***UPDATE***My boyfriend doesn't like the new me HELP!!!

silvereyes01

My husband is the same way. He always tells me that I'm perfect the way I am, and never supports me. He's usually the one to buy pizza or hamburgers for dinner. He once told me he didn't want other guys looking at me. Which I thought was retarded, (and I told him so) You'd think he'd be proud to show me off and feel lucky that other guys want me, and they can't have me. Plus on a humorous note : It will make your boobs smaller, guys aren't a fan of that! :

thirtyby40

Sounds like a control freak to me. Telling you not to lose weight is a pre-cursor to things to come in the future. Nobody has the right to tell you how to look, act, or feel and if they try that puts up a serious red flag. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally and never let him get you to second guess yourself.

christabeltoria

Before you dump him, you should try to get to the bottom of why he is against you changing the shape of your body. If he can't explain it, perhaps he needs to get some help to understand himself. Best of luck.

Christabeltoria

paulaizi

You look like you are the model type. If you feel you need to lose weight and you are doing it for yourself than no one should stand in your way! I'm not sure what is going on with your boyfriend (kind of odd) but bottom line always is look out for yourself and what makes you happy. I'm sure you don't want to lose your boyfriend but ask yourself are you will to sacrafice your own happiness and health to keep someone who can't --basically- be supportive of what is good for you.

cherfurr

For starters, you're just 21 and there are so many things you have yet to experience. (I look back at myself at 21 and they guy I was dating and am glad we both moved on!!) Don't tie yourself down just yet, espeically with someone who can't be excited and support you for what you are doing! We are all proud of the road you are now traveling on! Plus I know tons of guys in the Houston area! My company has 2 plants in Pasadena just a stones throw from you - there are a bunch of decent hard working guys there who would love to have someone in their life like you. Don't sell yourself short, if he moves on it is not the end of the world, plus you'll be looking and feeling so much better you'll have to beat the guys off!! Head on over to the Cadillac Bar at Kemah during happy hour and just wait!! They will be lining up!!

roylawrence87

Screw that guy...

hooah_mj

Sounds like you need to lose 10 times the weight!!
What's he weight? about 180??!! :laugh:

bigcurt61

Be cautious because this is a red flag. First it starts with the weight loss thing, next it will be I don't want you going out with "those" friends, and after that it might be you talk to your mom or dad too much. That's pretty selfish to ask someone not to be healthier and stop pursuing a goal. Your a young woman with plenty of life ahead of you take care of yourself and don't stress over a man who's not trying to make you a better person. If the person in your life doesn't add to or mulitply your great attributes then you need to subtract and divide!

Curt

KarenBorter

I agree with the insecurity issues he probably has ... in regard to him eating what he wants etc. Have you ever heard of "skinny fat"? He's probably got a very unhealthy body fat percentage even though he "looks" good.

Take care of yourself and if he's already threatening to dump you he doesn't deserve you!

Katz85340

ORIGINAL POST:
Guys and Ladies Please help!! My boyfriend is against my wieghtloss goals and says if I lose any more he will dump me ?? I've only lost 3lbs so far...Makes no sense I was 20lbs lighter when we met What can I tell him or do??

UPDATE: Many things I forgot to add here so here I go again...Yes I am considered "obese" for my height/weight ratio I want to be healthier NOT skinny, he is the guy we all hate he eats nothing but fast food and junk and he hasn't worked out in god knows how long BUT without a shirt he shows nothing but muscle I know I don't get it either :mad: and yes I was very fit when we met I had my high school/ college volleyball body still so major difference and no kids either so I felt I had no excuse on letting myself go and on the "maybe he likes you thick" then why do the people I catch him looking at are boderline models??...THANK YOU all for your responses!

My sister's fiance is an Islander and he likes her plump. He doesn't want her to lose weight either but he never, never has said he will dump her if she loses the weight! My husband (of 16 years (and boyfriend of 20)) has seen me both large and small and has never said he'd leave me either way.

You said "boyfriend" and "had no kids" so I'm assuming you do have kids with him? That makes it a little more difficult if he's the father of your children, and I'm sure you love him. I'm in no way trying to influence you one way or the other but if he liked you the way you were before you got together he should be happy for you to be healthy again. Also, if he's healthy himself, (and liked you the way you were when you met), I don't see it as insecurity but more as a control issue? Is there anything else he is controlling about besides your weight? I think we need more info here...

qtwells82

A real man would love you for YOU! He would respect your choice to live a healthy lifestyle. I agree with everyone else, he is afraid you will get that model body and leave him for someone else. You don't need that negative influence in your life. Keep doing what your doing...for you and no one else. If he leaves then it wasn't meant to be.
Keep your chin up hun, you have us all here for support!

spacecat

So, my immediate reaction is that this guy is just a jerk, but to give a stranger on the internet the benefit of the doubt...have you asked him what *specifically* bothers him about your weight loss? We're all assuming that he's bothered by you looking more conventionally attractive by losing weight, which is definitely possible. But, it's also possible that he doesn't like some of the behaviors associated with losing weight, like obsessing over calories or weigh ins, not going out to eat or party with him, etc., or he feels like it's is taking over your life, and he's just expressing that in a really immature way.

Look at it this way: he first met you when you were an athlete, so, like most men, he may not have realized the amount of work that went in to maintaining the body you had then. Now that the work is much more visible and impacts his routine more, he's wondering when you'll get over this phase and go back to acting "normal." That's still kind of a jerky, immature thing to feel or say, but it's one you can work out as a couple if you want to.

Like another poster said, I think the key here is whether him freaking out over your weight loss is unusual, or whether he acts that way about a lot of things...

lcouterm

I was going to write something but in reading your responses they all say pretty much the same thing, so I won't cuz it's the same (See a pattern)

kmjenkins

But do YOU like the new you? That is what really matters here...if you're not happy with you then you're not happy period, dumped or with a BF. Just my two cents Good luck!

~K

downtome

Wow, you got a lot of respones, all them very good and probally most accurate andI'm going to have to agree with all the other poster. It's really his insecurities and his issue. I'm not going to repeat what everyone else already said but i will say this, if he can't be supportive of you and for you wanting to better yourself then you might ask yourself, do I really want to be in a relationship with someone who is selfish and insecure?! You need to do whats best for you and do what makes you feel good about yourself, he either loves you UNCONDITIONALLY or not at all! I am recently divorced and I know that when the time comes, I will not Settle, period! I settled for almost 20 years and I'm done with that, I'm important as well as my kids and whoever I find better be accepting of all of us. You need to seriously have a staright forward talk with him and if there is no reasoning,think twice about progressing your relationship and wasting more of your precious time, you only have one life to live and boy does it goes fast! Good luck!

Frappuzzino

If he is going to dump you because you are changing yourself for the BETTER, then he is not your Prince Charming! Your partner should always accept who you are and support you in your goals, as long as they are for the better!

Vicky14174

I'm 54 years old so please listen. The only reason he doesn't want you to lose the weight is he is very insecure with himself. He's not sure that he can "Keep" you if you look "HOT".

Ask him if he loves you, why would he want you to be over weight which is a health risk in it's self? Unless you are becoming under weight, tell him to take a hike if he is that insecure. You don't need him. You need to find someone that is secure with them self. You also need to be secure with yourself. If losing weight and getting to a goal that you have set for yourself then that is what you need to do as long as you are not going overboard.

Good luck with your weight lose and with your new boyfriend.

Katz85340

I personally wouldn't want to be with anyone who wasn't 100% supportive of ANY and ALL my goals.

next time he says it. Shrug your shoulders and yell 'NEXT!'!!!!

Ha ha! Love it! :laugh:

Katz85340

Be cautious because this is a red flag. First it starts with the weight loss thing, next it will be I don't want you going out with "those" friends, and after that it might be you talk to your mom or dad too much. That's pretty selfish to ask someone not to be healthier and stop pursuing a goal. Your a young woman with plenty of life ahead of you take care of yourself and don't stress over a man who's not trying to make you a better person. If the person in your life doesn't add to or mulitply your great attributes then you need to subtract and divide!

Curt

Thank you Curt for the 'male' perspective! Great advice!

Katz85340

I'm 54 years old so please listen. The only reason he doesn't want you to lose the weight is he is very insecure with himself. He's not sure that he can "Keep" you if you look "HOT".

Ask him if he loves you, why would he want you to be over weight which is a health risk in it's self? Unless you are becoming under weight, tell him to take a hike if he is that insecure. You don't need him. You need to find someone that is secure with them self. You also need to be secure with yourself. If losing weight and getting to a goal that you have set for yourself then that is what you need to do as long as you are not going overboard.

Good luck with your weight lose and with your new boyfriend.

I'm 51 and Vicky is right on the money. You're young...talk it out, and if he still feels the same, time to move on before things really get out of control.

cassieinor

Ditto what everyone else has said here!!! You're guy sounds real insecure. You won't have any problem finding a new guy. Get a backbone, dump this guy!

Harshberger24

I say toss him.. he should want you for you and if you want to lose weight he should be supportive..

Pinoy_Pal

"Absolutus Amor"...if it's lacking, what's the point!? Move on...

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jewelzz

Lol I don't think mine does either he's very supportive but he pays me a lot of attention if he sees another man checking out what's his....love it.that's what yours should be doing,get one that will.:bigsmile:

naidanueva

He doesn't sound like the kind of guy worth being with. I barely scanned the first page of replies you got and I caught a glimpse of my initial reaction, which is this: The dude has some insecurity issues!
He probably doesn't want you looking too hot for fear of losing you or you looking better than him. I know several guys like this. It's sad but true.

So, be smart and realize that you are probably better of without him. Consider dumping him before he dumps you. I know, it's probably easier said than done. :ohwell:

Beauty_From_Within

Wow what a jerk, your are beautiful no matter how much you weight but good on you for losing the weight and sticking at it.
All the other posts are correct, if he looks at that tyoe of figure than what is wrong with you looking like that... You can do much better of he is going to treat you like that...

My man of 4 years has looked and touched chicks like that and i gained weight in preganacy and he hated it and threghtend to leave because i am not sexy and skinny enough.

Your a woman and be happy with what you are doing and if he isnt happy with you than you leave him and keep on losing that weight. Your happyness is number 1 with your body than you an be happy with others,...

Best of luck.

megteg

I've only read a few of the responses, but here's my take. Yes, it sounds like he has a TON of insecurities, but the scary thing is he seems like he wants to control you. That's the red flag! Anyone who truly cares for you won't threaten you with breaking up. It's a really mean thing to do. Nobody should play with your heart and your mind to get you to do what they want. ESPECIALLY if it's something that would make you happier and more confident!!

laurnol

Do what is best for you, the heck with him, you can do better.

Gallen88

He sounds a little Bass Ackwards to me...

Lol! I agree with what everybody else said..bottom line, if he doesn't want you to be the best YOU can be, u dont need him anyway

Sunny_Skies

Everyone here is right! Your boyfriend just has insecurity issues or he wants to be "superior" to you somehow. Tell him that if he really loved you, he would support your decision to better yourself. Talk to him, and if your health means nothing to him, then move on and find someone who really loves you for the right reasons. You will feel much better about yourself afterwards.