Affair after Weight Loss

peaceissues

Cheaters will cheat no matter what shape they are in..

Jessie24330

Why is this a Success story?

For real! There are tons of things that get posted here that shouldn't be. I guess people just generally think that it will have the highest chance of being seen.

gotonenerveleft

I think this happens way more than we think it does. I've heard it even has it's own name.... "Thinfidelity"

CupcakeDefeater

Why cheat? If you no longer want to be with someone leave them! It really is very simple. Only cowards cheat because they don't want to bother with the upset of telling someone they no longer feel the same. Cheaters always get caught, and it is always a total devastation to the person who was cheated on. You may not feel the same about that person anymore but do you feel that little respect towards them to go their back and sleep with someone else?

kmuree

It's my opinion that a spouse should be completely supportive, if not INVOLVED in the process!
My fiance and I feel closer than ever when we're planning meals, working out together and seeing the loss.

Sure, it means we'll have more opportunity to see other people, but we've been together nine years, our relationship is sound and we're happier than ever. He'd have to be an idiot to leave the comfort and happiness of our relationship, and vice versa.

And if he decides he's no longer happy with me or that he could do better, he's welcome to the door.

And if he cheats on me during our marriage, I'll just take everything from him. :bigsmile:

All joking aside, it's never acceptable. Be a man (or woman!) and tell your partner the truth. Cheating is cowardice.

Wookinpanub

Lots of great input on my topic with differing views. I know cheating is wrong but you know what? Cheating happens! Just go look at the statistics and I think women actually cheat more then men. Cheating happens for many different reasons. My OP was just to explore if one partner losing significant weight, feeling better about themselves, dressing better increases the possibility. Especially if their spouse is not interested in getting in shape, exercising, eating better, etc.

Yes, as many people stated "cheaters cheat no matter what size or shape" but I am sure weight loss plays a role in the likelihood.

dcarter1020

Anyone that "settles" because they think they can't do any better needs therapy. Settling because you're lonely or afraid means you are uncomfortable with yourself. In my mind, it shows that you are not ready for a marriage/relationship. When I met my husband I was thin. After dating for a while I gained some weight. After 2 back to back pregnancies I gained a lot more weight. Not once was he uninterested in me or my body. Looks may initially attract someone, but it fades. What's left after all the skin and bones is the real you. For me personally, knowing someone on a "soul level" is the real turn on. Cheating shows a lack of morals and character. Also, I'd be willing to be that some of these people that did cheat end up gaining their weight back at some point because they never took the time to figure out their issues in the first place.

tabicatinthehat

Maybe if someone felt like they had "settled" because they didn't feel good enough for what they really wanted or if they had long ago lost interest but didn't feel good enough to find someone else and were afraid to be alone. I could see that. Still. Ya gotta end it, mannnn.

mz_getskinny

I got cheated on AFTER I lost 60 lbs lol

SlimJanette

I think that if someone is going to cheat they will do it regardless of loss or not.

Wookinpanub

I got cheated on AFTER I lost 60 lbs lol

That is messed up! Sorry to hear that.

Wookinpanub

I think that if someone is going to cheat they will do it regardless of loss or not.

But do you think someone who says they wont cheat and never has any opportunities would change their tune if after losing significant weight, was getting considerable more attention?

BigLifter10

A woman that goes to my gym recently left her hubby and kids after she got into shape and starting doing fitness shows. Long story short that nobody cares about but the people in her life: she ruined her marriage, another marriage and is now dating a boy 14 years younger than she is. All she wants is to become 'famous' so I guess that means to hell with everything and do whatever you want. Moral of the story - if someone is going to cheat, they'll do it regardless. They may wait until they feel 'better' about themselves, but you have to somehow negotiate with your own moral character in the long run and good luck on that one. Her hubby is better off without her (but the kids won't be).

AllOutof_Bubblegum

I have nothing to add to the thread, I just wanted to say I get the reference in your screenname, OP, and I LOVE it. :flowerforyou:

nainai0585

Basically I think it boils down to this:
We can be idealists and talk about how it's wrong all we want, and it IS wrong. Unfortunately though, it still happens, a lot. but I've seen countless situations where relationships fall apart after one partner loses weight. You have multiple situations:

-One loved the other when they were overweight and meek. They was disturbed and threatened by a new-found confidence and went looking for another partner either to hurt them back or to replace their old role.

-One partner loses weight and suddenly gets tons of attention from attractive people. They give in to temptation.

-After losing weight a person feels that they've undergone a very spiritual transformation as well as physical, and feels a need to sever themselves completely from their old lifestyle, including friendships or relationships. They can also feel like they aren't connected with their partner anymore.

-One person becomes so excited about fitness that it consumes all of their previous hobbies and interests. They now want to spend their weekends at the gym or on long hiking trips, and the partner doesn't want to tag along. They simply drift apart or gradually become interested in someone else whose hobby is fitness.

-One lost a significant amount of weight and would never admit it- but all the vanity went to their head and they suddenly found themselves "too good" for their old partner.

-One partner changed, the other didn't, and the same way the thought of eating an entire gallon of Ben and Jerry's grosses someone out after getting really fit and breaking their junk food addictions, watching someone else continue in that lifestyle with no guilt, remorse, or need to change, just simply grosses them out. I've seen this happen multiple times- even though a person used to have the exact same habits, somehow witnessing their partners continue on that road repulses them (and maybe reminds them how they used to be.)

-The relationship was never a good one and one side loses weight and gets the guts to finally get out, and uses an affair as the spring board. (As bad as it is, I've seen women use affairs to get out of a bad or controlling relationship by hurting the old partner so he wouldn't want her back.)

-One partner lost weight and there was an imbalance of sexual attraction after that. In my opinion, when this happens, the sexual relationship of the couple was doomed from the start and wasn't based in love and intimacy.

Now that I've written down those situations- I realize they're almost all valid reasons for ending the relationship. They are NOT however, excuses or acceptable reasons to cheat. There is never a reason to cheat. It's the honest truth though, that many of the above situations are accompanied by or spurred along by the budding of another relationship. (IE, a person's been wanting out the relationship for a while for one of said above reasons but hasn't found the confidence yet, but after meeting someone they're interested in they suddenly get motivated to ditch person A for person B.)

If you're feeling like you've moved on or transformed in more ways than just the physical, and you realize that your relationship is at odds with your new lifestyle, I encourage you to talk to your partner. Decide if the relationship is worth fixing. Decide if the above situation was from the shock of the weight loss, or is a lasting and serious change. Realize that many things can be worked through, but if you find yourself gravitating toward a new person or a new life, for the love of god end the old one before hurting your partner.

+1 for all the above examples

cwkwkw2

Cheaters use any excuse to blame it on the spouse: Too fat, too flat, too bald, too broke. The reality is a person chooses to cheat for reasons unrelated to the fat/flat/bald/broke spouse.

jennifurballs

I knew a chick years ago who lost a bunch of weight, then cheated on her husband. She was a bimbo when she was fat, but she started getting more attention when she got thin. It would have happened eventually whether she lost the weight or not because she lacked the moral fortitude to honor her marriage vows.

On a totally unrelated note....my ex cheated on me when I was 7 months pregnant with our son. Not only was I in pretty good shape then, but I only gained 16 lbs. with my pregnancy and my son weighed over 9 lbs. He was simply a douche bag.

mz_getskinny

Cheaters use any excuse to blame it on the spouse: Too fat, too flat, too bald, too broke. The reality is a person chooses to cheat for reasons unrelated to the fat/flat/bald/broke spouse.

^^ Nailed it!

Wookinpanub

I have nothing to add to the thread, I just wanted to say I get the reference in your screenname, OP, and I LOVE it. :flowerforyou:

Thanks Gorgeous! :flowerforyou:

JojoW8183

Having an affair before or after weight loss is wrong. Yup some people have affairs after they get in shape because they're just bad people. The weight loss doesn't change who they are, it just makes it easier for them to be their awful waste of oxygen selves. As you can tell I have no sympathy for cheaters. A cheater will find any excuse to make their cheating "ok" and someone else's fault.

Maqneta

(Agreed with 98% of everything in this Topic)

Happymelz

I know someone who cheated before gaining a lot of weight and during weight loss.
The spouse who was cheated on was in good shape the entire time.

It has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with the heart of the person who cheats.

It is always wrong.

Being unhappy doesn't justify it. If you are unhappy, fix it or leave.

Spnneil06

Nothing to do with weight loss. It's the person not the body!

Venice_SA

I think I get you OP, never had an affair but I know the feeling of losing a lot of weight and attracting more attention than what im used to. Especially if you are not used to guys stopping you, or telling you that you are hot. Heck even my husband gave me more attention after the weightloss, When you look good and slimmer you do get a whole lot more attention than normal and if you are in an unhappy relationship, or you are weak or youve always wanted to but no one asked you out, you will cheat

smantha32

bump

Autk79

If your not happy , get out. Cheating never fixes anything. I believe people change with time, regardless of weight loss. But get out of it, don't waste you or your partners time if your going to cheat.

SwashBlogger

er, uh. Or just maybe some humans are not necessarily built to be excited about riding the same hobby horse for 50 years. If you only have one business model, and refuse and judge all others, your business may fail.

Also I know some kind hearted people who found themselves outside their marriages, and lotsss of d bags who do not.

terri_mom

ANY desire to cheat is for the weak. Either the relationship is worth having, or it is not. People should love for the person, not the body. Anyone else is shallow, and not worth my time or energy.

TheRoadDog

Wher do I sign up? Sounds like a great incentive program.

klkarlen

slerich wrote: »

my ex wasn't attracted to a fit woman or a confident one so he had an affair on me with a much larger woman.

<snip>

There is no good reason for cheating. If you want out of the relationship do it before cheating. Everyone ends up getting hurt when this happens.

Same thing happened to me, except I was already thin and confident, he hit mid life, met a younger much heavier woman, and made a spectacle of himself in public, much to my daughter's humiliation. His new girlfriend fawns all over him, and strokes his fragile ego, and appeals to his low self esteem by making him feel like a super hero.

I'm so much better off without him.