Affair after Weight Loss

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  • aledba
    aledba Posts: 564 Member
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    If anything my relationship with my wife has improved because I feel better about myself.
    Congrats! Same here. :smooched:
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
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    Anyone who would cheat after weight loss would also cheat beforehand. The only difference is opportunity.
  • Dean649
    Dean649 Posts: 39 Member
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    You feel great, high confidence, Attractive people paying more attention to you, maybe hitting on you. It can be intoxicating and I can see how people not happy in their relationship can slip. If you are worried about a spouse that is getting fit, you should talk to them about your concerns.
  • dianasustaita37
    dianasustaita37 Posts: 58 Member
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    Yes... It happens.... People do fall out of love... life is about being happy and loving one another... SO BE HAPPY>> :)
  • 6ftamazon
    6ftamazon Posts: 340 Member
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    If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. There's no excuse for cheating. If you aren't attracted to your partner, discuss it with them. Hell, even discuss the idea of an open relationship. But to cheat simply means that you don't care enough about hurting your partner. I get there's temptations. We've all been there. But if you had respect for your partner and you actually cared a lot for them, you'd be honest with them.
  • brando79az
    brando79az Posts: 224 Member
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    Anyone who would cheat after weight loss would also cheat beforehand. The only difference is opportunity.

    ^ This

    and as another said earlier... the sex is way better after both partners get "fit." Yes!
  • roxywho42
    roxywho42 Posts: 165 Member
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    Well the opposite happened to me. When I lost all my weight I gain a lot of self confidence and I guess my ex wasn't attracted to a fit woman or a confident one so he had an affair on me with a much larger woman.

    I got a lot more attention but I never noticed because I wasn't looking for it. I noticed how much attention I was getting after my seperation. I guess in the long run things happen for a reason and I now know I'm in a much better place than I was and very happy with my new life and will never go back to my old self!!!


    There is no good reason for cheating. If you want out of the relationship do it before cheating. Everyone ends up getting hurt when this happens.

    This happened to me too. Mine also turned abusive, I think he was trying to break down my confidence so I'd gain weight back and be the old me. He failed. He succeeded at losing his wife, his son, and nearly his career.
  • healthyplans
    healthyplans Posts: 134 Member
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    I have known people that have done this and had it done to them. I suppose it comes from getting attention all of the sudden. Attention you're not used to.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    For myself, I decided to lose the weight to improve my relationship. I am not a cheater and never will be as I strongly disagree with it and I truly believe there is no such thing as an excuse for it. Just cowardness.

    Unfortunately, I have heard of this happening - though not to anyone that I know personally. I am sure it does happen with out a doubt. Like someone had already mentioned, it happens with or without weight loss.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I think a few people in my life believe that I did this and it caused my divorce and subsequent remarriage to a thinner, fitter, healthier, younger man.

    They would be wrong.

    I was in a 10 yr marriage with a guy who wasn't that attracted to me. We were both very obese. I changed my life to get healthier and lost SOME weight but not that much, and I realized more than ever that we had more of a friendship than a marriage. We didn't have chemistry. He didn't find me any more attractive after losing some weight than he did at my heaviest. Et cetera.

    We divorced and I vowed never to date/settle for a guy who wasn't totally & completely into me and vice versa. Met my husband. Lost another 85 lb (so far) and am happier than ever.

    It's not my place to judge others for infidelity but I really just don't get it. If you are not cut out for monogamy and/or your marriage is long over on some level(s), I think divorce is probably a good - if difficult - option. Not cheating. JMHO.
  • rieann84
    rieann84 Posts: 511 Member
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    Regardless of what changes you go through -- whether you're feeling confident, liberated, or sexy... and whether you feel your partner hasn't/doesn't support you and doesn't share your preferred lifestyle is not excuse to cheat.

    End your friggin relationship. I won't *kitten* on anybody for going through changes or having a change of heart -- but cheating is just selfish and downright mean. Give your partner the common courtesy to let them know you're not into them any more before you go sharing your hoo hah with others.
  • auzziecawth66
    auzziecawth66 Posts: 479 Member
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    I know someone who cheated on his wife after he lost a bunch of weight. I do think that it's not necessarily due to the weight loss when this happens but more a matter of opportunity and a change in perception of oneself and their relationship...
  • ejohnson_ar
    ejohnson_ar Posts: 36 Member
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    well, You made a commitment to someone. If you don't want to be there anymore then have the decency to tell that person.
  • yesterdayusaid2morrow
    yesterdayusaid2morrow Posts: 121
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    Ok- I'll probably get shellacked for this but have you or know someone who had an affair after significant weight loss?
    Yep. I sure do!

    This is a primary reason why I will NOT consider relationship with a, shall I say, 'significantly' overweight woman. I just won't.

    lmao! What a load of crap. Primary reason my *kitten*. As was already said, don't discriminate against people based on a desire to get fit! If someone is disloyal, they were disloyal fat, thin, and everything in between. The talk about opportunity is irrelevant, fat people get laid too y'all. "Confidence" is off base too, it doesn't take confidence to be a cheater, cowardice is the word. :) To the gal whose husband cheated on her while pregnant, I am so sorry, I really feel for you and hope your happier now! :)
  • craziwrld
    craziwrld Posts: 43 Member
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    One of my friends had his wife cheat on him after she lost a lot of weight, though she also cheated on him when she was still heavy also, but he gave her another chance, and another chance after the second time when she did lose the weight. Now that it had happened a third time he had finally called it quits for good, they have 2 children, which is why he kept trying through counseling and so forth.
    I don't believe in cheating, if you're not happy in your relationship then talk about it and figure out a solution or leave. My husband and I believe in working through our problems, if one of us isn't happy we tell the other, no it is not always the most fun conversation, but necessary. I mean any topic is open for conversation, and we work through our problems. When I agreed to get married and have children, I am with this man forever and I found a man that feels the same way as I do. I also found a husband that shares the same view on cheating.
  • RaggedyPond
    RaggedyPond Posts: 1,487 Member
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    If anything my relationship with my wife has improved because I feel better about myself.

    This is me and my husband. Sex is better, too.

    Seconded
  • Renee2GetFit
    Renee2GetFit Posts: 162 Member
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    I had a neighbor once who was in their 50's and married for like 30 years and after she lost a bunch of weight, she started to cheat on her husband. Who knows why people do what they do.
  • angelfreeborn
    angelfreeborn Posts: 2
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    I think if you are going to cheat after weight loss you where never really happy with your spouse in the first place. I am not going to judge anyone for it because once the weight is gone and someone feels better about themselves anything can happen, it not only changes your appearance but your mind set as well. Thats just my opinion. everyone will have their own say, but its just something that happens sometimes.. I have been cheated on in many occasions by my husband, its not a nice feeling. (and yes I am still with him, please don't judge) I have never ever cheated in my life, but having said that I can not tell you for certain when I start feeling good about myself, and get noticed more I won't do the same who knows?
  • TwizzleBit
    TwizzleBit Posts: 23 Member
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    I have been cheated on in many occasions by my husband, its not a nice feeling. (and yes I am still with him, please don't judge) I have never ever cheated in my life, but having said that I can not tell you for certain when I start feeling good about myself, and get noticed more I won't do the same who knows?

    I'm in the same boat. My husband was visiting webcam hookers (for lack of a better description).I only found out about it after I started counselling and found the evidence on our computer. I couldn't figure out what was going wrong with our relationship and why he wasn't responsive to me.

    He claimed it had only been happening for about six months, which happened to coincide with me being very depressed/ rock bottom. Odd that they seemed to happen at the same time.

    *sigh* About a year and some change later, I still can't get a straight answer from him as to why he did it. We're more friends than lovers/spouses. He says he chose that particular woman because she looked "real". I'm not sure what he thinks I look like, but I think I look pretty real and grounded in reality. I keep being asked why I invest so much into a relationship that has been broken from the start and continue to be married to someone who has control issues....well...I've been with him for 12 yrs and have invested everything I ever had into it. Though, I admit things are slowly changing and he knows it.

    Chin up. Work on you and do what makes you happy. You can't live your life in paranoia every time your husband leaves the house or gets up early for no apparent reason. If anything, his behaviour holds you back from being the person you want to be because you're worried about where his loyalties and affections are invested.

    Life's too short to be with someone who makes you feel like crap on a regular basis. Sometimes the love that they profess isn't love. Its co-dependence wrapped in a pretty package.

    I wish you the best of luck. You're worth more than what you're getting. So am I.
  • Jazz_2014
    Jazz_2014 Posts: 142 Member
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    Interesting thread. I am relieved to read the responses. I have too much knowledge of infidelity and truly thought the responses would be more in the supportive end of cheating. So glad it has not been as my friends and family have shown me it is pretty common.

    I agree with most, if a spouse cheats, they are going to do it anyway (obese or not obese).

    I had a male friend that wasn't in a relationship but lost a lot of weight state that he was amazed of the "opportunities" to be with what he called better looking women. He was certainly more into the physical and not the whole package.

    Oddly enough, I had a male customer (I was married) hit on me once I lost a large amount of weight in my earlier years. When I showed no interest, his argument was well, " I liked you when you were fat". Funny thing, is he didn't hit on me then and I wasn't married. There are people out there with no scruples.

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