Mom is bringing me down

ghosthackexe

Donate all the big clothes she's given you and tell her to stop buying you clothes.

This is actually a really good idea donations are always appreciated way more than you realize

nicola8989

oh sweetie you just described my mum exactly. The problem is - now I'm living with my mum! It's impossible. My mum was only nice to me when I actually got fat, ironically!

yopeeps025

My mum was only nice to me when I actually got fat, ironically!

Something is wrong here. I will guess your mom.

aelanna7

Love this response!!! I agree 100%. I did the same thing with my mom and it worked.

meridianova

wow... i had the same issues with my mom, though not nearly as bad as yours. my mom just made it clear that being heavy was unacceptable in her eyes and i was unworthy of attention or praise. never mind that i'm built differently than she was, and in high school wasn't fat, even if that's what she made me think of myself. compound that with the fact that she would make an actual effort when it came to my older (thin) stepsisters, and it was pretty clear i was nothing but an embarrassment to her.

however...

And sometimes, ya know, she sends me clothes that would "look cute on me" or "they would fit me just right".... she always buys me xl or xxl.... so they're huge on me. I try explaining to her that (shirt/jacket wise) I can fit into a medium. .... but she never listens. I feel like she's indirectly reminding me that I'll always be "fat" in her eyes....

Idk it just really hurts and makes me mad. Today my mom sent me a really cute jacket, and of course it's huge on me (it's xl). I'm trying really hard to think "oh you know she was trying to be nice, she was thinking of me" .... but then i just get really angry cuz it's like I just want to scream at her "STOP GETTING ME BIG CLOTHES! YOU KNOW I'M NOT THAT BIG".... idk. It's just stating to get to me....

aside from eliminating her in your life, which clearly you need to do, the next time this happens take them back to the store and exchange them for something in your size that's utterly flattering and cute. wear it to her house, and say "oh mom, you know those clothes you sent me? well they just drowned me so i exchanged them for something much more suitable and that actually fits me. maybe next time you go shopping, you should double-check the sizes so you don't go making the same mistake again."

my mom also recently gained a lot of weight... as in, she went from being about 130 to over 300. the last time i saw her, she made her customary two opening comments:

"you've changed your hairstyle" (generally an automatic negative comment)
"actually no, mom... it's the same as it was the last time you saw me."

"you've gained weight since i last saw you." (i usually respond to this with silence... not this time)
"actually no, mom, i haven't... but you're not 130lbs anymore ARE YOU." throwing her weight gain back in her face may not have been "fair", but it was well deserved.

TasteofEnvy

Ok your Mom has her own issues she needs to work out, I personally don't think you should stand for that crap, but if you are going to then you need to keep calling her out when she is being negative... it's not healthy.

Also curious - how tall are you? Your weight from your ticker is definitely not "big"!

I'm... I'm really short.... about 5'0" ... so it is "overweight" ....

mgoulette

Whether she wants to admit it or not, she is emotionally abusing you. A parent is in your life to support you, to guide you, but most importantly to love you. If you have already sat her down and told her how hurt you are and she continues to do this, it is time to slowly cut the strings. Perhaps as you distance youself she was understand that her behavior is affecting her relationship with her child.

lillyrose2020

I'm sorry you have to deal with that OP, I don't know how you have the patience to keep your mother in your life. I rarely come across people that have mother problems, so I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

I am often battling with whether there is any point in keeping my mother in my life. My issues with her are not really to do with weight, although she has given me her fat clothes a few times!

My mother does not have a maternal bone in her body, she left when I was two and spent my whole life casually drifting in and out whenever she pleased. She spent most of my childhood living overseas, always putting men first and forgetting she was a mother at all. Luckily for me, my Dad was my rock. It makes me cringe to remember sitting by the phone as a child and waiting for her to call, even though she lacked the ability to make conversation other than talk about herself.

Now I'm an adult and it is no different. She was widowed a few years ago and I moved in with her for support, even though she had never been there for me I felt I had to be there for her. As soon as the next guy came along she moved overseas again and I was quickly forgotten. I didn't speak to her for a few months after that, but eventually we 'patched' things up. We'll never have a proper mother-daughter relationship because she missed my childhood, and really was not a mother.

I've distanced myself from her recently, I'm not even sure she has noticed. We only live about 15 minutes apart and we often go 3-4 weeks with barely a phone call. The thing that bothers me is that she is super close to her own mother, they never go a day without talking. She just doesn't get it and she probably never will.

Anyway, I guess the sad thing is that we can't change our mothers, but we can chose to distance ourselves from them. We can even chose to confront them, I hope to one day find the courage to confront mine.

silentKayak

I am really sorry about this. All I can say is, remember that it's not your fault. Try not to take it personally, because she's totally in the wrong here.

You can't change how other people act, you can only change how you react to them.

Here are some good sentences for your arsenal:

"It didn't fit me so I gave it away."
"Please don't buy or give me any more clothing."
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
"I don't care to discuss that topic."
"We have different opinions on that topic."
"I'm getting upset, so I'm going to leave/hang up now."

I use all of these sentences (or variants) with my toxic family members. It took me about 10 years to train my mother to never buy me clothing, but eventually she complied. It was music to my ears the day she said "I'm tired of having my gifts returned". Well, good, cause I'm tired of returning them! LOL!

marthalgutierrez92

My ex boyfriends grandmother and mother used to
not want me to be with him cause I was fat.

One time his grandmother left me hanging when
I was about to shake her hand because I was fat.

The mom always talked **** about me in regards to my weight.


My ex boyfriend always used to offend me indirectly
and directly.

One time he said he didn't want to hold my hand
in public because I was fat.


That really hurt, but after 5 years I realized
that I didn't need that negativity in my life.


I took their comments in through one ear they came out through the other.

The minute I stopped letting them affect me is the minute I started feeling "OK".

Here I am now on my journey, single LOL

I know it's different because it's your mother, but I still understand
where you're coming from.


Shake it off, don't worry , let her talk her talk be passive about it.

Tell her you've burned all the fat clothes!