This is a bit of an adult topic

jackpotclown

I have been feeling the same way lately. I'm too young to feel this way and my boyfriend is even younger so it's hard on him (no pun intended). I am fitter than I have been in over a year but I fizzle. I do have one thing that works for me. Ready for it? ...

youporn. Yep, I love youporn. It's free and it's hot. Porn is NOT strictly a male thing, ladies. :smokin:

first time in a while I did a double-take reading the screen, there's redtube also LOL

skinnylizzard

My boyfriend is the one who has lost his sex drive since gaining weight. I read and heard that weight around the middle will lower testosterone in men. I think this is what has happened. Bad timing because I'm pre-menopausal so my sex drive is through the roof!!! Go figure!

hroush

My wife and I were like rabbits when we first started dating (2-3 times a day). She then gained about 50 lbs and also with the relationship "maturing", number dropped like a rock. It now averages to about 2-3 times a month and even then half the time I feel as if she is "letting me". I know she doesn't feel good about herself (but not doing anything about it either), so I will be the patient husband and some day she will decide she wants to improve her life.

rdy2begin

Do it anyway (but don't let him know you're not that into it). The more you do it the more you want it. Plus, sex burns cals!!!! And works weird muscles you didn't know you had (no, not just those! )!!!! I think if you just start doing it anyway you'll get back into it.

I agree with this ,same advice I got after having a baby and now going on this journey it truly does make a difference and keeps your relationship healthy best of wishes

Mrs_McFadden

I know that a lot of the women said having sex when you don't really want to is 'gross' or are upset about the emotional issues surround this approach but hear me out.
It's like excercise..it really is and I'm not talking about burning damned calories when I say this. But when you haven't been excercising for awhile the idea, often, seems repellent to do so. A chore etc. But the reality is that even though excercise gets bad PR a lot- that if you find some way to do it that you enjoy it and get to the point where you feel that enjoyment it's quite addicting. It can really give you a closer connection with your physical being and make you feel more alive. Same with sex- if you sit around not wanting it and unwilling to try it (no accusation there) because things are not 'perfect'. Well when will it be? Only when you're the right weight, have the proper foods, etc.
Of course being in a fitter state of body and having a very cooperative happy relationship ..and all of the other variables will give you OPTIMUM situations to build upon and foster more pleasurable sex. But the whole point is you have to get back on that horse and learn it again. Just like with excercise..one step at a time until you're used to it.
I guess it's all about how you look at it- if you really want to freak yourself out and think to yourself "wow I really don't want to do this I feel ugly and just ugh I'm tired and this sucks and how ..." and keep on talking to yourself, well, I wouldn't want to have sex with you either.
Having a better attitude or refreshing it even can have an amazing impact on your life overall IMO. It's easier said than done it's just something worth thinking about.
Sometimes overcomplicating things just doesn't help the issue...or waiting for perfection.

Kristen81

I agree with having sex even when you're not in the mood. I've done it plenty of times. You know what happens? Once you start doing it, all of a sudden you're in the mood and it feels GREAT. And then you're wondering "why don't I have sex more often?"

Mrs_McFadden

I agree with having sex even when you're not in the mood. I've done it plenty of times. You know what happens? Once you start doing it, all of a sudden you're in the mood and it feels GREAT. And then you're wondering "why don't I have sex more often?"

^^ This. ITA. I guess Orgasms are magic

stephanielynn76

I agree with having sex even when you're not in the mood. I've done it plenty of times. You know what happens? Once you start doing it, all of a sudden you're in the mood and it feels GREAT. And then you're wondering "why don't I have sex more often?"

^^ This. ITA. I guess Orgasms are magic

uh huh... btdt too... very true! It doesn't happen all the time but a lot of times it does...

foodforfuel

Every time I talk to my brother, who has a new girlfriend, he tells me he's lost another pound or two. I asked him, what are you doing differently. he said nothing really, just having sex more often. Sometimes several times a day he said. I guess it can make a difference.

sevearl times a day my *kitten* - your brother lies LOL

I don't think he's lying- he's probably a Taurus!

chickybabe05

Every time I talk to my brother, who has a new girlfriend, he tells me he's lost another pound or two. I asked him, what are you doing differently. he said nothing really, just having sex more often. Sometimes several times a day he said. I guess it can make a difference.

sevearl times a day my *kitten* - your brother lies LOL

several times a day, yea i definately believe it lol it does happen, usually for DP and i its twice a day, maybe 3 if its a good day lol

But back onto the original topic, for a while my libido crashed. I faked it til i made it lol also to try get things going i would recommend lots of kissing...not just pecks but real kisses. also we text each other...hehe naughty but fun...:devil: and sex toys really do help...hmmm will keep thinking how i got back on track and let you know any other tips lol

beautifulnow

ok so even though this is waaaay out of my comfort zone maybe there are others that have had these issues....I have never had a....well you know from a guy...I have always just figured that I have a busted "doorbell" I think was a word used earlier...I have been married twice and never, ever said no cause its still fun but I do find it to become more and more of something that makes me hate myself...I am 27 and curious if anyone else has had these issues? Does it ever go away? SO SO SO sorry if TMI not AT ALL intended to be dirty...

Kristen81

ok so even though this is waaaay out of my comfort zone maybe there are others that have had these issues....I have never had a....well you know from a guy...I have always just figured that I have a busted "doorbell" I think was a word used earlier...I have been married twice and never, ever said no cause its still fun but I do find it to become more and more of something that makes me hate myself...I am 27 and curious if anyone else has had these issues? Does it ever go away? SO SO SO sorry if TMI not AT ALL intended to be dirty...

I'm assuming that you're saying that you've never had an orgasm from a guy, right? If that's the case, I'm sorry! That's sad. Either the guys didn't have a clue what they were doing OR you don't have a clue what it is that you like or turns you on. If you do know what turns you on and what feels good, then you need to let the guys know. The guys are going to do what they know felt good to the other girls they have been with. If you don't voice it to them, how will they ever know?

live2smyle

I must be a nymph.....There is NO WAY I would fake it...Actually I am kind of shocked to see how many women on here are suggesting faking it....I would never in a million years get intimate with a man if I wasnt in the mood...Fact is if he wants it bad enough he will get me there :P

To the original OP...I would suggest bubble baths together, champagne, FOOD yes I said it, strawberries, whip, chocolate syrup, some Marvin Gaye, candles, a change of scenery like a hotel....Get all sexified then call your man with the Hilton room number BELIEVE me hun he will be so blown away you will get excited just setting it all up....

To the gal who has never had an orgasm....I hate to say this but you are alot to blame here. Most men are eager to please, the more they please you the more you please them....They know this...Give directions girl!! They are not mind readers

OMG I feel like that old lady who gives out the vibrator & cream advice during late night TV :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Kristen81

By the way, I was not suggesting faking it! ( not that you were talking about me). I've NEVER faked an orgasm and I've had sex when not in the mood. It just so happens that most of the time when you start having sex, even when not in the mood, you end up enjoying it.

I stick with my earlier post. Find things that make you FEEL sexy and attractive. Like I said earlier, working out, sexy/cute lingerie, sex toys. Whatever does the trick.

When my sex drive started dwindling, I went to one of those Slumber Parties and ordered some things. Even if it's a little embarrassing, you're Husband will enjoy it and be happy that you are putting forth effort. What it boils down to, is that by turning him on, you will also get turned on.

beautifulnow

OK see and I have felt this way too but I have only been with 3 guys...2 I married and 1 was a one night stand....my first husband...we were each others firsts and if/when I ever "suggested" anything I was either weird or I pissed him off for saying he didnt do the "job" so I eventually stopped telling him ( we was a bit violent) I hated sex with him BUT also didnt want to fail him as a wife...I know most women think thats lame and we are in the 21st century yadda yadda BUT that doesnt change how my mind worked. SO here I am 27 years old and remarried to a guy who has had one partner before me and thinks "pockets" are weird and I have no idea how to tell him to do what "blue man" can do...he is a great guy but he is a very lets do this and do it the normal way and not ask questions....

I must be a nymph.....There is NO WAY I would fake it...Actually I am kind of shocked to see how many women on here are suggesting faking it....I would never in a million years get intimate with a man if I wasnt in the mood...Fact is if he wants it bad enough he will get me there :P

To the original OP...I would suggest bubble baths together, champagne, FOOD yes I said it, strawberries, whip, chocolate syrup, some Marvin Gaye, candles, a change of scenery like a hotel....Get all sexified then call your man with the Hilton room number BELIEVE me hun he will be so blown away you will get excited just setting it all up....

To the gal who has never had an orgasm....I hate to say this but you are alot to blame here. Most men are eager to please, the more they please you the more you please them....They know this...Give directions girl!! They are not mind readers

OMG I feel like that old lady who gives out the vibrator & cream advice during late night TV :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

beautifulnow

OK now I feel like a dumbass.

live2smyle

OK now I feel like a dumbass.

Never feel dumb for asking questions....If you are with a guy with little experiance its a little tougher to get them to come out of their shell. Not impossible though. Start slow with him...get him to try different positions rather than the standard missionary. Then move on to touching and so forth...In your mind your thinking what you want him to do....Move his hands yourself, say quietly and gently it feels better like this....OMG I Sound like a porn lol. You get the idea. Small baby steps, dont forget to key in on what you do to him that he likes as well. Communication is the key to a great sex life!

stephanielynn76

OK now I feel like a dumbass.

Don't. You are not alone. I had these 'issues' when I first got married. As a Christian it was important to me to save myself for my husband... and I did. I was his first and only as well. We both came in without baggage but also without experience. I didn't have my first 'real' (as in during intercourse) big O until after we had been married several years. I got fed up with not getting out of it what he was getting. It felt like a chore to start and a disappointment at the end. I couldn't figure it out. I thought I was broken. I started buying books about the subject trying to find the answer to this problem. What I learned from all of my research was that I was sitting back waiting for something to happen rather than pursuing it. I felt like I was being selfish by trying to tell him what to do and making sex all about me and finding out what I liked and what worked for me... but really it wasn't selfish at all. HE got more out of it when he knew that I did too so it benefited us both. Well that research paid off and I learned through trial and error exactly what I needed to do to 'get there.' For me, I guess due to my anatomy, what worked and always works 100% of the time is a certain position. Now... this means we always have to at least end this way but who cares... he certainly doesn't. He is just glad to be getting some! LOL

stephanielynn76

btw... sorry if that was TMI but since live2smyle was going there I figured why not!?! :P

live2smyle

btw... sorry if that was TMI but since live2smyle was going there I figured why not!?! :P

Sureeeee blame me :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

beautifulnow

Thank you both very much not tmi at all....thanks again!

phinners

I can't be the only one here surely but I am a fatty and I had a baby 3 months ago too and am still happy to be stark naked in front of my husband, and with the light on and I dont need to get drunk to have sex nor do we have to fake it. Surely when you fancy and are in love with your partner you just naturally want to have sex with them?

Unknown

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curleesam

totally natural!! Your confidence is down. I was in the same place and now I am back to normal

Stick with your diet, you will feel your confidence creeping back as the pounds drop.

Good luck!

curleesam

Most women suffering from this problem simply call me.

Problem solved.

HAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

KristenAnn711

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Most women suffering from this problem simply call me.

Problem solved.

Is that drawing you or russel crowe?

wriglucy

Try doing some squats...it gets the blood flowing there, and maybe will help get it started Also...you could talk to your dr. My drive decreased because of antidepressants, and I'm talking to my dr today!

Barelmy

It sounds like a confidence issue on your part to me. But, have you changed your method of contraception recently? The hormones can effect it. Or, your current weight can effect how the hormones are absorbed.

Barelmy

OK now I feel like a dumbass.

Don't. You are not alone. I had these 'issues' when I first got married. As a Christian it was important to me to save myself for my husband... and I did. I was his first and only as well. We both came in without baggage but also without experience. I didn't have my first 'real' (as in during intercourse) big O until after we had been married several years. I got fed up with not getting out of it what he was getting. It felt like a chore to start and a disappointment at the end. I couldn't figure it out. I thought I was broken. I started buying books about the subject trying to find the answer to this problem. What I learned from all of my research was that I was sitting back waiting for something to happen rather than pursuing it. I felt like I was being selfish by trying to tell him what to do and making sex all about me and finding out what I liked and what worked for me... but really it wasn't selfish at all. HE got more out of it when he knew that I did too so it benefited us both. Well that research paid off and I learned through trial and error exactly what I needed to do to 'get there.' For me, I guess due to my anatomy, what worked and always works 100% of the time is a certain position. Now... this means we always have to at least end this way but who cares... he certainly doesn't. He is just glad to be getting some! LOL

My experience was kind of similar. With my first boyfriend, neither of us had any clue what we were doing (and he'd watched a lot of bad porn films, which told him that all he needed to do was go with hours of hard pounding - ouch!). After about a year, I bought a vibrator, and it was like, O-M-G, *this* is what it's supposed to be like!

Barelmy

I must be a nymph.....There is NO WAY I would fake it...Actually I am kind of shocked to see how many women on here are suggesting faking it....I would never in a million years get intimate with a man if I wasnt in the mood...Fact is if he wants it bad enough he will get me there :P

I agree on the faking it. It's just cheating both of you if you do.

Sometimes, it doesn't happen, but it never will if you don't learn together. And you can't do that if he thinks you're already there!