move. If you are lucky and you reach out to others, you can meet some pretty amazing people here who will definitely keep up with you and notice when you're gone.

ThePhoenixIsRising

Some friends have large lists. If you need help reach out. We aren't mind readers, and are focused on our challenges aswell.

besaro

i am as interested and supportive of your goals/health/exercise as you are. If you cant be bothered to take care of yourself, I've got plenty of other things to do. Sorry if that sounds harsh but i am not going to track people down who have made other decisions about their life.

As for what you eat, again, that is up to you as an adult. If my friends make particularly good choices I try to acknowledge those.

I am sure you can find people on here that will support you in the way you want, those that don't fit your needs, well, it is again up to you to decide how you manage your FL.

and here's one for the road, wtg for coming back.

runfatmanrun

Why do you want friends here? My first 6 months here I had/wanted none and still lost 50 pounds with no support or validation from anyone but myself. If you're only logging in here and entering/completing your diary because you want people to notice then your priorities are a bit skewed in my opinion. In the mean time, while you figure out what you want from this site, I am sure you can find friends that fit your needs.

Remember, this should be for you and no one else.

Edit: i wouldn't trade my friends now for anything. But I have them for support and fun and they are f-ing awesome. If I can't validate what I do, why do I want others to make up my mind for me.

ew_david

I chose friends based on what I observed in the forums. If they had similar views as me and also had a sense of humor, I added them. Adding random people is pointless to me, IMO.

LeonXC

I posted that I was new here and needed a lot of support.
So this woman is sending me a bra.

I will never post again.

MizTerry

It depends on the friends you pick up.

I quit allowing my days to pop up because sometimes I'd miss a day.

The friends I have, yeah I've got a few new ones who are feeling me out more or less, but if they don't talk to me regularly, if they don't interact in any way, I drop them. Most of my friends I've had for a mighty long time and we are not only friends here, some are also on KIK with me so if one of us is having a bad day, KIK notes can be sent, and I have maybe two I share on Facebook.

It is what you put into it. Daily posting and a dash of humor will make you memorable.

Veil5577

I have quite a few friends here. I don't have the time to always comment on their progress or goals or whatever and I don't expect them to do that for me every day. I have a life outside of MFP and so do they. They know, I hope, that if they need support or advice they can definitely ask me. They can read my blog every day if they're interested or if it helps them.

Don't make a big deal out of it.

SaintGiff

Mine are more wild jackals than supportive or validating....

EvgeniZyntx

I'm no cop. If you don't log, eat or exercise I'm not here to watch you and enforce that. However, my friends post issues, life items, questions, events, daily comedies on their feeds or ask about specific things. These interactions are valuable. The wtg and thumbs up on logging are just a little wave. And on a rare day, I actually do look at diaries mostly at people that are succeeding for ideas or methods.

It's a symbiotic relationship not a gatekeeper one. There is definitely some great support without checking who is logging what or eating how much. ANGTFT.

And I've met a few in person...

_Zardoz_

So I'm wondering if MFP friends really does anyone any good. Maybe I just need new ones.

First I stopped bringing my lunch to work (my diary is viewable).

After a few weeks and a few pounds gained, I stopped logging food altogether.

But as long as I logged in and kept having my day streak increase, they were like "way to go", "congrats" every time I hit five more days.

Then I just stopped. And no one noticed, cared, and/or reached out to me the way I do when they drop off the radar.


So what is it MFP? Are "friends" just so we can brag to each other at how awesome we are or are they about supporting each other and helping the other get back on track before all progress is lost?

Your post actually highlights a problem I see people unwilling to accept responsibility for themselves. Those on my friends list yes they offer support some comment on my food diary and exercise. However it's not there responsibility to monitor my every move. I log food to track my food for me the same with my exercise. I see others do similar and yes it is sometimes inspiring what others achieve and interesting what is in their diaries. No matter what though it comes down to you. if you want help or support ask for it. Those friends that have been with me for a long time know quite a bit about my life because we communicate. We post things other than a completed diary. If I comment or like a diary I've read it others though may not have the time and may comment just to show they are there. I think you need to decide what you want out of MFP and those 'friends' when you've worked that out get a group that will help you and support you in the way you would wish. As someone said earlier they are not mind readers and we all have busy live off MFP ultimately though any responsibility is down to yourself only you can do it.

UsedToBeHusky

I occassionally drop in on friends that have been MIA for awhile to bring them back in, but only because I delete people if they stay gone for too long.

Here is the thing... support is only effective if you are accountable to yourself. Everyone here knows what they need to do and no one should have to remind you. You can't expect people to concern themselves with your fitness goals when they are focused on their own.

You can share with your friends and let them know you are in a bad place, and usually MFP will rally behind you. But if you won't even be accountable to yourself, then your friends aren't going to know that you need a little extra attention.

PikaKnight

So I'm wondering if MFP friends really does anyone any good. Maybe I just need new ones.

First I stopped bringing my lunch to work (my diary is viewable).

After a few weeks and a few pounds gained, I stopped logging food altogether.

But as long as I logged in and kept having my day streak increase, they were like "way to go", "congrats" every time I hit five more days.

Then I just stopped. And no one noticed, cared, and/or reached out to me the way I do when they drop off the radar.


So what is it MFP? Are "friends" just so we can brag to each other at how awesome we are or are they about supporting each other and helping the other get back on track before all progress is lost?

Depends on who you add on MFP, don't you think? Trying to define everyone on MFP, or just MFP in general, based on a few is pretty silly, overall.

You do understand that everyone has their own lives and problems they are trying to deal with (this includes their own health and fitness goals)? Maybe you didn't really interact with any of them and ended up just having people on your list you didn't know or got to know. Maybe they were dealing with their own logging issues or a dozen other possibilities.

Unless you really get to know the people on your FL, they aren't your friends or family. And even then, it's not their responsibility to coddle you through every down period you find yourself in.

Maybe you should learn to focus more on your own goals and realize that the only person, in the end, you need to rely on to push you to succeed is you and spend less time and energy trying to find or rely on others to pick you up every time.

Burt_Huttz

What are "real life" friends good for? What are they worth? Can you expect the same behavior from each one? Do you treat all of your friends the same? Do you get the same results in all your friendships regardless of how you treat each friend?

Best of luck in your efforts to tease out the mysteries of human interaction.

With love,
Burt

astroophys

With certain MFP friends who have mentioned to me that keeping on track is difficult for them, I'll send them a message if I haven't seen a daily log update in a few days or something. But, it's hard to expect that other people (strangers, when you think about it) are supposed to be responsible for YOUR taking care of yourself. People join MFP, first and foremost, to improve their health, not the health of others. Giving and receiving support is wonderful. That's why I add friends and post on these boards. But, I'm my priority.

And I think you should make yourself enough of a priority that you're not searching for others to do it for you.

Chevy_Quest

This is a real interesting post OP
I have some really good friends on MFP and my friends list has slowly grown "organically"

You wrote:

So what is it MFP? Are "friends" just so we can brag to each other at how awesome we are or are they about supporting each other and helping the other get back on track before all progress is lost?

I think it really gets down to what you define as "support". I really think it comes from your frame of reference. I personally feel that I am responsible for my own motivation and my own discipline to stick with my program. I don't expect any of my friends to "watch" what I do. What I like having friends for is to have people I can be inspired by.

One of the above posters put it so well:

I am as interested and supportive of your goals/health/exercise as
you are. If you cant be bothered to take care of yourself, I've got plenty of other things to do. Sorry if that sounds harsh but i am not going to track people down who have made other decisions about their life.

I think that there may have been people who have had experiences with other health/diet sites or fitness programs or even a gym where people examined their progress and logs.

I know for a fact that there is a sub-set of people here that won't friend people unless they have an open diary and they fully expect comments on their choices and freely comment on others. Personally, this is just me. I like to keep my diary closed. I have had people pass judgement on how much or how little I decided to eat and even how much sodium I was taking in. It wasn't asked for and I didn't appreciate it so I just closed my diary.

---

One way to get good friends is just by interacting and finding people who "vibrate on a similar frequency" as you do.

Here is something very well written

I'm no cop. If you don't log, eat or exercise I'm not here to watch you and enforce that. However, my friends post issues, life items, questions, events, daily comedies on their feeds or ask about specific things. These interactions are valuable. The wtg and thumbs up on logging are just a little wave. And on a rare day, I actually do look at diaries mostly at people that are succeeding for ideas or methods.

It's a symbiotic relationship not a gatekeeper one.

the key word is symbiotic

It is all give and take.

---

Finally.. because this is not real life and most of the time we don't know each other. Sometimes we are friends here with people and one or the other realizes that the MFP link just doesn't "mesh". When someone drops you, or you get dropped, It usually isn't that personal.

---

I will say one thing. I have dropped people who consistently insist on eating at a harmful calorie level (way below 1200 calories). I don't feel it is my job to tell them, but at the same time (and some of you may feel this is harsh) I can't let that energy into my friends space.

I have been very very lucky here.. most of my friends are very self-driven, motivated, sincere, and funny. We all help each other on this journey!

OP - the fact that you posted means you really want change and are willing to take the steps. Feel free to friend me. :-)

MizTerry

Mine are more wild jackals than supportive or validating....

I resemble that remark!

_HeartsOnFire_

So I'm wondering if MFP friends really does anyone any good. Maybe I just need new ones.

First I stopped bringing my lunch to work (my diary is viewable).

After a few weeks and a few pounds gained, I stopped logging food altogether.

But as long as I logged in and kept having my day streak increase, they were like "way to go", "congrats" every time I hit five more days.

Then I just stopped. And no one noticed, cared, and/or reached out to me the way I do when they drop off the radar.


So what is it MFP? Are "friends" just so we can brag to each other at how awesome we are or are they about supporting each other and helping the other get back on track before all progress is lost?

Depends on who you add on MFP, don't you think? Trying to define everyone on MFP, or just MFP in general, based on a few is pretty silly, overall.

You do understand that everyone has their own lives and problems they are trying to deal with (this includes their own health and fitness goals)? Maybe you didn't really interact with any of them and ended up just having people on your list you didn't know or got to know. Maybe they were dealing with their own logging issues or a dozen other possibilities.

Unless you really get to know the people on your FL, they aren't your friends or family. And even then, it's not their responsibility to coddle you through every down period you find yourself in.

Maybe you should learn to focus more on your own goals and realize that the only person, in the end, you need to rely on to push you to succeed is you and spend less time and energy trying to find or rely on others to pick you up every time.

QFT

I feel you get what you put into it. My FL is amazing. They know a lot about me, a lot about my struggles, and I know them. When I need help/support I've posted it on my feed. When I felt like just giving them some love, I do that too.

Are you as active/supportive with them as you want them to be with you?

George_Baileys_Ghost

Just ask my FL I'm always quick to reach out to them, especially when theres a lull in the number of nudes.