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Should i tell him that he is gaining the weight back

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  • Posts: 41
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    The person already knows they're gaining weight. Pointing it out to them is an a-hole thing to do, regardless of how close you are.

    just like the alcoholic that knows he has a problem but continues to drink anyway? if a good friend is harming themselves you say something. most people can talk to a good friend in a sensitive way to let them know they see a problem and are there to help.
  • Posts: 41
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    She said 5-10 lbs in a later post. But now I think maybe she didn't mean that's how much she thinks he gained.

    Either way she said she was just starting to notice around his midsection and that's the first place men gain. That doesn't make it sound like obesity at all.


    eta: here's what she said:
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    maybe this is a male/female divide issue but guys dont have a problem talking about stuff like this.
  • Posts: 27,732 Member
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    maybe this is a male/female divide issue but guys dont have a problem talking about stuff like this.

    Not true. I know some men who are pretty sensitive about it.
  • Posts: 8,680 Member
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    maybe this is a male/female divide issue but guys dont have a problem talking about stuff like this.

    Umm I can tell you guys are sensitive about weight too.
  • Posts: 29 Member
    I've always been well aware when I gained weight and didn't need anyone telling me. MYOB.
  • Posts: 27,732 Member
    I also think that using gender stereotypes to form the basis for your social interactions is dangerous territory even if those stereotypes are usually true. For example, if my husband said to himself "I'll bring a whole bunch of people over for dinner tonight. The wife won't mind, women love to entertain and socialize," things would not go well for him.
  • Posts: 74
    Then why do so many people expect others to comment on their weight loss but not weight gain? I see so many post on people getting offended that no one noticed and when will people notice etc. As for myself I am not overly fond of weight loss comments .If I expect people to comment on my weight loss then I shoudn't be upset if they comment on my weight gain.Right?:huh:
  • Posts: 39 Member
    Strictly depends on how close you are..when i was bigger and struggled with eating healthy food One of my close friends used to say " don't let yourself go man!" in a friendly manner, that definitely helped. Its also the recipient's perspective which makes or breaks it.
  • Posts: 27,732 Member
    Then why do so many people expect others to comment on their weight loss but not weight gain? I see so many post on people getting offended that no one noticed and when will people notice etc. As for myself I am not overly fond of weight loss comments .If I expect people to comment on my weight loss then I shoudn't be upset if they comment on my weight gain.Right?:huh:

    I don't comment on someone's weight at all. And there are just as many posts from people who are offended that people noticed their weight loss.

    If you want to tell him then go for it. But don't start threads asking what you should do if you're just going to do it anyway.
  • Posts: 74
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    I don't comment on someone's weight at all. And there are just as many posts from people who are offended that people noticed their weight loss.

    If you want to tell him then go for it. But don't start threads asking what you should do if you're just going to do it anyway.

    I don't comment on people weight either way. It was just a thought and I clearly stated on my other post that was not planning to I to do it. I am more interested on hearing other people perspective on the subject. I created this thread soley for discussion and hearing other people thoughts and opinion. It doesn't mean that I am going to act on it
  • Posts: 476 Member
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    I don't comment on people weight either way. It was just a thought and I clearly stated on my other post that was not planning to I to do it. I am more interested on hearing other people perspective on the subject. I created this thread soley for discussion and hearing other people thoughts and opinion. It doesn't mean that I am going to act on it

    Well, I think you got what you came for, then. You've heard MANY different perspectives. Most of which stating that it would be rude to say anything. I can assure you, when I lost all the weight and then gained it all back and then some, I was FULLY aware. And, someone bringing my attention to it would have really made me mad (and embarrassed....but, most likely, not enough to change it.) .

    It is no one else's business than mine (or his, in this case), and when I'M ready, mentally/physically/emotionally, I'll lose it all again. (And, now I am. :) I promise you, he'll do the same if/when HE becomes ready...not when YOU tell him to.

    My mother has always felt the need to "enlighten me" about my weight gains. All it does is make me depressed, want to eat more, and then I try to hide how much I'm eating from her, so I don't have to hear about it.... So, sadly, her comments have the opposite effect of what she was hoping to accomplish. What it boils down to, is we have to do it for ourselves, and no one else.

    Oh, and I think people comment on weight LOSS over weight gain, because the loss is indicative that you are doing something that isn't easy. Working out, eating right, all the little things that go into making a huge lifestyle change, are difficult. People comment on weight loss because they KNOW that it isn't easy, and want to be supportive of you working hard to have a healthier lifestyle. People DON'T comment on weight gain, because that wouldn't be supportive, kind, or helpful.

    Just my two cents in the "discussion".... :)
  • Posts: 26,368 Member
    No no no no, hell no.
  • Posts: 5,214 Member
    You suppose he doesn't realize he's gaining weight back?

    Charming.
  • Posts: 106 Member
    no
  • Posts: 2,579 Member
    Why don't you have a conversation over lunch (out of the office) and just mention how you are concerned about yourself re-gaining weight even if you haven't or are 110% committed to ensuring that doesn't happen and maybe he’ll come out admitting "yea, me too, I've gained ___". It may not happen on the first conversation but you can try a couple times. Alternatively you can challenge each other to go to the gym together on lunch or to hit your cals exactly on MFP daily.
  • Posts: 36 Member
    Write a note to him on the staff board, or stick it on the fridge....
  • Posts: 36 Member
    I'd be pissed off if someone didn't challenge me.
  • Posts: 1,377 Member
    Then why do so many people expect others to comment on their weight loss but not weight gain? I see so many post on people getting offended that no one noticed and when will people notice etc. As for myself I am not overly fond of weight loss comments .If I expect people to comment on my weight loss then I shoudn't be upset if they comment on my weight gain.Right?:huh:

    That's not how the world works.
  • Posts: 1,377 Member
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    wow...some friend you are. maybe you arent close with your friends but for anyone i call a "good friend" like the OP i would speak up and would hope they would do the same.

    So you go around telling all of your overweight friends that you are worried about them, and think they need to lose weight?
  • Posts: 90 Member
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    That's not how the world works.

    And its the difference between an insult and a compliment. I think you do get it.
  • Posts: 111 Member
    Hmmm. Has Atkins in username, comments on a co-worker's all-vegetable diet.

    Exactly. Guys, I think OP just had an agenda here, this really doesn't seem sincere (or even like a legit user account).
  • Posts: 41
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    So you go around telling all of your overweight friends that you are worried about them, and think they need to lose weight?

    yep. because im a good friend. if i notice any harmful changes in a friends life(weight problem, gambling problem, alcohol/drugs, etc..) i will speak up because thats what friends are for.
  • Posts: 18,745 Member
    no he knows! maybe ask him if he needs a friend to talk to instead. Maybe something is stressing his out!
  • Posts: 9,487 Member
    Wow. You wouldn't be my friend for long. I'm sure he knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need you to ridicule him for it.
  • Posts: 794 Member
    I am good friends with one of my co workers who lost weight 6 months ago by eating only vegetables for a month. However, now it looks like he is gaining it back.I can see it from his stomach area as it seems like that's the first place males put weight when they gain weight. He looks noticeably thicker .

    should I tell him before he finds himself back where he started? Its so easy to not notice the early stages of weight gain.Do you think he will be pissed

    This is exactly what happens when you cut out critical food groups, in this instance protein and fat, and load up on carbs coming from vegi's only. You lose a lot of weight and when you start eating normal again you balloon out.

    I imagine he probably already knows what is happening, because he is starting to eat normal again. I don't think I would bring it to his attention. But, you could talk about portion control, and MFP should you think he would be open to that.
  • Posts: 41
    Wow. You wouldn't be my friend for long. I'm sure he knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need you to ridicule him for it.

    did the OP say they'd ridicule him? my impression was that they would in a kind way discuss it. like any good friend would.
  • Posts: 74
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    This is exactly what happens when you cut out critical food groups, in this instance protein and fat, and load up on carbs coming from vegi's only. You lose a lot of weight and when you start eating normal again you balloon out.

    I imagine he probably already knows what is happening, because he is starting to eat normal again. I don't think I would bring it to his attention. But, you could talk about portion control, and MFP should you think he would be open to that.


    I agree withh you.when he lost weight he went back to eat normally and he is always getting food from work since you can eat anything you want for free.I was actually tempted at first to do the same thing but I decided to do ot the healthy way
  • Posts: 1,625 Member
    Write a note to him on the staff board, or stick it on the fridge....

    Circulate a memo around the office for everyone to motivate him?
  • Posts: 161 Member
    Tell him but in a more subtle way by inviting him out for a walk/ hike/ etc.
  • Posts: 9,487 Member
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    did the OP say they'd ridicule him? my impression was that they would in a kind way discuss it. like any good friend would.

    There is no nice way to tell someone you think they're too fat.
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