He snooped, I need your opinions.

135

Replies

  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    I was in an abusive, mistrusting relationship for 8 years. Long distance with bouts of short distance. Moral of the story, he got married NOT to me. Before "breaking up." I heard from a friend of a friend.

    During my single time, I learned there are a lot of creeps, but there are also decent people. Life is too short to be miserable, and it sounds like you are. Being single might be the harder choice, but it's probably the right one.

    Being single is harder then being in a relationship just wasting time away with someone you do not trust.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
    I know we care about one another a great deal but I think part of the reason we stay together is because it's so much easier than dating.

    Just break up. Seriously. This is a cop-out reason to stay in a relationship.
  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
    Thank you everyone for your honest and funny responses.

    The "stuff" is not something I am proud of and the reason I kept it from him is because it's embarrassing that I enjoy this (not sexual) as I stated before.

    This is not something I do often, maybe twice a year, if that but still, not something I am proud of.

    I did tell him the truth as to what the stuff is. He seemed to be angrier at the fact that I kept it from him but of course if I told him about it prior, it would have caused conflict which is why I wanted to keep it private.

    I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.

    If I don't find out what this this cryptic 'stuff' is within the next hour, my head will literally explode.

    I know right? Im dying to know what the stuff is!!

    V1A6RA
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
    Thank you everyone for your honest and funny responses.

    The "stuff" is not something I am proud of and the reason I kept it from him is because it's embarrassing that I enjoy this (not sexual) as I stated before.

    This is not something I do often, maybe twice a year, if that but still, not something I am proud of.

    I did tell him the truth as to what the stuff is. He seemed to be angrier at the fact that I kept it from him but of course if I told him about it prior, it would have caused conflict which is why I wanted to keep it private.

    I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.

    If I don't find out what this this cryptic 'stuff' is within the next hour, my head will literally explode.

    I know right? Im dying to know what the stuff is!!

    Yes OP. Please tell us all what the "stuff" is!
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
    Literally nothing about this sounds good.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    are you freaking kidding us????? I don't care if you are serious with someone or not.. but you should only be having sex with one person at a time. Its gross and also risky as far catching stds. What kind of person is trying to have a "boyfriend" AND screws her so called ex??? How is this weightloss or fitness related unless its the prequel to you catching aids? just saying. :explode: :laugh:

    I thought this was a noob poster. I was so wrong. Anyways OP lets reread post and laugh together.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    You're both wrong. Neither one of you is mature enough to be in a serious relationship.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,371 Member
    You don't trust each other, I can guarantee if it had been him that had left his email open you would have been in there snooping yourself.

    You are not angry he was snooping you are being angry and defensive because he found out a secret. Something that someone in a four year relationship should have known about by now.

    You have the typical I've been sprung defensive/angry attitude that throws it back at the other person for daring to find out or know something that your were hiding from them.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    You're both wrong. Neither one of you is mature enough to be in a serious relationship.

    When I first read I thought she was young. I didn't realize she was actually older than me until page 2. Nothing wrong with that, just my mind was blown for a second. But they say the heart wants what it wants right?
  • africanmasq
    africanmasq Posts: 53
    I think that for both your sakes it would be better to break up. I've been single for most of my life because I just haven't found anyone I'm really interested in (except two guys, one of whom would have been bad for me and the other of whom turned out to be married, so obviously I wasn't gonna go there). I'm happy and I enjoy life by myself, and I'd rather be happy alone than miserable with someone else. Respect yourself enough to get yourself to a good place and a place where you are healthy mentally as well as physically. Things will be much better then, and then when you do find someone it will be much more amazing :drinker:
  • trinatrina1984
    trinatrina1984 Posts: 1,018 Member
    You're both wrong. Neither one of you is mature enough to be in a serious relationship.

    When I first read I thought she was young. I didn't realize she was actually older than me until page 2. Nothing wrong with that, just my mind was blown for a second. But they say the heart wants what it wants right?

    Yeah me too, I assumed she was well under 25.

    OP - no good can come of this relationship. When I have been in a relationship that I am not sure about I think "would I be happy with this person / being in this situation for the rest of my life?" if the answer is no break up - its just delaying the time when you could be properly happy with someone you truly love.
  • 2014Christina
    2014Christina Posts: 49
    You don't trust each other, I can guarantee if it had been him that had left his email open you would have been in there snooping yourself.

    You are not angry he was snooping your are being angry and defensive because he found out a secret. Something that someone in a four year relationship should have known about by now.

    You have the typical I've been sprung defensive/angry attitude that throws it back at the other person for daring to find out or know something that your were hiding from them.

    No arguments here. I think I am angry with myself more than anything for leaving my email open. :ohwell:
  • 2014Christina
    2014Christina Posts: 49
    You're both wrong. Neither one of you is mature enough to be in a serious relationship.

    When I first read I thought she was young. I didn't realize she was actually older than me until page 2. Nothing wrong with that, just my mind was blown for a second. But they say the heart wants what it wants right?

    Yeah me too, I assumed she was well under 25.

    OP - no good can come of this relationship. When I have been in a relationship that I am not sure about I think "would I be happy with this person / being in this situation for the rest of my life?" if the answer is no break up - its just delaying the time when you could be properly happy with someone you truly love.

    Nope, I'm old, effing ancient! I thought relationships were different at my age than at age 16... I wouldn't have believed it if it didn't happen to me.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    I love MFP. I don't ever want it to change.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    It sounds like a very strange relationship, and I have no constructive advice to give. Best of luck to you, and maybe stay away from the "stuff" in the future.
  • ItsMeBlue
    ItsMeBlue Posts: 25 Member
    Praying for you both.
  • sw33tp3a11
    sw33tp3a11 Posts: 4,646 Member
    Insecurities in relationships is never a good thing. And your relationship is very unconventional but if it works for you guys good for you. But next time log out.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.

    Sorry for snipping, but this jumped out at me.

    If you're doomed and everyone knows it, why keep the relationship going? Why does it matter who is "in the right"? Are you just looking for validation for your feelings that he went through your stuff?

    If you know it's not going anywhere, end it. This seems like a nonissue to me.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    Also, in for "stuff!"
  • rowlandsw
    rowlandsw Posts: 1,166 Member
    First off you're bad for each other, he was wrong for snooping but i'd be royally ticked if i found out the person i was with was on "stuff" even if once or twice a year.
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
    I love MFP. I don't ever want it to change.

    I love your PP
  • trinatrina1984
    trinatrina1984 Posts: 1,018 Member
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  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    It sounds like a very strange relationship, and I have no constructive advice to give. Best of luck to you, and maybe stay away from the "stuff" in the future.

    This.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    So, "you don't trust each other". You mean you don't trust him not to read your emails or are there other things lacking in the trust department? Not wanting to be in the dating world isn't a good reason to stay together.
  • kentwhale
    kentwhale Posts: 18 Member
    Just end it. You know yourself this relationship is not going anywhere & not giving you what you need emotionally or sexually.
    It's better being on your own than being in a bad relationship & while you are with the BF you are not opening yourself up to meeting anyone new. Just get out there & try enjoying yourself with friends or on your own & go on dates with no expectations other than a fun night out. Don't do stuff myself so cannot say whether once or twice a year is ok - no judgement though.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    are you freaking kidding us????? I don't care if you are serious with someone or not.. but you should only be having sex with one person at a time. Its gross and also risky as far catching stds. What kind of person is trying to have a "boyfriend" AND screws her so called ex??? How is this weightloss or fitness related unless its the prequel to you catching aids? just saying

    Judgmental much?

    You have no idea how many people out there have SO's and they also sleep with other people. Not behind their backs but together in a mutual agreement. It's a lifestyle and there isn't anything "unhealthy" about it. I know plenty of people whose marriages were pretty much saved by entering into this lifestyle.

    So please don't judge something you know nothing about.

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  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    Stuff

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    If you can't be honest with him and what you like to do in your life, daily or just twice a year, then it doesn't sound like someone you want to share your life with.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
    are you freaking kidding us????? I don't care if you are serious with someone or not.. but you should only be having sex with one person at a time. Its gross and also risky as far catching stds. What kind of person is trying to have a "boyfriend" AND screws her so called ex??? How is this weightloss or fitness related unless its the prequel to you catching aids? just saying

    Judgmental much?

    You have no idea how many people out there have SO's and they also sleep with other people. Not behind their backs but together in a mutual agreement. It's a lifestyle and there isn't anything "unhealthy" about it. I know plenty of people whose marriages were pretty much saved by entering into this lifestyle.

    So please don't judge something you know nothing about.

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    J_Lawrence_Wink_zpsf68bb64b.gif
  • tiggerhammon
    tiggerhammon Posts: 2,211 Member
    My husband's words - "Sometimes secrets need to be kept, such as birthday presents or other surprises. If you feel the need to hide something from me, do it well. If you leave anything out in the open, (web pages, notes, receipt, etc...), it is now free game! "

    I agree with him.
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
    I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.

    So this ^^ Why oh why bother.

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