Don't want to embarrass my friend by pointing this out

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13

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  • Camo_xxx
    Camo_xxx Posts: 1,112 Member
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    There isn't a subject under the sun that is off the table between my friends. If one of our kids was eating unhealthy to the point of becoming overweight we would discuss it. Come to think of it, We discuss how they eat all the time .
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    but her teen daughter is heading exactly the way I gained and I want to help her. She's beautiful but I don't want her to make the same mistakes. Anyone done this before?
    xxx

    And what mistakes did you make? Just curious.
  • marinabreeze
    marinabreeze Posts: 141 Member
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    To the OP - how do you know that your friend isn't already addressing weight with her daughter? Just because she is getting bigger doesn't mean that your friend or her daughter is unaware of the situation.

    I was an overweight child and teenager, and I would gain about 10-15 lbs a year. My parents were obese. To people on the outside looking in, they would've thought that my parents had no idea I was fat. But behind closed doors, my parents, especially my dad, would harp on my weight constantly. I was put on diets from the time I was 7. I played sports but still gained. And because of the harping on weight, I developed a unhealthy relationship with food, including closet binge eating, and it got more out of control as I got older.

    I mention this to say that just because your friend's daughter is getting larger doesn't mean you really know the situation. Stay out of it. You can offer outdoor/exercise activities, but even with this, be careful because if you never did this before, and all of a sudden you're saying "let's walk! let's hike!" it's going to seem deceptive.
  • violasmith85
    violasmith85 Posts: 274 Member
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    As a kid I was a lil overweight, other kids started picking on me and adults kept being concerned. I ended up 400 pounds at 19 years old. Luckily I lost a bunch of that, but I'm still obese working hard at almost 30 years old to lose it. I like the previous suggestions of fun physical activities to do together. That's safer and rewarding.
  • miniwheatxoxo
    miniwheatxoxo Posts: 51
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    Mind your own business.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    I fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.
  • 60sPanda
    60sPanda Posts: 303 Member
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    This happened to me when I was 12. I had filled out early and I knew I looked fantastic (and looking back on the pics from then I most certainly did) but a friend of my mum told her (with me in earshot) that I was looking fat and needed to lose the weight. My mum told her friend where to go and it seriously soured the relationship. Plus I got really upset about it as I had never even thought about my weight before, and after that I was always comparing myself to my "skinny" friends who were really just girls whose hips had yet to fill out / or breasts had yet to develop.

    So, don't do it.
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,039 Member
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    I always got a bit pudgy before my growth spurts. one when I was in 8th grade was very memorable. Also, jeez, all the nasty things people said to me about my weight didn't make me lose weight ... it didn't come off till I wanted it off. There are 7000 messages a day to young women and teenagers... I wouldn't say anything, but I would lead by being a good example. And I do....NOW..
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
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    Yikes. Mind your own business. You think your friend doesn't know her daughter is eating too much? She probably buys the groceries...
  • whirlygig35
    whirlygig35 Posts: 4
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    I would be offended if any of my friends tried to jump in and basically tell me how to parent my children. I am very much aware of how healthy they are and don't need anyone to point it out.
  • WalkingAlong
    WalkingAlong Posts: 4,926 Member
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    Yeah. I have a teen daughter and if anyone, much less a 21 year old, decided to offer unsolicited parenting or health advice I wouldn't be embarrassed, I'd tell them to mind their own business.

    I recall offering one of my older sisters unsolicited parenting advice in my early 20s... That went over like a lead balloon. :laugh:
  • ToshaLyn
    ToshaLyn Posts: 21 Member
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    I think you should invite your friend to the gym or some kind of physical activity and then ask if her daughter would like to join. I think that most people commenting are being a bit harsh. You have good intentions and I wish that someone encouraged me to become more active as a teenager.
  • SierraSwan
    SierraSwan Posts: 6
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    I fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.
    Agree
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    I fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.
    Agree

    Me too. I'm not sure what's the best way to go about it, but adults and children are more obese than ever before but we just need to keep minding our own business?

    Personally if it meant that much to me I'd ask if they wanted some info on weight management and give them the Sexy Pants link
  • marinabreeze
    marinabreeze Posts: 141 Member
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    I fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.
    Agree

    Me too. I'm not sure what's the best way to go about it, but adults and children are more obese than ever before but we just need to keep minding our own business?

    Personally if it meant that much to me I'd ask if they wanted some info on weight management and give them the Sexy Pants link
    Yes, mind your own business. I don't know any fat person that isn't aware they are fat. And especially if one is a large child or teen, they will have been made all too aware. If they want weight loss or management help from you, they will ask you. But otherwise, everyone has their own issues, pay attention to your own.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    You think your friend doesn't know how big their daughter is? Does she have a sight problem?
  • Cinarocket
    Cinarocket Posts: 49 Member
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    I agree definitely don't talk to the teenager but giving some advice to the mother isn't a bad idea. This way the teenager won't have to deal with any negative thoughts yet she can be helped by her mother without knowing. Maybe her mother can cook a little healthier take her less often to fast food etc...
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    I fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.
    Agree

    Me too. I'm not sure what's the best way to go about it, but adults and children are more obese than ever before but we just need to keep minding our own business?

    Personally if it meant that much to me I'd ask if they wanted some info on weight management and give them the Sexy Pants link
    Yes, mind your own business. I don't know any fat person that isn't aware they are fat. And especially if one is a large child or teen, they will have been made all too aware. If they want weight loss or management help from you, they will ask you. But otherwise, everyone has their own issues, pay attention to your own.

    As is evidenced by this thread most people didn't know the right way to lose weight. I'd say it's your family, do what it takes to fight for them. Just because there's a lot of derp out there doesn't make the idea of sharing healthy weight loss options wrong IMO. Our current state of obesity? That's what's wrong and we need a good way to solve it. Personally I didn't know anything about calories until maybe college if not after, and even then there was so much derp that I couldn't put together a simple equation of calories consumed vs calories burned and how that would translate to weight loss at a certain pace. Just like some folks agree that a simple high school class covering this subject would be very useful, I would have appreciated having this info when I was younger
  • Kate7294
    Kate7294 Posts: 783 Member
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    Please don't say anything. If she asks for your help or input that's a different story though.
    Being a teenager is hard. Body image is a real issue for adolescents even the boys. I know my son used to tell us he was fat in Elementary School ( which he wasn't and we told him so). Now at 16 yrs. old I worry he doesn't eat enough though he is a solid 140 lbs. at 5'9"ish .
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    but her teen daughter is heading exactly the way I gained...
    She knows.

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