He told me to "lose some weight"

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  • determinedx3
    determinedx3 Posts: 26 Member
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    Listen Sweetpea you dont need to lose a single pound. You are in a healthy weight range.

    As for the BF..... If it has something to do with the weight gain... idk... he has a problem
  • trekkiebeth
    trekkiebeth Posts: 172
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    Body dysmorphic disorder...lots of people with anorexia have it...I have it and I'm quite chubby...but I never thought I was obese...I don't really know what my body looks like...good post!

    THIS! I didn't really understand that something was wrong with me for the longest time. Finding out that there was actually a disorder that described what I was going through helped put things into perspective. Now even though I still struggle with it, I know that it's not healthy and needs to change.
  • Loribell23
    Loribell23 Posts: 66
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    Wow, trust me, I do not want to "bash" your boyfriend but it sounds like he needs a wake-up call. :noway: From your picture, you look amazing. Really. You are young and beautiful and should have all of the confidence in the world. Walk tall and proud because at your height, 129 is a great weight. If you would like to exercise and tone up a bit- go for it for it but know that you are beautiful enough just the way you are. :flowerforyou:
  • onehicchic
    onehicchic Posts: 21
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    I don't think you need to lose weight. You look just fine the way you are.
  • crystal_sapphire
    crystal_sapphire Posts: 1,205 Member
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    I think you won't be able to help yourself in doing it for him...especially since you're still with the prick. My fiance told me I was getting "fluffy" since we met, but that doesn't make him love me any less. But then again, if you're really young, I can see the whole "nesting" and "spreading the seed" thing. You haven't proven your motherly skills to him, so maybe you are just a bang. Immaturity causes someone to say something that stupid.

    wait - what?? WTF has that got to do with anything? It sounds like you're projecting whatever is going on in your relationship onto hers . Why would you say something in a post about confidence along the lines of "so maybe you are just a bang". How offensive.

    Not everyone wants to be a mother. Not everyone wants to get married. While I agree with the rest of your comment in general, I feel like I just read advice from the 1950s.

    ETA: OP, you are gorgeous. I agree with many of the comments made in this post.
  • jhann16
    jhann16 Posts: 62
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    I agree with most other posters. You're pic is very nice and you look very healthy. I'd be asking myself what is wrong with him that he felt the need to tell you this! Either he has problems or he's not in love.
  • janesmith1
    janesmith1 Posts: 1,511 Member
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    Hi sweetie. You look great. As far as the bf - my philosophy is always to not make a dramatic thing out of this, in this way. It's obvious that what he said to you hurt you to the BONE, as it would to most anyone. And with him being distant - you know what? You be distant too. Stay on this site, post away, you don't have to lose a pound unless YOU want to. If you want to be 120, fine.

    Just find "Other Things To Do" than to hang out with this guy - my thought is, I want to say "other than this schlub" but I won't. Just distance. Get busy, either on line, going to classes, finding exercise programs - hey it's almost spring take a tennis class, take a ballet class, get your mind very active and just distance, you don't have to dump him immediately but if you're feeling the BIG CHILL then you also need to get yourself active in other pursuits. I don't think this thing with him last forever, but, I'll never say never and just get yourself some distance and him for now........
  • taletreader
    taletreader Posts: 377 Member
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    I wont give advice on the boyfriend, MFP stars out swear words and there would be a few! Hopefully if you tone up and feel better about yourself you will see him for what he is

    Or better, hit the gym, start working with some weights (while *maintaining* your weight -- you look *great* and are at a completely healthy, ideal weight), and kick his sorry, self-involved *kitten* (I hope the British spelling passes through) from where you are to the end of the country.

    This is no joke. You're not responsible for his desire, and it's not your job to obsess about how to be more desirable for your partner.
  • Serenity79
    Serenity79 Posts: 81
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    Honey, I'm also 5 ft 5 and my goal weight is higher than your starting weight! You look lovely. If you want to tone up for YOU then that's great, but don't do it just because you feel pressured by a guy. I agree with the other posters who say you might have an issue with your body image. I know I certainly have been through the same thing. I used to be 118 pounds (about 8 years ago) but at the time I still thought I was huge and needed to lose weight. Illness and medication caused my weight gain and now when I look back at photos of myself I can see how tiny I was - that's not what I saw in the mirror back then.
  • Mkleder
    Mkleder Posts: 289
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    Your post brings back so many memories. My late husband handed me an ultimatum that he wouldn't marry me unless I lost weight. I did, and I looked good. You know what happened next? He was intimidated by my new-found confidence, energy and attractiveness and used that as an excuse, that I had changed, to threten to break up with me. I truly wish I had walked away at that point, but my low self image wouldn't let me do that. The rest of my marriage went pretty much the same way...he was a controller.

    Work on getting yourself healthy, but keep a watch on that guy. If he already feels there's something better out there, that feeling won't go away with your weight loss. Getting healthy will give you more self confidence, HANG ONTO IT, listen to your gut instincts about the relationship and act on those! There could be issues at play that are on his end that have nothing to do with your illness, looks or weight.
  • MobiusMan
    MobiusMan Posts: 385 Member
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    Where I come from, boys that treat a woman in that manner get a good old fashion *kitten* whoopin' His apology should be for being a *kitten*. I've been marred 27+ years and would never.
  • k2d4p
    k2d4p Posts: 441 Member
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    I can appreciate that you have a goal weight of 120. If that is how you think you will feel comfortable. But, I have a question. As far as your boyfriend is concerned, do you really think that 9 pounds will change your entire body where he will be completely just blown over with the difference? In your picture you look great. You weigh 129 and you are at a healthy BMI for your height.

    I think it is unrealistic and extrememly inconsiderate, mean and nasty of your boyfriend to tell you to "lose some weight". It sounds like he doesn't care at all. It doesn't sound like he sat you down and spoke with you out of love that he is concerned about you and your health. He sounds vain and as hard as it might be, I would take his opinion out of the equation entirely. If you want to make changes to yourself for you, great, but to take the advice of a flippant "I don't know, lose some weight" is, in my opinion, not a good idea.
  • steampunkgirl
    steampunkgirl Posts: 71
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    There have been several good comments on here and I agree with many of them. You are a beautiful looking young lady. I just saw something this morning that talked about increasing your self esteem. It has to be built daily but not by ANYONE else. We have all learned from a very young age to seek approval but we really need to give ourselves kudos for all and I do mean ALL, big or small, accomplishments. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how awesome you are. If you have to fake it till you make it. I had a low self esteem as well and was in a bad marriage. Its work but I can honestly say from experience that looking myself in the mirror every morning and telling myself that I am a loving and capable person who has overcome many obstacles has helped me. Affirmations help as well. You can even google them.
    When it comes to your health you and your doctor will know what is best for you. If you are in the healthy BMI range then your doing great!! I wish you lots of luck on your journey and lots of positive thoughts!!! Stay strong and stay healthy!
  • TexasTKD9
    TexasTKD9 Posts: 83
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    No offense but love should know no bounds.... I weigh 230 lbs at a height of 4'11" my husband is a twig and very good looking and loves me no matter what weight I am. He was very superficial before he met me but apparently I changed him. That's my whole point sweetie you look WONDERFUL and i'm sure there are 100's of thousands of men who would leap at the chance to be with a beautiful girl such as yourself. Your boy is too superficial and personally I would get rid of him. You are at a healthy weight and BMI and you look great :) SO don't let him bring you down!!! You're beautiful!
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
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    I went thru EXACTLY the same thing. The comment for me was "I normally date women not as thick as you." The one comment DESTROYED my already fragile self esteem. I will be honest, we were never the same after that day. He apologized also. And I DID forgive him. But I never got over it. After that day, any time he complimented me, I never believed what he said was sincere. And I HATED being naked around him, so the sex (that already sucked) went down hill from there. What got me was that the comment was made 2 1/2 years into our relationship. And I was the same weight as the day we met.

    I later figured out that he was the one with the issues. How can somebody who says he loves you say such a hurtful thing? In the long run, your body will change many times - for the good and for the bad. A REAL man will love every square inch of you.

    HUGS to you!
  • Tomhusker
    Tomhusker Posts: 346 Member
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    Maybe you do need to shed some weight.... about as much as your BF weighs should do it.

    Looking at our profile pic I see a beautiful young lady who deserves better. Tone up what you have if it makes you feel better, then start looking for a good man. (Sorry, I'm married....)
  • sandmart2009
    sandmart2009 Posts: 153 Member
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    You DON'T look like you need to lose weight. Tone up. if you want, and be healthy! But I think, you SERIOUSLY need to change the boyfriend. Don't settle for a man who can't appreciate you. Because when things get really tough and head downhill - HE WON'T BE THERE FOR YOU.

    Good luck, dear. But, you have to dump that loser.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    I think you won't be able to help yourself in doing it for him...especially since you're still with the prick. My fiance told me I was getting "fluffy" since we met, but that doesn't make him love me any less. But then again, if you're really young, I can see the whole "nesting" and "spreading the seed" thing. You haven't proven your motherly skills to him, so maybe you are just a bang. Immaturity causes someone to say something that stupid.

    wait - what?? WTF has that got to do with anything? It sounds like you're projecting whatever is going on in your relationship onto hers . Why would you say something in a post about confidence along the lines of "so maybe you are just a bang". How offensive.

    Not everyone wants to be a mother. Not everyone wants to get married. While I agree with the rest of your comment in general, I feel like I just read advice from the 1950s.

    ETA: OP, you are gorgeous. I agree with many of the comments made in this post.


    Excuse you? that isn't at all what I meant, but thanx for screwing up what I said to suit your own PMS...or what ever it is you have going on in your life...
  • LandBsdotingchauffeur
    LandBsdotingchauffeur Posts: 237
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    You have the easiest weight to lose--the 145 pounds of boyfriend that's holding you back! You look great, don't question that for a second! I hope you will soon see what the rest of us see :)

    As for the boyfriend...well...he could use a few lessons in tact among other things.
  • kkwellness
    kkwellness Posts: 55 Member
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    I need to tell you at 5'4 I weight 129 and I am a size 2- what you weigh means nothing- who told you to lose weight! You are at an excellent weight. You look great. Don't get stuck on a number.... go to the gym or tone up BECUE YOU WANT TO

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