I'm failing my kids!

melimomTARDIS

You are not failing your kids.

Just keep talking about healthy foods, having good daily options, and allowing "sometimes" foods every so often.

I have two kids, one with whats called selective eating disorder.

He struggles with food a lot, and his variety of foods is limited at best. Even normal kid foods don't make the list. I choose the healthiest options that he WILL eat, and serve water for most of the day.

In my home,You can get juice once per day, 1 single 8oz glass. Same with milk.

Here is his typical day (he is 6 and slim)

Breakfast-
Whole wheat crackers( a bowlful)
Milk
Chewable multivitamin with iron

Lunch-
2 plain peanut butter sandwiches
Peeled apple
Water

Snack-
Stovetop cooked popcorn with salt (1/3 cup dry kernels)
Water

Dinner-
Whole wheat crackers (a bowlful)
Craisins (1/4 cup)
Water

Dessert-
Chocolate chip cookie
Welch's Fruit snacks

So yeah, not perfect, but not child abuse either. I just keep on trying, and who knows, someday it might pay off.

(Fwiw my daughter is 2, and eats everything. Loves food, new tastes, very few dislikes at all.)

libbydoodle11

Keep introducing them to healthier options. I don't think you are failing your kids. Encourage them to try new foods and educate them about what nutrients are in food. Go grocery shopping with them and teach them how to read a food label. Cruise down the produce isle and let the kids pick a veggie or fruit they haven't tried before. Scour the internet for recipes and have the kids help you cook. Keep the fridge organized in a kid friendly way and pack it with some healthier snack and lunch items. Have the kids start packing their own lunches from the prepared items in the fridge you just organized. Keep it simple and fun.

regulatenate

You really are making excuses. I am in my late twenties and I learnt the hard way - the home is not a restaurant.

Stop making excuses for them. For their future.

If you buy healthy, nutritious food and do your best to prepare balanced meals you are well on your way.

If they don't like what you have provided, too bad. I guarantee (from experience) that after missing two meals consecutively they will gladly eat ANYTHING you offer them - whether it breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

tl;dr you are making excuses for your childrens unhealthy eating habits and you are enabling these habits.

blankiefinder

It can be hard when you have a picky eater, or kids with specific food issues. It can take up to 15 exposures to a new food for a child to try it, and up to 20 exposures to the taste for them to accept the taste or texture.

I thought you might find this interesting, Parental influence on children’s food preferences and energy intake : http://www.eufic.org/article/en/artid/Parental-influence-children-food-preferences-and-energy-intake/

lovefreeliving11

Don't be too hard on yourself. Just think about this- If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.
Since you most likely do the shopping for the household, just cut back on buying things you are worried about your kids having. Then, when they go to reach for snack after snack, they won't be tempted to keep eating all the sugary, artificial foods.
Start stocking your fridge with healthy, tasty snacks like a variety of fruits, greek yogurt, nuts, granola, etc.

Good luck!

Adriana
lovefreeliving.com

roostking1

This is very simple ... it is as simple as not buying it as people have said. If you do not want them to eat the sugar filled things .. well guess what, I somehow doubt that they are buying it themselves. So just stop enabling them.

So .. do what I do, I just avoid the bad candy aisle at the store, after a while they will learn that sugary **** is a treat and not a regular occurrence. Substitute with better options.

For me .. if I don't have any at home, I will not eat it. The needed change can start with you .. buy healthier snacks. They will adjust.

As far as not liking it .. too bad, life is not all full of things you will always like. If they really do not like it .. then they just do not need the snacks then. In the end .. they will be better off not eating all that ****.

Oh .. re the picky kids. Too bad .. they will learn and once again, you are enabling them to be picky. When I was young . .my parents made me food. I did not want to eat it .. well that was my issue not theirs. I would starve if I did not want to eat it. I ate what was on the plate.

Other than brie cheese .. which will literally make me vomit, I don't hate anything. That is due to my parents not catering to a child picky ways.

You hit the nail on the head, RIGHT HERE! If its not around, they cant eat it. If it is, and you allow it, you are enabling. I know its easier said than done, but everything that is worth something is, and your kids health IS worth it. Stay strong, they will adapt.

Francl27

just try and limit the junk you buy, also maybe make your own bars/snacks for home, look for healthy recipes and get them to help

Every time I make something, I end up eating 90% of it. The kids barely touch it, and I love it... bad, bad combination!

Typically 5.30-6pm. But they started eating well when my husband bribed them with dessert if they finished their dinner...

Probably not what you want to hear, but I've never thought food (especially crappy ones) should be used as a reward. I thought it just encouraged a kid to manipulate the situation to get what they want.

[/quote]

Oh I agree, but my husband does it. And at least now they eat veggies and meat without complaining.

Examples of kid-friendly healthy snack combinations include:

Sandwiches made with meats or peanut butter
Crunchy vegetable sticks with low-fat ranch dip
Hummus and pita wedges
Yogurt parfait with low-fat yogurt and fruit
Slice of leftover pizza
Fruit smoothie made in a blender with fresh fruit, yogurt, and juice
Sliced tomato with mozzarella cheese
Melon cubes with a slice of turkey
Hard-boiled egg with a slice of whole-wheat bread
Low-fat yogurt with berries and almonds
"Light" microwave popcorn with grated parmesan cheese
Bowl of cereal with milk
Banana slices with peanut butter

http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/features/secrets-of-healthy-snacks-for-kids?page=2

Thanks for the ideas! I've tried a lot of them in the past, but pretty much stopped because I ended up throwing out most of it. I'll have to give it another shot.

My kids know that whatever is left over in their lunch box becomes their after school snack. Didn't eat that ham and cheese sandwich? You are eating it at home. Ate all your lunch? Get to pick your after school snack. It has worked well for us and cuts down on food waste.

I do that already. Just worried about food spoilage after it's been in a lunch box for 7 hours, but so fat they haven't been sick... but they finish it then ask for a random 'junk' snack.

Ok I should probably add - they haven't been eating like this for a long time. It's a very recent thing (like maybe two weeks). And my son will still go for goldfish or crackers more often than the sugary stuff - just not sure it's much better. They do eat cheese and crackers (but won't eat a cheese sandwich), fruit (but in this season, it's tough, I mean how many apples and bananas can they eat before getting bored, lol), some veggies, I guess I'll stick to those options as after school snacks...

dlr165

Start by changing one thing at a time. If I had just told my family we are changing the entire way we eat, everyone would have been mad at me. If I change 1 or 2 things here and there, it's done and they don't really realize it's changed. Good luck!

penny0919

Start by changing one thing at a time. If I had just told my family we are changing the entire way we eat, everyone would have been mad at me. If I change 1 or 2 things here and there, it's done and they don't really realize it's changed. Good luck!

I was thinking the same thing. If I were you I would start with the juice habit. My kids get one small glass of OJ in the mornings, and that is it, period. If I caught them sneaking juice all day I would stop buying it.

What type of yogurt are you buying? I buy those Chobani kids tubes...they are higher in protein and lower in sugar than other brands I've seen (and no artificial sweetener).

lisalsd1

I had another thought.

Make your own granola, granola bars. There are plenty of great recipes online that don't require any actual sugar. And you can load them with nuts, seeds, dried fruit, coconut flakes...

My kids also love vegan muffins (my daughter has an egg allergy). I use less than half of the amount of sugar that a recipe calls for. Again, this way I have some measure of control about how much sugar the kids are getting. My kids like banana and pumpkin muffins. You can also get muffins tins that make very small muffins.

Edited to add: I do bribe my kids sometimes at dinner to take a few more bites of veggies...I bribe them with frozen blueberries. That's my go-to dessert.

WalkingAlong

Go easy on yourself. It's a tough issue.

If you read what the authorities say, it's usually to let your kids make food choices but keep a good variety of options on hand. Don't buy all junk food but don't prohibit it, either.

Keep it simple. It's just food. Sugar cereal isn't going to kill them. If you don't demonize it, odds are they'll have a little of that and a little of the healthy options, too. Use very small dishes for sugary cereals and serve it with fruit.

Many books will even say if you have a kid who refuses to eat anything but say ice cream for a week, let them play it out.

I used this approach on my daughter, who was a very picky eater. She's 14 now and her weight is perfect and she has no real food issues and chooses healthy options about as often as I could hope. She's gone long spans with wanting more junk food than I'd prefer but I don't harp on it (much) and she comes out the other side and realizes healthier food usually is tastier and leaves her feeling better.

My main goal wasn't 'optimal nutrition' so much as for her to avoid being overweight OR having issues with food, like so many teens do. I accomplished those and she's had no health issues from the Gogurts and all.

Good luck!

ACanadian22

I feel for you OP. I have two boys who are so skinny and 100% energy all day. I have been working new foods into their diets now as they are 14 and 10 and have started making money on their own and buy "treats" on their own now. They eat both now. But they have to eat the foods I have given them before their stuff. Now, before anyone thinks I am making them fat, my oldest is 5'8 and 90 pounds. My youngest is 5 ft and 75 pounds. They are very tiny, but all exercise that they love doing sure keeps them going..
One little trick that worked was going through a healthy cookbook I saw and I let them pick out the meal by the pictures. They love chicken now because of that simple little thing. Kids are smart though. Avoid the cereal aisle.
Best of luck Hun. I know it is tough.

tracylbrown839

At 6 and 5 years old, this shouldn't be a problem, in fact. Why are the sugary cereals in your cupboard?

A couple of things. Buy real food, good food, and if that's what is there, that's what's there. You are in control of this because of what you choose to buy and have in your household. Full stop.

However, badgering kids, making food a battle ground, is actually the fastest way to eating disorders.

So, the answer - buy good stuff - ditch the junk. Have fresh fruit, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, egg salad, tuna, cheese, less sugary yogurts, fresh raw veggies, nuts, raisins, and lots of healthy things in the house to eat. Ditch the juice. Just buy real oranges and apples. Then, let them eat what they want.

Kids tend to eat in cycles.... one day or a for a few days they might eat all meat, another just fruits, and so on. It evens out. So, don't sweat it. My child wanted a tuna fish sandwich for lunch every day for almost a year. So, that's what she ate.

Kids, if left to their own devices and presented with an abundance of real, fresh wholesome food, will actually eat quite well, and the more you interfere the more problems you are likely to create. But it starts with you. At 5 and 6 years of age, they are totally dependent on what you stock in your house.

laurenz2501

I have a 6 year old and 3.5 year old. This is going to sound unpleasant, but you are the parent. Don't buy the foods that you don't want the kids to eat. You have control over what comes into the house.

Having said that, I'll tell you what works for my kids. Lots of fruit. I let the kids eat as many apples/bananas, also sliced carrot sticks and celery sticks as they want. I let them get these foods on their own. I also do not buy any of the flavored yogurt or oatmeal packets, cereals, etc. Instead, I buy plain greek yogurt and rolled or steel cut oats and add honey to it. That way I control how much extra sweetness is added. And honestly, the kids don't need very much honey to be satisfied. On the rare occasion that I buy juice, I water it down so much that it's barely even juice.

I do let the kids have cupcakes, ice cream, etc. at birthday parties. I'm not denying my kids treats; I just don't bring sweets into the house very often...mainly, b/c I don't want the temptations around me.

This is precisely how my brother and I were raised. Thankfully we weren't even allowed to have soda at all until we were older (10-ish?). I personally never liked it much but by the time we were allowed to drink it I definitely didn't like it. I might have it twice a year if I go to a movie theater. That's about it. But that's the ONLY thing that "wasn't allowed". I'm not a big sweets person either. Growing up we always had tons of fruit and we would always pick fruit over cookies or cakes and whatnot.

Now for us salty stuff on the other hand is a major downfall lol...I'd explain to my husband about the juice, how you're really trying to limit it. If he likes it THAT much maybe he can get a cooler and keep it somewhere separate? My nephew is 2 and juice will fill him up and he won't eat a proper meal. Same with fruit, so we use the fruit as "dessert" because he'd rather eat a whole container of blueberries than some chicken! He is getting better though as he gets a little older and is trying more things. I can imagine how frustrating it must be...but the other responses are correct, just don't buy it.

gamommy

First off, I haven't really read through all the comments, just kind of scanned through the first page. I have 3 children, a 14 year old (my step-daughter, met when she was 8 and she came to live with me with HORRIBLE eating habits), my 6 year old and an almost 4 year old. My 4 year old is in feeding therapy at the moment. He is a "picky" child, but beyond being just "picky", he is one of those children where saying "he'll eat when he's hungry" will not work. There is a very small percentage of children that this method doesn't work on and he is one of them.

That being said, a few things I do to help with food and snacks around my house. First, I limit what I buy. I try to find alternative cereals that they like in the morning that don't have as much sugar. They also like to do bagels, English muffins, cinnamon/sugar toast (I mix my own and don't add much) and sometimes applesauce. I don't cook hot breakfast for my kids (during the school week), and I don't feel all that bad about it either.

Lunch snacks do not go in the pantry. They are locked in my closet and are dished out in the morning. They can't see them when they're looking in the kitchen and therefore rarely ask for them outside of "I want XXX in my lunch today!". On weekends, they are allowed ONE snack from the closet each.

I try to buy healthier alternatives. Instead of Goldfish crackers, I buy Annie's cheddar bunnies. Instead of most fruit snacks, I buy Annie's (or other natural brands) that contain no added sugars, preservatives, artificial colors or flavors.

We do not have juice in the house, period. Not that I'm against it, but if they see it, they want it...and they want too much of it. If we EVER do have it in the house, I dilute it. They can't tell the difference. They drink water or milk. For my youngest difficult underweight eater, I give him carnation instant breakfast once a day. It really helps to maintain his weight and to him, he thinks the "chocolate milk" is just the best part of his day.

My 14 year old packs her lunch. She knows she's allowed 1 salty snack and 1 sugary snack for her lunch box and she isn't very difficult. I pack my 6 year old's lunch. What he doesn't eat during lunch, he can eat as a snack when he gets home. One of his favorite lunches is a bit of raw spinach, some salami & cheese. I'll add some pirate's booty, cheddar bunnies, or a type of crackers for something salty. Then I add a fruit cup (in no-sugar added syrup), fruit snacks, or fruit leather for something sweet. Some days I'll also add some pistachios and mini chocolate chips too. That's a super treat for him. I also pack a stainless steel water bottle with ICE WATER in it. No juice boxes.

When they are at home and hungry, I do not limit fresh fruits or veggies. If they want an apple, they can have an apple. If they want carrots, they can have carrots. I try my best to encourage better snacking choices for them. If they beg for cheddar bunnies as a snack during the school week after school, the answer is no. I don't care how much they cry or whine. The answer is no. I always let them know what choices they ARE welcome to.

It's hard. It's hard to tell our kids no sometimes. We want them to be happy, we don't like to think of them as being hungry. We want them to grow up to make great choices and know that it starts now. It is a struggle and part of being a great parent is recognizing that.

You can do it! Try to lock up things that you want them to have in moderation. Try to find similar alternatives to what they do like and are consuming. Tell your husband he's going to have to stop at the store and buy himself a bottle of juice on his way to work if he really wants it, that you don't want to have the temptation in the house for the kids anymore. Buy a small quantity of something new that you want them to try every week. Kids need to try something several times before they really know if they like it or not. Make sure you pack at least 2 preferred foods in their lunch every day along with 1 or 2 other non-preferred. Even if they just sample it, it's better than nothing.

Best of luck! Please feel free to add me if you ever want to chat more about it!

Francl27

What type of yogurt are you buying? I buy those Chobani kids tubes...they are higher in protein and lower in sugar than other brands I've seen (and no artificial sweetener).

I tried Greek yogurt and it stayed in the fridge until it went bad. But I haven't tried the tubes - will try that next!

I had another thought.

Make your own granola, granola bars. There are plenty of great recipes online that don't require any actual sugar. And you can load them with nuts, seeds, dried fruit, coconut flakes...

My kids also love vegan muffins (my daughter has an egg allergy). I use less than half of the amount of sugar that a recipe calls for. Again, this way I have some measure of control about how much sugar the kids are getting. My kids like banana and pumpkin muffins. You can also get muffins tins that make very small muffins.

Edited to add: I do bribe my kids sometimes at dinner to take a few more bites of veggies...I bribe them with frozen blueberries. That's my go-to dessert.

Fantastic idea but they don't eat any of that stuff. They don't even eat granola bars, even packaged ones. Heck they'd rather eat fruit and veggies. They don't eat any of the stuff I make, except my daughter once in a while

The sugary cereal - it's a once in a while thing. As I said, I got those because they were cheap and it was a special thing, and I won't buy them again (it has 9g of sugar a serving... could be worse).

Dessert is typically ice cream (the lower fat kind, Edy's or Breyer) or a popsicle (the fruit ones, not the popsicle brand). They don't eat candy except at Halloween and Easter. We pretty much never have cake, pie or cupcakes. Typically the cookies they eat are animal crackers or graham crackers... so it could be worse I guess. But I still want them to like 'real' food.

kaimi2011

I don't bring in foods that will 'tempt' me. and I'm the mom and I buy the foods. on occasion, we will treat to icecream but it's a weakness for me so I just don't buy it.we usually go out to DQ or something. one cone and we're ok.

jstockler

Some cereals are less awful than others...my kids were allowed to pick out any cereal they wanted AS LONG as it had less than 3 g sugar per serving (most of the worst offenders are 9-11). On vacation, they were allowed a box of ANY cereal, for a treat.

melimomTARDIS

If you are on a tight budget, as I am, the food thing can be extra tough. I have spent thousands on food my son (with selective eating disorder) won't eat.

I do not do that anymore. I cook our normal foods, offer him some, and prepare him a plate of food he feels safe eating.

This is not socially acceptable, and I get a lot of flack. But it is more important (to me)that he eats with us as a family, and that our mealtimes aren't any more stressful than they have to be.

Every so often he does try something new, and rarely, he adds one to his repertoire.

I do have my ground rules though, and it sounds like you could try setting some yourself. Juice is a once a day thing here, and dessert/candy is a once a day thing too. You must eat a plant food with your meals, he usually picks a peeled apple.

The iron fist thing does not work with him, so we use a cooperation approach. It helps that my husband is on the same page with all this!

northbanu

I have spent thousands on food my son (with selective eating disorder) won't eat.

That's a new one. I'm sure it's a completely first world problem. (And I HATE that phrase)

This is not socially acceptable, and I get a lot of flack.

I would imagine.

he usually picks a peeled apple.

A dietary choice that removes much of an apples only nutritional value. Aside from fiber, and apple is almost void of any nutrition. It's basically just candy that grows on a tree.

I don't think the OP is looking for advice about WHAT to feed her kid, but hint at tips on how to get her kids to eat what she KNOWS they should eat.

And that comes down to simply being smarter and more patient/headstrong than a child. The tough part is that children have very little else to do in life. They are more than willing to make your life hell if it means they will ultimately get what they want.

Just be smarter, more patient.