Affair after Weight Loss

Wookinpanub
Wookinpanub Posts: 635 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok- I'll probably get shellacked for this but have you or know someone who had an affair after significant weight loss? I would assume after weight loss, one is not used to getting "looks" or opportunities that were not there during heavier times - not that you are looking for opportunities but life happens sometimes. Maybe the spouse is not into fitness or is heavy and you are not as attracted as you were previously. Maybe there is a deeper psychological effect to be "liberated" from the former fat you.

Now you all can dump on me and say how you would never do such a thing.
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Replies

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Yes.

    Apparently all they did was work on their physical appearance and not worry about building character though.

    Then again, lots of people have affairs without losing weight.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    My ex tried finding someone online to have an affair with when he got into really good shape and I was not. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end for us.

    Losing weight is not an excuse for cheating. Sorry.
  • BrotherBill913
    BrotherBill913 Posts: 662 Member
    My ex tried finding someone online to have an affair with when he got into really good shape and I was not. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end for us.

    Losing weight is not an excuse for cheating. Sorry.

    ^^^ This
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    If anything my relationship with my wife has improved because I feel better about myself.
  • NextPage
    NextPage Posts: 609 Member
    Sorry but I had to chuckle - I was imagining the rest of the conversation after a cheater responded to their spouse's inquiry about a possible affair with "but honey I wasn't looking for the opportunity, life happens sometimes". Really?
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    My ex had an affair while I was pregnant because he said he wasn't attracted to me.

    I think if someone has an affair after weight loss they would have done it before anyway they just didn't feel they had a chance at actually pulling it off.
  • debneeds2beskinny
    debneeds2beskinny Posts: 227 Member
    If you are going to cheat you are going to cheat. doesn't matter what excuse you use.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    Maybe the spouse is not into fitness or is heavy and you are not as attracted as you were previously.

    Why would you no longer be attracted to them if they are the same as they were before YOU lost the weight? Doesn't make sense
  • eventerchick80
    eventerchick80 Posts: 98 Member
    I have friends that got into the swinging lifestyle more after the wife lost a good bit of weight but with her not being used to all the attention she was going after everything she could. Not really an affair though, I guess, if it's agreed upon.
  • brando79az
    brando79az Posts: 224 Member
    It's easy to be faithful when nobody flirts with you. Only after there are opportunities can someone demonstrate commitment, loyalty and will power.

    Cheaters are totally lame.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    If anything my relationship with my wife has improved because I feel better about myself.

    This is me and my husband. Sex is better, too.
  • Lrdoflamancha
    Lrdoflamancha Posts: 1,280 Member
    :laugh:
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
    Ok- I'll probably get shellacked for this but have you or know someone who had an affair after significant weight loss?
    Yep. I sure do!

    This is a primary reason why I will NOT consider relationship with a, shall I say, 'significantly' overweight woman. I just won't.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Usually the only people that worry about this kind of thing are paranoid and don't want to make changes to themselves.


    I think if somebody is going to cheat, they'll cheat.

    No reason to discriminate and say people trying to get fit will.
  • inneedofanap
    inneedofanap Posts: 63 Member
    Shortly after a friend of mine lost a bunch of weight her marriage failed. She didn't have a physical affair but she had already moved on in her mind. It wasn't so much because of her attitude but because of her husbands. I think he felt like he had the upper-hand and was "superior" in some way when she was overweight. When she lost the weight, he lost his confidence because he felt like she could have anyone she wanted now that she was thin.

    He was a jerk.
  • Icoza87
    Icoza87 Posts: 111 Member
    I think if someone has an affair after weight loss they would have done it before anyway they just didn't feel they had a chance at actually pulling it off.
    ^
  • Wookinpanub
    Wookinpanub Posts: 635 Member
    Ok- I'll probably get shellacked for this but have you or know someone who had an affair after significant weight loss?
    Yep. I sure do!

    This is a primary reason why I will NOT consider relationship with a, shall I say, 'significantly' overweight woman. I just won't.

    I respect your honesty
  • spacecase76
    spacecase76 Posts: 673 Member
    There is no valid excuse for having an affair.

    As a former smoker, I can tell you that major personal changes (like quitting smoking, losing weight, etc) can really show you how strong or weak your relationship is when you no longer have that in common. My marriage was hit or miss to begin with, but when I quit smoking and we no longer had that "bond" it went downhill FAST. To my knowledge neither of us cheated though. It just ended and I put him out.
  • kd_mazur
    kd_mazur Posts: 569 Member
    My ex tried finding someone online to have an affair with when he got into really good shape and I was not. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end for us.

    Losing weight is not an excuse for cheating. Sorry.

    I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. It happened to me too:(
  • slerich
    slerich Posts: 14 Member
    Well the opposite happened to me. When I lost all my weight I gain a lot of self confidence and I guess my ex wasn't attracted to a fit woman or a confident one so he had an affair on me with a much larger woman.

    I got a lot more attention but I never noticed because I wasn't looking for it. I noticed how much attention I was getting after my seperation. I guess in the long run things happen for a reason and I now know I'm in a much better place than I was and very happy with my new life and will never go back to my old self!!!


    There is no good reason for cheating. If you want out of the relationship do it before cheating. Everyone ends up getting hurt when this happens.
  • aledba
    aledba Posts: 564 Member
    If anything my relationship with my wife has improved because I feel better about myself.
    Congrats! Same here. :smooched:
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
    Anyone who would cheat after weight loss would also cheat beforehand. The only difference is opportunity.
  • Dean649
    Dean649 Posts: 39 Member
    You feel great, high confidence, Attractive people paying more attention to you, maybe hitting on you. It can be intoxicating and I can see how people not happy in their relationship can slip. If you are worried about a spouse that is getting fit, you should talk to them about your concerns.
  • dianasustaita37
    dianasustaita37 Posts: 58 Member
    Yes... It happens.... People do fall out of love... life is about being happy and loving one another... SO BE HAPPY>> :)
  • 6ftamazon
    6ftamazon Posts: 340 Member
    If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. There's no excuse for cheating. If you aren't attracted to your partner, discuss it with them. Hell, even discuss the idea of an open relationship. But to cheat simply means that you don't care enough about hurting your partner. I get there's temptations. We've all been there. But if you had respect for your partner and you actually cared a lot for them, you'd be honest with them.
  • brando79az
    brando79az Posts: 224 Member
    Anyone who would cheat after weight loss would also cheat beforehand. The only difference is opportunity.

    ^ This

    and as another said earlier... the sex is way better after both partners get "fit." Yes!
  • roxywho42
    roxywho42 Posts: 165 Member
    Well the opposite happened to me. When I lost all my weight I gain a lot of self confidence and I guess my ex wasn't attracted to a fit woman or a confident one so he had an affair on me with a much larger woman.

    I got a lot more attention but I never noticed because I wasn't looking for it. I noticed how much attention I was getting after my seperation. I guess in the long run things happen for a reason and I now know I'm in a much better place than I was and very happy with my new life and will never go back to my old self!!!


    There is no good reason for cheating. If you want out of the relationship do it before cheating. Everyone ends up getting hurt when this happens.

    This happened to me too. Mine also turned abusive, I think he was trying to break down my confidence so I'd gain weight back and be the old me. He failed. He succeeded at losing his wife, his son, and nearly his career.
  • healthyplans
    healthyplans Posts: 134 Member
    I have known people that have done this and had it done to them. I suppose it comes from getting attention all of the sudden. Attention you're not used to.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    For myself, I decided to lose the weight to improve my relationship. I am not a cheater and never will be as I strongly disagree with it and I truly believe there is no such thing as an excuse for it. Just cowardness.

    Unfortunately, I have heard of this happening - though not to anyone that I know personally. I am sure it does happen with out a doubt. Like someone had already mentioned, it happens with or without weight loss.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I think a few people in my life believe that I did this and it caused my divorce and subsequent remarriage to a thinner, fitter, healthier, younger man.

    They would be wrong.

    I was in a 10 yr marriage with a guy who wasn't that attracted to me. We were both very obese. I changed my life to get healthier and lost SOME weight but not that much, and I realized more than ever that we had more of a friendship than a marriage. We didn't have chemistry. He didn't find me any more attractive after losing some weight than he did at my heaviest. Et cetera.

    We divorced and I vowed never to date/settle for a guy who wasn't totally & completely into me and vice versa. Met my husband. Lost another 85 lb (so far) and am happier than ever.

    It's not my place to judge others for infidelity but I really just don't get it. If you are not cut out for monogamy and/or your marriage is long over on some level(s), I think divorce is probably a good - if difficult - option. Not cheating. JMHO.

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