He told me to "lose some weight"

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Replies

  • Unbelievable, you definitely deserve better. If I was with you I would be telling you to stay as you are.


    Andy
  • Teemo
    Teemo Posts: 338
    I'm sorry, but I disagree with you. Why make excuses for the guy? After reading this post, I was thinking about, what if I gained 40 pounds in two months because of something I could not control? If my boyfriend just stopped having sex with me I would assume the only reason he fell for me in the first place was my body. What if I had some other condition that seriously affected my physical image? Would that be ok for my boyfriend to say something like that to me. NO. In a relationship, there just has to be more. You should be attracted to somebody beyond what they look like. Yeah, I mean, when you first meet somebody physical image is involved, but shouldn't that transform over time? She weighed under one hundred pounds at 5'5"? Isn't that below the normal BMI for that height? Looking at her pictures, she is very pretty, and clearly this guy is just an *kitten*. However, I do agree that couples can work out together and it is great. My boyfriend and I run together and it is really fun!

    The only reason this situation is unique is because of the perception that it was something that OP "couldn't control". But some of the comments are just... kind of naive and ridiculous. I would even say "love" and "physical attraction", while not necessarily mutually exclusive, certainly CAN be.

    The idea that if you love someone you MUST be PHYSICALLY attracted to them no matter what, be it weight gain or horrible pirate disfigurement is the stuff of romance novels and has no bearing in reality. If you think about it, and I mean really think about it, you'll know that's the case. You ladies that love your husbands/boyfriends: I'm sure you'll still love them if they gained 50 lbs or 100 lbs or 150 lbs. You fall in love, after all, with the total package. But it makes mockery of us all for you to suggest that you would still be AS attracted to them... the definition, in fact, of "physical attraction" belies that.
    Unbelievable, you definitely deserve better. If I was with you I would be telling you to stay as you are.

    And what does that accomplish? Her boyfriend thinks she needs to lose weight. Whether he's correct or not that's his opinion... and frankly, there's no easy or hurtless way to broach that topic. The consequence of that however is that millions (and I'm tossing out numbers here) of relationships end up going down the road I just described above: the physical attraction disappears as couples "settle" into themselves, let themselves go after marriage, etc., and then wonder what happened... and mostly because people are embarrassed or ashamed or afraid to admit that part of what makes a relationship work IS the physical attraction.
  • curleesam
    curleesam Posts: 462 Member
    Im 5foot4, 135 pounds. My goal is 120. But I dont care if Im 135 if Im healthy, tone, in shape, strong, etc. Sorry about the boyfriend. :( You look very tiny to me in your pic!

    I echo this! In your picture you look great! From what I remember, when I was 23 my metabolism was just about stabilising out and the puppy fat had gone. Take advantage of your youth and get working out. The pounds will absolutely drop off if you are disciplined about it. In my opinion you do not look like you need to lose weight so if you want to tone up you can even do this at home with the help of some dumb-bells and ankle and wrist weights. You should see your confidence rocket once you see results.

    I had a baby four months ago and my confidence was at rock bottom seeing my body afterwards. Now I hve lost 29lbs I can feel my confidence coming back.

    As for the boyfriend...GET RID OF HIM! Everyone deserves someone who will adore them and it doesn't sound like this guy knows how lucky he is.
  • Maybe what you need to lose is that dead-weight "friend"! :smile:
  • Just seen this post.


    Oh my god.! You look bloody lovely. If I were around your age I'd be delighted to have you by my side.

    Your BF is just young by the sounds of it - hes obviously not clued up in what you say to girl to make her feel good, or help her. As a guy you only learn this through experience or listening to people who know better lol!

    You have to do things for yourself - bottom line. If it takes a little inspiration from others as well then fine, but it needs to be positive inspiration.

    I havent read all the posts in the topic, but just stay focussed and use people on here - theres some great folks with plenty experience, knowledge and support.

    all the very best,
    Marky
  • heathersmilez
    heathersmilez Posts: 2,579 Member
    No offense but love should know no bounds.... I weigh 230 lbs at a height of 4'11" my husband is a twig and very good looking and loves me no matter what weight I am. He was very superficial before he met me but apparently I changed him. That's my whole point sweetie you look WONDERFUL and i'm sure there are 100's of thousands of men who would leap at the chance to be with a beautiful girl such as yourself. Your boy is too superficial and personally I would get rid of him. You are at a healthy weight and BMI and you look great :) SO don't let him bring you down!!! You're beautiful!

    Off topic side-bar, OMG you look like Snookie! (your second profile pic is spot on, lol!)

    To the op, at your weight you need to tone and build muscle rather than loose mass. If you are 5'5 and 129 you don't have more than 5 or so lbs to lose so work on cardio + weight training.

    Ps: sorry about the loser BF.
  • benitocereno
    benitocereno Posts: 101 Member
    OP, sorry to hear your boyfriend put his wishes in such a hurtful way. It's never easy to hear something like that, especially when it's put so bluntly and crudely. Sounds like a bit of an *kitten*, or he may just be really bad at expressing his needs.

    I guess now it's my turn to be blunt. To everyone who says "he should lust after you unconditionally:" I'm not sure what planet you guys are living on. Any long-term relationship definitely has its ups and downs, and while love is 'unconditional,' lust certainly is not. Your mates appearance has a huge influence on your sexual attraction to them. Whether it's excess weight or just general sloppiness, it's possible to lose your attraction to someone while still being in love with them. That doesn't mean it won't come back, and that doesn't mean it's always justified, but lust does ebb and flow. I'd certainly be less attracted to my wife if she put on 50+ lbs, wore sweat pants, and stopped 'trying.' That's not me being a bad husband, that's me being an honest human-being. I'd expect her to have the same reaction if I let myself go.

    Maybe your partner has an unrealistic expectation or has generally lost interest, those are factors outside of your control. But if his complaint is legitimate (and that's for you to decide... it's hard to be unbiased when he said it in such an *kitten* way!) it's good to listen and try to figure out where the problem is if you're interested in your relationships sexual health and 'spark.'

    To me, and by viewing your picture, it seems he may be having other issues... you certainly don't look out of shape to me, and if he's exploiting your body issues you deserve so, SO, much better. In any case, he needs to work on being a better communicator and not saying hurtful things.
  • Teemo. Your question to me is quite ridiculous. I am merely saying that if my other half looked pretty much the same (she does) as the original poster then she's looks fine as she is. She looks slim, healthy and if her boyfriend favours a different size lady she has to decide if he is worth it or she needs to find some one better.

    My opinion.
  • Caffeinewitch
    Caffeinewitch Posts: 110 Member
    All who reply: Don't say sorry. You're not sorry, it sounds like you don't believe what you're saying. Own up to it or don't say it.

    OP: If he says "lose some weight" he's 1) not really thinking about it, 2) not interested anymore but wanted to have an excuse, or 3) has control issues that he's imposing on you.

    If:
    1) he's dumb. We all are at times, but that doesn't mean we have to put up with it. Tell him he hurt your feelings and if he doesn't apologize or otherwise make up for it tell him that you're worth more than what the scale says and dump his sorry butt.
    2) he's a coward, OR is probably up to something. Confront him - or else you'll be driven crazy by what you don't know
    3) Get out. Seriously, that is a one way street to misery - with potential for long term damage.

    There is a 4th option. You want to lose the weight for yourself, and he inspired you and will support you. If you think long and hard about it, sometimes it takes months to figure out, and you come to that conclusion then go for it. Be smart and be healthy.
  • hmm, I started dating my extremely sexy boyfriend when i weighed 180, next thing i know it, i weigh 230....
    NEVER has he EVER said anything along the lines of weight gain, exept maybe that he loves how big my boobs got. lol
    I don't know what i would do if he told me i needed to lose some weight, probably crawl under a rock.. : ( but just so you know..

    i'd kill someone close to me to look like you. lol.

    Have fun getting toned. FOR YOU : )

    i do think you should think about your relationship a little.... Because if things are different, and not in a good way.. Something should be done.
  • pyro13g
    pyro13g Posts: 1,127 Member
    Although he possibly could have said it a different way, why is it at all wrong for him to express his feelings. You got your answer for the disinterest. The only person responsible for your self-esteem is you. You say you've struggled with self image so maybe addressing your mental health should be on your "to do" list also. Your, what I would call an overreaction, and the hurt you feel because of it, lies in issues you could address in therapy.

    Not trying to be mean but the BF really did nothing wrong.
  • Teemo
    Teemo Posts: 338
    All who reply: Don't say sorry. You're not sorry, it sounds like you don't believe what you're saying. Own up to it or don't say it.

    OP: If he says "lose some weight" he's 1) not really thinking about it, 2) not interested anymore but wanted to have an excuse, or 3) has control issues that he's imposing on you.

    If:
    1) he's dumb. We all are at times, but that doesn't mean we have to put up with it. Tell him he hurt your feelings and if he doesn't apologize or otherwise make up for it tell him that you're worth more than what the scale says and dump his sorry butt.
    2) he's a coward, OR is probably up to something. Confront him - or else you'll be driven crazy by what you don't know
    3) Get out. Seriously, that is a one way street to misery - with potential for long term damage.

    There is a 4th option. You want to lose the weight for yourself, and he inspired you and will support you. If you think long and hard about it, sometimes it takes months to figure out, and you come to that conclusion then go for it. Be smart and be healthy.

    I'm sad that admitting the lack of or loss of physical attraction is apparently a horrendous crime tantamount to infidelity. I'm disappointed that people think being in love means ignoring that loss... and then wondering why (and being hurt when) your significant other is glancing at that fit, young, stewardess or that burly fireman. I'm insulted that you would label the OP's boyfriend an idiot (i.e., "dumb") or a coward for thinking she needs to lose weight.

    But I'm not sorry. :bigsmile:

    Look: I think OP looks fine based on her displayed picture. But I'm not her boyfriend and I wasn't there when they first met so I have no idea what his expectations are. And when it comes to weight loss/gain that's not health-related it's really an individual call... there's no right or wrong answer. There is a harmful -mindset- however, and that is the mindset that "If I gain weight (or lose weight) and he or she becomes less attracted to me then they must not love me".

    - - -

    On that note: what IS a good way to bring up to your s/o that you think they need to lose or gain weight? All of you that are calling him an "*kitten*" or worse (lol), please provide an answer. I'd never want to intentionally hurt someone's feelings but what IS a good way to bring it up? The problem to me is that any attempts at being honest in this regard are either (a) ineffectual, in that they beat around the bush and nothing gets accomplished or (b) hurtful, and that's because people refuse to accept what I said above about love =/= physical attraction.

    ---

    Last word: We're all here to make positive changes in our lives. Most of us are here for health reasons, some of us are here for competitive sports and athletics and some of us are here simply because we want to look good on the beach this summer. (Or in that European style manthong!) Whatever the reason though, ultimately the motivation for doing so MUST come from yourself. You're the only one who won't let yourself down and while the initial incentive for change may come from outside, the desire to keep on should be from within.
  • benitocereno
    benitocereno Posts: 101 Member
    On that note: what IS a good way to bring up to your s/o that you think they need to lose or gain weight? All of you that are calling him an "*kitten*" or worse (lol), please provide an answer. I'd never want to intentionally hurt someone's feelings but what IS a good way to bring it up? The problem to me is that any attempts at being honest in this regard are either (a) ineffectual, in that they beat around the bush and nothing gets accomplished or (b) hurtful, and that's because people refuse to accept what I said above about love =/= physical attraction.

    The answer is going to be different for everyone, but flat out telling someone who is already insecure because of waning interest to "lose some weight" is not the right answer. He could have tried sitting her down at some point and said, "Hey, I know things have been hard, but to be honest, my physical attraction to you has taken a hit since you've gained 40lbs. I still love you and want to work on it with you, but you really look different than the woman I feel in love with. Is there anything I can do to help you get in shape?"

    He should be supportive but make his needs known. "Lose some weight fatty" is not the right way to handle it if you care about your partner. It's sad that you think anything you say is going to be either ineffective or hurtful... you may want to work on your conflict handling if those are the only two outcomes you're getting consistently. This isn't meant to be a personal attack, I'm just staying from experience there is another way. It takes a lot of time and work to figure out how to be open, honest, and compassionate about needs in a long-term relationship, and it needs to be a two-way street. You can be there for your partner while making your needs known... whether they respond or not determines how far your relationship is going to go.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    He didn't say "fatty." She asked what the issue was, and he said, "I don't know, lose some weight." Not the gentlest way to put it, but let's not put words in his mouth.

    This is the way I see it: I don't think she needs to lose weight. I think someone who's in love is not going to be so flippant about weight gain, especially when that gain has brought the partner UP to a healthy weight. I think he's young and insensitive. Everyone has been that way at some point. But I think the OP needs to figure out for herself whether it's a healthy relationship. Me? I wouldn't want to be with someone who is so flippant about something that personal to me. But that's me.
  • benitocereno
    benitocereno Posts: 101 Member
    He didn't say "fatty."

    I'm aware of that :smile:. Just thew it in for emphasis on what people 'hear' when things are put so bluntly and poorly. It was to match the attitude that the OP perceived, not literal word-for-word transcription.
  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
    Well, maybe it is immaturity. You can only hope that he won't always feel that way. The fact that he's not attracted to her for gaining weight (she's still not overweight) when she was underweight to begin with, is concerning. A person can love you and not be attracted to you physically. The fact is we all gain weight and get wrinkled skin. Men can get a beer gut and lose their hair. If you're talking about the long haul, you have to be with someone who will still hold you and make love with you even as your body changes. You don't need someone telling you to get a facelift, or a tummy tuck, or a hair transplant as time changes your looks.
  • Teemo
    Teemo Posts: 338
    He should be supportive but make his needs known. "Lose some weight fatty" is not the right way to handle it if you care about your partner. It's sad that you think anything you say is going to be either ineffective or hurtful... you may want to work on your conflict handling if those are the only two outcomes you're getting consistently. This isn't meant to be a personal attack, I'm just staying from experience there is another way. It takes a lot of time and work to figure out how to be open, honest, and compassionate about needs in a long-term relationship, and it needs to be a two-way street. You can be there for your partner while making your needs known... whether they respond or not determines how far your relationship is going to go.

    Appreciate the response, and no worries, I don't (and didn't) take it personally. :wink:

    It was more a collection of past experiences, both mine and others. Just look at the number of responses in this thread alone that say, essentially, "If he wants you to lose weight he must not love you" or "if he wants you to lose weight he must be a jerk". Look at the number of threads on this forum asking why everyone says "you look fine" or "why are you starving yourself" when YOU know that you need to lose weight for health reasons. Look at the number of threads in countless forums with variations on this same topic: "How can I get my husband off the couch?", "I think my s/o is withholding sex because he's not attracted to me anymore", "my s/o told me I was getting fat", and so on.

    The responses are predictable. "You're beautiful the way you are", "the [person who said] it is wrong", "true love is unconditional". It's nice and comforting and supportive -- all which is well and good -- but it doesn't seem to be realistic or helpful. Hell, just think back to how most of us started on our journeys: we needed a honest slap in the face, however hurtful, and not someone mincing words because they didn't want to hurt our feelings. If we listened to what our parents and loved ones TOLD us -- and not what they truly THOUGHT or made known to us -- many of us would still be where we were.

    [Actually, I take back what I said in an earlier post. I am sorry to OP for derailing this thread somewhat and I recognize her's is a unique case because (a) she is within a healthy weight/fat range, (b) she LOOKS fine, and (c) her weight gain wasn't entirely voluntary.]
  • benitocereno
    benitocereno Posts: 101 Member
    I completely understand Teemo :smile:. My wife lost ~75 lbs after we got together because I let her know I was worried about her health and I wanted us to have a nice, long life together. As a result she looks amazing and her confidence has gone through the roof, I'm happy that I was able to be there for her to do it! One of the biggest things I could do for her was support her, help cook meals, etc. However, the most important thing I did was stay honest.

    This turned out to be more important than even I knew, because the weight-loss communities she tried did exactly what you're warning about. A lot of the people were simply enabling, coddling, etc. Members of her in-person weight management group would show up simply so they could say "they tried" to go get a sign-off for a gastric bypass. They had no problems about admitting this. Talk about a motivation killer! After a point, I really do believe the excuses for weight and fitness become toxic. I do see a lot of it on these boards and usually just avoid those topics... but it's hard not to get angry at reinforcing negative behaviors or excuses when you or someone you know worked HARD for those results that people are expecting to come easily.

    All that said, like you, I think the OP's situation is a bit different. I wish you the best with whatever you choose to do OP, and I won't post anymore derails in this thread :smile:. Good luck!

    Ps. Temmo - Your profile pic is ripped dude. Way to go!
  • baby81girl2003
    baby81girl2003 Posts: 79 Member
    You already know, or should already know, that your boyfriend is a vain jack@$$. Seriously? I don't understand why women put up with BOYS who disrepect them! If he cheated on you, and told you he did it cause you were "overweight" would that make it ok? If he said your hair was ugly, and he's into the color purple this week, would you dye it purple?? The scary truth, I bet you and a lot of girls like you, would. It saddens me. Find your confidence and stand up! If he is looking for a Barbie tell him to go buy one. And if he better be jaw dropping gorgeous, with absolutely no flaws, and the perfect PACKAGE to make comments like that! Unreal.

    UGH

    BTW- 30 Day Shred will help you lose inches and tone, if you want to do it for YOU.
  • I predict that you can lose whatever weight you're aiming for, and this BF of yours may be solicitous toward you for sex and affection if he is focused on skinny vs 'fat' being sexy, period and you will STILL be feeling badly about yourself. For several reasons.

    You don't even have to have dysmorphia to feel that deep seated insecurity in your looks regarding your BF - you just have, probably, self esteem issues. When I was your age (I'm an 35 now) I weighed 120 lbs and I'm 5' 8". I walked around disliking my appearance. Men hit on me all of the time. Did that prove to my inane self esteem that I was worthy? Absolutely not- I thought I was an imposter and I felt that I wasn't worthy of that attention.
    It's all internal. You might feel superficially better once you've lost weight but I sense that there are other issues underneath that need to be tended to for you to actually feel better emotionally.
    Just my two cents.
  • you look thin in your profile photos! its not like your "unhealthy" and hes concerned about you and your health. im positive you have a healthy BMI. definitely was an obnoxious comment to make to you!
  • Caffeinewitch
    Caffeinewitch Posts: 110 Member
    I'm sad that admitting the lack of or loss of physical attraction is apparently a horrendous crime tantamount to infidelity. I'm disappointed that people think being in love means ignoring that loss... and then wondering why (and being hurt when) your significant other is glancing at that fit, young, stewardess or that burly fireman. I'm insulted that you would label the OP's boyfriend an idiot (i.e., "dumb") or a coward for thinking she needs to lose weight.

    Loss of attraction is one thing, people in love have it flow and ebb all the time this much is very true, and it is not always coupled with increased attraction to someone else. It seems as though there are a couple of options in this scenario: 1) he's experiencing a genuine loss of attraction due to her weight gain. He just presented it in a really dumb way. Yes I'm sticking with "dumb" because as I said before everybody's dumb at some point or another. He has not been living under a rock for the past decade and does not know the social context of telling a woman to lose weight. 2) he's experiencing a relative loss of attraction and does not know how to deal with it, or realize that it's alright. So the knee-jerk reaction of telling her to lose weight is a weakness of character - frustrating but amendable.

    I apologize for your offense, but I was expressing that to boyfriend was being dumb for not exploring beyond the knee-jerk reaction of "I don't find her as attractive", and a coward for not offering himself as an explanation. The blame immediately went to her and her weight - not to any changes in himself or his circumstances. He may not be the problem, but he should not be removed from the table right off the bat. If it's really as "serious" relationship, then all options should be kept open if only for a short time.
    There is a harmful -mindset- however, and that is the mindset that "If I gain weight (or lose weight) and he or she becomes less attracted to me then they must not love me".

    That is exactly what is presented to us in the original post. This lovely young woman has mentioned that she has had these issues before, and while the boyfriend may not know about them, he still has the social context to have some tact in presenting his concerns.
    On that note: what IS a good way to bring up to your s/o that you think they need to lose or gain weight? All of you that are calling him an "*kitten*" or worse (lol), please provide an answer. I'd never want to intentionally hurt someone's feelings but what IS a good way to bring it up? The problem to me is that any attempts at being honest in this regard are either (a) ineffectual, in that they beat around the bush and nothing gets accomplished or (b) hurtful, and that's because people refuse to accept what I said above about love =/= physical attraction.

    In the context of romatic relationships? Reasonable and strong support are the best ways. For example: "Sweetie (insert favorite pet name here), i've grown concerned about your health and I would appreciate it if we could talk about it." is a good way to start - it's the truth, clean clear, and without bashing their face in it. Because you want them to be healthy for themselves so you can enjoy their company. Be ready to support them and say so.
    Also, don't shift the blame on them when they don't take it well, chances are they already know they have the blame. If you come to someone with the truth, and bring it to them in a neutral, reasonable manner, you will at least know that you have done all you can to help them.
  • Maybe you do need to shed some weight.... about as much as your BF weighs should do it.

    Looking at our profile pic I see a beautiful young lady who deserves better. Tone up what you have if it makes you feel better, then start looking for a good man. (Sorry, I'm married....)

    ALLLLLL OF THIS ^

    except the married part :laugh:
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
    Girl you are skinny and gorgeous. If it will make you feel better then it's whatev but maybe he was just saying that to you because his junk wasn't working. I don't see how he wouldn't want you especially if you two "love" each other so much.
  • modernfemme
    modernfemme Posts: 454 Member
    Yeah. I'll be blunt. You need to kick this guy to the curb.

    When I gained a crap ton of weight, my husband was still way into me and my body. A lot of men are - maybe for the same reasons some men are super attracted to their pregnant wives (bigger breasts, more curves - hormones aside)

    But mostly, gaining some weight doesn't make you stop caring for someone. I would agree with a lot of people who say he is probably in lust and not love.

    I would be concerned he was all about the "image" of a trophy girlfriend. Seriously, ditch this guy! You need supportive people in your life and not this piece of crap.
  • Ditch the douche bag... Anyone that says something like that is a jac koff... If anything he should be encouraging and saying things like he lets go running tonight or lets get a gym membership together and see who can get it shape first.. I guess part of it is he is young and hasnt realized the proper way to approach certain issues, but either way it doesn't excuse his words.. you look fine the way you are, dont let this guy get you down!!
  • OLP76
    OLP76 Posts: 768 Member
    If he's not supportin' you now! What makes you think he will be there when serious situations come along in the future....
  • vivjay67
    vivjay67 Posts: 11 Member
    Keep smiling!! And tell him he's lucky to have you no matter what you weigh.

    I weigh 228lb and want to lose about 80lb. My partner has told me he loves me now and would love me if I gained 80lb. He doesn't care what I look like on the outside because it's what's inside that counts. He is supporting me because he knows I want to lose the weight for me but if I decided to stop losing weight tomorrow he'd still love me!!

    If he really loves you he'll accept you no matter what!!
  • sarahliftsUP
    sarahliftsUP Posts: 752 Member
    Hi there! I am new to this MFP thing and really am enjoying it. At 5'5" I weigh in at 129 lbs. I have struggled with self image/body issues for as long as I can remember. I went from being (a then unexplained) 90 lbs in high school to about 140 lbs in less than 2 months. Once diagnosed with celiac disease I was able to start FEELING better, but unable to lose much of the weight. I have a boyfriend that I love and adore, and that loves me. On a recent vacation, I noticed a change in his "desire" for me... this person who couldn't keep his hands off of me before came off as very disinterested. I asked him about it (nagged, even) and he just paused and said "i dunno. just lose some weight." I have never been more hurt in all of my life. He has later apologized- not necessarily for saying it, but for hurting me. I don't think he said it out of anger, or to hurt me, but I really do think he thinks that. I am having the hardest time shaking it... it absolutely consumes me. I was planning on starting with a PT after our vacation anyway, but it has now lit a flame under me. I'm not doing it for him... but for me. I need to find any self confidence that I possibly can. Without completely bashing my boyfriend, what advice can yall give as far as helping me find some confidence? I feel completely alone and embarrassed. What has worked for you?

    (background: I have a goal weight of about 120... it's more off of how I look. I am without very much muscle tone and am looking to "tone up"- especially in my mid-section where I carry most of my weight)

    You need to surround yourself with positive and supportive people.. is your boyfriend going to be supportive for you? You need to decide what is a good goal for you. I would be absolutely devasted if my boyfriend told me to "just lose some weight." You need to concentrate on what you like about you. Start up an exercise that makes you feel good. If you want to concentrate on toning up, I would recommend pretty much any of Jillian Michael's work outs: 30 Day Shred, No More Trouble Zones, Banish Fat Boost Metabolism.. those three are my favourites. Do something that makes you feel good.. start running or go to the gym with a friend. Concentrate on being healthy for you, not your boyfriend or your family or friends, but you.

    I wish you good luck and hope that you find the confidence in yourself that you deserve. You're a beautiful lady and shouldn't think otherwise.
  • MaryAnne1
    MaryAnne1 Posts: 183 Member
    "On that note: what IS a good way to bring up to your s/o that you think they need to lose or gain weight? All of you that are calling him an "*kitten*" or worse (lol), please provide an answer. I'd never want to intentionally hurt someone's feelings but what IS a good way to bring it up? The problem to me is that any attempts at being honest in this regard are either (a) ineffectual, in that they beat around the bush and nothing gets accomplished or (b) hurtful, and that's because people refuse to accept what I said above about love =/= physical attraction."

    I do have to agree with this point. About a year ago my boyfriend told me I needed to lose weight, not because he found me unattractive, but because I was over 200 pounds and obese! When we met 4 years before I was around 150, so I had gained a huge amount of weight quickly, and it had gotten to the stage where something really did need to be done. I'd always tell myself that "this would be the year I'd lose weight" etc etc and then never do anything. BUT, it is totally something that I am doing for myself.

    It was the kick up the *kitten* that I needed and I would never have lost the weight if he hadn't have told me. I agree that the way in which the OP's boyfriend told her was crap, but maybe he meant it to be a friendly nudge to tone up, or maybe he does only care about how she looks.

    Either way, weight loss or toning up has to be solely for yourself or you'll never do it and won't be happy with yourself anyway.

    PS. You're gorgeous - remember that !!! :smile:
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