Strong reaction to public humiliation = Over sensitive
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So glad you spoke up!!! So many people in that same situation would have just let it go.
You're right. People think they're trying to help, but don't realize that it isn't. Since when did it become socially acceptable to do this sort of thing? It's not like anyone would go up to someone else and say, "You know that mole on your face - I know someone who can take care of that..." or to someone who uses the crutches with the arm braces "You know....you should just get a wheelchair....it'll be easier to get around that way."
You'd be surprised at what people say. My oldest son had a very very large, swollen,, purplish birthmark (called a strawberry) on his face. The doctors advised us to wait before doing anything because it would shrink with time on its own, and would require less invasive surgery later than if it was removed when he was small. I can't count the number of little old ladies who would offer "helpful" or even just plain rude comments. Especially after he was old enough to hear and understand! So cruel. And he is adopted, and is racially different than me--yet another reason for people to comment in a rude and unkind way!
I had a fellow adoptive mom give me a good comeback for these folks. She would always turn to the rude person and say, "oh, and what color is YOUR underwear. . . .?", at which point, most of them would slink off in humiliation!0 -
Over sensitive? Perhaps too much for your own good because it is bound to happen again and again.
Overreacted? Probably not. Plus you shouldn't care too much if you did or not since I assume he wouldn't describe himself as over sensitive, and thus shouldn't have been too affected by the experience.0 -
Another one who thinks this is his totally inappropriate idea of flirting. It clearly backfired on him and he didn't have the experience/maturity when it comes to women to handle it, so he got defensive.
Congratulations on your successful weight loss, and enjoy your chocolate!0 -
She would have been just as valid to say, "Mind your own business, *kitten*" loud enough for the whole store to hear.
You don't think that politely pointing out his failing might have been more helpful? She might have said, "I know you meant well, but......?" Instead of admonishing him loudly and publicly? Might have helped him out next time he felt like making a comment. He might of played it out in his head and then kept his mouth shut.
The great thing about MFP is if he had been on here and told the story from his point of view, it would have been received differently and many of you may have taken his side. It's all about perspective and MFP is just like the Maury Povich Show. Whoever tells their story first gets applauded and the accused gets booed.
Everyone has decided that this person's intention was to deliberately seek out someone and and attack their self esteem.0 -
YES!!!!!!
Good on you!!!!:drinker:
It's not always easy standing up for yourself. Regarding someone saying He was flirting??? WHAAAA??? Who ever it was that shared that thought has quite the imagination, how is that in any way flirting?
Sheesh ppl, the OP shared she was PMS'in.... Women might be more likely to understand exactly what that means... many moods come and go and the only ppl that will truly understand are those that have dealt with that.
How she handled it? Who cares, she got him out of her face and when you're PMS'n... life if very different, you handle situations in a way you may not ordinarily.
No reason to trash the OP or her method... frankly I think He sounded more embarrassed than anything!
:flowerforyou:
Nicely said!!Good for you. A woman with balls:flowerforyou: . At 51 TOM still visits me and it is only time that I have a hard time with controlling my cravens. Im like this, if you havent walked in their shoes you have no idea what their story is and unless someone asks for help, dont give it.
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I can't help but wonder if instead of him being a young cute marine, what if it was an obese woman who made the same suggestion? Would your reaction have been any different?
Maybe your reaction came more from your immediate attraction to him, then the embarrassment of his possibly poor attempt at flirting, or just trying to be helpful, which you immediately took as him insulting your weight.
I understand being sensitive about certain issues. I have a special needs son and I can be overly sensitive at times when someone tries to give me parenting advice. Many times I have to just breathe and realize that they have no clue what it is like to live in our world. When it was a family member with the usual mentality of "I know better than you how to raise your child", I told them off. But for the random stranger in the supermarket, I just brushed it off and gave them the benefit of the doubt.
I find it helps a lot in life, to try to think the best of people whenever possible. I was considerably obese for a number of years and never encountered any stranger being intentionally rude about my weight. Not saying it doesn't happen. But I never noticed if it happened to me.
Congrats on your weight loss success! :flowerforyou:0 -
Excellent to see people standing up for themselves!
So funny how people respond when they are called out on their bad behavior.
And...ok this may be a snap reaction....but I wonder if you had been male, if he would have been so quick to comment on your body/food choice as up for public discussion?
Doubtful.
I've had comments made to me about food choices - "Oh, you don't want to eat that bacon, it's high fat and bad for your figure"...by a male stranger at a breakfast buffet. Do I not? DO I REALLY NOT WANT THAT BACON?! My husband had a STACK of ALL the hot food, and zero comments were made to him.
Probably around 95% of all comments I've ever had about my food choices have been provided by men. Bearing in mind that I am 113lbs at 5ft 4 and have never been actually overweight (have been underweight, very underweight which was triggered by a rather mean ex-boyfriend, so maybe that is why this is something I feel so strongly about)
Sorry, not to hi-jack and go all Everyday Sexism in here and I'm not saying for one second that this only works one way, not at all. But men commenting on womens food choices just really gives me the sh*ts.
Whether it's "flirting", actually thinking they are being helpful or whatever - it doesn't matter. Mind your own damn business and accept the fact that women can cope with food decisions without your bloody input.0 -
She would have been just as valid to say, "Mind your own business, *kitten*" loud enough for the whole store to hear.
You don't think that politely pointing out his failing might have been more helpful? She might have said, "I know you meant well, but......?" Instead of admonishing him loudly and publicly? Might have helped him out next time he felt like making a comment. He might of played it out in his head and then kept his mouth shut.
The great thing about MFP is if he had been on here and told the story from his point of view, it would have been received differently and many of you may have taken his side. It's all about perspective and MFP is just like the Maury Povich Show. Whoever tells their story first gets applauded and the accused gets booed.
Everyone has decided that this person's intention was to deliberately seek out someone and and attack their self esteem.
Not when you have the three T's.
TOM
Targeting
Truculence
He was definitely and deliberately trying to humiliate her in front of everyone...
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She would have been just as valid to say, "Mind your own business, *kitten*" loud enough for the whole store to hear.
You don't think that politely pointing out his failing might have been more helpful? She might have said, "I know you meant well, but......?" Instead of admonishing him loudly and publicly? Might have helped him out next time he felt like making a comment. He might of played it out in his head and then kept his mouth shut.
What? I think that she did politely point out his failing. Reread what she wrote and read it like she said it calmly and respectfully. I think she took the high road. I think that he didn't deserve the high road. I agree with other posters who think he was negging her.0 -
Just had to give your props for sticking up to yourself in a most excellent manner. Indeed, he does not know you, your story, your history, your health, etc. You pointed it out to him clearly, that he was making a JUDGEMENT about you without knowing ANY of the facts. You said it all perfectly. His 'lashing out' to you about being 'oversensitive' is yet another insensitive ATTACK to cover up his total inappropriateness. Good for you girl!0
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I'm not sure who people think they are to comment on things like this. Complete strangers feel compelled to approach others and swoop in to save the day. Ugh. I'm sorry this happened to you, but you had a perfect reaction. I probably would have shut down out of embarrassment, left the store, and then I would have let it ruin my day because I hadn't confronted him directly.
I think it was spectacular that you stood up for yourself like that instead of shutting down like I would have or choosing to get down to his level by name-calling out of anger. Kudos!0 -
He may have been trying to offer good advice, but failed miserably. I'm in no way making excuses for him, but your reaction was a little over the top too. Had I been in your shoes, I may have just acknowledged him with a short reply or nod of the head and dismissed him.
Everyone here seems to be able to interpret his intent. Maybe they're right; maybe they're wrong. No reason to get all worked up over it.
As for the Marine factor -- I give him a pass for his service.
Over the top? heck no...He was sticking his nose where it didn't belong and imo she should have told him where to go and it wouldn't be back down the isle where he came from. SMDH and service or not he gets NO pass for being rude. No one gets a free pass for being rude.0 -
He may have been trying to offer good advice, but failed miserably. I'm in no way making excuses for him, but your reaction was a little over the top too. Had I been in your shoes, I may have just acknowledged him with a short reply or nod of the head and dismissed him.
Everyone here seems to be able to interpret his intent. Maybe they're right; maybe they're wrong. No reason to get all worked up over it.
As for the Marine factor -- I give him a pass for his service.
Over the top? heck no...He was sticking his nose where it didn't belong and imo she should have told him where to go and it wouldn't be back down the isle where he came from. SMDH and service or not he gets NO pass for being rude. No one gets a free pass for being rude.
Why stop there? Should have called the police and filed verbal assault charges. I mean, how dare he speak to her that way right? Since he approached her and offered unsolicited interaction, this is borderline intimidation and that kind of behavior should be nipped in the bud immediately. There's no telling how many more lives he ruined that day. Someone may want to start a petition to prevent this from happening again. Id sign it.0 -
In order for a perceived insult to be effective, the person being insulted has to be vulnerable. If you feel good about yourself, you'll recognize the attack as a character flaw in the person throwing it and not yourself.0
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Well, that escalated quickly ...He may have been trying to offer good advice, but failed miserably. I'm in no way making excuses for him, but your reaction was a little over the top too. Had I been in your shoes, I may have just acknowledged him with a short reply or nod of the head and dismissed him.
Everyone here seems to be able to interpret his intent. Maybe they're right; maybe they're wrong. No reason to get all worked up over it.
As for the Marine factor -- I give him a pass for his service.
Over the top? heck no...He was sticking his nose where it didn't belong and imo she should have told him where to go and it wouldn't be back down the isle where he came from. SMDH and service or not he gets NO pass for being rude. No one gets a free pass for being rude.
Why stop there? Should have called the police and filed verbal assault charges. I mean, how dare he speak to her that way right? Since he approached her and offered unsolicited interaction, this is borderline intimidation and that kind of behavior should be nipped in the bud immediately. There's no telling how many more lives he ruined that day. Someone may want to start a petition to prevent this from happening again. Id sign it.0 -
someone else probably already said this, but I don't even think skinny cow really has less calories. They just package it in smaller serving sizes.
At least not less calories than good chocolate.
I'd have told him he was offering poor advice (because skinny cow wouldn't be the kind of chocolate I was after hence no point in eating it) but good response OP!0
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