Affair after Weight Loss
Replies
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It's easy to be faithful when nobody flirts with you. Only after there are opportunities can someone demonstrate commitment, loyalty and will power.
Cheaters are totally lame.
Love this!0 -
My biggest weight loss was when I got rid of my husband......I lost 170 lbs (him). :laugh: That was the smartest thing I ever did in my life. while I was getting healthier and happier he was getting more controlling and miserable.....so he had to go!!0
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nope I just love the fact that my hubby cant keep his hands or eyes off of me now. The thing I like more than that is I like what I see in the mirror now. This has strengthened our relationship especially in the bedroom. no need for cheating here
sorry tmi0 -
I am not condoning it, butI think it is just human nature to be flattered when the opposite sex is attracted after not noticeing a heavy person for a long time. Sometimes if you have never been thin and fit and go ignored, and now all of a sudden girls/guys are throwing themselves at you it is hard to not fall for the attention. It should be something that is learned right with nutrition , how to have a relationship after large weightloss.0
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How is this even an appropriate topic for the success stories? There is nothing successful about adultery period!0
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My ex had an affair while I was pregnant because he said he wasn't attracted to me.
I think if someone has an affair after weight loss they would have done it before anyway they just didn't feel they had a chance at actually pulling it off.
Joke's on him.....0 -
I am not condoning it, butI think it is just human nature to be flattered when the opposite sex is attracted after not noticeing a heavy person for a long time. Sometimes if you have never been thin and fit and go ignored, and now all of a sudden girls/guys are throwing themselves at you it is hard to not fall for the attention. It should be something that is learned right with nutrition , how to have a relationship after large weightloss.
^^ This. I think sometimes when people lose a lot of weight, things may go to their head and they get self confidence that they never had before. I don't think that it has anything to do with their current spouse or relationship but everything to do with the way they view their self.0 -
I have seen it happen but for different reasons. It's not just that all of the sudden you have become attractive to other people. I have seen it because one person in the relationship has changed. Not just physically but mentally. Eating a certain way, exercising, always having goals and trying to be a better/healthier you is now a priority. Being with someone who is just content being in one spot and not moving forward can be frustrating, and can certainly drive two people apart.0
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Basically I think it boils down to this:
We can be idealists and talk about how it's wrong all we want, and it IS wrong. Unfortunately though, it still happens, a lot. but I've seen countless situations where relationships fall apart after one partner loses weight. You have multiple situations:
-One loved the other when they were overweight and meek. They was disturbed and threatened by a new-found confidence and went looking for another partner either to hurt them back or to replace their old role.
-One partner loses weight and suddenly gets tons of attention from attractive people. They give in to temptation.
-After losing weight a person feels that they've undergone a very spiritual transformation as well as physical, and feels a need to sever themselves completely from their old lifestyle, including friendships or relationships. They can also feel like they aren't connected with their partner anymore.
-One person becomes so excited about fitness that it consumes all of their previous hobbies and interests. They now want to spend their weekends at the gym or on long hiking trips, and the partner doesn't want to tag along. They simply drift apart or gradually become interested in someone else whose hobby is fitness.
-One lost a significant amount of weight and would never admit it- but all the vanity went to their head and they suddenly found themselves "too good" for their old partner.
-One partner changed, the other didn't, and the same way the thought of eating an entire gallon of Ben and Jerry's grosses someone out after getting really fit and breaking their junk food addictions, watching someone else continue in that lifestyle with no guilt, remorse, or need to change, just simply grosses them out. I've seen this happen multiple times- even though a person used to have the exact same habits, somehow witnessing their partners continue on that road repulses them (and maybe reminds them how they used to be.)
-The relationship was never a good one and one side loses weight and gets the guts to finally get out, and uses an affair as the spring board. (As bad as it is, I've seen women use affairs to get out of a bad or controlling relationship by hurting the old partner so he wouldn't want her back.)
-One partner lost weight and there was an imbalance of sexual attraction after that. In my opinion, when this happens, the sexual relationship of the couple was doomed from the start and wasn't based in love and intimacy.
Great insights and I think you are spot on.
I also liked some of the other comments about how people on a weight loss journey learn to exercise, learn proper nutrition but don't learn how to handle the emotional side of losing weight, having confidence and having sex appeal.0 -
You feel great, high confidence, Attractive people paying more attention to you, maybe hitting on you. It can be intoxicating and I can see how people not happy in their relationship can slip. If you are worried about a spouse that is getting fit, you should talk to them about your concerns.
Very intoxicating.0 -
I love my husband even more as the pounds come off me, because he saw the beauty in me and loved me for me even when I was 300lbs. I say, if you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.
^^ This! My fiance has been so supportive and encouraging, and even though I'm not even close to goal yet, he keeps telling me how proud he is of me and that my squats are working wonders for me.
I worry about if I lose too much weight what will he feel like because he loved me and asked me to marry him at my heaviest, but he tells me over and over again that he fell in love with my heart and he loves me no matter what I look like. I think in our case it helps that we were friends first for a short while.
On the topic, I do have a friend, who went through kind of the opposite. She was married to a guy and HE actually couldn't handle HER weight loss, he was a lot older and I guess his insecurities came out when she started losing weight, and he started doing things he never did before like check her phone and email constantly, follow her to work and back, constantly text her where was she when she even went to work, if she was 10 mins late she would get the third degree, etc. She tried multiple times to get him to see that she only wanted him. She'd cry to me telling me she didn't know how else to prove to him she wasn't looking for anything with anyone and was dedicated to him. Finally after over 2 yrs of it, he drove her away with his stalking. Three years after their divorce they are now "friends" (he was her kid's step-dad and the only dad he knew and he is still a part of the kid's life) as they have both moved on, and he had tried once or twice to get her back, but she said the lack of trust on his end was too hard to bear, that she felt like a prisoner in her own home.0 -
My plan is to get healthier FOR my spouse not to try to get away from him! I am doing this for myself, but to see him get more attracted to me as the weight falls off is a huge motivator!0
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Infidelity, lack of commitment and extreme selfishness are all character flaws.
If you do not know who you are and what makes you happy, or you can not accept yourself for who you are right now, you are flawed and then it is easy to convince yourself that an immediate pleasure boost is the best you can do.
I have watched countless people cheat. Big, small, old, young, rich, poor, married, dating...etc, etc.
Blaming weight loss is a cop out. Own up to your flaws and then you can start to work on them.0 -
My ex did after he lost a lot of weight, i got him in trendier clothes, and made him feel better about himself...ah well sh1t happens huh! I believe he wouldn't have had the confidence before hand, but who knows, if its in them, then its in them i guess.0
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Basically I think it boils down to this:
We can be idealists and talk about how it's wrong all we want, and it IS wrong. Unfortunately though, it still happens, a lot. but I've seen countless situations where relationships fall apart after one partner loses weight. You have multiple situations:
-One loved the other when they were overweight and meek. They was disturbed and threatened by a new-found confidence and went looking for another partner either to hurt them back or to replace their old role.
-One partner loses weight and suddenly gets tons of attention from attractive people. They give in to temptation.
-After losing weight a person feels that they've undergone a very spiritual transformation as well as physical, and feels a need to sever themselves completely from their old lifestyle, including friendships or relationships. They can also feel like they aren't connected with their partner anymore.
-One person becomes so excited about fitness that it consumes all of their previous hobbies and interests. They now want to spend their weekends at the gym or on long hiking trips, and the partner doesn't want to tag along. They simply drift apart or gradually become interested in someone else whose hobby is fitness.
-One lost a significant amount of weight and would never admit it- but all the vanity went to their head and they suddenly found themselves "too good" for their old partner.
-One partner changed, the other didn't, and the same way the thought of eating an entire gallon of Ben and Jerry's grosses someone out after getting really fit and breaking their junk food addictions, watching someone else continue in that lifestyle with no guilt, remorse, or need to change, just simply grosses them out. I've seen this happen multiple times- even though a person used to have the exact same habits, somehow witnessing their partners continue on that road repulses them (and maybe reminds them how they used to be.)
-The relationship was never a good one and one side loses weight and gets the guts to finally get out, and uses an affair as the spring board. (As bad as it is, I've seen women use affairs to get out of a bad or controlling relationship by hurting the old partner so he wouldn't want her back.)
-One partner lost weight and there was an imbalance of sexual attraction after that. In my opinion, when this happens, the sexual relationship of the couple was doomed from the start and wasn't based in love and intimacy.
Now that I've written down those situations- I realize they're almost all valid reasons for ending the relationship. They are NOT however, excuses or acceptable reasons to cheat. There is never a reason to cheat. It's the honest truth though, that many of the above situations are accompanied by or spurred along by the budding of another relationship. (IE, a person's been wanting out the relationship for a while for one of said above reasons but hasn't found the confidence yet, but after meeting someone they're interested in they suddenly get motivated to ditch person A for person B.)
If you're feeling like you've moved on or transformed in more ways than just the physical, and you realize that your relationship is at odds with your new lifestyle, I encourage you to talk to your partner. Decide if the relationship is worth fixing. Decide if the above situation was from the shock of the weight loss, or is a lasting and serious change. Realize that many things can be worked through, but if you find yourself gravitating toward a new person or a new life, for the love of god end the old one before hurting your partner.
^^^THIS^^^0 -
There are many reasons for this. I got divorced once I lost weight too, although I put on all the weight over the course of my distressed marriage as well
I think when your heavier you have low self-esteem and settle for less than you would normally. Another option is also that once your fit and put in the effort to loose the weight, your lifestyle has changed and if your significant other didn't take on a similar style you may see things differently or not have as much in common. If I weighed 300lbs and my significant other did as well, once I started to loose I would expect him to try and jump on bored as well. Not really sexy when someone doesn't take control of their own life and decide to get healthy. JMO0 -
There is no good reason for cheating. If you want out of the relationship do it before cheating. Everyone ends up getting hurt when this happens.
I agree!!!0 -
Maybe the spouse is not into fitness or is heavy and you are not as attracted as you were previously.
Why would you no longer be attracted to them if they are the same as they were before YOU lost the weight? Doesn't make sense
Maybe what the OP was getting at was the possibility that an overweight person might have settled for, ah, *whoever* when choosing a mate to avoid loneliness. Once the weigh melts off, formerly overweight individual realizes that settling is no longer in order and the pickings are no longer slim.
if that's the case, that's pretty poopy. The spouse of said person (people) of whoever "settled" is better off without their cheating *kitten*.0 -
get a life.0
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My plan is to get healthier FOR my spouse not to try to get away from him! I am doing this for myself, but to see him get more attracted to me as the weight falls off is a huge motivator!
agreed!0 -
If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. There's no excuse for cheating. If you aren't attracted to your partner, discuss it with them. Hell, even discuss the idea of an open relationship. But to cheat simply means that you don't care enough about hurting your partner. I get there's temptations. We've all been there. But if you had respect for your partner and you actually cared a lot for them, you'd be honest with them.
^This!0 -
I can honestly say that this is one of the reasons I had not attempted to lose the weight until now- as bad as that might sound. Not because I was afraid I would cheat on my husband, but because I honestly thought I would not be wiling to take his **** anymore. We have three children together so our split involves more than just me and him and yes I know children are not a good enough reason to stay together. Not after losing weight but before he gained any weight, my husband "tried" to cheat on me for the first 5-7 yrs of our relationship and by tried I mean to this day he still insists he has never gone through with it but there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary including me finding a used condom in our car, my best friend telling me through some probing that he had "tried" to cheat with her, girls at my work after I no longer worked there telling me he was contacting them, finding txt messages on his phone to one of his old friends that he cant "wait to see her" when he was supposed to be going camping with his cousin. He lied about all of this and tried to hide it from me. I found out about all of it, split with him, got back together.
The sad part is that I eventually got to where I wasn't willing to take his **** anymore anyway without losing the weight and not being willing to take his **** is what has motivated me the most to now lose the weight. I don't judge people because a few years ago I too had an affair on my husband after years of him mistreating me, I had had enough and was already checked out of the relationship- I didn't hide it from him or lie to him about it and ironically enough he was ok with it because he knew all of the **** he had put me through- his words not mine.
This thought still crosses my mind while losing the weight from time to time-- I am not so much thinking I will divorce my husband (yes I am still with him, don't judge me) but because I am not sure if it will make our relationship better or dissolve it completely. We have been together for 14 years, and have three beautiful children who love both of us dearly so it still crosses my mind.
When I started to lose the weight I was at a place where in my mind the marriage had already ended and I was just taking care of me and could care less what he did or what happened to him........ I love him very much but his "issues" are a bit too much for me
so that's my long response to this post but it kinda strikes a chord with me because yes I know its a possibility and happens more often than it should- which is never- I don't condone cheating even though I myself have done it- it hurts all involved0 -
I can honestly say that this is one of the reasons I had not attempted to lose the weight until now- as bad as that might sound. Not because I was afraid I would cheat on my husband, but because I honestly thought I would not be wiling to take his **** anymore. We have three children together so our split involves more than just me and him and yes I know children are not a good enough reason to stay together. Not after losing weight but before he gained any weight, my husband "tried" to cheat on me for the first 5-7 yrs of our relationship and by tried I mean to this day he still insists he has never gone through with it but there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary including me finding a used condom in our car, my best friend telling me through some probing that he had "tried" to cheat with her, girls at my work after I no longer worked there telling me he was contacting them, finding txt messages on his phone to one of his old friends that he cant "wait to see her" when he was supposed to be going camping with his cousin. He lied about all of this and tried to hide it from me. I found out about all of it, split with him, got back together.
The sad part is that I eventually got to where I wasn't willing to take his **** anymore anyway without losing the weight and not being willing to take his **** is what has motivated me the most to now lose the weight. I don't judge people because a few years ago I too had an affair on my husband after years of him mistreating me, I had had enough and was already checked out of the relationship- I didn't hide it from him or lie to him about it and ironically enough he was ok with it because he knew all of the **** he had put me through- his words not mine.
This thought still crosses my mind while losing the weight from time to time-- I am not so much thinking I will divorce my husband (yes I am still with him, don't judge me) but because I am not sure if it will make our relationship better or dissolve it completely. We have been together for 14 years, and have three beautiful children who love both of us dearly so it still crosses my mind.
When I started to lose the weight I was at a place where in my mind the marriage had already ended and I was just taking care of me and could care less what he did or what happened to him........ I love him very much but his "issues" are a bit too much for me
so that's my long response to this post but it kinda strikes a chord with me because yes I know its a possibility and happens more often than it should- which is never- I don't condone cheating even though I myself have done it- it hurts all involved
I know I cannot speak for every child of divorce, but I can speak on behalf of myself. Your children may be hurt from the split, but they will be hurt a lot more from the relationship between you and your husband. Trust me. We see everything you think that we don't. Your children can have wonderful relationships with the two of you; in fact, I love having the alone time with each of my parents, and the alone time with my step-parents as well. The divorce was one of the best things to happen to them, because they are so happy now, and even formed an amazing co-parenting relationship/amicable relationship with one another.
Don't stay in this awful relationship. You deserve to be happy, and to not have his "issues" bringing you down. You are a beautiful woman with a lot of potential, and you don't need a cheater who can't respect that! You can be an amazing parent for your kids, and do something amazing for yourself.0 -
It sounds like the real reason for this post is because you are into punishment, seeing as to how you both foresee it and then make a plea for it0
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Just my honest opinion, but a cheater is one of the lowest type of people I know.
Simple fact of the matter is, if you don't love someone no more, then have the guts to tell them and move on.
Can't use the excuse that ya didnt want to hurt them, as what ya think finding out ya cheated on the is going to do.
Admittedly many have kids, but coming from a family where was known dad cheated but mum didnt, and no matter what got said about my mum through the divorce, that was not one of them.
And as kids grow up, as long as your honest with them as they ask you the questions, they will respect the hell out of ya.
Plus other thing to remember is, if you do cheat with someone, and that someone turns out to be the new love of your life, the fact you met them while cheating on someone else, that will fester over time and you will start looking for signs in ya partner, even when there is nothing to warrant it.0 -
It strikes me the OP, in common with a lot of other people, is the sort of person who believes thin people are somehow out of fat people's "leagues".
It's sort of true, actually; if you believe in leagues, they exist. In reality, it's nonsense.
I have been out with some really, really attractive women in the past for no other reason than I asked. I'm a balding, fat man.
Perhaps losing weight makes people feel better about themselves, which in turn makes them carry themselves differently and leads to them getting more casual attention from the opposite sex. But the opportunity to cheat is there no matter what your weight is, and I feel connecting the two is a mistake.
TL;DR: If someone wants to cheat, they will.0 -
SOOOOOO , WRONG !!!! They are better off without you0
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Why is this a Success story?0
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Actually, it's extremely common that marriages don't work out after weight loss. I would suggest you try marriage counseling or divorce before cheating. Less hurt feelings that way and makes you less of a tramp/homewrecker.0
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Yep. I sure do!Ok- I'll probably get shellacked for this but have you or know someone who had an affair after significant weight loss?
This is a primary reason why I will NOT consider relationship with a, shall I say, 'significantly' overweight woman. I just won't.
Same here.
GF number 1: Cheated and left after losing weight. We were engaged.
GF number 2: Cheated and left after losing weight. We were engaged.
I know three friends who have got divorced in the past few years after their spouse lost weight and decided that they could 'do better.'
There'd also be a LOT of people filing for divorce or ending the relationship if they found out what their significant other is upto on here/kik now that they've lost weight!
This subject is anything but a success story.0
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