I faced death this week

manymuses

I was just released from the hospital yesterday after having an emergency heart catheterization at age 43. I had to say goodbye to my 2 small sobbing children this week (thinking I might possibly never see them again.) While waiting for surgery, I only had time to write down a few brief notes to my little boy and girl and husband about the things I wanted them to know in case I did not make it. I wept over tear-stained pages for my children who would have no mother, and my husband who would have no wife. I wept over all the things I had wanted to accomplish in my life and all the things I had wanted to share with my kids. I was heartbroken that I had failed my children. They needed a mother to protect them, care for them and love them and I had failed them. My anguish was beyond anything I have ever experienced. I prayed for their futures and for my own peace of mind as the hours ticked away before my surgery. Finding a well of stillness and peace within my grief, I went into the operating room calm and resigned to whatever happened.

I have no words for the relief and resolve I am experiencing now that I survived the procedure and live to tell of my experience. I know that I now have absolutely no choice but to fight for my life every single day of the time that remains. This is my one wild and precious life and it is worth fighting for.

There were literally hundreds of heart patients lined up at the hospital, and thousands more scheduled on into the future waiting for surgery to save their lives. The feeling of resignation and stubborn disregard hung in the air over the cardiac unit like a dense fog. Perhaps because every patient I saw was old enough to be my parent or grandparent, I just got so incredibly angry at myself for having ended up in that situation. Each new doctor, technician or aide who came to treat me seemed shocked to see me there. In the cardiac cath lab, they literally said, "What are YOU doing here?" I had a lot of explaining to do, mainly to myself. The fact that the surgeon said I was a victim of my heredity did little to assuage my anguish. How had I let things get so out of control? When had I given up on myself and stopped trying?

I am on a journey now. A lifelong journey, not of dieting and counting calories, but of making moment-to-moment choices that will directly affect the quality and QUANTITY of the rest of my life. The heart condition that put me in the emergency room this week can be controlled by medication and will not require surgery only IF I do my part in saving my own life. I am the active catalyst here, not medical intervention. It is my life to save, my heart to heal. I am taking matters into my strong and capable hands. I have been through some major trials in my life and come out of them stronger, and I will master this too. I must.

Consider the alternative to not trying... There is nothing like facing death to make you value your life.



My advice to anyone struggling to get healthy-
Do not give up. Fight for your life. Every effort you contribute is worth it. Keep going. Keep moving forward. Fall ten times, stand up eleven. Moment to moment choices are what determine your fate. Keep trying. It WILL work and you WILL succeed. Please give yourself another chance. It's never too late.

I have at least 100 pounds still to lose, but I cannot give up. I have too much to live for and so do you.

I would very much like to have your help and encouragement on this journey of mine if you will be a positive source of energy and support.

Thank you so much- Linda

papastu

awesome and speechless

soyjoy

I will be here with you for support.

JulieBoBoo

Been there myself. have two stents to prove it. Took me another year and a half to finally get real about it but I did and now I'm filled with optimism about my future.

Congratulations on your successful surgery.

nickiejohnson

God bless you! This was a wonderful thing to read

husstler

So glad that you're here to share your story and help inspire us!!

Denita

WOW.... I'm speechless! Thank you so much for sharing.

sexylonglegs

Wow...I'm so glad you are ok!

chelekaz

This really hit home to me as I am in my late 30's w/ 2 small boys and 100 pounds to lose. Keep fighting... we both can do it!

rebawagner

*****TEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***** Well said!

TBbestself

Hi Linda,
I think you already have everything you need to continue this journey! You have a purpose in this world, you are loved and already are not taking your second chance for granted by posting your very personal story! Thank you, you are inspiring, amazing and absolutely NOT ALONE on your journey. Please do this for you because you know you are worth it.....I think we all, no matter how much weight we have to lose, forget that very important thing.

Be strong, be well and keep in touch!!!

Love,
T

XFitMojoMom

thank you for passing along your pain, and your wisdom.

MOMvsFOOD

As a mom, my face is streaming with tears just reading that. I am so sorry for you to have had to go through such a horrifying experience. There is nothing worse in this world than fearing that you will leave your young children when they needed, I cant imagine it being a close reality.

I am having a bad day. With small trivial irrelevant things. I let them take over my day. I let them make me sad and miserable and wanted to just go dive into a bag of junk to comfort myself. You just totally put everything into perspective for me and I thank you for sharing.

Get well soon!

crystaltrejo

in tears,here, let's help each other! xxoo hug for you.

TAHerring

Thank you for sharing your story ~ no matter what lies ahead for all of us it is a moment by moment . As long as we have support, friendship and motivation we can do anything ~

I wish you well and can't wait to read about your success story when reaching your goal ~

kendradl

Wow - I am at a loss for words. Awesome words of advice, thanx for sharing.

girlsaint

I'm with ya girl. Age 40, catheterization with 2 stents, and age 42, catheterization where they told me there was nothing that could be stented. Try and enroll in a cardiac rehabilitation program... the education there is worth everything when it comes to changing your life. Here they taught me about diet, the drugs I am on, and exercise.

*hugs*
Hope you feel better soon.
Kelly

GGFERREE

Your story is so touching, and could be just any of us struggling to get healthy. I hope the support on this website as well as support from your family will be your saving grace! I am also tryhing to loose weight so i can get healthy and be here for my children , and one day grandchildren. Good luck we can all do it !

JenniferAutumn

*****TEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***** Well said!

Yep- This brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you for the advice and I am so glad you are ok!

ninarobin05

You are a brave soul. My prayers are with you and your family. You are truly an inspiration.

I was just released from the hospital yesterday after having an emergency heart catheterization at age 43. I had to say goodbye to my 2 small sobbing children this week (thinking I might possibly never see them again.) While waiting for surgery, I only had time to write down a few brief notes to my little boy and girl and husband about the things I wanted them to know in case I did not make it. I wept over tear-stained pages for my children who would have no mother, and my husband who would have no wife. I wept over all the things I had wanted to accomplish in my life and all the things I had wanted to share with my kids. I was heartbroken that I had failed my children. They needed a mother to protect them, care for them and love them and I had failed them. My anguish was beyond anything I have ever experienced. I prayed for their futures and for my own peace of mind as the hours ticked away before my surgery. Finding a well of stillness and peace within my grief, I went into the operating room calm and resigned to whatever happened.

I have no words for the relief and resolve I am experiencing now that I survived the procedure and live to tell of my experience. I know that I now have absolutely no choice but to fight for my life every single day of the time that remains. This is my one wild and precious life and it is worth fighting for.

There were literally hundreds of heart patients lined up at the hospital, and thousands more scheduled on into the future waiting for surgery to save their lives. The feeling of resignation and stubborn disregard hung in the air over the cardiac unit like a dense fog. Perhaps because every patient I saw was old enough to be my parent or grandparent, I just got so incredibly angry at myself for having ended up in that situation. Each new doctor, technician or aide who came to treat me seemed shocked to see me there. In the cardiac cath lab, they literally said, "What are YOU doing here?" I had a lot of explaining to do, mainly to myself. The fact that the surgeon said I was a victim of my heredity did little to assuage my anguish. How had I let things get so out of control? When had I given up on myself and stopped trying?

I am on a journey now. A lifelong journey, not of dieting and counting calories, but of making moment-to-moment choices that will directly affect the quality and QUANTITY of the rest of my life. The heart condition that put me in the emergency room this week can be controlled by medication and will not require surgery only IF I do my part in saving my own life. I am the active catalyst here, not medical intervention. It is my life to save, my heart to heal. I am taking matters into my strong and capable hands. I have been through some major trials in my life and come out of them stronger, and I will master this too. I must.

Consider the alternative to not trying... There is nothing like facing death to make you value your life.



My advice to anyone struggling to get healthy-
Do not give up. Fight for your life. Every effort you contribute is worth it. Keep going. Keep moving forward. Fall ten times, stand up eleven. Moment to moment choices are what determine your fate. Keep trying. It WILL work and you WILL succeed. Please give yourself another chance. It's never too late.

I have at least 100 pounds still to lose, but I cannot give up. I have too much to live for and so do you.

I would very much like to have your help and encouragement on this journey of mine if you will be a positive source of energy and support.

Thank you so much- Linda

Kirstie_C26

I'm glad your ok hon, its true wot they say life is too short which is partly why i finally decided to make the effort to improve my health and reading the posts on this site has truly inspired me

best wishes to u and urs xxx
Kirstie x

formytwins

That was amazing....I am speechless. I am here for you also!!!

FearAnLoathing

:sad: :flowerforyou: wow I was definatly crying for that one.Im here for you send me a request if you like.

StarryEyedGirl

I am so glad you got this second chance! I am really glad your children have you, you will not give up without a fight! Just think of the example you are for your children! You can do this- you're in control!!

matina29

Thank you for sharing your experience. You helped me realize again how important it is to fight for health and work hard!

iplayoutside19

Thanks for sharing this. I know someone who died waiting for surgery, they were a little older, but still too young.

No one is asking us to be models, or Olympic athletes. Just be healthy.

Next time I see the inevitable "Losing Motivation" post I will refer them here.

Good Luck and feel free to freind us.

lisas3bbabies

Linda, you are such a strong woman! Keep your faith alive and keep fighting for your family...I know you can loose the weight and live a happy life with your children and husband! You are inspiring and talented! ~Wow, what an incredible writer you are! You are worth every hard decision life brings, so keep your chin up! Thanks for sharing!

kforrest1

Thank god you get a second chance. Your story is very inspirational and i have passed it along to others. Good luck to you and stay strong.

TayJoMama

OMG, I could just see you writing to your kids and hubby. As a married mother of two I can't imagine that feeling. I could really feel the artist in you through your story. What an eye opening experience. Sounds like you have the motivation you need to get on with this journey. Feel free to friend me! You can do this!

prencesskl

You had me in tears even thinking about leaving my son. You can do it! You have all the motivation in : )

Kminor67

Thanks for sharing this. This testimony is important to give. I wish more people could get the message!