He told me to "lose some weight"

ashlee954

If your profile pic is a current one... you look hot ... tell your BF to go for a long walk off a short pier :laugh: cause your a stunna! =]

Then go find yourself a real man... one who loves you for you!!! =] :flowerforyou:

Thats my 2c.... oh and Bash BASH bash!!!! :drinker:

Where's the LOVE button when you need it?!?!? You are gorgeous baby girl. If he is losing interest THEN you losing weight is not going to keep him around. Hopefully it was a slip and he didn't mean a word of it. But still...GEEEESH!

rherrin5

You are such a cute little thing! I think you look great the way you are but I know as a female we always pick at ourselves and strive for perfection. At best, just tone up a bit but dont beat yourself up, your beautiful and im not just saying that to boost your confidence. You look awesome! Your BMI is where it should be.

As for him, <sighs> I better not say anything because I wouldnt want to upset you, but he should be proud of you just the way you are. Maybe he is the one with issues and is pushing them off on you???

Bottom line, you have nothing to worry about!

fitnesspirateninja

You know your man more than anyone who is making comments against him. He may be someone who is often disrespectful to you, or he may be an good man who made the mistake in expressing his concern about your weight without realizing how much it would affect you. It's always best to express your opinion fully about ANYTHING that may trouble you. This is how relationships may develop. I see a positive sign that he apologized for it. He could be a complete jerk and ignore your feelings about his comment, but he didn't.

I have seen on the web a counseling session between a married man and a marriage counselor (I know that the situation is a little different because the two of you are not married). The man didn't have the same attractive feelings towards his wife-- although he really loved her--because she had gained weight. He tried not to say anything because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. This led to bigger problems in their marriage. The counselor told the man that he had to be honest with his wife, regardless how she might feel about it, in order to help improve their relationship. He was actually hurting them by remaining quiet.

You may want to be careful with him a bit. He could be confused about his feelings and think that your weight is the cause of his confusion. Help him to figure out what else may be troubling him. Relationships can develop with deep levels of communication. Again, YOU know who are dealing with, not US.

I am really glad someone said this - because it's along the lines of what I was thinking. It seems like we're reading too much into the OP's relationship. We know that he said a hurtful thing once. We don't know if this is an ongoing thing, or if he was just speaking without thinking. Sometimes its hard to communicate when you're in a relationship. I know I get all pissy about stuff sometimes because I didn't understand what my husband was trying to say. That being said, if your significant other is mean, disrespectful, and cuts you down on a regular basis, then yeah, your relationship isn't healthy and you need to end it and move on.

rdy2begin

I don't intend this to be harsh. Read it with a tone of compassion, not judgment.

I think you may want to see a counselor about your self-image, quite honestly. You're saying that you need tools to find self-confidence -- quite frankly, you look incredible (from your profile pic) and I think you have a distorted view of how your body really looks. I do think that exercise could only help, because a toned body feels and looks better, but 129 is not fat for your height. At all.

Agreed .I believe if this is for you to tone up Great ..Otherwise BF is only the extra weight you have ..seriously ..Counseling is a wonderful idea !

JillyBean819

Don't lose weight for anyone but yourself.

kaylamae90

I know you have heard a million people saying how he should love you no matter what blah blah blah... but I know how you feel. I am one of those people with horrible self esteem. My husband recently started seeming very disinterested in me and I asked why and after a lot of prying he finally told me that it would be good if I lost some weight.... however once I got him to explain he was able to give me a little reasoning and said it wasnt that he loved me thinner it was that he loved the confidence i had when i was thinner. I guess it is true. I read a lot of relationship books and one chapter hit home.... it talked about how guys like their girlfriends/wives to take pride in themselves and to put effort into taking care of themselves. maybe this is what he is talking about... maybe he will workout with you or play sports or something... feel free to add me as a friend if you need some motivating! good luck in your weight loss and confidence building journey!

SheliaN1960

Hi! First of all welcome and I hope that this site is helpful to you! I love it here. I am wearing a pair of slacks that I have not worn (the size) in over 5 years and MFP has been the motivation and support that I needed. Let me tell you something.......first let me bite my tongue so that I say this with love and sincere tenderness. I am 50 years old and my husband is now 64. We met 11 years ago and he is and was a very handsome and energetic man. For some reason in the state of Florida guys are very different (sorry guys, not all). I am from North Carolina. All of the girls here have to look like Hawaiian Tropic models and my husband could never except other wise. We had out boughts and finally I broke off the relationship with him for good. Two years ago he called and wanted to marry me no matter what my size. When I met him I weighed about 126 and in 2005 my son left for Iraq and unable to control myself I gained to 181. He married me at 175.0 and no matter how I tried I could not lose the added weight.( He reminded me all of the time) My son, Brandon came home this past July and sometime in December it just started to click for me and weight is starting to fall off. I think it is because I no longer care what he thinks about me, I care what I think about me! I am sorry for the story but I tell you this that my husband, in his struggle to "help" me casued me so much damage that I thought that I would never recover. YOU, understand that love loves you no matter what the reason. Sometime the ones we love can so mess up and say the wrong things, yeap I have one of those but this is about you! You do from this minute on what is the right thing for you....... (this is said with much love). I wish you such happiness on your new journey and you will not find better people to help you through this than the ones who have already traveled the road!!

SheliaN1960

Absolutely correct!!! You look Beautiful!!! I can not wait until I look more like you!

halobender

I am really glad someone said this - because it's along the lines of what I was thinking. It seems like we're reading too much into the OP's relationship. We know that he said a hurtful thing once. We don't know if this is an ongoing thing, or if he was just speaking without thinking. Sometimes its hard to communicate when you're in a relationship. I know I get all pissy about stuff sometimes because I didn't understand what my husband was trying to say. That being said, if your significant other is mean, disrespectful, and cuts you down on a regular basis, then yeah, your relationship isn't healthy and you need to end it and move on.

I like your response and the one that you quoted; in fact, there seem to be a lot of good posts on this page.

From the perspective of a guy who has been in a few long term relationships, I can certainly say that, um, sometimes we say things in a hurtful (or stupid) manner. There are tons of reasons why we might do this, but all in all it's usually that we have no idea whatsoever how we should communicate what we're thinking and it's something that has been, maybe ever so slightly, bothering us for a bit.

I don't think that ineffectual language is going to help, though. Most people could stand to be more concerned with their health.

TOYGRRRL

Two things... First - Congrats on taking the first step to taking care of yourself and controlling your weight. Having Celiac will take care of a whole lot of the high calorie carb intake. Be sure to take out added sugar from your diet (no more sodas and sweets) and eating lots of fresh veggies and fruit.

Second - I hurts to read that someone you are in a relationship with can say things that hurt you. I can only hope he was trying to motivate you to do something that you had already mentioned to him yourself. Otherwise, it can be the start of an emotionally abusive relationship.

LoveMy3Boys

Wow. Um.... IMO boyfriend no more. All I could think is about the what ifs.. what if you two have a baby... you HAVE to gain weight, the baby bump at least... will he stick around? Will he stay faithful? I would consider his "lack of interest" as a sign he is not in for the long haul personally. My husband has seen me thin and fat and never lost interest. Ever.

vixen325

sorry I think it was a hurtful comment What does he think you are doing

DeepSeaDoc_Wife

I'm sorry, but I disagree with you. Why make excuses for the guy? After reading this post, I was thinking about, what if I gained 40 pounds in two months because of something I could not control? If my boyfriend just stopped having sex with me I would assume the only reason he fell for me in the first place was my body. What if I had some other condition that seriously affected my physical image? Would that be ok for my boyfriend to say something like that to me. NO. In a relationship, there just has to be more. You should be attracted to somebody beyond what they look like. Yeah, I mean, when you first meet somebody physical image is involved, but shouldn't that transform over time? She weighed under one hundred pounds at 5'5"? Isn't that below the normal BMI for that height? Looking at her pictures, she is very pretty, and clearly this guy is just an *kitten*. However, I do agree that couples can work out together and it is great. My boyfriend and I run together and it is really fun!

The only reason this situation is unique is because of the perception that it was something that OP "couldn't control". But some of the comments are just... kind of naive and ridiculous. I would even say "love" and "physical attraction", while not necessarily mutually exclusive, certainly CAN be.

The idea that if you love someone you MUST be PHYSICALLY attracted to them no matter what, be it weight gain or horrible pirate disfigurement is the stuff of romance novels and has no bearing in reality. If you think about it, and I mean really think about it, you'll know that's the case. You ladies that love your husbands/boyfriends: I'm sure you'll still love them if they gained 50 lbs or 100 lbs or 150 lbs. You fall in love, after all, with the total package. But it makes mockery of us all for you to suggest that you would still be AS attracted to them... the definition, in fact, of "physical attraction" belies that.

Unbelievable, you definitely deserve better. If I was with you I would be telling you to stay as you are.

And what does that accomplish? Her boyfriend thinks she needs to lose weight. Whether he's correct or not that's his opinion... and frankly, there's no easy or hurtless way to broach that topic. The consequence of that however is that millions (and I'm tossing out numbers here) of relationships end up going down the road I just described above: the physical attraction disappears as couples "settle" into themselves, let themselves go after marriage, etc., and then wonder what happened... and mostly because people are embarrassed or ashamed or afraid to admit that part of what makes a relationship work IS the physical attraction.

Thank you, you said it way better than I did.