Don't want to embarrass my friend by pointing this out
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Yeah, ask her for help in training or keeping fit. She'll probably think you're a dinosaur but she will definitely feel wanted and useful. Better than being made to feel even more self conscious than she does now. And your mate might just tell you to mind you're own business x
I think that's kinda brilliant! I'll see if I can label it as a "girls' only" type of activity and include her mother as well. But I have a feeling she might feel uncomfortable breaking a sweat around her. And since I'm the cool, hip, cousin ;p maybe she'll want to start a regimen with me to "keep me motivated." Maybe bring it up during a shopping trip how I'd like to tone up /lose weight and need a workout/ jogging buddy. I can then bribe her with free workout gear. I'll try to make it about me and hopefully, she'll see my pushing as desperate and take pity on my poor fat soul.
Hubby knows what's good for him, so he'll stay mum.
If she is on board this will be a great activity for the 2 of you. If you're too deceptive, (and kids can be very perceptive about things like this), you may really do some damage to your relationship.
Can you not just ask her if she wants to do some fun things with you like hiking? Skating? Running? Why does it have to be all about deceiving her?
Do you think that is going to work in the long run? Would it work with you? How would you feel if you found out a family member was doing that to you?
I get what you mean and I didn't want to make it sound like it was ALL about deceiving her, but it seems a good idea to take keep the pressure off of her. I think that if I introduce her to those activities as a companion she might breathe a little easier and focus on the fun instead of performing. I am not going to feel guilty about finding a way to introduce fun physical activity whether it's a bit manipulative or not. What WOULD make me feel guilty is watching her health decline and not doing anything to help her especially since her mother asked for my help . And honestly, I think it would definitely have worked with me to feel wanted in that way. As a teen I was only sensitive to criticisms from my parents. And if I enjoyed the time spent with a family member that I looked up to and respected, I wouldn't have minded if I'd been "duped." When I said "regimen," it wasn't going to be strictly burpees and mountain climbers, but maybe salsa lessons and outdoor jogging, maybe some dance aerobic class, other activities like that.0 -
Yeah, ask her for help in training or keeping fit. She'll probably think you're a dinosaur but she will definitely feel wanted and useful. Better than being made to feel even more self conscious than she does now. And your mate might just tell you to mind you're own business x
I think that's kinda brilliant! I'll see if I can label it as a "girls' only" type of activity and include her mother as well. But I have a feeling she might feel uncomfortable breaking a sweat around her. And since I'm the cool, hip, cousin ;p maybe she'll want to start a regimen with me to "keep me motivated." Maybe bring it up during a shopping trip how I'd like to tone up /lose weight and need a workout/ jogging buddy. I can then bribe her with free workout gear. I'll try to make it about me and hopefully, she'll see my pushing as desperate and take pity on my poor fat soul. Hubby knows what's good for him, so he'll stay mum.
Love this idea!!!!0 -
My 15 yr old cousin is pretty sensitive and takes everything personally and negatively. My aunt has told me that at her last physical, her cholesterol was high as well as her blood pressure and she is at risk for many of the health issues associated with being overweight. We are concerned because her father's side of the family tend to be overweight and so we know that it's not just "baby fat." I would also like to know how we could broach the subject about the issues with her weight because it seems that sparing her feelings may just cost her her health.
Okay, so she was at her physical too, right? So why do you need to repeat what she already heard from the doctor? That will only make her feel worse. The most you could do is offer advice IF asked. If you are close to your neice then perhaps tell her about your own history and what you did about it that helped.
She didn't hear it from her doctor. Her mother received a call from her doctor when her blood work came in. Yes, I understand the big issue about sparing her feelings, that's why I'm looking to not only spare those precious feelings but to also spare her life which I believe is more important.0 -
Chances wre your friend AS THE GIRLS MUM is already awear of anything thats going with her daughter,
and no matter how close you are as friends being the one to point out to her that her daught is gonna end up over weight its not going to be met with an "omg thanks for pointing out"
truth is your more likely to get "who do you think you"
stay out of it and leave your friend to raise her daughter!0 -
So many reasons to keep your yap shut.
-It's none of your business
-It isn't your place
-It's rude
-It could hurt someone
And that's just for starters.
Mind your business and leave her to hers.0 -
but her teen daughter is heading exactly the way I gained and I want to help her. She's beautiful but I don't want her to make the same mistakes. Anyone done this before?
xxx
It's nice that you're concerned for others. If there were more people like that, the world would be a better place. Nevertheless, you should probably let it be. She will have to learn through experiences.0 -
but her teen daughter is heading exactly the way I gained and I want to help her. She's beautiful but I don't want her to make the same mistakes. Anyone done this before?
xxx
Try this.. be extremely defense and talk about your self, Say when I had a plate I would put three portions of something not just 1..
and I did it for 10 years, and I gained 100lbs from it..0 -
If you came and told me that my daughter was fat I wouldn't be embarrassed I would be angry and a bit piss*d off. Who are you to tell anyone how they should look/weigh etc etc. Has it ever occurred to you she may be perfectly happy the way she is? Don't project your own ideals on to others. If you do say anything I hope her mother has a few words for you.0
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Honestly why don't you just try to be a role model without mentioning the weight. Invite her for long walks and talk to her about life, let her vent. Invite her for lunch and serve healthy food. Just be a healthy influence in her life. You don't need to mention the weight just introduce her to a new and healthy lifestyle by having her around. And when and if she is ready she will start to ask about eating healthier and exercising once she sees how positive of a life style change it can be
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My 15 yr old cousin is pretty sensitive and takes everything personally and negatively. My aunt has told me that at her last physical, her cholesterol was high as well as her blood pressure and she is at risk for many of the health issues associated with being overweight. We are concerned because her father's side of the family tend to be overweight and so we know that it's not just "baby fat." I would also like to know how we could broach the subject about the issues with her weight because it seems that sparing her feelings may just cost her her health.
Okay, so she was at her physical too, right? So why do you need to repeat what she already heard from the doctor? That will only make her feel worse. The most you could do is offer advice IF asked. If you are close to your neice then perhaps tell her about your own history and what you did about it that helped.
She didn't hear it from her doctor. Her mother received a call from her doctor when her blood work came in. Yes, I understand the big issue about sparing her feelings, that's why I'm looking to not only spare those precious feelings but to also spare her life which I believe is more important.
But I think that what you're missing (as well as the OP) is that you can't simply ignore her feelings in the name of "her health is more important." Just because you mention to your cousin that you're concerned about her weight doesn't mean that the outcome you want will be the actual outcome. As a matter of fact, it probably won't. Since she is sensitive about the topic, surely it's not like she is unaware that she is overweight. All it will most likely do is to make her self-conscious and possibly make her more depressed/turn to food, and will exacerbate the health issues you say you're concerned about.0 -
There isn't a subject under the sun that is off the table between my friends. If one of our kids was eating unhealthy to the point of becoming overweight we would discuss it. Come to think of it, We discuss how they eat all the time .0
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but her teen daughter is heading exactly the way I gained and I want to help her. She's beautiful but I don't want her to make the same mistakes. Anyone done this before?
xxx
And what mistakes did you make? Just curious.0 -
To the OP - how do you know that your friend isn't already addressing weight with her daughter? Just because she is getting bigger doesn't mean that your friend or her daughter is unaware of the situation.
I was an overweight child and teenager, and I would gain about 10-15 lbs a year. My parents were obese. To people on the outside looking in, they would've thought that my parents had no idea I was fat. But behind closed doors, my parents, especially my dad, would harp on my weight constantly. I was put on diets from the time I was 7. I played sports but still gained. And because of the harping on weight, I developed a unhealthy relationship with food, including closet binge eating, and it got more out of control as I got older.
I mention this to say that just because your friend's daughter is getting larger doesn't mean you really know the situation. Stay out of it. You can offer outdoor/exercise activities, but even with this, be careful because if you never did this before, and all of a sudden you're saying "let's walk! let's hike!" it's going to seem deceptive.0 -
As a kid I was a lil overweight, other kids started picking on me and adults kept being concerned. I ended up 400 pounds at 19 years old. Luckily I lost a bunch of that, but I'm still obese working hard at almost 30 years old to lose it. I like the previous suggestions of fun physical activities to do together. That's safer and rewarding.0
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Mind your own business.0
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I fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.0
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This happened to me when I was 12. I had filled out early and I knew I looked fantastic (and looking back on the pics from then I most certainly did) but a friend of my mum told her (with me in earshot) that I was looking fat and needed to lose the weight. My mum told her friend where to go and it seriously soured the relationship. Plus I got really upset about it as I had never even thought about my weight before, and after that I was always comparing myself to my "skinny" friends who were really just girls whose hips had yet to fill out / or breasts had yet to develop.
So, don't do it.0 -
I always got a bit pudgy before my growth spurts. one when I was in 8th grade was very memorable. Also, jeez, all the nasty things people said to me about my weight didn't make me lose weight ... it didn't come off till I wanted it off. There are 7000 messages a day to young women and teenagers... I wouldn't say anything, but I would lead by being a good example. And I do....NOW..0
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Yikes. Mind your own business. You think your friend doesn't know her daughter is eating too much? She probably buys the groceries...0
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I would be offended if any of my friends tried to jump in and basically tell me how to parent my children. I am very much aware of how healthy they are and don't need anyone to point it out.0
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Yeah. I have a teen daughter and if anyone, much less a 21 year old, decided to offer unsolicited parenting or health advice I wouldn't be embarrassed, I'd tell them to mind their own business.
I recall offering one of my older sisters unsolicited parenting advice in my early 20s... That went over like a lead balloon. :laugh:0 -
I think you should invite your friend to the gym or some kind of physical activity and then ask if her daughter would like to join. I think that most people commenting are being a bit harsh. You have good intentions and I wish that someone encouraged me to become more active as a teenager.0
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AgreeI fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.0 -
AgreeI fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.
Me too. I'm not sure what's the best way to go about it, but adults and children are more obese than ever before but we just need to keep minding our own business?
Personally if it meant that much to me I'd ask if they wanted some info on weight management and give them the Sexy Pants link0 -
Yes, mind your own business. I don't know any fat person that isn't aware they are fat. And especially if one is a large child or teen, they will have been made all too aware. If they want weight loss or management help from you, they will ask you. But otherwise, everyone has their own issues, pay attention to your own.
AgreeI fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.
Me too. I'm not sure what's the best way to go about it, but adults and children are more obese than ever before but we just need to keep minding our own business?
Personally if it meant that much to me I'd ask if they wanted some info on weight management and give them the Sexy Pants link0 -
You think your friend doesn't know how big their daughter is? Does she have a sight problem?0
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I agree definitely don't talk to the teenager but giving some advice to the mother isn't a bad idea. This way the teenager won't have to deal with any negative thoughts yet she can be helped by her mother without knowing. Maybe her mother can cook a little healthier take her less often to fast food etc...0
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Yes, mind your own business. I don't know any fat person that isn't aware they are fat. And especially if one is a large child or teen, they will have been made all too aware. If they want weight loss or management help from you, they will ask you. But otherwise, everyone has their own issues, pay attention to your own.
AgreeI fail to see the problem in sharing what you have learned about eating healthfully and tracking your caloric intake with a teen. The sooner we get into good habits the better. I mean, if you just called her fat and tried to get her to go on a juice cleanse with you, that would be bad.
Me too. I'm not sure what's the best way to go about it, but adults and children are more obese than ever before but we just need to keep minding our own business?
Personally if it meant that much to me I'd ask if they wanted some info on weight management and give them the Sexy Pants link
As is evidenced by this thread most people didn't know the right way to lose weight. I'd say it's your family, do what it takes to fight for them. Just because there's a lot of derp out there doesn't make the idea of sharing healthy weight loss options wrong IMO. Our current state of obesity? That's what's wrong and we need a good way to solve it. Personally I didn't know anything about calories until maybe college if not after, and even then there was so much derp that I couldn't put together a simple equation of calories consumed vs calories burned and how that would translate to weight loss at a certain pace. Just like some folks agree that a simple high school class covering this subject would be very useful, I would have appreciated having this info when I was younger0 -
Please don't say anything. If she asks for your help or input that's a different story though.
Being a teenager is hard. Body image is a real issue for adolescents even the boys. I know my son used to tell us he was fat in Elementary School ( which he wasn't and we told him so). Now at 16 yrs. old I worry he doesn't eat enough though he is a solid 140 lbs. at 5'9"ish .0 -
She knows.but her teen daughter is heading exactly the way I gained...0
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