This is a competition...
UsedToBeHusky
Posts: 15,228 Member
in Chit-Chat
The post that makes me laugh the hardest wins.
Aaaannd go...
Aaaannd go...
0
Replies
-
knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who
knocn knock
whos there
banan
banana who
knock konck
whos there
orange
orange who
orange you glad i didnt say banana HAAHAHAHHA0 -
What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
I don't know either, but I hope you know how to swim.0 -
knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who
knocn knock
whos there
banan
banana who
knock konck
whos there
orange
orange who
orange you glad i didnt say banana HAAHAHAHHA
That joke STINKS!
Oh wait... maybe that's you.0 -
Knock, Knock!
Who’s There?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!0 -
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Ben Hur
Ben Hur who?
Ben Hur over and give it to her doggy style!0 -
So I had Sara over for a few days and we were sitting on my couch eating some ice cream and suddenly she just busts out laughing. And I mean like hysterical laughter.
She's pointing towards the couch and I'm all like "WTF you laughing at".
Then in between breaths she's like
"...........Is that a toenail?"
So I look over and sure enough there's a random toenail just sitting there on the couch.
That's it. We were both crying though.
Friggin random toenail.0 -
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."0 -
I went to a sex store, and i was drunk. Never do that. I took one of those strap-on *kitten*, I put it on my head and started chasing people like a rhino. Oh, God. Oh my God! Everyone was laughing, except for the guy in the kilt. I don’t know what happened, but i’m sorry.0
-
knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who
knocn knock
whos there
banan
banana who
knock konck
whos there
orange
orange who
orange you glad i didnt say banana HAAHAHAHHA
That joke STINKS!
Oh wait... maybe that's you.
LMAO! You ust won your own compitition!!0 -
knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who
knocn knock
whos there
banan
banana who
knock konck
whos there
orange
orange who
orange you glad i didnt say banana HAAHAHAHHA
That joke STINKS!
Oh wait... maybe that's you.
LMAO! You ust won your own compitition!!
I know. He really just set me up beautifully, didn't he?0 -
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.0 -
A Giraffe walks into a bar and says: "Highballs for everybody!"0
-
Husband: “I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it.”
Wife: “You wear briefs, don’t you?”0 -
I went to a sex store, and i was drunk. Never do that. I took one of those strap-on *kitten*, I put it on my head and started chasing people like a rhino. Oh, God. Oh my God! Everyone was laughing, except for the guy in the kilt. I don’t know what happened, but i’m sorry.
that.
is.
epic!!!!!0 -
How to humiliate an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.0 -
What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
I don't know either, but I hope you know how to swim.0 -
**NOTE** I learned this joke WAY before viagra....
A man in his late age went to the doc to see if there was a way he could get it up for his wife in bed. So the doc said you bet we have an implant, but you can only use it 3 times, so you have to be very choosy about when you use it. So the man agreed and had a quick surgery to remedy his problem.
During recovery the doc told him that in order to "activate" his erection he simply needed to say the word "beep" and once he was done to turn it off to simply say "beep beep". (Of course the doc wrote this down and didn't actually say it in fear he could activate it himself). The old man thinking at his age he might not live to get all 3 times in said out loud "BEEP" and sure enough there was his erection. He said "beep beep" and it disappeared before his eyes.
Excited to try this out with his wife he rushed home. In his frantic drive to get across town, he cut another car off who beeped the horn at the old man.... sure enough there was the erection... the old man angry shook his fist at the driver and the other car responded with a "beep beep" on the horn and there went the erection. He thought to himself he better hurry because there was only one chance left to get it on with his wife.
When the man got home he called for his wife and told her to get into bed and get ready because they were finally going to be able to get some action. He tore his clothes off and jumped into bed and shouted out "BEEP" at the top of his lungs..... his wife looked at him and replied... "what's all this "beep beep" bull****??0 -
**NOTE** I learned this joke WAY before viagra....
A man in his late age went to the doc to see if there was a way he could get it up for his wife in bed. So the doc said you bet we have an implant, but you can only use it 3 times, so you have to be very choosy about when you use it. So the man agreed and had a quick surgery to remedy his problem.
During recovery the doc told him that in order to "activate" his erection he simply needed to say the word "beep" and once he was done to turn it off to simply say "beep beep". (Of course the doc wrote this down and didn't actually say it in fear he could activate it himself). The old man thinking at his age he might not live to get all 3 times in said out loud "BEEP" and sure enough there was his erection. He said "beep beep" and it disappeared before his eyes.
Excited to try this out with his wife he rushed home. In his frantic drive to get across town, he cut another car off who beeped the horn at the old man.... sure enough there was the erection... the old man angry shook his fist at the driver and the other car responded with a "beep beep" on the horn and there went the erection. He thought to himself he better hurry because there was only one chance left to get it on with his wife.
When the man got home he called for his wife and told her to get into bed and get ready because they were finally going to be able to get some action. He tore his clothes off and jumped into bed and shouted out "BEEP" at the top of his lungs..... his wife looked at him and replied... "what's all this "beep beep" bull****??
That one got a snicker. Come on, folks! Keep trying.0 -
What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
Slacker!!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.7K Getting Started
- 260.1K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.8K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 415 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.9K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.6K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.5K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions