wife is kinda bothering me
adamtall
Posts: 275 Member
not sure if i should put this here but the last week or so my wife has been really getting under my skin and its weird and hard for me to explain
me and her are both over weight and usually we are trying to loose weight on opposite schedules (she'll get serious and ill eat junk ill get serious and shes bringing home pizza) but i finally said i dont care and started jogging and eating healthy again. shes fine with it and encouraged me but now she wants to go on my jogs with me and by doing so she walks at about half the speed im use to and for about half the distance and then complains if i want to go farther either on my own or without her
im just getting frustrated by it and needed to vent for a second
me and her are both over weight and usually we are trying to loose weight on opposite schedules (she'll get serious and ill eat junk ill get serious and shes bringing home pizza) but i finally said i dont care and started jogging and eating healthy again. shes fine with it and encouraged me but now she wants to go on my jogs with me and by doing so she walks at about half the speed im use to and for about half the distance and then complains if i want to go farther either on my own or without her
im just getting frustrated by it and needed to vent for a second
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Replies
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I always find it really hard to find a running partner who goes at the same speed as me. Plus I use running as my "solo" time, when I dont really want company, just my thoughts.
If she's insistent - can you plan a route of her distance which brings you back home, you could use that as a warm up and then continue on for the rest of your distance at pace?0 -
Is it possible to do a small loop so that your wife can run with you to start with and then you can drop hr off at home and go onto to do a longer run?
Must be hard as you want to encourage her but also do your own thing.0 -
^^ What they said
It'll be way easier/better if you keep her motivated to be healthy at the same time that you are!0 -
I say that if she wants to go with you...that's great! But if she can't keep up, or wants to go slower than you...that's her deal, and you will continue on YOUR pace.
This has to be YOUR thing. There are OTHER ways you two can be health together. A run is a personal thing.0 -
The warm up idea is good,but since she is getting upset with you for wanting to go further and hasn't suggested it herself, I have a feeling she's got some emotional crazy going on. My guess is that she feels jealous or hurt or inadequate so she's (maybe subconsciously, maybe not) trying to pull you back down to where she is so you can be equal. Maybe she feels lonely being able to do less.
Regardless, go for the harder exercise at a different time of the day/night, and then schedule in the smaller walk with her. That would require two times of day to exercise. One of two outcomes from that. It might work out well for both of you. or she will get upset that you are spending even more time exercising. At the point that she voices that, offer the other solution of just doing another lap after your walk with her.
Chess. Its like playing chess.0 -
I have a similar problem - my wife is recovering from breast cancer treatment so cannot run as far or as fast as i can, so I run with her when she can, but when she needs to walk, i run ahead for a minute or two, turn around, run back and when she's ready, she runs again with me. it's inconvenient without doubt, but she's involved and happy thats she's involved, and seeing me running more then her encourages her to run more than she would ordinarily. it might be hard to deal with, but I'd say stick with it and continue to do ths together.0
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The warm up idea is good,but since she is getting upset with you for wanting to go further and hasn't suggested it herself, I have a feeling she's got some emotional crazy going on. My guess is that she feels jealous or hurt or inadequate so she's (maybe subconsciously, maybe not) trying to pull you back down to where she is so you can be equal. Maybe she feels lonely being able to do less.
Regardless, go for the harder exercise at a different time of the day/night, and then schedule in the smaller walk with her. That would require two times of day to exercise. One of two outcomes from that. It might work out well for both of you. or she will get upset that you are spending even more time exercising. At the point that she voices that, offer the other solution of just doing another lap after your walk with her.
Chess. Its like playing chess.
i know its alot of emotional stuff and shes jealous because i can go harder and faster than she can. the other thing is she doesnt get really mad when i want to go longer but we usually have our son with us and he gets upset when we split up and i go longer and he goes home with her, id take him with me but he gets mad that mommy isnt with us and thats even worse at times lol,
i think im going to have to get my but up at 5 am and start going then going for a walk later with her0 -
I have a similar problem - my wife is recovering from breast cancer treatment so cannot run as far or as fast as i can, so I run with her when she can, but when she needs to walk, i run ahead for a minute or two, turn around, run back and when she's ready, she runs again with me. it's inconvenient without doubt, but she's involved and happy thats she's involved, and seeing me running more then her encourages her to run more than she would ordinarily. it might be hard to deal with, but I'd say stick with it and continue to do ths together.
excellent .0 -
How old is your son? He may just get used to it if you do it a few times, my own (3yo) didn't like it when I went out running but a few runs later and some extra walks with him and some distractions when I go out (he's at home with his dad so they just need to find something absorbing) and he's fine.
Otherwise, separate run and walk together sounds like a good plan.0 -
How old is your son? He may just get used to it if you do it a few times, my own (3yo) didn't like it when I went out running but a few runs later and some extra walks with him and some distractions when I go out (he's at home with his dad so they just need to find something absorbing) and he's fine.
Otherwise, separate run and walk together sounds like a good plan.
hes 3 too and i know he would be fine after a little bit but (gonna throw my wife under the bus here) my wife gets more worked up than he does when hes upset and she gets even more pissy towards me when i get home due to that. i also hate spending alot of time away from them (i work 50+ hours a week and am gone or on the phone alot)0 -
not sure if i should put this here but the last week or so my wife has been really getting under my skin and its weird and hard for me to explain
me and her are both over weight and usually we are trying to loose weight on opposite schedules (she'll get serious and ill eat junk ill get serious and shes bringing home pizza) but i finally said i dont care and started jogging and eating healthy again. shes fine with it and encouraged me but now she wants to go on my jogs with me and by doing so she walks at about half the speed im use to and for about half the distance and then complains if i want to go farther either on my own or without her
im just getting frustrated by it and needed to vent for a second
My husband cannot run with anyone...not even the dog. At first, I was mildly annoyed that he wouldn't even consider taking the over energized bunny MinPin we have for a run. I mean, really?....:huh: How hard can it be?....why not trade in 15 minutes of running the little monster dog to have goooood dog for the rest of the day?!!!
Sooooo selfish
Then, I thought about how uncoordinated my husband can be when in a full on run :sick: Monster (yes, the dog's name is Monster) man, can that dog move fast. No indicators & hella good breaks if he has a mind to.
Solution: I taught the dog to walk on a treadmill & DH gets his 20 min run in peace :drinker:
Practical solutions:
Get her a puppy (ok, not always practical, but hey, visit your local shelter if it is
)
Borrow a puppy/neighbor's dog & get her an ipod/mp3 player with her favorite music on it.
While she walks with the dog, you can run circles around them :laugh: I'm kidding....
Maybe go to a park & have her invite one of her friends so she has someone to chat with while you both go at your respective paces.
I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can find a compromise you both can live with.
Maybe she can ride a bike while you run?0 -
There's no emotional crazy going on here...you've explained it yourself. You work a lot and have never managed to be on the same page where fitness and weight loss are concerned. She wants to do it together, spend time as a family and needs your support. She is probably very frustrated that she can't keep up with you and has to stop and go home and then deal with a 3 year old tantrum. There is no jealousy or wanting to hold you back and most likely feels guilty for wanting you to come home with her.
Any compromise you can find that will help you both to get and stay on this mission together will benefit you both long term.
Doing this together increases your chances of success.0 -
not sure if i should put this here but the last week or so my wife has been really getting under my skin and its weird and hard for me to explain
me and her are both over weight and usually we are trying to loose weight on opposite schedules (she'll get serious and ill eat junk ill get serious and shes bringing home pizza) but i finally said i dont care and started jogging and eating healthy again. shes fine with it and encouraged me but now she wants to go on my jogs with me and by doing so she walks at about half the speed im use to and for about half the distance and then complains if i want to go farther either on my own or without her
im just getting frustrated by it and needed to vent for a second
My wife won't run. my preference would be to run.
Supporting my wife's own bid for health and showing I'm happy she's supporting me takes precedence. I run when she cannot come, or I go out and do an additional workout if I'm really feeling I have to move.
Sometimes it's tough keeping Abel Township supplied. :P0 -
I know running on a track is boring but maybe a solution in this case. You're never more than a 1/4 mile away.0
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I have a similar problem - my wife is recovering from breast cancer treatment so cannot run as far or as fast as i can, so I run with her when she can, but when she needs to walk, i run ahead for a minute or two, turn around, run back and when she's ready, she runs again with me. it's inconvenient without doubt, but she's involved and happy thats she's involved, and seeing me running more then her encourages her to run more than she would ordinarily. it might be hard to deal with, but I'd say stick with it and continue to do ths together.
This is a good idea. My son would do this with me since I ran like a turtle. He would run ahead and then run back to me. He did this throughout our run.
How about if she rode a bike while you ran?
@Paulbwalsh, hope your wife is okay :flowerforyou:0 -
Indulge her for a little while... you have plenty of time to run. You need to let her know that she is more important to you than running. She isn't stupid... she knows full well you want (and can) run further and harder, but she just wants some assurances that she is still the higher priority. She is already competing with your job, the phone and your son for your time...and now running. Just do what she does for a while and let her know how cool it is that you are finally both on the same page... I guarantee you that within a month she will be ok with you running how you want to run.0
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For me, running is personal. I put on my tunes and off I go. Not a duo kind of thing. I like your idea of running alone and walking with her later. That way she can push herself harder with you there without getting mad. She may also be feeling a little threatened by your new found resolve for fitness, and wants to feel closer to you. Good luck with that.
I tried running with my kids a couple of times... NOT doing that again. LOL!0 -
^^^^ This. Women know. Listen to them.There's no emotional crazy going on here...you've explained it yourself. You work a lot and have never managed to be on the same page where fitness and weight loss are concerned. She wants to do it together, spend time as a family and needs your support. She is probably very frustrated that she can't keep up with you and has to stop and go home and then deal with a 3 year old tantrum. There is no jealousy or wanting to hold you back and most likely feels guilty for wanting you to come home with her.
Any compromise you can find that will help you both to get and stay on this mission together will benefit you both long term.
Doing this together increases your chances of success.0 -
Hello, not sure if I am repeating someone else's post. Sorry I have not read everyone's replies. I saw the mention of a running track which is a great idea but have you two also thought her and your son going out on a bike (or bikes)?0
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My vote is to put the wife on a bike and the kid in a jogging stroller.
Some of the things my husband and I used to do when our kid was that age...
1. Go to a park and alternate runs. He'd play with the kid on the playground while I did my run, and vice versa.
2. Just run around the playground itself (boring, but the kid sees you the whole time).
3. Me running, while husband is on a bike, pulling the kid in a bike trailer behind.
4. Me running by myself while husband and kid do whatever, wherever.
If you're really making this a lifestyle change, as opposed to something temporary, then your family will need to find its groove in terms of exercise. And what works now will change as your child grows older, your work situation changes, your wife's schedule changes, etc.
My son is 7 now, and does taekwondo and loves to exercise. My husband started lifting weights and working out. My best moment was when I overheard my son tell his dad (while they were working out), "I think Mommy really inspired the whole family when she started running." (I totally cried)
Good luck. You can do this! :flowerforyou:0 -
I have a similar problem - my wife is recovering from breast cancer treatment so cannot run as far or as fast as i can, so I run with her when she can, but when she needs to walk, i run ahead for a minute or two, turn around, run back and when she's ready, she runs again with me. it's inconvenient without doubt, but she's involved and happy thats she's involved, and seeing me running more then her encourages her to run more than she would ordinarily. it might be hard to deal with, but I'd say stick with it and continue to do ths together.
My hubby and I had a similar situation as OP when I first started running... he used to run before we got together, then helped me pick up running... but wouldn't want me to run on my own (wanted it to be "our time") yet would always leave me in his dust trail as he ran ahead of me. I used to get SOOOO annoyed... I mean, I knew that we were at different levels and that he needed to push himself as well, but I didn't drive an hour there every day straight from work just to be alone!
So he started doing the same thing... he'd run up ahead then circle back to me. It really did make me feel much better and that we were doing it together.
Paul, I'm glad you've realized this solution as well! Hope the best for your wife :flowerforyou:
And OP, this could help your son realize that just cuz he can't see you doesn't mean you're not there. Might be a good solution for you too!0 -
I can relate...
I have an almost 3 yr. old here too. Have you joined a gym? I know my gym has a Daycare. Two hours of daycare makes for a happy Momma. I know our daughter has been sick twice this month. So no gym for two weeks. My husband works a lot and then comes home to stay outside doing his hobbies. Our daughter running in and out.
Just suggestion you may want to look into a family membership some where. Gives her a break from being Mommy. Maybe discuss it with her to see if she's interested.
When I don't get to go to the gym...I usually push our stroller around the neighborhood. My husband rarely joins us.0 -
Lol you just have to keep running slightly faster than she can and she'll soon give up. When I used to run, I thought it'd be nice to run together, have a chat while we were running but by the end I *HATED* running with my husband cause he always pushed me further and harder than I wanted to run (he is nearly a foot taller than me). I eventually stopped the "awww it'd be nice to run together" thing and started going out on my own without him.0
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Lol you just have to keep running slightly faster than she can and she'll soon give up. When I used to run, I thought it'd be nice to run together, have a chat while we were running but by the end I *HATED* running with my husband cause he always pushed me further and harder than I wanted to run (he is nearly a foot taller than me). I eventually stopped the "awww it'd be nice to run together" thing and started going out on my own without him.
lol.... if you go for this approach then don't put the shoe on the other foot and start being pissy that she wants to go alone... but it could also backfire and she'll just stop going altogether. That's no good either
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my workout time is "me" time. I use it to both attempt to lose weight but also to unwind. Politely tell her this is your time and although you appreciate her wanting to be with you, it is good to have time to yourself.0
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My husband 'kinda' bothers me when I go out for runs too. He walks slow and I like to jog...so I jog ahead of him, turn around and run back to him, then I'm off again. Or, he walks a figure 8 pattern around a trail we use and we high 5 when we pass each other. lol
You see, he has a terminal lung disease and an injured foot, so I'm just happy that he can get out there with me at all. We both need to lose weight and we both try (key word - TRY) hard to get out there and support each other. If he's lucky, I'll just walk with him, but it's hard to resist the urge to run. We make it work because we want to. I know that sometimes he's annoyed when he's done walking and I'm still running, cooling down or stretching, but he doesn't say anything. He loves me.
I also run while he's out doing his own stuff, so it works out somehow anyway.
Life is short. Work it out. <hugs>0 -
Sorry. It sounds like she has some insecurities she'll need to work on. In the meantime, there have been plenty of compromises suggested.
But I agree it can be hard training with running partner. Surprisingly, for a while my husband, who ran cross country in college, wanted to go on my runs. Clearly I was the slow runner. I hated it. I would be huffing and puffing and he wouldn't break a sweat. I'd hear unsolicted advice on every run. I got pissy and it really hurt my husband's feelings because he just wanted to spend quality time together. (He's a sweetheart). Anyway, now we rarely go on training runs together. But we will sign up for 5ks and mud runs together. Before them, there is usually a talk of whether he'll be running ahead of me or not. When he runs with me, he's more understanding of times I may not be able to hold a conversation with him and generally has toned down his advice giving. We found our stride in what works for us and I couldn't be happier!0 -
I have had this problem of slower runners (husband) wanting to join me on my runs and I let them. I just hang with them for the first 10 minutes or so and then tell them I am running on ahead and will hook up with them on the way back. Has worked well for me and you get to finish your runs together. Win win I think. Good luck and keep up the great runs!0
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Have you offered to take turns with her? You do your run, go home, she does her own walk or run. That way she gets some peace and quiet and you get time alone with your son. You could alternate nights too.0
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i work 50+ hours a week and am gone or on the phone alot
I think this is probably the core of the problem - she'd like to spend some time doing something active with you, rather than watching you run off into the distance, having spent the day separated from you by work/childcare responsibilities.
How about something like tennis or badminton that you can do together, and that your child can join in with when they get a bit older? That way, both of you could also choose to run (by yourselves, at a time and pace that suits you) if you wish, but you also feel that you've done something active together as a couple.0
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