Rude or not?

That_Girl

Today, after work, while I was standing by the gate, a friend said, "Mrs. M, you're looking so thin! Your face, your body..."

I said thank you and then she said, "What are you doing? I want to work out but...yea right." She's a sweet gal and very overweight...it's all in her belly. Know those bodies? But she's awesome...a big help in my classroom. Anyway...

I told her I was just counting calories of the things I eat and really watching my sodium.

She said, "Oh I can't do that! OMG! No way. hahahah"

I told her that I'm doing it online and she still said she can't.

I really hate the "I can't" excuse...because--- you so can, but you don't want to and you won't. Big difference.

So I said, "Well, dying because I'm fat or getting some weird health issue because I'm fat is not an option. I want to be around for my grandchildren."

She is a mother...she is 20, but a mother. I am a mother, albeit I'm 30something.

Was that rude? She kinda laughed it off, but...then she got quiet. Maybe she was thinking? I don't know. I felt bad, but then didn't because hey, it is the truth. If I'm going to die of something, it's NOT going to be because I was fat...something I can completely control...even if it is hard.

What do you think?

alecta337

Totally justified

Atlantique

Maybe a little blunt, but not rude.

JennsLosing

not rude...its the truth. i wouldnt of taken any offense to it.

coderchris

sometimes a good dose of truth in a loving way is good. Sometimes that is what we need to hear. I do not think you were rude at all.

That_Girl

Maybe a little blunt, but not rude.

HA! :laugh: I'm more than a little blunt. Maybe that helps because she knows me.

Vegas47

I don't think it was rude, you were talking about your personal reasons for taking care of yourself.

leomom72

not at all...i think more overweight people need to have a bit of reality pushed at them at some time or another..we all know how it is to want to lose weight, but not wanting to start...all it takes is a push, and a little motivation, so maybe you can show her how easy MFP is ? bring her over, or go to her place, or a library, or somewhere, and teach her how simple this place is..best of luck to you both

jon_dub

It could be concidered rude. Justified yeah but you can't live everyones life for them. If you did not say it in a manner that was snippy then it should be fine. Touch base with her tomorrow and tell her you hope you did not come off rude but you totally think she could do it if she tried.

McKayMachina

Who cares if it was rude?! Honestly! I wish people had been "rude" to me 60 lbs. ago. Then I wouldn't have stretch marks and be over 200 lbs. and be lethargic and wouldn't have had depression and ...shall I go on?

I think it's good that you were honest about what's important to you. If she internalizes it, then good! But it's ultimately up to her how she's going to handle it.

If you're feeling bad about it, might I suggest sending her an email with a link to MFP and your user name? Tell her it was really nice talking to her about your weight loss and tell her how great you feel already and you'd love it if she would join you. You can do it together!

Just an idea.

Jlennhikes

Since she's fat and your remarks, the way you explained them here and in the context that you think this lady is a bit of loser for saying she can't lose weight, yes, I think it was rude. But according to your profile, you're proud of your direct approach, so maybe she's used to you and wasn't hurt.

2bFitNTrim

I don't think it was rude at all. She invited the conversation by telling you that you looked thin and asking about it. You answered for YOU; why you did it & how. You did not insult her. And maybe she got quiet because it struck a cord with her. Who knows? Maybe you inspired her.

polar5554

The hardest thing about searching for the truth...Is that sometimes you find it.

Trishkit

I think you said that about as well as anyone could. I wish I could bring myself to be that honest with some members of my family, primarily my in-laws. I'm so tired of hearing, "Yeah, weight loss just doesn't happen for me" excuse.

ShelleyBowman

As your comment was phrased as "I" as opposed to you,it was not rude at all. Not even a little bit. You're right... can't vs. won't is a lesson so many need to learn.

Higglyjiggly64

I don't think it was rude, because you kept it about your goal. You didn't say "Well it's your choice if you want to die of something related to being fat".

flutterqueen04

That attitude makes me so mad too!! I would have said something like that too. At least it wasn't confrontational. You were just making an honest statement about you that can be implied to her as well (and hopefully she did pick up on that!) Stating YOUR reason to lose weight was NOT THE LEAST BIT RUDE!

Everyone has the ability to lose weight just like everyone has the ability to make money. It all boils down to how much work your willing to do to get the payday!

momogogo

Sometimes when we sugar coat things it doesn't get thru. You didn't lie. You spoke the truth and that may just set her free. I used to be the I can't do that person until someone woke me out of my slumber. Good job for saying what you really believe. She may come back to thank you later. Especially the fact that she is watching you progress.

Carl01

She asked and you answered,she didn`t like or want to hear the answer so as long as you were not personally degrading to her I think it was fine.:drinker:

jlrstone50

Congratulations on your weight loss and your choices for eating healthy. Sounds like you know this young lady very well and in my opinion, you were being very honest. I don't see anything wrong with what you said and I would rather my friends be honest..sometimes the truth hurts, but it's what gets us really thinking..

Take care :flowerforyou:

RussianLynx

One of the things that motivated me to really get my weight and health in order was this quote: "Being fat isn't your fault. Staying fat is."

With all the horrible things that are done to food these days, I think it's understandable that so many people are overweight.

Refusing to change or being ignorant of what you are putting into your body are just stupid. Change takes effort and the ability to look at yourself in an honest way.

You only have one body. If you had a really nice sports car, would you put **** in the gas tank? No. You would give it the best fuel possible. Why would you do any less for your body?

I think it was blunt and honest, not rude.