MFP Friends, Support or Validation?

2

Replies

  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    sounds like you just don't have the type of friends you need. Personally I don't want people all up in my face about not logging, gaining, etc. I don't need that I hold myself accountable. I add friends that I see as inspo, whether it's their log in dedication, their great recipes, or their killer arms. I don't need anything from them to me personally they're just people I have things in common with and can learn from. You need more involved and vested friends. Look through the groups, some of them are tighter knit than adding buddies from the "general population" that may get you some peeps on board with the style of help you need.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I keep my friends around as eye candy mostly.

    "Like"

    "WTG!"

    "LOL"

    NUDEZ

    *sends nudez to your inbox*

    My inbox appreciates your submissions.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    If you give up because a bunch of random strangers are not nagging you on a daily basis, you're not ready for this.

    h203DA7EB
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
    I'm no cop. If you don't log, eat or exercise I'm not here to watch you and enforce that. However, my friends post issues, life items, questions, events, daily comedies on their feeds or ask about specific things. These interactions are valuable. The wtg and thumbs up on logging are just a little wave. And on a rare day, I actually do look at diaries mostly at people that are succeeding for ideas or methods.

    It's a symbiotic relationship not a gatekeeper one. There is definitely some great support without checking who is logging what or eating how much. ANGTFT.

    And I've met a few in person...

    Yes to all of this. My friends have been invaluable to me, but none of them police my behavior. That's not their job, it's mine.
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  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
    So I'm wondering if MFP friends really does anyone any good. Maybe I just need new ones.

    First I stopped bringing my lunch to work (my diary is viewable).

    After a few weeks and a few pounds gained, I stopped logging food altogether.

    But as long as I logged in and kept having my day streak increase, they were like "way to go", "congrats" every time I hit five more days.

    Then I just stopped. And no one noticed, cared, and/or reached out to me the way I do when they drop off the radar.


    So what is it MFP? Are "friends" just so we can brag to each other at how awesome we are or are they about supporting each other and helping the other get back on track before all progress is lost?
    yes.

    no.

    Wait... you wanted me to validate the fact that your friends are just here for validation? Or am I supposed to support your need for validation? Or support the fact you don't need validation...

    I'm confused.
  • LastMinuteMama
    LastMinuteMama Posts: 590 Member
    I have a few friends on here that I would go looking for if I hadn't seen them in awhile and vice versa. It's a two-way street.

    I have to say though, I'm not sure if I would notice specificially if someone stopped bringing their lunch to work ( just to use your example )

    MFP is a tool and I've made some great friends here who I've chatted with about non-Health & Fitness stuff.

    I think the trick for receiving the support you might be looking for is to ask for it.

    Post something that let's someone know that you need support. Tell your friends that you've fallen off of the "lunch packing wagon"

    As a few people mentioned, we have lives outside of MFP. Make it easier for friends to know you need support.

    Good Luck!
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    First I stopped bringing my lunch to work (my diary is viewable).

    After a few weeks and a few pounds gained, I stopped logging food altogether.

    Sorry to be harsh but there's not really much anyone else but you can do about this. You're the one who needs the light bulb moment. The people on this site, friends or otherwise, are just here to serve as examples of what can be accomplished. Most are of course willing to offer practical advice if there's a question but it sounds like in your case you already know what you need to do. You just stopped doing it.

    this this this. well said. I like the line examples of what can be accomplished, that's exactly what I was trying to say my friends are to me!
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    OP, what kind of friends do you really want? You might find the type of support you seek in the group -- there are all kinds of accountability ones.

    I am active on this site. I have a core group of friends that I lurv - but my role with each of them is to make them smile with silly gifs, posts, and comments about random things. I am not ever going to make comments about them eating too much, eating the "wrong" foods, or gaining.

    It's just not my place.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
    I see having friends on MFP as a sort of replacement for Facebook. In fact, I deleted my Facebook account right around the time I became active here. I don't require the audience to applaud, but the people keep me coming back.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Honestly, I don't expect either from my MFP friends... If I get advice when I ask, then great! I will do the same when I can. If I get a shoulder to cry on or a platform to shout from, then great! and I will give that back too... But it's not something I expect especially if I don't do it in return... that said, I'm a grown up and don't need to hold someones hand, even though it's nice to have... but it's a want not a need fo rm.
  • Chevy_Quest
    Chevy_Quest Posts: 2,012 Member
    Finally, for every person out there like you, there's a person out there who doesn't want unsolicited advice and pestering.

    ^^this

    OP - I am not sure if you are still reading. Most of the responses have been "direct", but ultimately true. No gifs have been posted yet which means that there are many people in their own way weighing in and giving you their honest opinion and trying to help.

    What you do, and how you feel after you read all these posts is only for you to know.

    But... I am very sure that there are many "lurkers" and new people who are not comfortable posting reading this exchange going "Maybe I need to look at things differently --- it is after all up to me!"
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
    Honestly, I don't expect either from my MFP friends... If I get advice when I ask, then great! I will do the same when I can. If I get a shoulder to cry on or a platform to shout from, then great! and I will give that back too... But it's not something I expect especially if I don't do it in return... that said, I'm a grown up and don't need to hold someones hand, even though it's nice to have... but it's a want not a need fo rm.

    Jeebus...really?

    I don't have cooties. JUST HOLD MY HAND ALREADY!!

    tumblr_lrjhhbXYwb1r0kd0qo1_500.gif
  • Shalaurise
    Shalaurise Posts: 707 Member
    I see having friends on MFP as a sort of replacement for Facebook. In fact, I deleted my Facebook account right around the time I became active here. I don't require the audience to applaud, but the people keep me coming back.

    This isn't Facebook?! Dang it! I am doing it wrong... again! *sigh*

    This is my social outlet. I have befriended people with similar goals, similar interests and who just crack me up in general. I like and comment as time permits but I rarely dig through someone's food diary.. unless I am MFP stalking them (They know who they are *wink*). I use this as a place to vent and share with people who are likely to have been there at some point. I find those that I have grown the most attached to are those that make me laugh or have similar interests. I have used this site on and off for years, but never stayed for much over a couple months in a row until I found people.

    In summary: Nope!
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
    So it's your friends fault that you quit logging? that you quit showing up???

    There is this thing called personal responsibility... you might want to learn about it. My friends are all adults, if they need help they ask. But they all take responsibility for what they choose to do...
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Honestly, I don't expect either from my MFP friends... If I get advice when I ask, then great! I will do the same when I can. If I get a shoulder to cry on or a platform to shout from, then great! and I will give that back too... But it's not something I expect especially if I don't do it in return... that said, I'm a grown up and don't need to hold someones hand, even though it's nice to have... but it's a want not a need fo rm.

    Jeebus...really?

    I don't have cooties. JUST HOLD MY HAND ALREADY!!

    tumblr_lrjhhbXYwb1r0kd0qo1_500.gif

    I'll let you hold my hand because I want you to... :)
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Just like IRL, everyone is different. If that's the kind of MFP friends you want/need, then make sure you form friendships with people that do that.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,237 Member
    It's really what you expect out of your friends. I am responsible for whether or not I log in, log my food, exercise or eat "well" or whatever else. My friends are not responsible for my behavior, nor do I want them to be.

    My friends cheer me on when I make good choices, don't judge me when I make not so good choices, laugh with me, encourage me, listen to me and offer thoughts/opinions on various things with which they have experience. Some of them I chat with daily, some only occasionally and some I hold onto because I hope they come back some day.

    My life has been pure lunacy for the last 6 months. Absolute lunacy. Because my mfp pals have been by my side, good days, bad days, crazy days, and everything in between, I find the strength to be here another day and to try to be the best I can that day. Not because they police my behavior, but because they inspire me.

    I also had no friends for the first six months here. I lost 60 pounds in those six months. It is more enjoyable with friends, and it certainly helps with life's rough patches, but friends are not necessary.

    Regardless, I hope you find people that meet your expectations.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    I had a friend once who picked apart my diary every day and sent me PMs about what I should and should not be eating. He wasn't my friend for long.

    My friends here make me laugh. Since laughing burns calories (duh!), I keep them...for diet's sake.
  • trinatrina1984
    trinatrina1984 Posts: 1,018 Member
    I'm no cop. If you don't log, eat or exercise I'm not here to watch you and enforce that. However, my friends post issues, life items, questions, events, daily comedies on their feeds or ask about specific things. These interactions are valuable. The wtg and thumbs up on logging are just a little wave. And on a rare day, I actually do look at diaries mostly at people that are succeeding for ideas or methods.


    /\ Agreed you get out of it what you put in. You need to do the hard work, I just see my FL as some lovely people that make it more fun.
  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,301 Member
    I keep my friends around as eye candy mostly.

    "Like"

    "WTG!"

    "LOL"

    NUDEZ

    *sends nudez to your inbox*

    My inbox appreciates your submissions.

    heheheh. . . .I'm out of pics sincere apologies. . . . .I could send you some pics of Gelatos ;)
  • kaseyr1505
    kaseyr1505 Posts: 624 Member
    I've heard care.com is a great place to find babysitters, you may be interested.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    One of my friends posted that she had forgotten to bring her sports bra, so she had just completed a 5 mile run in her under wire. I had been debating whether I should run 3 miles because I'd forgotten socks.

    I got my butt up and ran.

    MY friend list rocks hard.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    I've heard care.com is a great place to find babysitters, you may be interested.

    This is why we are friends.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    I've heard care.com is a great place to find babysitters, you may be interested.

    tumblr_inline_mjo0sukvPX1r8wzyw.gif
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    I posted that I was new here and needed a lot of support.
    So this woman is sending me a bra.

    I will never post again.

    LOL! I love this! :flowerforyou:
  • jfboomer
    jfboomer Posts: 79 Member
    I am just here for the noodz, and the creepy friend requests......
    Just ask my FL I'm always quick to reach out to them, especially when theres a lull in the number of nudes.

    How an I missing all the nudes? :sad:
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    To the OP. I try to comment on every person that posts every day. But my FL is pretty big because I've gotten known for that. So if you do NOT post, then I likely won't realize until that pesky 'hasn't been on in X days' comes up and then I'll poke you. And unless I truly know you're having food issues, I don't scrutinize diaries. If you've been actively asking for help on calories, protein, sodium, etc - then yes I'll look and offer whatever bits of advice I've gleaned along the way.

    I'm here for my own journey, and to socialize with others doing the same. I am not here to watch every person's intake. If that makes sense!
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    I've got over 200 people on my friend list. If a person asks me for something I'll try to help them with it, but I'm not going to know automatically what they need.

    Also I treat my friends like adults. I'm not here to badger them unless they ask me to do so. I'm here to hang out, get to know some like-minded people, and try as best I can to do what needs to be done for my own health/fitness.

    Finally, for every person out there like you, there's a person out there who doesn't want unsolicited advice and pestering.

    And you said it SO much better than I did!
  • farfromthetree
    farfromthetree Posts: 982 Member
    If you give up because a bunch of random strangers are not nagging you on a daily basis, you're not ready for this.


    ^ This!! I have helpful friends and I have friends I don't really hear from. A handful have been with me since the beginning and I am very fond of them. We absolutely support eachother. I look at their diaries and their consistently is what helps me, not so much their "likes" and "way to go's". You kind of have to be a good friend to get a good friend!!

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