Life after divorce is it scary?

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  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    hope your counseling works

    Same here! Counseling for us was the nail in the coffin. Some people see success, for us it was the opposite.

    Same here. Counseling just solidified the truth. We were incompatible and one giant sinking ship.
  • rachelesmfp
    rachelesmfp Posts: 24
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    It depends what you make of it I guess and how you chose to approach things with your ex and your kids.
    When I separated and divorced from my husband I decided to try and settle things out of court and focus on the kids having a positive relationship with both parents (even when I wanted to kick him in the head). I never argued with him around them and they were left out of adult decisions to do with access and money completely.
    It seems to be working so far and we are 8 years separated/divorced.

    Im not going to say it was easy, especially given the circumstances surrounding our separation. But after all this time has passed and with a bit of reflection I think it was well worth it.

    FYI - I agree with a previous poster about not getting remarried. I have been with my current partner for 6 years and I have had to put it all on the table. No more kids, not getting remarried. It appears in this day and age it matters little whether or not the rock is in place and you have taken the vows... so whats the point? You can make those 'promises' without the need for fanfare.
  • GrannyCrayCray
    GrannyCrayCray Posts: 71 Member
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    Divorced since June 2013 after 26.5 years of marriage, my decision. I love it! My only regret is that I waited so long.
    Appreciate this insight Hemlock.and an earlier post from LoneWolfRunner about NOT staying together for the kids. Just wish I had the guts to go for it. With 30+ yrs in this marriage and a few kids still at home, I am a big fat chicken :huh:

    Thanks OP for this thread. The comments help me see that my fears and feelings are normal as can be. Who would've thought an app for logging food / exercise could be so helpful in other areas of life?
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
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    This topic turn in other direction. It's to late for counseling! I ask about life AFTER divorce!

    Life AFTER divorce...

    i was married 22 years, as one person said, i wish i didn't wait so long!

    life after... at first very scary because of the unknown.
    Finances are very rough especially since I have to pay that *kitten* alimony! however, here are some positives...

    my son & i:
    -no longer have to walk on egg shells!
    -we can be as LOUD as we want!
    -we can be goofy & silly if we want to
    -we can go on family outings without having grumpy meanie heads making it miserable
    -we are MUCH happier!
    -no more physical, emotional, or mental abuse
    -and many many other positive things

    I am finding the Bethany that has been suppressed all those years - an AMAZING feeling!

    sometimes it's a little lonely though not having someone to talk to but i was lonely in my relationship with him as he was never there to talk to anyway. he never cared & didn't know how to be a friend. hopefully one day i'll find that.

    So, although it may be a tad scary, especially at first, you'll find that you and your kids will be MUCH happier in the end. Best of luck! :flowerforyou:
  • KingaS32
    KingaS32 Posts: 73
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    This topic turn in other direction. It's to late for counseling! I ask about life AFTER divorce!

    Life AFTER divorce...

    i was married 22 years, as one person said, i wish i didn't wait so long!

    life after... at first very scary because of the unknown.
    Finances are very rough especially since I have to pay that *kitten* alimony! however, here are some positives...

    my son & i:
    -no longer have to walk on egg shells!
    -we can be as LOUD as we want!
    -we can be goofy & silly if we want to
    -we can go on family outings without having grumpy meanie heads making it miserable
    -we are MUCH happier!
    -no more physical, emotional, or mental abuse
    -and many many other positive things

    I am finding the Bethany that has been suppressed all those years - an AMAZING feeling!

    sometimes it's a little lonely though not having someone to talk to but i was lonely in my relationship with him as he was never there to talk to anyway. he never cared & didn't know how to be a friend. hopefully one day i'll find that.

    So, although it may be a tad scary, especially at first, you'll find that you and your kids will be MUCH happier in the end. Best of luck! :flowerforyou:

    After reading that you put smile on my face. I will never feel alone! I have two adorable kids and I will do everything in my power to make them happy. I was raised without father too and I know it's possible to do it. I had great childhood.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
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    Divorced since June 2013 after 26.5 years of marriage, my decision. I love it! My only regret is that I waited so long.
    Appreciate this insight Hemlock.and an earlier post from LoneWolfRunner about NOT staying together for the kids. Just wish I had the guts to go for it. With 30+ yrs in this marriage and a few kids still at home, I am a big fat chicken :huh:

    Thanks OP for this thread. The comments help me see that my fears and feelings are normal as can be. Who would've thought an app for logging food / exercise could be so helpful in other areas of life?
    That's because people don't see health as the whole package; sleep, nutrition, movement, stress management for instance via meditation, and so on. Including emotional life in balance. All these are lifestyle change to me.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    I left an abusive and unfaithful marriage with a 9.5 month old a little over 9 years ago, though it took another 8 months for the divorce to be final as he refused to sign the papers. I don't regret it for a second because I ended up with someone who treats me the way I realized I deserve to be treated. My ex ended up losing his parental rights to our daughter a few years ago, and the guy I'm with now (we're not married, but I call him DH for the sake of simplicity) adopted her a few months later. We now have a 7 year old daughter together as well.

    It helps that by the time I left I was pretty much done, it wasn't the first time I had left him. I did try and talk the ex into counseling, but he refused. I threw away my wedding ring and never looked back. It hurt, and I cried, and I felt like I somehow failed my daughter at first. Then I picked the pieces back up and kept on going, because I refused to let him control me any longer.

    As for getting married again - "DH" has been married before has well (he's a widower) and we're in no rush to get married. I'd kind of like to have the same last name as my kids, but I know I don't need a marriage certificate to validate our relationship or our commitment to each other.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so

    I don't think marriage counseling works well. I do think individual counseling helps a lot -- to assist each person in clarifying their goals and desires, and to help each change their behavior if necessary to reach those goals.

    I'm highly pro-counseling, but the couples counseling I did with my husband prior to separating was a waste of time. The one year separation, however, was quite enlightening, and motivated us both to fix our *kitten*, grow up and move back in together.

    We now have a very functional, happy relationship and are officially getting married after 12 years together.
  • KingaS32
    KingaS32 Posts: 73
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    I left an abusive and unfaithful marriage with a 9.5 month old a little over 9 years ago, though it took another 8 months for the divorce to be final as he refused to sign the papers. I don't regret it for a second because I ended up with someone who treats me the way I realized I deserve to be treated. My ex ended up losing his parental rights to our daughter a few years ago, and the guy I'm with now (we're not married, but I call him DH for the sake of simplicity) adopted her a few months later. We now have a 7 year old daughter together as well.

    It helps that by the time I left I was pretty much done, it wasn't the first time I had left him. I did try and talk the ex into counseling, but he refused. I threw away my wedding ring and never looked back. It hurt, and I cried, and I felt like I somehow failed my daughter at first. Then I picked the pieces back up and kept on going, because I refused to let him control me any longer.

    As for getting married again - "DH" has been married before has well (he's a widower) and we're in no rush to get married. I'd kind of like to have the same last name as my kids, but I know I don't need a marriage certificate to validate our relationship or our commitment to each other.

    I'm so happy for you! I wish you the best!
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Nevermind.
  • LadyCouerlyn
    LadyCouerlyn Posts: 137 Member
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    As a child from a broken family, all I can say is we're tough. It might hurt some nights more than others, but as we get older we understand. It will get better. Hang in there for your kids!
  • rjmwx81
    rjmwx81 Posts: 259 Member
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    I'm glad to see all the positive responses here. My experience has been, well, less so. Been divorced a little more than 4 years after I caught my ex cheating, I'm still picking up the pieces mentally and emotionally...haven't dated much, finances are still shot to hell, etc. Am I happier than I would have been with her? Yes. But I'm not "happy."

    Not saying you shouldn't get a divorce if that's what's needed, but don't expect things to go as well for you as they have for other posters here. They might, they might not.
  • KingaS32
    KingaS32 Posts: 73
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    As a child from a broken family, all I can say is we're tough. It might hurt some nights more than others, but as we get older we understand. It will get better. Hang in there for your kids!

    Thank you
  • MeanderingMammal
    MeanderingMammal Posts: 7,866 Member
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    After several years of very rough treatment I was very glad to be free of that. In terms of life after, I now have a life and don't always feel as if I'm wondering what the next topic to hammer me with would be. I'm not having to second guess everything I say or do.

    Finances were challenging for a while, they still are, there is quite a bit I can't get access to but that's a small price to pay for getting out of that downward spiral.

    All said, fortunately we had no kids, so it was just me that was suffering.
  • Momf3boys
    Momf3boys Posts: 1,637 Member
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    After my divorce I had the absolute best time of my life....I realize what true happiness was and I learned to never settle.
  • beachgirl172723
    beachgirl172723 Posts: 151 Member
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