not trying to start a fight here but just a point...

acorsaut89

From what I've noticed:

It's still far more socially preferable to be on the thinner side.
It's still far more socially offensive to comment on a person being fat.
It's still far more socially acceptable to comment on a person being thin.

"Thin shaming" does exist. But since thin/fit/lean/ripped/etc is still the accepted preference, many people feel perfectly comfortable taking jabs, or having mock "concern", for thinner people and just expect them to take it. Why? Because the "privileged" class is expected to be so happy to be the preference that their feelings can't really be hurt.

So if a fat woman comes up to a thin woman and says "you need to eat a cheeseburger" it's not thought of generally as insulting as the thin woman rebutting "you need to eat a whole lot less cheeseburgers".

Of course thin people's feelings can be hurt. But fat people, in general, come up so ashamed and embarrassed about our bodies that many of us really didn't imagine that a thin person could be hurt by having their thinness, often the object of our envy, called out.

A) being thin/fit is not a privilege, as it takes hard work and dedication for most. being told I need to be forcefed cheeseburger is as insensitive as me refuting that someone should eat less of them. Both are wrong. Both hurt and just because I may appear to have it all together, because I am priveleged to look the way I look doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I too can and have been embarrassed by things people lob at me for my appearance. Its a two-way street. We should all learn that its simply not ok on either side of the spectrum. Instead, we should encourage one another to be happy with ourselves and not try to make ourselves feel better by putting others down.

People with this view will never change. It doesn't matter if you have never made a rude comment about a fat person. People LIKE you have, and therefore you deserve retribution and have NO right to complain, because there is somebody out there who has faced much harsher criticism than you, so just deal with it.

Some skinny people were really horrible to overweight people. So all skinny people should now take it up the *kitten*, and they better enjoy it damn it. Check your privilege. (Cause we all know we were born with fit privilege, we didn't work for it or anything)

I'm hoping this is sarcasm?

"Fat" people can be and usually are just as mean as some of those skinny people have been; I hear girls all the time who are bigger (at the gym) hating on a girl who is 100lbs soaking wet running on the treadmill - this doesn't make either ok. I was picked on in highschool by a girl who was waaaaay bigger than me; and she was spreading rumours that she saw the size of clothing I wear (apparently a 28 in grade 10) and she was only a 12 and I was so much fatter than her. I saw her 2 years ago and she's, by first guess, at least 350 maybe 400 lbs. Was I mean to her? No. I said hello, did about 20 minutes of catching up and when I got home she wanted to be my friend on facebook. People who are overweight can be just as mean - it's usually due to insecurities about whatever. Just because SOME skinny people made fun of or were mean to SOME bigger people doesn't mean all of them are; and just because SOME bigger people are shy and are "ashamed" of being big, that doesn't mean there aren't SOME who are just as mean as their size 2 counterparts.

This also doesn't make the skinny ones privileged . . . at all. Were they always "skinny"? Maybe . . . but weight and clothing size doesn't always determine health. I was with someone for years who was 6'5 and about 200 lbs - he was thin and "looked" fit but I could run a mile before he could, I could squat and bench more than he could and I made better food choices but yet, because he was thin and handsome, girls always made fun of me and guys called him a "chubby chaser". It hurt . . . but I was healthier than he was for a long time . . . he was just this "skinny fat". I know that's not nice to say, but he was thin and not fit . . . he couldn't run a mile and he smoked a pack a day.

Some people are born thin - it's genetics but others have worked to be fit and that's a completely different way of life. Body builders weren't born that way, they worked for it - but are they being shamed? Not as much because they're fit however I'm putting in just as much work as they are (different methods = different outcome) and planning my meals, watching what I eat and working out 6 days/week. I'm not pumping iron, but I'm still there all the time at the gym. People who are bigger and want to be healthier work just as hard and being fit is not a privilege, it's something everyone has to work at because if you don't, you will lose it at some point.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

From what I've noticed:

It's still far more socially preferable to be on the thinner side.
It's still far more socially offensive to comment on a person being fat.
It's still far more socially acceptable to comment on a person being thin.

"Thin shaming" does exist. But since thin/fit/lean/ripped/etc is still the accepted preference, many people feel perfectly comfortable taking jabs, or having mock "concern", for thinner people and just expect them to take it. Why? Because the "privileged" class is expected to be so happy to be the preference that their feelings can't really be hurt.

So if a fat woman comes up to a thin woman and says "you need to eat a cheeseburger" it's not thought of generally as insulting as the thin woman rebutting "you need to eat a whole lot less cheeseburgers".

Of course thin people's feelings can be hurt. But fat people, in general, come up so ashamed and embarrassed about our bodies that many of us really didn't imagine that a thin person could be hurt by having their thinness, often the object of our envy, called out.

A) being thin/fit is not a privilege, as it takes hard work and dedication for most. being told I need to be forcefed cheeseburger is as insensitive as me refuting that someone should eat less of them. Both are wrong. Both hurt and just because I may appear to have it all together, because I am priveleged to look the way I look doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I too can and have been embarrassed by things people lob at me for my appearance. Its a two-way street. We should all learn that its simply not ok on either side of the spectrum. Instead, we should encourage one another to be happy with ourselves and not try to make ourselves feel better by putting others down.

People with this view will never change. It doesn't matter if you have never made a rude comment about a fat person. People LIKE you have, and therefore you deserve retribution and have NO right to complain, because there is somebody out there who has faced much harsher criticism than you, so just deal with it.

Some skinny people were really horrible to overweight people. So all skinny people should now take it up the *kitten*, and they better enjoy it damn it. Check your privilege. (Cause we all know we were born with fit privilege, we didn't work for it or anything)

Um, I have NEVER shamed ANYONE and I NEVER would. I cannot and will not accept responsibility of anyone who was ever a *kitten* to anyone else for their weight or anything else. I never said I had it worse. I said it was equal. You are right. Skinny people have been horrible to overweight people. Just as overweight people have been to skinny people. I said that both were wrong for it and that it needs to be stopped and that we should all encourage one another to get to the point we all feel healthy and happy.

Whoa killer. It's sarcastic. This is the viewpoint of those who constantly excuse fit shaming and say it's not comparable to fat shaming.

I'm not the only one who didn't get that your response was intended to be sarcasm, lol. But, yes. It's sad that that is how it is.

dbmata

Why is it more socially acceptable to be overweight or obese these days, but it is not acceptable to be skinny.

This does not exist. Quit trying to start fights in the community, that's droll.

DjinnMarie

From what I've noticed:

It's still far more socially preferable to be on the thinner side.
It's still far more socially offensive to comment on a person being fat.
It's still far more socially acceptable to comment on a person being thin.

"Thin shaming" does exist. But since thin/fit/lean/ripped/etc is still the accepted preference, many people feel perfectly comfortable taking jabs, or having mock "concern", for thinner people and just expect them to take it. Why? Because the "privileged" class is expected to be so happy to be the preference that their feelings can't really be hurt.

So if a fat woman comes up to a thin woman and says "you need to eat a cheeseburger" it's not thought of generally as insulting as the thin woman rebutting "you need to eat a whole lot less cheeseburgers".

Of course thin people's feelings can be hurt. But fat people, in general, come up so ashamed and embarrassed about our bodies that many of us really didn't imagine that a thin person could be hurt by having their thinness, often the object of our envy, called out.

A) being thin/fit is not a privilege, as it takes hard work and dedication for most. being told I need to be forcefed cheeseburger is as insensitive as me refuting that someone should eat less of them. Both are wrong. Both hurt and just because I may appear to have it all together, because I am priveleged to look the way I look doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I too can and have been embarrassed by things people lob at me for my appearance. Its a two-way street. We should all learn that its simply not ok on either side of the spectrum. Instead, we should encourage one another to be happy with ourselves and not try to make ourselves feel better by putting others down.

People with this view will never change. It doesn't matter if you have never made a rude comment about a fat person. People LIKE you have, and therefore you deserve retribution and have NO right to complain, because there is somebody out there who has faced much harsher criticism than you, so just deal with it.

Some skinny people were really horrible to overweight people. So all skinny people should now take it up the *kitten*, and they better enjoy it damn it. Check your privilege. (Cause we all know we were born with fit privilege, we didn't work for it or anything)

I'm hoping this is sarcasm?

"Fat" people can be and usually are just as mean as some of those skinny people have been; I hear girls all the time who are bigger (at the gym) hating on a girl who is 100lbs soaking wet running on the treadmill - this doesn't make either ok. I was picked on in highschool by a girl who was waaaaay bigger than me; and she was spreading rumours that she saw the size of clothing I wear (apparently a 28 in grade 10) and she was only a 12 and I was so much fatter than her. I saw her 2 years ago and she's, by first guess, at least 350 maybe 400 lbs. Was I mean to her? No. I said hello, did about 20 minutes of catching up and when I got home she wanted to be my friend on facebook. People who are overweight can be just as mean - it's usually due to insecurities about whatever. Just because SOME skinny people made fun of or were mean to SOME bigger people doesn't mean all of them are; and just because SOME bigger people are shy and are "ashamed" of being big, that doesn't mean there aren't SOME who are just as mean as their size 2 counterparts.

This fact that you can't tell it's sarcasm speaks volumes about the double standard. While I was being sarcastic, others have said this with a straight face, numerous times.

martinel2099

From my experience, it's not more socially acceptable to be obese. Look on any news feed when topics like rising health care costs or people who weigh more paying more for seats on flights because they take more room and etc.

I don't see one being more acceptable than the other in my opinion. Fact, if you are obese you are health risks and have self esteem issues. If you are skinny, doesn't mean you are healthy as plenty people are skinny fat and etc.

I prefer not to think about it at all. I'm obese and working to lower my weight so that's good enough for me. What I want for me shouldn't be pushed onto the rest of society. I'll happily encourage anyone who wants to improve their health though.

bethcox16

Why is it more socially acceptable to be overweight or obese these days, but it is not acceptable to be skinny.

This does not exist. Quit trying to start fights in the community, that's droll.

i'm not, i was just commenting on how i feel i get more abuse now than 84lbs ago, and wondered who felt the shame or what peoples opinions on this were.

DjinnMarie

Why is it more socially acceptable to be overweight or obese these days, but it is not acceptable to be skinny.

This does not exist. Quit trying to start fights in the community, that's droll.

i'm not, i was just commenting on how i feel i get more abuse now than 84lbs ago, and wondered who felt the shame or what peoples opinions on this were.

I'm gonna have to agree. When I was overweight (granted just slightly) I got tons of compliments. (Fake or real who knows). Now that I'm fit, I only get negative comments. Just the other day I received my first compliment about my arms and was over joyed. But it quickly soured when a woman said I was setting a bad example for my daughter and all other little girls. She went on and on, but I'll spare you the details.

UsedToBeHusky

Why is it more socially acceptable to be overweight or obese these days, but it is not acceptable to be skinny.

This does not exist. Quit trying to start fights in the community, that's droll.

i'm not, i was just commenting on how i feel i get more abuse now than 84lbs ago, and wondered who felt the shame or what peoples opinions on this were.

Jealousy, perhaps. As someone pointed out, the population of the US tends to be obese. A lot of the time, people don't even realize when they are behaving jealously.

acorsaut89

Why is it more socially acceptable to be overweight or obese these days, but it is not acceptable to be skinny.

This does not exist. Quit trying to start fights in the community, that's droll.

i'm not, i was just commenting on how i feel i get more abuse now than 84lbs ago, and wondered who felt the shame or what peoples opinions on this were.

I think what the OP meant was that's is more PC to comment on someone who needs to gain weight (or looks like they do) than it is for someone to comment on someone who needs to lose weight.

Maybe it's not OK to be obese . . . and people's opinions haven't changed (and maybe won't ever) but it's not PC to comment on that fact however, it's ok for someone to notice when another is perhaps underweight and should eat more.

Not saying that either is ok . . . I think it's more about commenting that the actual fact of being either or.

lemurcat12

From what I've noticed:

It's still far more socially preferable to be on the thinner side.
It's still far more socially offensive to comment on a person being fat.
It's still far more socially acceptable to comment on a person being thin.

"Thin shaming" does exist. But since thin/fit/lean/ripped/etc is still the accepted preference, many people feel perfectly comfortable taking jabs, or having mock "concern", for thinner people and just expect them to take it. Why? Because the "privileged" class is expected to be so happy to be the preference that their feelings can't really be hurt.

So if a fat woman comes up to a thin woman and says "you need to eat a cheeseburger" it's not thought of generally as insulting as the thin woman rebutting "you need to eat a whole lot less cheeseburgers".

Of course thin people's feelings can be hurt. But fat people, in general, come up so ashamed and embarrassed about our bodies that many of us really didn't imagine that a thin person could be hurt by having their thinness, often the object of our envy, called out.

A) being thin/fit is not a privilege, as it takes hard work and dedication for most.

Of course, but that has nothing to do with what was said. In most social environments (at least most the poster you are responding to knows, and that's certainly true for me also) being thin is preferable. It's far more likely, when talking about real people (not some actress) that people will be praised or considered worthy of jealous for being thin and be considered unfortunate or at fault for being fat. Being thin is good, being fat is bad. You seem to be saying that that's right, and I differ in that I just don't happen to put so much moral value into either, but I certainly think being fit is worth working for, which is why I'm bothering. I just don't think I was a different person or worth less when I chose to focus on other things.

being told I need to be forcefed cheeseburger is as insensitive as me refuting that someone should eat less of them. Both are wrong. Both hurt and just because I may appear to have it all together, because I am priveleged to look the way I look doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I too can and have been embarrassed by things people lob at me for my appearance. Its a two-way street. We should all learn that its simply not ok on either side of the spectrum. Instead, we should encourage one another to be happy with ourselves and not try to make ourselves feel better by putting others down.

I totally agree with you here, and in fact I pointed out that the cheeseburger comment is self-evidently rude and insulting and I don't think it's socially acceptable (not in the social environment I know, anyway). But I do think it's worth noting that "you are SO thin" can be intended (and probably is) as a compliment and plenty of people (including me, back in the day) would be happy to receive it, whereas "you are so fat!" in contemporary US, anyway, is nothing but an insult (or at best a dumb and socially awkward joke about a formerly very thin pregnant woman, which is the only other way I've ever heard it). So I don't think we should assume "shaming" as an intent, even though I think everyone should be aware of comments that could be perceived as insulting or just ignore others who might hear them (like the "real women" nonsense). And clearly telling people to eat is rude.

Also, it's worth being aware that there are differences in social environments, I suppose.

SingRunTing

From what I've noticed:

It's still far more socially preferable to be on the thinner side.
It's still far more socially offensive to comment on a person being fat.
It's still far more socially acceptable to comment on a person being thin.

"Thin shaming" does exist. But since thin/fit/lean/ripped/etc is still the accepted preference, many people feel perfectly comfortable taking jabs, or having mock "concern", for thinner people and just expect them to take it. Why? Because the "privileged" class is expected to be so happy to be the preference that their feelings can't really be hurt.

So if a fat woman comes up to a thin woman and says "you need to eat a cheeseburger" it's not thought of generally as insulting as the thin woman rebutting "you need to eat a whole lot less cheeseburgers".

Of course thin people's feelings can be hurt. But fat people, in general, come up so ashamed and embarrassed about our bodies that many of us really didn't imagine that a thin person could be hurt by having their thinness, often the object of our envy, called out.

A) being thin/fit is not a privilege, as it takes hard work and dedication for most. being told I need to be forcefed cheeseburger is as insensitive as me refuting that someone should eat less of them. Both are wrong. Both hurt and just because I may appear to have it all together, because I am priveleged to look the way I look doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I too can and have been embarrassed by things people lob at me for my appearance. Its a two-way street. We should all learn that its simply not ok on either side of the spectrum. Instead, we should encourage one another to be happy with ourselves and not try to make ourselves feel better by putting others down.

People with this view will never change. It doesn't matter if you have never made a rude comment about a fat person. People LIKE you have, and therefore you deserve retribution and have NO right to complain, because there is somebody out there who has faced much harsher criticism than you, so just deal with it.

Some skinny people were really horrible to overweight people. So all skinny people should now take it up the *kitten*, and they better enjoy it damn it. Check your privilege. (Cause we all know we were born with fit privilege, we didn't work for it or anything)

I'm hoping this is sarcasm?

"Fat" people can be and usually are just as mean as some of those skinny people have been; I hear girls all the time who are bigger (at the gym) hating on a girl who is 100lbs soaking wet running on the treadmill - this doesn't make either ok. I was picked on in highschool by a girl who was waaaaay bigger than me; and she was spreading rumours that she saw the size of clothing I wear (apparently a 28 in grade 10) and she was only a 12 and I was so much fatter than her. I saw her 2 years ago and she's, by first guess, at least 350 maybe 400 lbs. Was I mean to her? No. I said hello, did about 20 minutes of catching up and when I got home she wanted to be my friend on facebook. People who are overweight can be just as mean - it's usually due to insecurities about whatever. Just because SOME skinny people made fun of or were mean to SOME bigger people doesn't mean all of them are; and just because SOME bigger people are shy and are "ashamed" of being big, that doesn't mean there aren't SOME who are just as mean as their size 2 counterparts.

This fact that you can't tell it's sarcasm speaks volumes about the double standard. While I was being sarcastic, others have said this with a straight face, numerous times.

Sometimes you just need to do this:

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

From what I've noticed:

It's still far more socially preferable to be on the thinner side.
It's still far more socially offensive to comment on a person being fat.
It's still far more socially acceptable to comment on a person being thin.

"Thin shaming" does exist. But since thin/fit/lean/ripped/etc is still the accepted preference, many people feel perfectly comfortable taking jabs, or having mock "concern", for thinner people and just expect them to take it. Why? Because the "privileged" class is expected to be so happy to be the preference that their feelings can't really be hurt.

So if a fat woman comes up to a thin woman and says "you need to eat a cheeseburger" it's not thought of generally as insulting as the thin woman rebutting "you need to eat a whole lot less cheeseburgers".

Of course thin people's feelings can be hurt. But fat people, in general, come up so ashamed and embarrassed about our bodies that many of us really didn't imagine that a thin person could be hurt by having their thinness, often the object of our envy, called out.

A) being thin/fit is not a privilege, as it takes hard work and dedication for most.

Of course, but that has nothing to do with what was said. In most social environments (at least most the poster you are responding to knows, and that's certainly true for me also) being thin is preferable. It's far more likely, when talking about real people (not some actress) that people will be praised or considered worthy of jealous for being thin and be considered unfortunate or at fault for being fat. Being thin is good, being fat is bad. You seem to be saying that that's right, and I differ in that I just don't happen to put so much moral value into either, but I certainly think being fit is worth working for, which is why I'm bothering. I just don't think I was a different person or worth less when I chose to focus on other things.

being told I need to be forcefed cheeseburger is as insensitive as me refuting that someone should eat less of them. Both are wrong. Both hurt and just because I may appear to have it all together, because I am priveleged to look the way I look doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I too can and have been embarrassed by things people lob at me for my appearance. Its a two-way street. We should all learn that its simply not ok on either side of the spectrum. Instead, we should encourage one another to be happy with ourselves and not try to make ourselves feel better by putting others down.

I totally agree with you here, and in fact I pointed out that the cheeseburger comment is self-evidently rude and insulting and I don't think it's socially acceptable (not in the social environment I know, anyway). But I do think it's worth noting that "you are SO thin" can be intended (and probably is) as a compliment and plenty of people (including me, back in the day) would be happy to receive it, whereas "you are so fat!" in contemporary US, anyway, is nothing but an insult (or at best a dumb and socially awkward joke about a formerly very thin pregnant woman, which is the only other way I've ever heard it). So I don't think we should assume "shaming" as an intent, even though I think everyone should be aware of comments that could be perceived as insulting or just ignore others who might hear them (like the "real women" nonsense). And clearly telling people to eat is rude.

Also, it's worth being aware that there are differences in social environments, I suppose.

I don't believe I ever said being thin was right and being overweight was wrong. I said to shame either is wrong. Period. I also stated that we all need to help encourage one another to get to a weight that we individually feel happy with, not what society tells us we should be happy with.

Kalikel

If a thin girl turns down the cookie, she may hear, "Oh, you're so skinny, have one!" It's common,

If a fat girl accepts the cookie, you will not hear, "Oh, you're so fat, you should skip that." That's uncommon.

Amongst themselves, people will see the skinny girl having a salad and say, "OMG, she needs to have a cheeseburger," or they'll see the fat girl having a sundae and say "Look at her, shoving more in" but if the person can hear them, the fat comments get censored way more often than the skinny ones.

It shouldn't be acceptable either way to ridicule someone for their weight...

However...

When someone is unhealthily underweight they aren't always aware they're too thin. If they're suffering from an eating disorder for example they may actually believe they need to lose more and are too big.. so then it's okay to call them out on it but only if you know them and have a pretty good inkling they have an eating disorder. No one saying anything to these people for fear of offending them can really fuel and prolong an eating disorder because "I must be okay because no one says anything" or "all I get is positive comments about my weight". If people go around telling these people "You look so beautiful because your hip bones jut out" that's not going to help.

When people are overweight, whether it's through an eating disorder or otherwise, they usually are pretty well aware they're overweight and need to lose weight. Pointing this out is pretty much only going to be hurtful and fuel more weight gain and increased poor self esteem. Helping people feel better about their current selves first, even when they're overweight, can help those people then have the confidence and self esteem to actually begin to lose weight. You can't treat both sides the same.

The body acceptance and "curves are good" movement is a backlack against what for an incredibly long time has been the "thinner= better"! status quo. With time it'll calm down again I think.

But just because people are saying curves are beautiful doesn't mean they're saying being thin isn't beautiful too. Sometimes people do outright say "thin isn't beautiful" but often what people are actually trying to do is appreciate a different body type- curvy and there's nothing wrong with that in itself.

Contrary to everything you've told and read, anorexics do not look in the mirror and see a fat person. I will bet that the first time you heard this as a kid, you thought, "What?! How is that possible?!" and couldn't believe it. Then some older person you trusted said something like, "It seems impossible! But it's true. They see a fat girl." All those pictures you saw of thin girls looking at fat girls in the mirror reinforced it. It's in textbooks and psychiatrists on TV said so, too. So, at some point, you began to believe it.

Let me disabuse you of the notion.

ANOREXICS DO NOT SEE FAT GIRLS IN THE MIRROR. They see themselves. They do not sit down next to some 180 pound woman and think they're the same size she is. They know what they look like. They know who is fat and who is skinny. They live, breathe and obsess over fat.

Really fat women in a new situation will scan the room to see if anyone is fatter than they are. They relax a little if someone is fatter. Anorexics scan a room, too. They get upset when someone is thinner.

Anorexia is not a problem of stupidity or delusion. It's an obsession over fat and an addiction to starving. They like starving. They hate it, too. Hate having to do it, hate what it does to them, hate living with the monkey on their back. But they like it, too,, just like the alcoholic loves and hates his booze.

Any and all fat must go. If there is any tiny bit, it's as bad to them as weighting 250 pounds. They do not SEE 250 pounds. They just react to 2 pounds the way sane people would react to 250 pounds if they woke up and saw they'd gained 100 pounds overnight.

It's a mental problem, yes, but not a visual one. It's obsession and addiction, not delusion.

There is absolutely no difference between the anorexic who says she is fine and the 250 pound woman who says she is fine. They both know better and say those things for invalid reasons.

Telling an anorexic she is skinny will come as no more shock to her than telling the 250 pound woman she is fat. Both comments are socially unacceptable, but coming from a doctor or a VERY close friend, may be helpful. You wouldn't be telling them anything they don't know, but maybe as a friend and certainly as a doctor, it's your job. You've given them a chance to discuss it and can offer help.

Everyone else should shut the heck up.

bethcox16

If a thin girl turns down the cookie, she may hear, "Oh, you're so skinny, have one!" It's common,

If a fat girl accepts the cookie, you will not hear, "Oh, you're so fat, you should skip that." That's uncommon.

Amongst themselves, people will see the skinny girl having a salad and say, "OMG, she needs to have a cheeseburger," or they'll see the fat girl having a sundae and say "Look at her, shoving more in" but if the person can hear them, the fat comments get censored way more often than the skinny ones.

It shouldn't be acceptable either way to ridicule someone for their weight...

However...

When someone is unhealthily underweight they aren't always aware they're too thin. If they're suffering from an eating disorder for example they may actually believe they need to lose more and are too big.. so then it's okay to call them out on it but only if you know them and have a pretty good inkling they have an eating disorder. No one saying anything to these people for fear of offending them can really fuel and prolong an eating disorder because "I must be okay because no one says anything" or "all I get is positive comments about my weight". If people go around telling these people "You look so beautiful because your hip bones jut out" that's not going to help.

When people are overweight, whether it's through an eating disorder or otherwise, they usually are pretty well aware they're overweight and need to lose weight. Pointing this out is pretty much only going to be hurtful and fuel more weight gain and increased poor self esteem. Helping people feel better about their current selves first, even when they're overweight, can help those people then have the confidence and self esteem to actually begin to lose weight. You can't treat both sides the same.

The body acceptance and "curves are good" movement is a backlack against what for an incredibly long time has been the "thinner= better"! status quo. With time it'll calm down again I think.

But just because people are saying curves are beautiful doesn't mean they're saying being thin isn't beautiful too. Sometimes people do outright say "thin isn't beautiful" but often what people are actually trying to do is appreciate a different body type- curvy and there's nothing wrong with that in itself.

Contrary to everything you've told and read, anorexics do not look in the mirror and see a fat person. I will bet that the first time you heard this as a kid, you thought, "What?! How is that possible?!" and couldn't believe it. Then some older person you trusted said something like, "It seems impossible! But it's true. They see a fat girl." All those pictures you saw of thin girls looking at fat girls in the mirror reinforced it. It's in textbooks and psychiatrists on TV said so, too. So, at some point, you began to believe it.

Let me disabuse you of the notion.

ANOREXICS DO NOT SEE FAT GIRLS IN THE MIRROR. They see themselves. They do not sit down next to some 180 pound woman and think they're the same size she is. They know what they look like. They know who is fat and who is skinny. They live, breathe and obsess over fat.

Really fat women in a new situation will scan the room to see if anyone is fatter than they are. They relax a little if someone is fatter. Anorexics scan a room, too. They get upset when someone is thinner.

Anorexia is not a problem of stupidity or delusion. It's an obsession over fat and an addiction to starving. They like starving. They hate it, too. Hate having to do it, hate what it does to them, hate living with the monkey on their back. But they like it, too,, just like the alcoholic loves and hates his booze.

Any and all fat must go. If there is any tiny bit, it's as bad to them as weighting 250 pounds. They do not SEE 250 pounds. They just react to 2 pounds the way sane people would react to 250 pounds if they woke up and saw they'd gained 100 pounds overnight.

It's a mental problem, yes, but not a visual one. It's obsession and addiction, not delusion.

There is absolutely no difference between the anorexic who says she is fine and the 250 pound woman who says she is fine. They both know better and say those things for invalid reasons.

Telling an anorexic she is skinny will come as no more shock to her than telling the 250 pound woman she is fat. Both are socially unacceptable, but coming from a doctor or a VERY close friend, may be helpful. You wouldn't be telling them anything they don't know, but maybe as a friend and certainly as a doctor, it's your job. You've given them a chance to discuss it and can offer help.

Everyone else should shut the heck up.

i agree with most of what you said, apart from one point, Some (not all) anorexics do have body dis-morphia issues, i'm not saying they see themselves huge, i'm just saying they see themselves as larger than they possibly are.

dbmata

i have the lowest self esteem,

It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.

Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.

bethcox16

i have the lowest self esteem,

It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.

Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.

okay, bit angry, how the hell have i tried to tear other people down????

dbmata

I think what the OP meant was that's is more PC to comment on someone who needs to gain weight (or looks like they do) than it is for someone to comment on someone who needs to lose weight.

Maybe it's not OK to be obese . . . and people's opinions haven't changed (and maybe won't ever) but it's not PC to comment on that fact however, it's ok for someone to notice when another is perhaps underweight and should eat more.

Not saying that either is ok . . . I think it's more about commenting that the actual fact of being either or.

Possibly amongst hipsters and other horrible people. Out in the world of the norms though, it's not acceptable to do either. That's also not what PC means.

ButterflyEl

If a thin girl turns down the cookie, she may hear, "Oh, you're so skinny, have one!" It's common,

If a fat girl accepts the cookie, you will not hear, "Oh, you're so fat, you should skip that." That's uncommon.

Amongst themselves, people will see the skinny girl having a salad and say, "OMG, she needs to have a cheeseburger," or they'll see the fat girl having a sundae and say "Look at her, shoving more in" but if the person can hear them, the fat comments get censored way more often than the skinny ones.

It shouldn't be acceptable either way to ridicule someone for their weight...

However...

When someone is unhealthily underweight they aren't always aware they're too thin. If they're suffering from an eating disorder for example they may actually believe they need to lose more and are too big.. so then it's okay to call them out on it but only if you know them and have a pretty good inkling they have an eating disorder. No one saying anything to these people for fear of offending them can really fuel and prolong an eating disorder because "I must be okay because no one says anything" or "all I get is positive comments about my weight". If people go around telling these people "You look so beautiful because your hip bones jut out" that's not going to help.

When people are overweight, whether it's through an eating disorder or otherwise, they usually are pretty well aware they're overweight and need to lose weight. Pointing this out is pretty much only going to be hurtful and fuel more weight gain and increased poor self esteem. Helping people feel better about their current selves first, even when they're overweight, can help those people then have the confidence and self esteem to actually begin to lose weight. You can't treat both sides the same.

The body acceptance and "curves are good" movement is a backlack against what for an incredibly long time has been the "thinner= better"! status quo. With time it'll calm down again I think.

But just because people are saying curves are beautiful doesn't mean they're saying being thin isn't beautiful too. Sometimes people do outright say "thin isn't beautiful" but often what people are actually trying to do is appreciate a different body type- curvy and there's nothing wrong with that in itself.

Contrary to everything you've told and read, anorexics do not look in the mirror and see a fat person. I will bet that the first time you heard this as a kid, you thought, "What?! How is that possible?!" and couldn't believe it. Then some older person you trusted said something like, "It seems impossible! But it's true. They see a fat girl." All those pictures you saw of thin girls looking at fat girls in the mirror reinforced it. It's in textbooks and psychiatrists on TV said so, too. So, at some point, you began to believe it.

Let me disabuse you of the notion.

ANOREXICS DO NOT SEE FAT GIRLS IN THE MIRROR. They see themselves. They do not sit down next to some 180 pound woman and think they're the same size she is. They know what they look like. They know who is fat and who is skinny. They live, breathe and obsess over fat.

Really fat women in a new situation will scan the room to see if anyone is fatter than they are. They relax a little if someone is fatter. Anorexics scan a room, too. They get upset when someone is thinner.

Anorexia is not a problem of stupidity or delusion. It's an obsession over fat and an addiction to starving. They like starving. They hate it, too. Hate having to do it, hate what it does to them, hate living with the monkey on their back. But they like it, too,, just like the alcoholic loves and hates his booze.

Any and all fat must go. If there is any tiny bit, it's as bad to them as weighting 250 pounds. They do not SEE 250 pounds. They just react to 2 pounds the way sane people would react to 250 pounds if they woke up and saw they'd gained 100 pounds overnight.

It's a mental problem, yes, but not a visual one. It's obsession and addiction, not delusion.

There is absolutely no difference between the anorexic who says she is fine and the 250 pound woman who says she is fine. They both know better and say those things for invalid reasons.

Telling an anorexic she is skinny will come as no more shock to her than telling the 250 pound woman she is fat. Both are socially unacceptable, but coming from a doctor or a VERY close friend, may be helpful. You wouldn't be telling them anything they don't know, but maybe as a friend and certainly as a doctor, it's your job. You've given them a chance to discuss it and can offer help.

Everyone else should shut the heck up.

i agree with most of what you said, apart from one point, Some (not all) anorexics do have body dis-morphia issues, i'm not saying they see themselves huge, i'm just saying they see themselves as larger than they possibly are.

Seeing yourself as "too big" and seeing your self as the same as the 280lb woman aren't the same thing. The anorexic will still see areas on their body they need to lose weight from so they will see themseleves as "too big". That's what I meant. No doubt it's different for every sufferer but I know from my own experience they will see those areas of "fat" that need to go and it comes as a shock when people say "you are too thin, I'm worried about you" but that needs to come from a family member/doctor/therapist yes and then not continually afterwards...
But anorexics generally don't see themselves as as thin and ill as they really are.

dbmata

i have the lowest self esteem,

It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.

Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.

okay, bit angry, how the hell have i tried to tear other people down????

This entire thread. Please stop. Re-assess, re-commit, and move forward.

DjinnMarie

i have the lowest self esteem,

It's apparent. Stop trying to tear others down. It won't help you feel better.

Instead, we should accept each other and work to lift each other up. Good luck.

Have you never hung out with a bunch of women? It's almost like it's their sole purpose in life to tear others down. (Of course not all, but a big majority)