Don't want to embarrass my friend by pointing this out

kittyd7015

but her teen daughter is heading exactly the way I gained and I want to help her. She's beautiful but I don't want her to make the same mistakes. Anyone done this before?
xxx

caracrawford1

Please just....don't. I don't know how old this young lady is, but being a teenager is hard enough with all the hormones, concerns about future and peer pressures and complications to then have a family friend point out that you are overweight. I know you mean well, but all she will hear is that she's "fat".
I teach high school and we encourage them to make healthier choices and be active but we don't focus on weight.

Liftng4Lis

I'm just going to say not a good idea here.

violasmith85

Please just....don't. I don't know how old this young lady is, but being a teenager is hard enough with all the hormones, concerns about future and peer pressures and complications to then have a family friend point out that you are overweight. I know you mean well, but all she will hear is that she's "fat".
I teach high school and we encourage them to make healthier choices and be active but we don't focus on weight.

agree completely

GiveMeCoffee

Don't do this. Not your place if they want your opinion or advice they will ask.

cnave99

Its generally a good idea to keep your eyes on your own plate- especially as concerns someone elses children.

I understand why you want to help though, and your intentions are good but that would just hurt everyone. Just like all of us, we each have to walk our own path.

VeryKatie

Please just....don't. I don't know how old this young lady is, but being a teenager is hard enough with all the hormones, concerns about future and peer pressures and complications to then have a family friend point out that you are overweight. I know you mean well, but all she will hear is that she's "fat".
I teach high school and we encourage them to make healthier choices and be active but we don't focus on weight.

^THIS

For many reasons:
1) She isn't your daughter and it isn't your place
2) She isn't your daughter and doesn't have your genetics so how could you even know?
3) You lost the weight/are losing it so that should be proof enough that other people can too
4) She's a teenager perfectly capable of making her own decisions

csec6pak

It's not about embarrassing your friend; it's about hurting her daughter at a tough time in her life.

Just don't. It's not your business.

And you have no idea what path she's on, really. You are projecting your own feelings/experiences on to her, but there is no way to know how it will really play out for her.

BigGuy47

She's beautiful but I don't want her to make the same mistakes.
xxx

She will figure it out on her own. That's how we learn. We make mistakes and then we learn from those mistakes.

Sendyk

My 15 yr old cousin is pretty sensitive and takes everything personally and negatively. My aunt has told me that at her last physical, her cholesterol was high as well as her blood pressure and she is at risk for many of the health issues associated with being overweight. We are concerned because her father's side of the family tend to be overweight and so we know that it's not just "baby fat." I would also like to know how we could broach the subject about the issues with her weight because it seems that sparing her feelings may just cost her her health.

kittyd7015

My 15 yr old cousin is pretty sensitive and takes everything personally and negatively. My aunt has told me that at her last physical, her cholesterol was high as well as her blood pressure and she is at risk for many of the health issues associated with being overweight. We are concerned because her father's side of the family tend to be overweight and so we know that it's not just "baby fat." I would also like to know how we could broach the subject about the issues with her weight because it seems that sparing her feelings may just cost her her health.

this is wot im worried about. I wasnt goin to speak to her but to my friend and point it out. I would never speak directly to her bout sumtin lik dat I agree its not my place Im not related xxx

dcglobalgirl

I agree with everyone who says "don't talk to her about it" but that doesn't mean you can't invite your friend and her daughter for a hiking trip or regular walks or suggest doing a C25K together. You could broach it, as "I'm really excited about this. Let's all do it together", and that way, you might be a good role model for the daughter and she might even approach you about how to get fit.

wannabeskinnycat

Yeah, ask her for help in training or keeping fit. She'll probably think you're a dinosaur but she will definitely feel wanted and useful. Better than being made to feel even more self conscious than she does now. And your mate might just tell you to mind you're own business x

gypsy_spirit

If you start a sentence with I don't want to embarrass my friend, but - then you know already that it will embarrass her.

My answer (also my opinion) is going to be about talking to anyone about their weight and health. Those talks generally do not do what you intend for them to do. When we join MFP and start becoming more knowledgeable about our health, we want to share that with everyone we know and love. But, unless they are asking for your advice, it's too touchy a subject - especially with someone else's child.

As far as talking to your friend - if you genuinely think that she doesn't have a clue what's happening to her daughter and you are very close - then mention it and see what she says. Otherwise, leave it alone. Be prepared for the fall out.

trinatrina1984

I agree with everyone who says "don't talk to her about it" but that doesn't mean you can't invite your friend and her daughter for a hiking trip or regular walks or suggest doing a C25K together. You could broach it, as "I'm really excited about this. Let's all do it together", and that way, you might be a good role model for the daughter and she might even approach you about how to get fit.

Agree with all of this, it may not do your friendship any favors to effectively criticize her parenting.

SunofaBeach14

Then shut your mouth

Tanie98

What makes you think this is any of your business?

GiveMeCoffee

I'm going to share something that happened to me. As a teenager I played a lot of sports, was very active, and was about a size 8 or 10. Not fat, but not skinny. Well my aunt, who is very obsessed with her weight and was never bigger than a size 4, decided I was fat and she needed to "save me". She harped on me so bad, that I did start to think I was fat, and I decided I had to go on a diet. Well I was young, had no clue. This diet consisted of me trying to go as long as I could without eating, only drinking water, while still playing sports, etc. That is when I began my yoyo dieting cycle.

So it is not your place, if their doctor is concerned the doctor will make recommendations.

Sendyk

Yeah, ask her for help in training or keeping fit. She'll probably think you're a dinosaur but she will definitely feel wanted and useful. Better than being made to feel even more self conscious than she does now. And your mate might just tell you to mind you're own business x

I think that's kinda brilliant! I'll see if I can label it as a "girls' only" type of activity and include her mother as well. But I have a feeling she might feel uncomfortable breaking a sweat around her. And since I'm the cool, hip, cousin ;p maybe she'll want to start a regimen with me to "keep me motivated." Maybe bring it up during a shopping trip how I'd like to tone up /lose weight and need a workout/ jogging buddy. I can then bribe her with free workout gear. I'll try to make it about me and hopefully, she'll see my pushing as desperate and take pity on my poor fat soul. Hubby knows what's good for him, so he'll stay mum.

sljohnson1207

I'm pretty sure your friend probably is already aware of the situation, that is if she takes her daughter to the doctor for well-checks. Since that is most likely the case, she probably is also worried, but what she is probably MORE worried about is that her daughter grows up to have good self esteem and doesn't just focus on how she looks, but who she is. Now, if her health is bad, like high blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, and she's not taking ANY actions, that would be bad, but still not your place to say anything to the child. I know you know that because you said so.

This is a very tough situation for a parent. I saw my own daughter going toward this when she went through puberty, and yes, we have serious morbid obesity running in my family, and I've had eating disorders (yes, more than one) in my past. It's a seriously touchy subject, and one that I couldn't really touch on with her without worrying that she'd do what I did. She has seen her great-grandmother, great uncle, grandmother, mother, and aunt all struggle with being overweight or obese. She has seen her dad gain a lot of weight in front of her eyes, and has watched her stepmother and step sister struggle as well. She sees her stepfather struggle as well, as he was not overweight until his late forties, even though he was still VERY active.

I just kept encouraging her to eat a balanced diet, choose colorful, fresh foods, over pre-packaged foods more often, and get some movement (she is not an athlete at all), which she was not doing.

She is currently at a healthy weight and is absolutely a gorgeous petite young woman, and had a check up this week. The doctor told her so, and encouraged her to eat a variable diet and move. She has decided to be a vegetarian, and that is of concern to me, but I do my very best to let her pick out non-meat proteins that she will eat at the grocery store, and encourage her to use the protein tracker app on her iPhone.

It will be so much easier for her to maintain a healthy weight if she never becomes overweight to begin with, and all I can do is pray that I've been a good enough role model and encouraged her to behave in healthy ways, so that she will never have to face the pain of obesity herself. It's a struggle I would never wish on anyone.