Is Anyone Else just Life Exhausted
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Last week, my son pointed out to me that the first Noble Truth of Buddhism is that "life is suffering" and he asked "why would I think that my life would be any different than that?" Then he pointed out that it was suffering that motivated the Buddha to find a way out of it -- the second Noble Truth being that "there is a way out of suffering." Although I am a long time mediator, I do wonder what it takes to accomplish that. A vacation can be very nice and temporarily remove the stresses of the daily grind, but it's not the solution to suffering.
I try to focus more on the positive, like it's so much better to have a stressful job than not have a job at all, how lucky I am that I live in a free country, have enough food, clothing, and shelter, while others don't. While thinking that way helps, it's still a mind game, and also doesn't last very long.
So I will leave a Buddhist thought:
Good and bad
Happy and sad
All thoughts vanish into emptiness
Like the imprint of a bird in the sky
I think that means that one should stop dividing into good and bad and see what happens.0 -
meh sometimes.
I have 2 kids (3yrs and 2 yrs both boys!) and I sort the house and kids and make sure my partner is fed/watered and clothed! Its tiring and before I know it- its 10pm and I have to go to bed!0 -
I moved to Japan last year, and hated where I lived.
Now, I live with my partner, and I have a new job.
The school so far is great, and being able to wake up with my sweetheart is nice, but..
I never have time to myself. We do everything together. I haven't explored or gotten lost anywhere by myself in a long time. And at school, I never get a chance to just sit and take a breath.
I'm so tired, and I recently have started to imagine just living alone with a puppy companion, just enjoying solitude.
I just want to be alone for just one moment. Just one. I'm so tired.0 -
Yep. Can I please be a dog? Or a potato?
I'd love to be a potato, except I'd eat myself.0 -
A glass of good wine will make it all better
Im a craft beer guy and as I write this Im indulging on a killer brew to help
And I bet it's working! 0 -
Yup, I definitely need a vacation, I wouldn't give up what I have for anything0
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I feel your pain with the doctoral degree program, as I'm working my way through one too. Add to that Hubby being away until next year; my family all across the globe and a PIA his family member; the dog passing away... and on it goes. Calgon take me away!!0
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ZBuffBod I feel your pain with the doctoral degree program, as I'm working my way through one too. Add to that Hubby being away until next year; my family all across the globe and a PIA his family member; the dog passing away... and on it goes. Calgon take me away!!0
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I just feel like I never have any "me" time. I'm always running.... kids to school, work, band practice straight to swim practice, power lifting, dinner, pick up kids, bath then sleep. Weekends are filled with football games, swim meets and power lifting. Sometimes I feel like I need to be two people. I guess I need to step back and count my blessings. I have 3 beautiful healthy girls that have lots of friends and a busy social life. I guess I will have all the me time I can handle when they are grown, right?
I completely agree. While you def have more "duties" then I do I feel the same way. I need a bit of me time. I work 2nd shift at a stressful medical job and watch my son during the day and then during the weekend I have to commit all of my time o my family and get no chance to do anything else which burns me out. Such is life?
Schedule time for yourself and time for your wife to be by herself on the weekends. Make it a priority. My husband and I do that. Even on the most hectic of weeks, I know I will have a couple hours Sun afternoons to do whatever I'd like. It gives me something to look forward to.0 -
Just remember, never say, "it can't get any worse."
Fate just loves a challenge like that.
that's why I prefer to say, "it could always be worse"0 -
Two kids under 4, work, home, preschool craziness, etc - I go from the time my toes hit the floor (just like everyone else) I definitely am burnt out, but I just need a good vacation.0
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Yes! I can't count how many days I've gotten off of work and seriously thought about just driving away and leaving everything behind.0
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omg, YES0
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my kid has had the pukes for 2 days0
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After scanning and reading this thread for a while, and remembering my own life at ages 21, and 31, and 51, I can only share my own personal coping strategies:
Drugs and alcohol do not help in the long run.
Keeping "Date Night" alive and scheduling a few hours for your self or with your partner is key. Extremely hard but so important you have to do it at least twice a month. I know because I didn't. So far.
Use humor as a coping tool. Listen to funny people, read David Sedaris and other skewed observational essayists who give you new ways to enjoy the pointless fecal matter of daily life.
Talk to people and listen to them intently. Contact with other people; meaningful contact and that feeling of conversation or communion to be supported or to support others, is the true point of life. Why else are you reading this and hanging out here? It is this contact and communication that recharges your batteries best. You don't have to go to a beach or cruise. But that is more fun!
My personal favorite musician, Frank Zappa, addressed this sort of suburban Nihlism with his song "Brown Shoes Don't Make It." And one verse goes "Do you love it? Do you hate it? There it is the way YOU made it!" Wow. If you don't love it, figure out how to change it. The screeching of chalk on the blackboard is not by itself a horrible sound. It just is; a sound like any other. We make it irritable because of the way we perceive it. We can choose to make it something else; something benign. Easier to blame our ills on something else than to make the changes we have to make to be happier.
I feel the exhaustion. I have raised 4 daughters, my marriage is near dead, had my house burn down to the ground, went through the recovery process with insurance - builders - and lawyers chasing $$$ because the fire was caused by someone's negligence, watched my parents die, lost several jobs for several reasons including last February, my wife is terminally unhappy and there is little I can do except lower my own expectations for happiness. You get the idea. We are in a community soup here.
But you can use creativity, humor, conversation, and supporting each other to make the exhaustion tolerable. I do not think it will go away.
Sorry if I upset anyone. What I have written would sound different to you if I spoke it rather than you reading it. and I probably have my head up my posterior anyway.0 -
(Sorry this is so long. Feel free to skip over it. I just needed to vent. At one point, I thought maybe I should make this a blog, but nawh, I'll just post here since I'm here already, lol)
Have you ever heard the phrase "It's the curse of the Lotto" (referring to people who have won the lotto and fate basically screws them over somehow)
We didn't win the Lotto, per-say, but we did come into a (decent) settlement this past May.
Suddenly every family member knew and needed "help". Family members who helped out ("out of love and kindness, as Jesus would want us too") suddenly turned into Debt Collectors. Bills, somehow, became ridiculously higher than the previous years bills for the same month. Suddenly EVERYONE, literally, me, Derrick and all of our kids got sick (medical bills, prescriptions, over-the-counter necessities, etc.) Back to school costs were ridiculous.
The heartbreaking kicker? After Derricks serious injuries, after the Rhabdomiolysis, after complications with his heart, us losing our house in Arizona (because my income alone couldn't float the mortgage, bills, vehicle necessities, kids, food, etc.), after selling our sole vehicle to make sure rent was paid, after 100's of doctors appointments, QMEs, AMEs, depositions, mediation, firing lawyers, hiring new ones, firing them and representing ourselves, and too much more to list, we FINALLY settled in April. (This fight started in 2008).
The most important thing that my husband chose to do with his settlement was to buy me a "thank you for saving my life and sticking it out with me" gift as he put it. (A "For Better or For Worse" reminder, lol).
Back story: Derrick and I met when I was 14, I'm 29 now. We got engaged when I was 16, married at 18, on a Tuesday, after college classes, at the Phoenix Court House. I didn't have an engagement ring, that never bothered me. Our wedding bands were black onyx rings we found at a flea market and loved. But they eventually broke. After school, bills, working too much to pay bills, kids, moving again, etc. buying new rings was an idea on the far back back burner.
He decided to finally buy us a matching ring/band set with his winnings.
I had, only what I can describe as a happy heart-attack when he surprised me with a trip to Robbin's Brothers.
We picked rings, I chose a diamond. We were happy. Ecstatic. But they told us it'd be three days to "set" the ring.
Anyways, things were getting stable for a while between then (May) and now (late September) and we decided to up our insurance policy; adding renter's and possessions, including my rings.
We took the rings to get them appraised to add them to our policy and we were devastated to find out that the $10 k ring we purchased is essentially 'worthless'. and NOT the ring/diamond I PICKED. (How did I not notice this? First off, to me, someone who's not at all familiar with real jewelry, I was told platinum, assumed it was platinum and not 'white gold' and the diamond I looked at/picked didn't have a crack and wasn't dull in any areas. However, after I was allowed to look at the diamond and the band-test, I was able to see the "J" shaped shatter across the diamond hidden carefully behind the prong) The band is not Platinum as the saleswoman told us it was and the diamond is internally 'shattered' and worthless (meaning IF it were stolen/sold/whatever, no profit could be made from re-setting the diamond nor could another diamond be created out of it). Luckily, the appraiser didn't charge us because he saw how devastated I was when he said it was not a good diamond and that it was low-grade gold, not platinum.
Point being; Derrick almost died from a work injury. Not only did he survive (though disabled) he decided to give his wife a gift, a gift that honesty, we can't/couldn't really afford, but he was determined. Male pride, maybe. But to pay that much, in hopes of giving his wife something 'priceless' in my eyes, only to be told it's not even worth it's weight in aluminum, is just kicking a man when he's down.
The worst part is that RB refuses to give us a refund because it's been more than 30 days. (Yes, I understand policies. And we didn't mean to wait so long to verify the diamond/gold authenticity, we only recently did so because we could only recently afford to up our insurance policy).
Short of getting a lawyer (who I'll assume will want an upfront retainer fee) and going to the BBB and local news media, I have no idea what to do because they will not budge on 'policy'.
I cried, not because we wasted money. But because I feel like my hands are tied, because if we fight this, it'll probably cost us more than what we initially paid for the whole ring. I thought crap like this only happened on CL and eBay. I hate how dishonest the world is. That they'd switch my diamond and lie about the rings metal, to take money away from people who could have used it in other places (that's not the point).
So, yeah, that's the depressing crapstorm of our week.0 -
(Sorry this is so long. Feel free to skip over it. I just needed to vent. At one point, I thought maybe I should make this a blog, but nawh, I'll just post here since I'm here already, lol)
Have you ever heard the phrase "It's the curse of the Lotto" (referring to people who have won the lotto and fate basically screws them over somehow)
We didn't win the Lotto, per-say, but we did come into a (decent) settlement this past May.
Suddenly every family member knew and needed "help". Family members who helped out ("out of love and kindness, as Jesus would want us too") suddenly turned into Debt Collectors. Bills, somehow, became ridiculously higher than the previous years bills for the same month. Suddenly EVERYONE, literally, me, Derrick and all of our kids got sick (medical bills, prescriptions, over-the-counter necessities, etc.) Back to school costs were ridiculous.
The heartbreaking kicker? After Derricks serious injuries, after the Rhabdomiolysis, after complications with his heart, us losing our house in Arizona (because my income alone couldn't float the mortgage, bills, vehicle necessities, kids, food, etc.), after selling our sole vehicle to make sure rent was paid, after 100's of doctors appointments, QMEs, AMEs, depositions, mediation, firing lawyers, hiring new ones, firing them and representing ourselves, and too much more to list, we FINALLY settled in April. (This fight started in 2008).
The most important thing that my husband chose to do with his settlement was to buy me a "thank you for saving my life and sticking it out with me" gift as he put it. (A "For Better or For Worse" reminder, lol).
Back story: Derrick and I met when I was 14, I'm 29 now. We got engaged when I was 16, married at 18, on a Tuesday, after college classes, at the Phoenix Court House. I didn't have an engagement ring, that never bothered me. Our wedding bands were black onyx rings we found at a flea market and loved. But they eventually broke. After school, bills, working too much to pay bills, kids, moving again, etc. buying new rings was an idea on the far back back burner.
He decided to finally buy us a matching ring/band set with his winnings.
I had, only what I can describe as a happy heart-attack when he surprised me with a trip to Robbin's Brothers.
We picked rings, I chose a diamond. We were happy. Ecstatic. But they told us it'd be three days to "set" the ring.
Anyways, things were getting stable for a while between then (May) and now (late September) and we decided to up our insurance policy; adding renter's and possessions, including my rings.
We took the rings to get them appraised to add them to our policy and we were devastated to find out that the $10 k ring we purchased is essentially 'worthless'. and NOT the ring/diamond I PICKED. (How did I not notice this? First off, to me, someone who's not at all familiar with real jewelry, I was told platinum, assumed it was platinum and not 'white gold' and the diamond I looked at/picked didn't have a crack and wasn't dull in any areas. However, after I was allowed to look at the diamond and the band-test, I was able to see the "J" shaped shatter across the diamond hidden carefully behind the prong) The band is not Platinum as the saleswoman told us it was and the diamond is internally 'shattered' and worthless (meaning IF it were stolen/sold/whatever, no profit could be made from re-setting the diamond nor could another diamond be created out of it). Luckily, the appraiser didn't charge us because he saw how devastated I was when he said it was not a good diamond and that it was low-grade gold, not platinum.
Point being; Derrick almost died from a work injury. Not only did he survive (though disabled) he decided to give his wife a gift, a gift that honesty, we can't/couldn't really afford, but he was determined. Male pride, maybe. But to pay that much, in hopes of giving his wife something 'priceless' in my eyes, only to be told it's not even worth it's weight in aluminum, is just kicking a man when he's down.
The worst part is that RB refuses to give us a refund because it's been more than 30 days. (Yes, I understand policies. And we didn't mean to wait so long to verify the diamond/gold authenticity, we only recently did so because we could only recently afford to up our insurance policy).
Short of getting a lawyer (who I'll assume will want an upfront retainer fee) and going to the BBB and local news media, I have no idea what to do because they will not budge on 'policy'.
I cried, not because we wasted money. But because I feel like my hands are tied, because if we fight this, it'll probably cost us more than what we initially paid for the whole ring. I thought crap like this only happened on CL and eBay. I hate how dishonest the world is. That they'd switch my diamond and lie about the rings metal, to take money away from people who could have used it in other places (that's not the point).
So, yeah, that's the depressing crapstorm of our week.
That f***ing sucks.
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u need to call three on your side. (I live in the phx area!)(Sorry this is so long. Feel free to skip over it. I just needed to vent. At one point, I thought maybe I should make this a blog, but nawh, I'll just post here since I'm here already, lol)
Have you ever heard the phrase "It's the curse of the Lotto" (referring to people who have won the lotto and fate basically screws them over somehow)
We didn't win the Lotto, per-say, but we did come into a (decent) settlement this past May.
Suddenly every family member knew and needed "help". Family members who helped out ("out of love and kindness, as Jesus would want us too") suddenly turned into Debt Collectors. Bills, somehow, became ridiculously higher than the previous years bills for the same month. Suddenly EVERYONE, literally, me, Derrick and all of our kids got sick (medical bills, prescriptions, over-the-counter necessities, etc.) Back to school costs were ridiculous.
The heartbreaking kicker? After Derricks serious injuries, after the Rhabdomiolysis, after complications with his heart, us losing our house in Arizona (because my income alone couldn't float the mortgage, bills, vehicle necessities, kids, food, etc.), after selling our sole vehicle to make sure rent was paid, after 100's of doctors appointments, QMEs, AMEs, depositions, mediation, firing lawyers, hiring new ones, firing them and representing ourselves, and too much more to list, we FINALLY settled in April. (This fight started in 2008).
The most important thing that my husband chose to do with his settlement was to buy me a "thank you for saving my life and sticking it out with me" gift as he put it. (A "For Better or For Worse" reminder, lol).
Back story: Derrick and I met when I was 14, I'm 29 now. We got engaged when I was 16, married at 18, on a Tuesday, after college classes, at the Phoenix Court House. I didn't have an engagement ring, that never bothered me. Our wedding bands were black onyx rings we found at a flea market and loved. But they eventually broke. After school, bills, working too much to pay bills, kids, moving again, etc. buying new rings was an idea on the far back back burner.
He decided to finally buy us a matching ring/band set with his winnings.
I had, only what I can describe as a happy heart-attack when he surprised me with a trip to Robbin's Brothers.
We picked rings, I chose a diamond. We were happy. Ecstatic. But they told us it'd be three days to "set" the ring.
Anyways, things were getting stable for a while between then (May) and now (late September) and we decided to up our insurance policy; adding renter's and possessions, including my rings.
We took the rings to get them appraised to add them to our policy and we were devastated to find out that the $10 k ring we purchased is essentially 'worthless'. and NOT the ring/diamond I PICKED. (How did I not notice this? First off, to me, someone who's not at all familiar with real jewelry, I was told platinum, assumed it was platinum and not 'white gold' and the diamond I looked at/picked didn't have a crack and wasn't dull in any areas. However, after I was allowed to look at the diamond and the band-test, I was able to see the "J" shaped shatter across the diamond hidden carefully behind the prong) The band is not Platinum as the saleswoman told us it was and the diamond is internally 'shattered' and worthless (meaning IF it were stolen/sold/whatever, no profit could be made from re-setting the diamond nor could another diamond be created out of it). Luckily, the appraiser didn't charge us because he saw how devastated I was when he said it was not a good diamond and that it was low-grade gold, not platinum.
Point being; Derrick almost died from a work injury. Not only did he survive (though disabled) he decided to give his wife a gift, a gift that honesty, we can't/couldn't really afford, but he was determined. Male pride, maybe. But to pay that much, in hopes of giving his wife something 'priceless' in my eyes, only to be told it's not even worth it's weight in aluminum, is just kicking a man when he's down.
The worst part is that RB refuses to give us a refund because it's been more than 30 days. (Yes, I understand policies. And we didn't mean to wait so long to verify the diamond/gold authenticity, we only recently did so because we could only recently afford to up our insurance policy).
Short of getting a lawyer (who I'll assume will want an upfront retainer fee) and going to the BBB and local news media, I have no idea what to do because they will not budge on 'policy'.
I cried, not because we wasted money. But because I feel like my hands are tied, because if we fight this, it'll probably cost us more than what we initially paid for the whole ring. I thought crap like this only happened on CL and eBay. I hate how dishonest the world is. That they'd switch my diamond and lie about the rings metal, to take money away from people who could have used it in other places (that's not the point).
So, yeah, that's the depressing crapstorm of our week.0 -
Sorry if I upset anyone. What I have written would sound different to you if I spoke it rather than you reading it. and I probably have my head up my posterior anyway.
Nope, I think you make some excellent points.0 -
After scanning and reading this thread for a while, and remembering my own life at ages 21, and 31, and 51, I can only share my own personal coping strategies:
Drugs and alcohol do not help in the long run.
Keeping "Date Night" alive and scheduling a few hours for your self or with your partner is key. Extremely hard but so important you have to do it at least twice a month. I know because I didn't. So far.
Use humor as a coping tool. Listen to funny people, read David Sedaris and other skewed observational essayists who give you new ways to enjoy the pointless fecal matter of daily life.
Talk to people and listen to them intently. Contact with other people; meaningful contact and that feeling of conversation or communion to be supported or to support others, is the true point of life. Why else are you reading this and hanging out here? It is this contact and communication that recharges your batteries best. You don't have to go to a beach or cruise. But that is more fun!
My personal favorite musician, Frank Zappa, addressed this sort of suburban Nihlism with his song "Brown Shoes Don't Make It." And one verse goes "Do you love it? Do you hate it? There it is the way YOU made it!" Wow. If you don't love it, figure out how to change it. The screeching of chalk on the blackboard is not by itself a horrible sound. It just is; a sound like any other. We make it irritable because of the way we perceive it. We can choose to make it something else; something benign. Easier to blame our ills on something else than to make the changes we have to make to be happier.
I feel the exhaustion. I have raised 4 daughters, my marriage is near dead, had my house burn down to the ground, went through the recovery process with insurance - builders - and lawyers chasing $$$ because the fire was
by someone's negligence, watched my parents die, lost several jobs for several reasons including last February, my wife is terminally unhappy and there is little I can do except lower my own expectations for happiness. You get the idea. We are in a community soup here.
But you can use creativity, humor, conversation, and supporting each other to make the exhaustion tolerable. I do not think it will go away.
Sorry if I upset anyone. What I have written would sound different to you if I spoke it rather than you reading it. and I probably have my head up my posterior anyway. thanks for sharing, honey ...... been there & done a lot of all that ..... but we keep on truckin' ! 0
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