Rude or not?

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124

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  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    I wasn't being passive aggressive O_o She was telling me why she can't do anything about her weight and at the same time asking how I did it. She said she couldn't, I said I had to. What is so passive-aggressive about that?

    Clearly you don't know me :smile:
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
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    The hardest thing about searching for the truth...Is that sometimes you find it.
    Amen. Your closest friends are those who will tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear and sometimes the most personal lessons we learn are not our lessons in the first place.
  • gozdeh
    gozdeh Posts: 59
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    I never thought counting cal's could do anything for me, but it is a wake up call that keeps me in check more than anything ever had.

    I never thought it would do anything for me either.... Amazing how well it works. MFP is a fantastic system!
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
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    If it was just you two standing there then I would say not. Sometimes people need to hear the truth. You could write down the name of this website and hand it to her, telling her to look around. The before and after pics here really motivated me. AND is she isn't ready now maybe she will someday soon.

    Theres a lady at work I keep telling about this site. I have even showed her a couple of before and after pics and she still wont really check it out. She has diabetes and weighs more then me.
    Maybe you (and the OP) could bring in a nice lunch to share - use the meal as your starting point - how you go about setting realistic goals, how you use the site to get ideas on foods which you use to plan meals which you use to plan your shopping list (etc) and just go from there. Use the time you spend eating as kind of a question and answer session - give them something mental to chew on for awhile. Offer them your previous menus if it fits their needs to get them started. Let them see how fast it can really be once you get going.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    This is quickly approaching the dreaded (for a guy) "does this make my butt look big" question for which there is not only no good answer but is also impossible to duck.
    Nothing you can say will ever be right.

    If a person asks it then they should be ready to deal with the answer...if they ask it only to be told that they are fine then the problem is still theirs.
    I don`t know how one confronts something like this without in someones opinion being considered rude.
  • PattiPositive
    PattiPositive Posts: 71
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    Planting a seed that she will think about is OK.
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    I wasn't being passive aggressive O_o She was telling me why she can't do anything about her weight and at the same time asking how I did it. She said she couldn't, I said I had to. What is so passive-aggressive about that?

    Clearly you don't know me :smile:

    Well, you said you were annoyed right? Because you can't stand when people make excuses that they can't when it's clearly because they wont. So you reacted by said saying the whole " Well, I don't want to be a fatty and die" thing. It was about yourself, but was clearly directed towards her right? instead of just directly telling her what you think about her excuses. I would consider that passive aggressive. Unless you were just honestly just talking about yourself without trying to make any point at all. If that were the case though, there really wouldn't be a point to this thread because talking about your own experiences without the intentions of putting others down is pretty far from rude at all......Hell, I don't know, maybe I've read the whole thing wrong.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    I was annoyed. What's wrong with that? My motives to lose weight didn't come from her "I can't". Those were my motives then, they are my motives now...Well, that and looking good naked. :laugh: I just worried that she might take it wrong...I wasn't talking about her. I was talking about myself. I don't care if someone is fat or not. Not my problem. Living long and happy with my kids and being active with them IS my problem :smile: I am trying to fix that.

    I don't think you and I should talk any longer. You don't understand me, and I don't need to explain myself.

    I appreciate your opinion, but I promise I wasn't passive-aggressive when I said it. We were chatting like we always do. No snark involved.
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    This is quickly approaching the dreaded (for a guy) "does this make my butt look big" question for which there is not only no good answer but is also impossible to duck.
    Nothing you can say will ever be right.

    If a person asks it then they should be ready to deal with the answer...if they ask it only to be told that they are fine then the problem is still theirs.
    I don`t know how one confronts something like this without in someones opinion being considered rude.

    Hell, I'd want an answer to that question if I asked it. But I would NOT want it if I didn't ask for it.
  • ksloop00
    ksloop00 Posts: 144
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    You could have said it a little better and nicer. You never know what the other person is dealing with, maybe she has other health issues that prevent her from losing weight. I am confined to a wheelchair and people ( able-bodied people ) tell me how easy it is to lose weight. When they say that all I'm thinking is "Yeah when you can drive, get yourself to a gym and walk of course it's easy." You should talk to her tomorrow to make sure her feelings weren't hurt.
  • MeliciousMelis
    MeliciousMelis Posts: 458 Member
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    I think she's lucky she spoke with someone who was HONEST and didn't enable her with more reasons as to why she "can't".
    I don't think you were rude- I think you were real.
  • jon_dub
    jon_dub Posts: 166
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    It could be concidered rude. Justified yeah but you can't live everyones life for them. If you did not say it in a manner that was snippy then it should be fine. Touch base with her tomorrow and tell her you hope you did not come off rude but you totally think she could do it if she tried.
    what's rude about it? she never called the other girl fat or overweight or said anything about her.... she only referred to herself and what her life decisions were. Now if the OP went up to the other girl and said "hey, how can you let yourself go so badly? Don't you care about your kids? How can you be so selfish?" well, that's downright rude but the other girl approached her. Anytime someone is paying a compliment or inquiring about how someone did something, they are setting themselves up to be compared or used as an example. The OP never did that. If she feels bad that her passion for her new life might have offended the other girl, she could help her (as others have said) but at the same time, not fall for a poor me, I can't, it's too hard attitude. We all know what it's like to get started. That's half the battle sometimes - taking that first step.

    So by saying you look nice i am opening myself up for you to say i look not so nice. No wonder people don't give out compliments any more. I will remember that.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    You could have said it a little better and nicer. You never know what the other person is dealing with, maybe she has other health issues that prevent her from losing weight. I am confined to a wheelchair and people ( able-bodied people ) tell me how easy it is to lose weight. When they say that all I'm thinking is "Yeah when you can drive, get yourself to a gym and walk of course it's easy." You should talk to her tomorrow to make sure her feelings weren't hurt.

    I was saying it about myself. I wasn't saying it to slap her into reality. I said it about MYSELF and then thought, oh crap...lol....but the fact is, when I said it, I wasn't thinking about how fat she is, only for my motives to lose the weight.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    This is quickly approaching the dreaded (for a guy) "does this make my butt look big" question for which there is not only no good answer but is also impossible to duck.
    Nothing you can say will ever be right.

    If a person asks it then they should be ready to deal with the answer...if they ask it only to be told that they are fine then the problem is still theirs.
    I don`t know how one confronts something like this without in someones opinion being considered rude.

    Hell, I'd want an answer to that question if I asked it. But I would NOT want it if I didn't ask for it.

    Just for the sake of discussion what if the honest answer was not what you liked?
    I mean would a person ask that wanting to hear a yes or would they ask that hoping to hear something that made them feel okay with what they wanted to believe?

    I could be wrong there and not trying to create an argument but my guess is the person involved knows what they need to do but isn`t willing yet and was hoping that somehow an escape from that reality would be offered dishonestly.
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    I was annoyed. What's wrong with that? My motives to lose weight didn't come from her "I can't". Those were my motives then, they are my motives now...Well, that and looking good naked. :laugh: I just worried that she might take it wrong...I wasn't talking about her. I was talking about myself. I don't care if someone is fat or not. Not my problem. Living long and happy with my kids and being active with them IS my problem :smile: I am trying to fix that.

    I don't think you and I should talk any longer. You don't understand me, and I don't need to explain myself.

    I appreciate your opinion, but I promise I wasn't passive-aggressive when I said it. We were chatting like we always do. No snark involved.

    Actually never asked for any explanation from you. You asked our opinions and I gave mine based on what I read. I don't have any Ill feelings about it or you and I'm not trying to be snarky. Just giving my honest opinion.....like you asked.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    Well, thanks :smile:

    Even if I was misunderstood. Online writing is never 100% accurate.
  • dhiggins8
    dhiggins8 Posts: 466 Member
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    Tell me about can't .... can't means you won't even try
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    Well, thanks :smile:

    Even if I was misunderstood. Online writing is never 100% accurate.

    Tru Dat
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
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    "I can't because I'm exclusively breastfeeding". I'm sorry but drinking 3 cans of Mountain Dew a day and eating takeaways is NOT cheaper than eating fruit and vegetables and is NOT better for the breastfeeding.
    OMG Really! If she's eating that now while feeding her child I can only imagine what she ate while pregnant. Hearing things like this reinforces my belief that if we need a test and permission to do something as simple as drive, we should be thoroughly screened before even being allowed to consider having children. (I know it's crazy but still just makes you want to go UGH!)

    3 Mountain Dews... I'm sick to my stomach just thinking about it. That reminds me of the sugar water they give you for a glucose tolerance test. I'm hypoglycemic and it almost made me puke it was soo sweet. lol
    OMG I'm still in shock over this one.... can you say future ADHD case study?
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
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    O.o I didn't snap at her. I didn't say it in a b*tchy way. I was smiling and just matter of fact. She brought it up. I don't shoot rainbows up people's bums lol. PCism is killing the country.
    Right? If someone wanted a PC response, they should know better than to ask me. :laugh:
    I'm the ANTI-PC (no, I'm not a MAC, lol)

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